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(Sun Sentinel)   It's the kind of crime that happens in offices everyday across the nation and it's anything but victimless: Lunch theft. "Wasn't that strawberry yogurt delicious?"   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 254
    More: Sad, trade secrets, John Smith, Palm Beach County, offices  
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6550 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 2:49 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-05 04:29:35 PM  
In the early 1980s, I was a paralegal in San Francisco. We all knew each other. It was a small community. There was a rash of thefts of food brought in by secretaries and paralegals. The pay was OK, but not that great, and we couldn't afford to go out to eat lunch every day. One time I discovered my home made cornbread had a bite taken out of it and was put back in the bag.

I heard that a paralegal at Morrison and Forester made an ex-lax brownie and a partner had to call in sick the next day. I was not sure this was true or not, but I made a point of loudly presenting this narrative in the mail room next to the head partner's office, the lunch room and the lobby near the gossipy receptionist. IIRC other people were spreading the story around the other large law firms, thus reducing theft. The implication was that unflavored ex-lax could be put in anything.

I get paid well now, but the cafeteria food sucks and I don't feel like hassling with crowds to get crappy food. I bring in lunches. I had someone steal a portion of my lunch, so I sent out email saying that I generally lick my food or nibble on it before I pack it up. I discovered later that another bit of my lunch was gone and sent another message saying I hoped they enjoyed my saliva. Some of the guys in sales thought it was hilarious and sent me fan mail. I later figured out who the guy was and recalled him skulking around the office for a few days after. I suspect he felt sufficiently guilty that he stole something from a person he works closely with.

tl;dr: Lick your food. It's your saliva. It's not gross for you. Let people know you lick your food. If someone steals your food, remind everyone that you lick your food. At least you can get schadenfreude out of it.
 
2012-10-05 04:30:00 PM  
Thankfully, the fridge is pretty well respected where I work, although people do tend to leave stuff in there and forget about it.

Anyhow, one time our facility manager sent out regular emails for two weeks saying that he was going to empty the refrigerator and freezer, so if you wanted something to stay it needed to be labeled and reserved.

Now, this would have been just fine, except the week of the great purging was also the week we had a bunch of guys coming in to clean up a broken water line and lay new carpet. He did not remember to tell them.

Needless to say, lunchtime rolled around that day and all throughout the building you could hear cries of, "Hey, where the hell is my food?!"
 
2012-10-05 04:30:04 PM  

Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.

Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.


What pissed me off was that when I was asked why I put a McDonald's hamburger in the fridge with the center of the patty cut out and replaced with a napkin and coated the bottom bun in hot sauce that had to be ordered off the internet, I explained that I caught that son of a biatch stealing lunches. He asked "Why didn't I come to the HR people." I answered "Because those notes not to steal other people's lunches are viewed as suggestions to be ignored by lunch thieves." He told me that what we did was a gross over reaction. I responded with "Where do you keep your lunch? Next time I see him going for other people's lunches, I'll tell him that you are okay with people stealing your lunch." He said "Let me rephrase that, I don't like that people steal lunches, but it's not something to fire another person over, it's just your problem to solve by not spiking food." I said "So, I can steal your food, and I won't be fired for it, it would just be your problem to deal with." He said "Steal my food and I'll fire you." I said "So your food is special and stealing it is punishable with firing, but everyone else's, fark them?" He said that he'd deal with it. Later that afternoon was yet another memo reminding people not to steal food that isn't theirs and to stop putting booby trapped food into the fridge.

A week later the tainted food stopped, but I saw that jackass going through the fridge again. I saw him and asked "Do you think that sandwich is safe?" He looked at me and said "The memo told you to stop doing that." I said "It also told you to stop stealing food, and here you are..." He put the sandwich back.
 
GBB
2012-10-05 04:30:59 PM  
We had forensics trainees come in once and "investigate" a lunch theft. It was good training for them. They like to do weird, fun, practical training exercises here. They got to play around and collect and process evidence, tape off a crime scene, maintain control and custody of evidence, crime scene log, and other things they have to do on a real crime scene. We tell our trainees that we take lunch thefts seriously. Sometimes, it's awesome working in Law Enforcement.
 
GBB
2012-10-05 04:37:34 PM  

Great Janitor: Schmee: Great Janitor: I don't understand why I was the bad guy, the other guy was the lunch thief.

Vigilantes are often unjustly persecuted.

What pissed me off was that when I was asked why I put a McDonald's hamburger in the fridge with the center of the patty cut out and replaced with a napkin and coated the bottom bun in hot sauce that had to be ordered off the internet, I explained that I caught that son of a biatch stealing lunches. He asked "Why didn't I come to the HR people." I answered "Because those notes not to steal other people's lunches are viewed as suggestions to be ignored by lunch thieves." He told me that what we did was a gross over reaction. I responded with "Where do you keep your lunch? Next time I see him going for other people's lunches, I'll tell him that you are okay with people stealing your lunch." He said "Let me rephrase that, I don't like that people steal lunches, but it's not something to fire another person over, it's just your problem to solve by not spiking food." I said "So, I can steal your food, and I won't be fired for it, it would just be your problem to deal with." He said "Steal my food and I'll fire you." I said "So your food is special and stealing it is punishable with firing, but everyone else's, fark them?" He said that he'd deal with it. Later that afternoon was yet another memo reminding people not to steal food that isn't theirs and to stop putting booby trapped food into the fridge.

A week later the tainted food stopped, but I saw that jackass going through the fridge again. I saw him and asked "Do you think that sandwich is safe?" He looked at me and said "The memo told you to stop doing that." I said "It also told you to stop stealing food, and here you are..." He put the sandwich back.


Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.

Or, booby trap your lunch with one of those extremely loud alarms: an alternative way to make him shait himself.
 
2012-10-05 04:37:38 PM  

funk_soul_bubby: [p.twimg.com image 630x371]


Came for this. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-10-05 04:38:03 PM  
I've never had this problem. Of course that could be due to working the graveyard shift at various hotels over the past few years and being the only one there.
 
2012-10-05 04:40:11 PM  
One time I brought two slices of pizza and when I went to get them for lunch, some joker had taken a big bite right out of the crust, right between the two slices, wrapped them back up, and put them back in the fridge. It would have been better if they had just eaten the whole thing.

On the other side, working late, I watched my ex eat someone's frozen dinner. He assured me he would replace it. Yeah right. That was my peak into the mind of a lunch stealer.

Almost every place I've worked has been plagued with this problem.
 
2012-10-05 04:42:01 PM  

GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.


The hell I can't.
 
2012-10-05 04:48:18 PM  

GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.


in my office? the offender might get treated like a coyote that wandered into the wrong ranch


not me though, i don't steal lunches
 
2012-10-05 04:48:54 PM  
The forgotten lunch is the worst. I don't see how people can stand getting hit in the face by a gust of gag-inducing odor every time the refrigerator door is opened. If I do bring my lunch, it doesn't go in the refrigerator for that reason.

I only had two co-workers at the last place I worked, both female. Both would buy lunch, leave the leftovers in the fridge, buy more lunch the next day, leave leftovers in fridge, repeat. By the end of the week the fridge would be completely full of bags, boxes and bowls. Without fail, the girl who worked Friday nights would always throw everything away all at once and leave the trash can full of food for me to deal with in the morning. To take the trash bag to the dumpster, one either had to go on a very long walk with it, or put it in the car and drive it over. My brief time at that place marks the closest I've ever come to working up the nerve to murder someone.
 
2012-10-05 04:49:49 PM  
I've only had one breakroom theft story I could share.

At an office I was working at, they had this big communal coffee can of cheap coffee grounds. Generic stuff from the grocery store or something like that.

Well, I like good coffee. Every morning, after everyone else fixed their pot of cheap coffee and went to work, I'd go from my desk to the breakroom, clean out the coffee pot, go to one of the cabinets, and pull out the sealed bag I had of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee that had my name written on it with a sharpie. Well, there weren't any problems for a few months like this.

Then I went on vacation for a week. Came back and that bag of coffee was there, and it was empty. Apparently somebody, and nobody would fess up to who it was, decided to use my private stash of good coffee for the regular office coffee while I was gone.

I just said fark it and didn't bring coffee to work anymore, or more specifically I fixed some before I left for work and filled a large travel mug and brought it to work with me.

The crazy thing was, it was a Law Enforcement/Homeland Security office, and we still had an office thief. Most people who worked in that office were police officers or Federal Agents, and the few that didn't had security clearances and were retired law enforcement or retired military. We still managed to have somebody stealing things in the breakroom.
 
2012-10-05 04:51:47 PM  
My dad worked at an aircraft manufacturing plant for years. When he worked in the shops, someone would regularly steal from the workers' lunchboxes. One guy brought a brownie laced with Ex-lax. Sure enough, it was stolen. To their surprise, they watched the foreman running for the bathroom all afternoon!

Also, a coworker had chickens, and he would bring eggs for sale. He would leave them out on an honor system and his coworkers would pay him. He noticed someone was taking eggs and not paying. So, he took one egg, punched a tiny hole in one end, and used a wire machine to wind thin wire inside the egg (egg shells are very strong if not cracked). He put a mark on the egg carton and warned all his regulars to not buy that one.

He didn't get the satisfaction of seeing the thief (or his hapless wife) crack the egg and the wire spring out, flinging raw egg everywhere, but at least the thefts stopped!
 
2012-10-05 04:54:47 PM  
Our office lunch stealer was also caught "grocery shopping" in the food drive box. I went up to her and said, "What are you doing with those cans of tuna? It's a collection for the food shelter!" Her reply, was "I'm poor too!" as she sighed and put the cans back. I'm pretty sure she's the one who ate half of my yogurt and put the rest back.
 
2012-10-05 04:55:44 PM  

BooBoo23: Another simple solution.


That would get the food and the bag thrown away where I work...
 
2012-10-05 04:56:30 PM  

Silverstaff: I've only had one breakroom theft story I could share.

At an office I was working at, they had this big communal coffee can of cheap coffee grounds. Generic stuff from the grocery store or something like that.

Well, I like good coffee. Every morning, after everyone else fixed their pot of cheap coffee and went to work, I'd go from my desk to the breakroom, clean out the coffee pot, go to one of the cabinets, and pull out the sealed bag I had of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee that had my name written on it with a sharpie. Well, there weren't any problems for a few months like this.

Then I went on vacation for a week. Came back and that bag of coffee was there, and it was empty. Apparently somebody, and nobody would fess up to who it was, decided to use my private stash of good coffee for the regular office coffee while I was gone.

I just said fark it and didn't bring coffee to work anymore, or more specifically I fixed some before I left for work and filled a large travel mug and brought it to work with me.

The crazy thing was, it was a Law Enforcement/Homeland Security office, and we still had an office thief. Most people who worked in that office were police officers or Federal Agents, and the few that didn't had security clearances and were retired law enforcement or retired military. We still managed to have somebody stealing things in the breakroom.


Why are you surprised that law enforcement people would be entitled thieves?
 
2012-10-05 04:56:40 PM  
I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.
 
2012-10-05 04:57:56 PM  

TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.


Jesus what kind of place is that?
 
2012-10-05 04:58:51 PM  

odinsposse: Jerkwater: Does this actually happen? I've worked in half a dozen offices over the past 15 years and have never had my lunch stolen, or heard of anyone else who did.

Same here. I've worked in offices from very corporate machine to very granola non-profit and have never had my lunch stolen or heard of one of my co-workers getting theirs stolen. Who in the world are you people working with?


Used to happen to me fairly often when I worked in Accounting. With a noticeable uptick in thefts whenever the company had outside auditors come in. I eventually put a lockable bar fridge under my desk and solved the problem.

Hasn't happened once since transferring to Finance, though.
 
2012-10-05 05:01:05 PM  

foxyshadis: Here's another solution: Lunch left at your desk for a few hours won't kill you, particularly if you heat the crap out of it before you eat. (If anything, the low doses of mild bacteria buildup will make you much stronger when you inevitably encounter real food poisoning.) This whole mentality of MUST PUT EVERYTHING IN FRIDGE IMMEDIATELY OR I DIE boggles my mind. If it gets stolen off of your desk, you have much bigger problems at your office.


Try telling that to the cockbags that put their entire suitcase-sized insulated lunch bags in the refrigerator.
How did these morans survive grade school eating sandwiches out of a plain old lunch box that sat in
the coat closet for three whole hours?
 
2012-10-05 05:01:42 PM  
This has been an enjoyable but frightening thread.
 
2012-10-05 05:02:57 PM  
GBB: We had forensics trainees come in once and "investigate" a lunch theft. It was good training for them. They like to do weird, fun, practical training exercises here. They got to play around and collect and process evidence, tape off a crime scene, maintain control and custody of evidence, crime scene log, and other things they have to do on a real crime scene. We tell our trainees that we take lunch thefts seriously. Sometimes, it's awesome working in Law Enforcement.

Kick ass. I would have loved to see that.
 
2012-10-05 05:03:04 PM  

insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.

Jesus what kind of place is that?


I'm going to guess methadone clinic?
 
2012-10-05 05:03:09 PM  
It happens everywhere. I used to bring a 1/2gal of milk to drink to work. would find people had been stealing it for their coffee(we have 0 communal food), so i added green dye from there on out. with a label do not touch, special vegan milk. Never got touched again.

I also had a coworker who would get his soda stolen every freaking day, so he just bought 2, dipped 1 in the urinal after taking a leak, and hid the marked one in a brown paper bag. Never mentioned it to anyone until a long time later after suspected thief had been fired, and the sodas stopped disappearing.
 
2012-10-05 05:03:50 PM  
Someone took some of my private coffee stash once. I retaliated by secretly replacing the office Folgers with decaff.

A bit like responding to a hurled rock with a cluster bomb, but hey. Principles is principles.
 
2012-10-05 05:06:40 PM  

Contents Under Pressure: In the early 1980s, I was a paralegal in San Francisco. We all knew each other. It was a small community. There was a rash of thefts of food brought in by secretaries and paralegals. The pay was OK, but not that great, and we couldn't afford to go out to eat lunch every day. One time I discovered my home made cornbread had a bite taken out of it and was put back in the bag.

I heard that a paralegal at Morrison and Forester made an ex-lax brownie and a partner had to call in sick the next day. I was not sure this was true or not, but I made a point of loudly presenting this narrative in the mail room next to the head partner's office, the lunch room and the lobby near the gossipy receptionist. IIRC other people were spreading the story around the other large law firms, thus reducing theft. The implication was that unflavored ex-lax could be put in anything.

I get paid well now, but the cafeteria food sucks and I don't feel like hassling with crowds to get crappy food. I bring in lunches. I had someone steal a portion of my lunch, so I sent out email saying that I generally lick my food or nibble on it before I pack it up. I discovered later that another bit of my lunch was gone and sent another message saying I hoped they enjoyed my saliva. Some of the guys in sales thought it was hilarious and sent me fan mail. I later figured out who the guy was and recalled him skulking around the office for a few days after. I suspect he felt sufficiently guilty that he stole something from a person he works closely with.

tl;dr: Lick your food. It's your saliva. It's not gross for you. Let people know you lick your food. If someone steals your food, remind everyone that you lick your food. At least you can get schadenfreude out of it.


You send email to everyone you work with telling them that you lick your food? Doesn't that make you feel like, well, a child?
 
2012-10-05 05:07:44 PM  
Has anyone any experience with those "packit" lunchboxes?

I've seen commercials and throught about getting these for the kids so I can stop packing ice packs with their food.
 
2012-10-05 05:11:09 PM  

Loaf's Tray: A lot of manufacturing companies do that if they run three shifts, it's easier to just say 8 hours is 8 hours and avoid overlap at shift changes.


My uncle's shop used to do that, but they were kinda forced to change it. They were giving employees 20 minute paid lunch breaks, but were running into liability issues. They couldn't let the guys leave for lunch because 1) it was damn near impossible to get anywhere and back with enough time to actually eat, and 2) since they were still on the clock they (the company) could be held liable for any accidents the employees got in. The guys who could remember to pack a lunch loved it, but it was causing way too many issues.
 
2012-10-05 05:11:53 PM  

PaLarkin: robbiex0r: Vegan Meat Popsicle: I hate to be Debbie Downer, but just in case anybody thinks lacing anything actually is a good idea, not only are you likely to be fired for lacing your food if you get caught, you'll also likely face charges.

/ so be extra, EXTRA sneaky

I like 3 sliced Ghost Chilis on my roast beef, just like every other normal human being.

You could probably get away with that because ghost chilis can be called food.

I would love to be a judge in a case like this.

Me: I want the prosecutor and defendant to approach the bench.

Me: Defendant was that your sandwich?

Defendant: yes

Me: Prosecutor do you agree that was his sandwich?

Prosecutor: Yes

Me: Defendant I'm throwing this case out. It was your sandwich. You have the right to put whatever you want in it. If someone else gets sick from eating it, that's what they get for stealing your food.

Me: Prosecutor I'm fining you $500 because you wasted the court's time bringing me this case. Do it again and you'll get a $1000 fine and 30 days in jail for contempt of court. Case dismissed.


State Bar: Hey, Judge Larkin! You're disbarred! Enjoy your pending job at McDonald's!
 
2012-10-05 05:12:54 PM  

GBB: Solution: stop bringing in lunch for a while... all of you. Nothing for him to steal, he's left to figure out an alternative source. Basically, treat him like a pesky bear that keeps getting into your trash. Except, you can't lock the refrigerator. And you can't shoot him with a tranquilizer dart and drop him off in the woods.

Or, booby trap your lunch with one of those extremely loud alarms: an alternative way to make him shait himself.


You unnecessarily limit options.
 
2012-10-05 05:17:07 PM  

Holocaust Agnostic: Someone took some of my private coffee stash once. I retaliated by secretly replacing the office Folgers with decaff.

A bit like responding to a hurled rock with a cluster bomb, but hey. Principles is principles.


Decaff! That's farking evil.
 
2012-10-05 05:19:23 PM  

felixecho: One time I brought two slices of pizza and when I went to get them for lunch, some joker had taken a big bite right out of the crust, right between the two slices, wrapped them back up, and put them back in the fridge. It would have been better if they had just eaten the whole thing.

On the other side, working late, I watched my ex eat someone's frozen dinner. He assured me he would replace it. Yeah right. That was my peak into the mind of a lunch stealer.

Almost every place I've worked has been plagued with this problem.


I read this in Mr. Mackie's voice in the urinal turd Southpark episode. Lol
 
2012-10-05 05:26:05 PM  
Our lunch thief has been fired. On to coffee... 12 people drink, but only 3 people considerate enough to make it. I'm one of the three. Now I make a pot in the morning & fill my thermos, which leaves about a cup & 1 less to make coffee. Chaos ensues as the 10 people play the "Wait for the dumbass" game.
.
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-05 05:28:42 PM  

cards fan by association: felixecho: One time I brought two slices of pizza and when I went to get them for lunch, some joker had taken a big bite right out of the crust, right between the two slices, wrapped them back up, and put them back in the fridge. It would have been better if they had just eaten the whole thing.

On the other side, working late, I watched my ex eat someone's frozen dinner. He assured me he would replace it. Yeah right. That was my peak into the mind of a lunch stealer.

Almost every place I've worked has been plagued with this problem.

I read this in Mr. Mackie's voice in the urinal turd Southpark episode. Lol


Heh. That does make it funnier, mkay?
 
2012-10-05 05:30:41 PM  

Blitzer: Our lunch thief has been fired. On to coffee... 12 people drink, but only 3 people considerate enough to make it. I'm one of the three. Now I make a pot in the morning & fill my thermos, which leaves about a cup & 1 less to make coffee. Chaos ensues as the 10 people play the "Wait for the dumbass" game.
.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 494x400]


Not being a coffee drinker, this didn't bother me.

Working in a small office, what bothered me was the person who drank coffee, let it get down really really low and let the remaining coffee burn, stinking up the place. A crime on the same level as the person who burns the farking pop corn.
 
2012-10-05 05:31:25 PM  
I used to work with a guy who solved this problem with a kids lunch box.

Because everybody and their brother knows the who the guy is who brings his lunch in a kids lunch box and it would be pretty obvious in a hurry if somebody besides him were seen messing with it.
 
2012-10-05 05:31:34 PM  
We have lunch thieves over the years, with various theories as to who it could be. Someone also occasionally loses money/cigarettes/whatever from their purse/desk drawer/desktop. (Fark: it's a law firm.)

Key, money, I.D. - that's all you need, people. Put it in your pocket. (Wear clothes with pockets - duh.) Or put your things in a LOCKED desk drawer.

Leave the rest of your "OMG it's so necessary to drag it around with me all the time!" stuff at home.
 
2012-10-05 05:35:20 PM  
2 best company wide e-mails I have ever received:

To whoever took my pizza out of the fridge,
Just so you know, I am pregnant. You have just taken the food out of my unborn baby's mouth.

And

To all employees,
Please do not eat food that is not yours. This includes taking one bite out of someone else's sandwich, then putting it back.
 
2012-10-05 05:35:58 PM  
grifties.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-10-05 05:42:23 PM  

cards fan by association: felixecho: One time I brought two slices of pizza and when I went to get them for lunch, some joker had taken a big bite right out of the crust, right between the two slices, wrapped them back up, and put them back in the fridge. It would have been better if they had just eaten the whole thing.

On the other side, working late, I watched my ex eat someone's frozen dinner. He assured me he would replace it. Yeah right. That was my peak into the mind of a lunch stealer.

Almost every place I've worked has been plagued with this problem.

I read this in Mr. Mackie's voice in the urinal turd Southpark episode. Lol


You aren't the one, who had to walk into the break room, m'kay, after having tuh, to wake up early, you know, there's no, no coffee in the lounge, and then, after a hard morning's work, you walk up to the refrigerator, open it up, then take out your slice of pizza just to find a big hole right there in the middle! Like it's laughin' at you!
 
2012-10-05 05:42:34 PM  
It was long before my time, circa 1971, but my mother tells me that when she was a Senior in High School, the principal loved to visit the Home Economics class and help himself to whatever food he would find, pretty much every day.

He'd walk in, and just grab cookies, or cake, or whatever tasty food was finished, and walk out. Sometimes he'd just brazenly take the entire plate, without saying a word, and go back to his office and eat. Best they could figure, he didn't bring his lunch or go to the cafeteria, he just expected to get free food from Home Ec.

Apparently a few of the girls were offended by this somehow. Especially since he never asked if he could take it, never thanked them, and generally showed no courtesy or gratitude.

Towards the end of the year, they whipped up a big batch of ex-lax brownies, and had a big plate stacked high with them sitting in plain sight around lunchtime. The principal came in, took one look at it, grabed the whole plate, and walked back to his office, already munching on brownies. Between classes, they peeked in his office, the pile of brownies was getting smaller as he was trying to gorge on the whole batch himself.

Apparently he was in the bathroom most of the afternoon. He then missed a few days of school after that. He stopped treating the home ec room like his personal free catering service.

Nowadays they would have probably arrested the kids for that or something, but 40 years ago it was justice served.
 
2012-10-05 05:48:23 PM  
I worked at a Government office for many years. No problems with theft that I ever heard of. We did have problems with people leaving food to rot for many weeks, and then whining when their skanky Tupperware got thrown out. As if anyone is going to clean out a container of black mold for them.
 
2012-10-05 05:58:13 PM  
We had a coffee thief once. Some of us didn't like the office coffee, so a couple of coworkers and me used to bring and brew our own. We had several packages go missing before we gave up and started bringing our stuff in thermos.

The HR did nothing about it and nobody seemed to care, not even a memo was sent. We all got that strange look from the manager like we were making a big deal out of nothing, like a stolen bag of coffee was not something to worry about. But hey, it was our coffee, we paid for it.

It was a big company office with lots of free stuff (tea, coffee, sodas, sandwiches and munchies) and an overall very good environment to work on. Still, I learned later, it was very common for people to have goodies stolen from their cubes, pens, pencils, clips and the like. Nobody seemed to really care.
 
2012-10-05 05:58:16 PM  

MightyPez: insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.

Jesus what kind of place is that?

I'm going to guess methadone clinic?


Or some state agency with shiat loads of minorities. Yea... been there... it's fact.
 
2012-10-05 06:00:56 PM  

BATMANATEE: Holocaust Agnostic: Someone took some of my private coffee stash once. I retaliated by secretly replacing the office Folgers with decaff.

A bit like responding to a hurled rock with a cluster bomb, but hey. Principles is principles.

Decaff! That's farking evil.


It has to be Walmart house brand defaff though.
 
2012-10-05 06:02:16 PM  
My office has the other end of the spectrum. People bring stuff and leave it until it becomes sentient.

I don't worry too much though. As other bright people in this thread have mentioned, I have an insulated lunch pack. It stays at my desk.

jso2897: PaLarkin: robbiex0r: Vegan Meat Popsicle:

Me: Prosecutor I'm fining you $500 because you wasted the court's time bringing me this case. Do it again and you'll get a $1000 fine and 30 days in jail for contempt of court. Case dismissed.

State Bar: Hey, Judge Larkin! You're disbarred! Enjoy your pending job at McDonald's!


LMAO! Yeah, you keep believing that. Judge in this state was rumored to be batshait insane, even signed his court orders as "Snow White". Sat on the bench for years and years.
 
2012-10-05 06:03:25 PM  

MaxxLarge: uncleacid: That guy who fills the entire floor with the smell of microwave popcorn should die.

SO MUCH THIS.

Look, I like popcorn as much as the next guy. But we might as well treat diacetyl like we do secondhand smoke. So if you plan on filling up my entire department with the impossible-to-ignore odor of "EXTRA BUTTER FLAVOR™," I'm probably going to slash your tires.

Besides. It makes me hungry, dammit.


I've always thought that "ACT II" microwave popcorn smells like hot feet. It's got to be something wrong with my perception, because if truly smelled as bad as I think it does, they'd never sell a single box of it.
 
2012-10-05 06:09:45 PM  
Someone at a place I used to work at kept stealing lunches and drinks and really liked the sandwiches and burritos that you get from places like Quik trip. Solution: get a syringe from my diabetic wife and inject through the sealed wrapper a bunch of habanero juice, also used a Q-tip to wipe some habanero juice on the rims of the soda cans that would disappear.

When the janitor was in agony from the burn from the juice it became very obvious who the thief was.
 
2012-10-05 06:11:14 PM  

Doctor Funkenstein: One time at work, somebody was stealing my frozen burritos. So, I decided to take a big dump in a tortilla shell, wrap it up and put it in the freezer. I then hid in a cabinet by the fridge in the breakroom and waited for the culprit to make his move. I was in that cabinet for four days. My patience prevailed, though, and on day four, in walked the burrito bandit. I had carefully added spices and some hot sauce to my poorito, so as to cover the smell of my dumpage as it was being microwaved. Once cooked, he removed it from the microwave and took a big bite. At that point, I burst out of the cabinet and shouted, "You are eating my poop you thieving son of a biatch! How does it taste?" While we had worked together for a long time, he didn't recognize me right away because I had been in the cabinet for four days and hadn't shaved during that time. I had also fashioned my shirt into a diaper-pants sort of deal, similar to what Tom Hanks was sporting in Castaway. You know, for survival in the cabinet. Once he realized who I was and that I was telling the truth, he spat it out and ran away in horror. I had to go home early that day because it turns out diaper-pants were a violation of our workplace dress code but it was totally worth it. After that, I filmed myself farking his wife, emailed him the video and burned his house to the ground. Nobody ever stole a burrito from me again and the judge says that with good behavior, I may be free within two years.


Ah man I was laughing my ass off through the pants part.
 
2012-10-05 06:21:39 PM  

MightyPez: insert sarcastic comment: TruBluTroll: I'm lucky that my workplace doesn't have any lunch thieves, but my wives work is rife with them. She has actually come back to her desk to find a coworker digging through her purse with one of her prescription bottles in one hand. I worked for less than a month at the same place and had my lunch stolen twice.
That place is seriously farked up.

Jesus what kind of place is that?

I'm going to guess methadone clinic?


Nope, just your run-of-the-mill electronics manufacturing company. Though honestly, the thieving isn't even the worst part about that place. There was this 50-something dude who kept sexually harassing my wife. He had this weird obsession with The Hunger Games, and insisted on calling my wife the name of the main character. He told her that the character really got him off. He'd use the PA system to call her by this name, even though he works in a totally different dept. and had no reason to call for her.

I know that creepers can work anywhere, but what was really bad is that she had to file 23 separate complaints to HR, and then go above the HR peoples head before they finally fired him.

The incident that was the last straw was when she got off work, went out to her car, and found her hoodie missing. Now the thing about this hoodie is, it's very distinct. It's purple and has a huge Batman logo on the front. Everyone at her work knows that she wears it. She noticed that the guys car was parked right next to hers, and saw that sitting in the front seat of his car was her hoodie, no attempt to hide it, just as brazen as could be.

She got it back, and they fired the dude, but needless to say, we thoroughly sanitized her hoodie before she could wear it again.

/end of CSB
 
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