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(Gawker)   Dearest Friends, Thank you for agreeing to be a bridesmaid, here are some guidelines for you to follow. Please be aware that if you cannot commit the next six-months of your lives to me then you will be replaced, but you are still invited to attend   (gawker.com) divider line 106
    More: Asinine  
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23614 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 10:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-10-05 10:12:25 AM
26 votes:
Free advice for young Fark guys. If a woman expects you to put up with this shiat for her "special day" - just don't. This crap doesn't magically end on your wedding day. She'll want the perfect honeymoon, the perfect house, the perfect car, your undivided attention for every trivial thing in her life and it will never end. First wedding? I played this game and within 4 years we were divorced. I simply couldn't take it. My second marriage? We jumped a plane to vegas, got married in street clothes, and spent our honeymoon being tourists in the Grand Canyon and floating down a river. That was 18 years ago. I love her more today than I did then.
2012-10-05 09:31:26 AM
18 votes:
Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.
2012-10-05 10:13:55 AM
9 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.
2012-10-05 09:50:09 AM
8 votes:
Jake, for the love of god, boy... run like hell.
2012-10-05 10:25:25 AM
7 votes:

lennavan: But when you make dozens in a single email, that reads like it's the most important email you've ever written, I think the only fair conclusion to draw is this chick is either really stupid, or English is not her first (or second, or third) language.


Those mistakes (like Your instead of You're) are not the kind of mistakes made by people whose English is not their mother tongue. Usually, mistakes done by natives still parse as correct English when read aloud. A non-native speaker will almost never write "I could of done that" or "Your such an ass", but will use syntax that'll be obviously incorrect when spoken aloud, such as "I'm giving visit to my grand-mother" or "My father is banker".
2012-10-05 10:14:57 AM
6 votes:
It's not a coronation, b*tch. It's a wedding.
2012-10-05 10:09:05 AM
6 votes:
Soooo glad the wedding I was in last weekend wasn't hosted by a bridezilla. But then I doubt I'd be friends with her if she was some sort of entitled twitbag like this. Why do these people even HAVE friends?
2012-10-05 10:33:41 AM
5 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: JohnAnnArbor: Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.

:( I dun wanna. In all seriousness, while I am a "WOO FEMINISM" kind of gal on just about every other subject, I still have that 'princess' mentality when it comes to the proposal. I'm not going to be a bridezilla (just takes way too much effort and energy), but I do insist that he propose.


ಠ_ಠ

honey, you're not ready to get married.
2012-10-05 10:12:39 AM
5 votes:
This trend of spending up to (and possibly over) $100k just to tie the knot is ridiculous and takes all the joy out of attending weddings and pre-wedding parties.
2012-10-05 10:20:48 AM
4 votes:

minoridiot: The poor guy will be wanting a divorce by Labor Day in 2013.


Or she'll be pregnant so she can be the center of attention again.

Too Pretty For Prison:stirred Free advice for young Fark guys. If a woman expects you to put up with this shiat for her "special day" - just don't. This crap doesn't magically end on your wedding day. She'll want the perfect honeymoon, the perfect house, the perfect car, your undivided attention for every trivial thing in her life and it will never end. First wedding? I played this game and within 4 years we were divorced. I simply couldn't take it. My second marriage? We jumped a plane to vegas, got married in street clothes, and spent our honeymoon being tourists in the Grand Canyon and floating down a river. That was 18 years ago. I love her more today than I did then.

▲read that again. A wedding is just the day you get married and if you focus so much attention on the wedding and being the center of attention you probably aren't even thinking about being married. Best wedding I ever went to and the only time I was a best man was a friend who got married by a JP with two strangers a witnesses. They took a week for a honeymoon and then had a huge casual picnic for a wedding. They were interested in being married not being the center of attention.
2012-10-05 09:56:41 AM
4 votes:
"Dearest Bride and Former Friend,

Go squat and piss up a tree.

Love, Me."

/only response that is appropriate to coonts like that
2012-10-05 10:46:36 AM
3 votes:
If you have to shell out more than the cost of the dress to be a bridesmaid, don't be a bridesmaid. Just because you think this person is your friend isn't a reason to go broke. I can guarantee you that once you spend an extraordinary amount of money on someone elses wedding, you won't be friends afterwards.
2012-10-05 10:24:08 AM
3 votes:
I think Jake will be fine, he's going to be at work on Wall Street all the time anyway. He'll have his share of whores and mistresses. For people of this lifestyle this is no more than a business arrangement. You don't get this self centered without a high level of wealth and privilege. I pity them in that there is probably no true love there, kinda sad really.
2012-10-05 10:22:17 AM
3 votes:
While it is a good idea to give your wedding party a solid list of their responsibilities, it's not a good idea to make their entire lives revolve around your wedding day for several months. They are not enlisting as your servants. They have lives and budgets, and you are not entitled to very large portions of either.
2012-10-05 10:21:00 AM
3 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: is it really necessary to be a complete biatch?


It's never necessary. Weddings are a big deal for what they represent, not for what they are. In the end, they're a big party, and if you're shelling out a ton of money, then sure, you can be picky about what you like. But you don't have to be a jerk about it at all.
2012-10-05 10:19:51 AM
3 votes:
Anyone remember the movie City Slickers with Billy Crystal? Daniel Stern's character's, Phil, wife?
2012-10-05 10:19:25 AM
3 votes:

namegoeshere: BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon

No, it's not.


My dress advice (especially if you don't have Stepford bridesmaids.) Pick a fabric, length, neckline, sleeve length. Find a good, flexible seamstress. Have the bridesmaids meet with the seamstress and pick a dress design that is most flattering to them. This option is cheaper than paying $$$$$$$ for pre-made dresses that only flatter perfect figures, and will make your bridesmaids much happier than paying out the ass for a dress they hate. Your wedding party will look better, too.
2012-10-05 10:19:06 AM
3 votes:
Everyone here is going to cover the biatch angle, so I'm gonna touch on the intelligence angle. When you make a spelling or grammatical mistake in an email and it's no big deal. Maybe even a few mistakes are okay if you were quick banging an email out. But when you make dozens in a single email, that reads like it's the most important email you've ever written, I think the only fair conclusion to draw is this chick is either really stupid, or English is not her first (or second, or third) language.
2012-10-05 10:14:00 AM
3 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.


You sound like as good of a friend as the biatch in the article.
2012-10-05 10:07:05 AM
3 votes:
Considering the bride's grasp of English, how the hell did she make the money to pay for trips to Vegas and expensive Colorado ski resorts?

/yes, yes, i know what the fark answer will be.
2012-10-05 11:24:34 AM
2 votes:
You're not any more married if you drop 10 grand on a wedding than you are if you're married by the justice of the peace. I wonder how many of these couples who agonize over the tiniest detail and spend many thousands on extravagant weddings are divorced after a few years.

Our wedding was very basic. Got the license, wore clothes we already had, only invited immediate family & got married by my wife's cousin who was also a minister. I think we spent about $50 for the whole thing nearly 25 years ago. We're still happily married, btw.

You can either spend several thousand on a wedding, or make a really good dent in the cost of your first house. I'd go for the latter.
2012-10-05 11:12:43 AM
2 votes:

kroonermanblack: I'm having a violent seizure as I type this; but, if you throw aside the 'I was raised in the very best trailer park' vibe from grammar, spelling, and general vocabulary, it reads like the woman is simply spelling out saying specifically, hey, I love you, but here are my rules. I'll still love you, you can still come, but I want the wedding party to go a certain way and if you can't do this due to time, money, or interest, then it's better that we all part now rather than make each other mad.


See, that's kind of what I thought for the first paragraph or so. "Hey, here's the dates, if you can't make them or are too busy to do bridesmaid stuff that's fine, just come to the wedding" is not an unreasonable thing to say. I actually didn't want to be critical. However, I kept reading...

Having three mandatory events thousands of miles apart, plus fittings in various cities, etc., is not the mark or a person with a sense of perspective. Moreover, someone who says "see yaaaaaaa" as a dismissal for people who don't want to shell out for expensive clothes or airfare, it speaks of an astounding lack of self-awareness or diplomacy - deficiencies which will not improve as the date gets closer.

It is completely reasonable to let someone know up-front what your expectations are, but that doesn't help if the expectations themselves are unreasonable.

/ CSB: Went to a wedding once where the bride demanded that none of her bridesmaids wear watches the month before the wedding, in order to avoid having an un-tanned spot on their wrists in the wedding photos.
2012-10-05 11:05:40 AM
2 votes:

angry_scientist: I partially blame wedding planners.


I blame post-70s feminism, which has given us 40 or so years of propaganda equating a woman's not getting her way with maltreatment, if not abuse.
2012-10-05 10:46:48 AM
2 votes:

fruitloop: Summer Glau's Love Slave: Bride sounds fat.

/Dear Jake,
//Run.
///Run until your feet bleed, bandage them, run some more.
////Repeat.

But her parents sound looooooooooooooooadeeeeeeeeeeeeed...


Not enough money in the world.
2012-10-05 10:46:36 AM
2 votes:
When a woman I worked with got engaged, she was one of those that held her left hand over her neck so everyone would see the rock.

When she was planning her 'amazing' wedding, she got angrier and angrier that less than 10% of the people she invited said they'd come (including ALL of us at work) because the wedding was being held at some castle in France they had visited on vacation.

Yea, Ill get right on that. Plane tickets to France, hotel, etc etc. Um, no. Here's a card.
2012-10-05 10:46:35 AM
2 votes:
I hope and pray that the groom literally strands her at the altar -- doesn't show up at all. That's what this c*nt deserves.
2012-10-05 10:42:07 AM
2 votes:
I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me. I mean, okay, I'm not religious, so I don't need the sermon and vows and stuff anyway. I just can't identify with anyone who feels like a wedding is necessary. If you want one, fine, but nobody NEEDS one. I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.
2012-10-05 10:40:55 AM
2 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: vonapathy: honey, you're not ready to get married.

Because she wants her man to propose to her?


No, cause she referred to herself has having a princess mentality.
2012-10-05 10:33:02 AM
2 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: lilplatinum: HotWingConspiracy: I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.

You sound like as good of a friend as the biatch in the article.

I'm an excellent friend, and that shouldn't be abused.


Offering your time to help a friend out on their wedding is not an abuse, its one of those minor inconveniences that goes along with having friends.

Abuse is this biatch in the article.
2012-10-05 10:29:54 AM
2 votes:
Yeah but men are the immature ones for not wanting to get married....
2012-10-05 10:26:40 AM
2 votes:

JohnAnnArbor: BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon

Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.


co-sign.

Also, break out of the wedding industrial complex; it only exists to give you an inferiority complex and take your money!!! Go to Vegas, or just the local courthouse and get it over with. *shrug* that's what I did. Proposed to my fella, bought my own ring, bought my own cocktail 'wedding' dress (wasn't even white), headed to the court house, got a friend to take some photos of us at the zoo, had an awesome Brazilian steak dinner with our friends and family, got absolutely BAKED and sauced at the after party.

/there's a reason our wedding was on 4/20......
2012-10-05 10:26:11 AM
2 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


I did a courthouse steps wedding with my husband. We paid the $50 and got the license and that was it. No ceremony. We spent all out money throwing a kickass reception party for all our friends and family. I wouldn't have done it any other way! Of course our way isn't for everyone, we were really poor so we couldn't afford to set up the whole ceremony. But it was still great! No biatch bride required.
2012-10-05 10:18:09 AM
2 votes:
a) Utter biatch
b) Doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're"
c) Uses "gonna"

Conclusion: She's not just a coont.. she's an ignorant coont.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN? RUN!!
2012-10-05 10:15:09 AM
2 votes:
Bride sounds fat.

/Dear Jake,
//Run.
///Run until your feet bleed, bandage them, run some more.
////Repeat.
2012-10-05 10:14:01 AM
2 votes:
Jake! we're with you, man! Run! Run like the wind.....!!
2012-10-05 10:13:59 AM
2 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


You can be picky and not be a biatch about it. Just be specific about what you want, be prepared to do a lot of the work yourself, and don't complain if that exact shade of begonia isn't readily available.

/got my country wedding with a bagpipe fanfare.
2012-10-05 10:11:51 AM
2 votes:
1% problems
2012-10-05 10:11:41 AM
2 votes:

lackadaisicalfreakshow: Soooo glad the wedding I was in last weekend wasn't hosted by a bridezilla. But then I doubt I'd be friends with her if she was some sort of entitled twitbag like this. Why do these people even HAVE friends?


Because people are tards.
2012-10-05 10:11:26 AM
2 votes:
Oh jeez. Her fiance is in for an absoutely miserable life if he doesn't run away fast.
2012-10-05 10:09:25 AM
2 votes:
Run Jake. Run
2012-10-05 10:07:57 AM
2 votes:
She's having parties in multiple states that each require flying there? WTF?!
2012-10-05 09:47:57 AM
2 votes:
The poor guy will be wanting a divorce by Labor Day in 2013.
2012-10-05 07:45:06 PM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


I wasn't much of a bridezilla, until the wedding. I did threaten grievous bodily harm to my florist via her voicemail on the day of my wedding, but only because she was two hours late, the bouquets weren't what I wanted even though I had showed her pictures and given her a list of the flowers I wanted/did not want, she shorted us a boutonniere, overcharged me, etc. Oh, and now I may be taking my photographer to small claims court for breach of contract (it's a year and a half later... I have nothing but two discs of proofs even after I gave him a list of the pictures that I wanted printed, in the book, etc.).

I was pretty laid back about most everything else. The weather was perfect, people ate yummy bbq and got drunk, and a good time was had by all. And at the end of the day, I was still married to the love of my life.

However, I'm sure as hell glad I'm out of the wedding business because of biatches like this. I had a woman scream at me because she miscalculated the time she needed to be at her venue after her hair and makeup, and when I told her I couldn't move her appointments two days prior to her wedding because I had other brides that had managed to book their shiat at the correct time, she lost her damn mind and threatened to sue. I forwarded her the email in which she told me that she needed to be done at X time, not what she was trying to tell me now and she straight up said, "Well that's not what I meant!" Too farking bad, cupcake.

/css
//I would tell this woman to lose my number and count me as a "no" RSVP for her wedding, and the rest of her life.
2012-10-05 05:57:56 PM
1 votes:

OneNightStand: Late to the party, as usual.

I have performed ceremonies for brides like this. In spite of my most earnest counseling I was told, by one such bride: "seriously Rev., you're not a girl, you just don't know the pressures we are under" (yes, a bride did say that to me). The longest any of those marriages lasted was 18 months; all the rest ended in less than a year.


I do have a serious question for you... Have you ever told a husband-to-be, "Leave now, abandon ship, this one needs more time in the oven of real life." ?

I've recently told a friend that, by recently I mean over 2 years ago. I basically said to him (when he and his now wife were on a "Breakup"), I said, "Look friend, this girl, there's nothing wrong with loving her. she's not evil, she's not a horrible person... but she has no idea how to take care of herself and she has ridiculous expectations, she's going to be looking to you for everything... and when something's wrong, despite the fact that you take care of everything for her, it's going to be your fault that her life isn't perfect... Again, there's nothing wrong with loving this person, but she isn't ready to be a wife, not by a longshot."

I basically said exactly that to him. He married her anyway. They have a kid on the way. She now refuses to do any housework at 4 months pregnant.... The clock is ticking.
2012-10-05 05:19:14 PM
1 votes:
And another thing. my wife and I paid for bridesmaid's dresses and hiring suits etc for all the key people at our wedding. why would you expect someone to pay to come to your wedding?
2012-10-05 03:53:02 PM
1 votes:
It makes me sad that women like this seem to have no trouble finding and keeping men when there are so many kind, grounded, intellectual women who spend their lives alone.

I wonder what she looks like - I'm assuming she's pretty. Good looks cover a multitude of personality flaws, at least for a while.
2012-10-05 03:31:57 PM
1 votes:
BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


For some things you should be a biatch. When you're haggling over pricing, you're dealing with people who do this for a living and are out to make money. For the most part a lot of these people don't give a shiat about it being your special day, because they deal with "special days" all the flipping time. They are overcharging you by at least 100% (obviously unless you're going through friends), so 1) things should be perfect and 2) you should negotiate. That being said, don't be a raging holy-crap-when-did-a-demon-get-here biatch. Be firm, make your expectations clear. I SHOULD have done this with my photographer but did not, and I wasted almost $4K on that experience. I DID do that with my florist over an almost-nothing issue, which was that the corsages didn't have elastic wristbands on them when they were delivered, which is a problem considering nobody wanted to put a pin through their dress. I called the flowershop and told them what happened and that they needed to fix the situation, they came back and added the wristbands. And now I recommend them to everybody because they were willing to drop everything and fix the little mistake.

(And, if you are having a very small casual wedding and not going the traditional venue / photographer / seamstress / florist / etc. route, none of this applies. Just be nice)

For friends and family, be low key. Be as low key as humanly possible. Always keep in mind, the wedding is to celebrate the start of a wonderful and amazing life with a wonderful amazing partner, and you're uniting two sets of friends and families. There is no better way to get started on the wrong foot than to lose sight of this and fixate on the fact that the dyed shoes don't match the purses or whatever. That being said, the more elaborate your wedding, the more likely something will go wrong and the more likely it will be noticed. Just have a mellow wedding.
2012-10-05 02:21:52 PM
1 votes:
1981. I'm the one in polyester. Think the dress cost $80 at the time.
imageshack.us
2012-10-05 02:09:32 PM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


The wedding industry is a farking ripoff machine. Do yourself, your hub2B, your family and friends a favor and simplify.

My advice:
- Have a big party before the wedding where everyone is invited. You could cater or have a potluck. But invite everyone who might want to wish you well.
- Wedding itself: ~20-30 close family and friends. Venue: beautiful park or beach (trust me, God is out there more than in a church). Dinner: near the venue, splurge it up, why not. Rent a luxury motor coach (couches, not seats) for everyone and bring a few cases of champagne on board. Coach is to bring everybody from a central meeting point (like the hotel out of towners are staying at) to the venue and to dinner and back.
- The dress: why get some foofy thing you'll never wear again? If you're going to pay big bucks for the thing, a designer goodness, get something you'll wear again.

Voila. Beautiful wedding, great memories. We did this over 20 years ago and it was awesome. And we had plenty of money left over for a fantastic honeymoon and a down payment on a house.

What I wish we'd done in addition:
- Register somewhere for loot. We said we didn't want gifts, but people felt compelled anyway. Registering would have allowed those nice folks to get something we really wanted ;-)
- Pro photographer. We gave everyone a disposable camera (YES! it was a long time ago) and had them turn the cameras in at the end so we could cull through, pick the best and send them all out to the folks who came. This turned out okay, but certain "money shots" were not gotten.

To this day, I can't watch a foofaroo wedding movie (like Father of the Bride or Sex and the City 2) without yelling at the screen about what idiots these women are to try to have a "fairy tale" wedding only to tear their lives and their loved ones apart with frenzied planning and expense. Just say NO to the wedding industry leeches!
2012-10-05 01:54:40 PM
1 votes:

Expolaris: After reading this i'm glad my brother's Fiancee is a level headed woman - a very cut and dry lawyer to go with his very cut and dry engineer mindset.

They are more interested in being together, than the wedding itself. They even pushed back their wedding a few months so they could close on their new house - where the wedding itself is being held.

[sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 540x960]

The ceremony is going to look great in their gazebo (if we can defeat it).




Oh, I saw what you did there. Throw me in for "And my Axe!" if you need help with the beast.
2012-10-05 01:31:58 PM
1 votes:

mrs.parker: After reading this thread it's clear to me that everyone so proud of Converse footwear at their weddings are part of a large and unimaginative crowd.


We're doing it as an homage to Doctor Who without being overt about it. Though, would've been nice to be able to afford the TARDIS groom's cake we wanted. Oh well.
2012-10-05 12:59:08 PM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


As an oft-married Wife of Fark, verily I say unto thee, the details do not matter. At my first wedding, the cake that got delivered was not the cake I ordered. Did I care? Not. One. Bit. At my second wedding, the zipper on my reception dress broke and a friend who sews was dragooned into the dressing room to create a field-expedient zipper replacement with a hotel sewing kit. Did I care? Not. One. Bit.

Sure, before the wedding you want everything to be perfect, but on the Big Day, little things really just do not matter. What matters is you have the people you love around you, you will be beautiful because you are happy, and that someone keep drunken uncle Dave away from the bar.
2012-10-05 12:52:47 PM
1 votes:

mrs.parker: After reading this thread it's clear to me that everyone so proud of Converse footwear at their weddings are part of a large and unimaginative crowd.


No, we're happy we aren't the only ones who decided to go against the norm of stuffy tux shoes and heels. We all did it in different ways. And I'm completely certain your wedding was 100% original- you had it in a treehouse dressed in Tarzan and Jane outfits, right? Oh wait, I know someone else who did that. YOU'RE UNIMAGINATIVE!

Lighten up, buzzkill.
2012-10-05 12:22:38 PM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


Ok, so I'm not a wife, but I'm a very happy hubby to a very awesome woman. :-)

Given that you're asking this question, then that tells me that being a complete biatch is not your normal disposition. It makes me sad (about the state of society in general) that anyone thinks that sort of question even needs to be asked because of being worried that it's to be expected. No, no one needs to be a complete biatch, especially about a wedding. Instead, just plan for it to be fun, and the memories and stories that you have about it later will be much better. An enjoyable wedding with good memories is a better foundation for a good marriage.
2012-10-05 12:17:34 PM
1 votes:
She is getting off on the wrong foot already. Just because you're getting married, you, your future spouse, and the parents are the only ones this matters too. At all. Nobody else really cares. They certainly don't care enough to fly to 3 different states. The BEST thing that could happen to this girl is if every single one of them told her to take a flying leap. Celebrating your "special day" is not going to seem quite so joyous when you have alienated your 10 closest friends, and knowing you deserve them abandoning you.

In fact, I agree with everybody else. Her future husband should tell her that her piss poor attitude is making him rethink whether he wants to be tied to somebody like this for life.
2012-10-05 11:54:54 AM
1 votes:
Don't forget the Divorce Party on September 15th. I expect you all to attend and listen to me whine about what a beast Jake was. Bring a gift and a premium bottle of Vodak. If you can't afford Grey Goose or better, don't bother coming!

Then we will start all over with my marriage to Raul, the pool boy from the hotel in Las Vegas. We'll need to move fast since he is in the country on a Visa and it'll expire soon.
2012-10-05 11:50:51 AM
1 votes:
Wow, just wow. This one's a "real keeper," as my dad would have said in that biting alcoholic tone he used to use. Been in a few weddings, no bridezillas thankfully, but some elaborate and huge formal shindigs. My own was simple. Married outside, on the waterfront, at the college we both went to. One attendant each (her sister and my best friend). Beautiful dress, rented tux. Out of 103 close friends and family who said they would come, 102 showed up. Our caterer almost didn't have enough food (they usually plan for a 10-20% attrition rate. Beware!) Reception on the water at an old beach club, sit down-dinner, open bar, lots of drunk people having a great time dancing and talking, even though many came disparate parts of our lives (family, school, work, etc.). Friends and family still talk about it (in a great-time kind of way). All for less than 12K (some of that was our own money too).

In-laws told us we could elope and use the money towards a house (as they had done). We decided to have the wedding since my family was all out of town, and we both wanted everyone to share in the day. Just celebrated 15 years together (3 kids too)! Looking back on the day, wouldn't change a thing. Want to do it all again in 10 more years to renew our vows. College garden is still there, we are still in touch (even if not best friends) with most everyone who came, and only a few family members have passed away. Cheers!
2012-10-05 11:48:23 AM
1 votes:
My first wedding (and marriage) was a train wreck. I was 18 and my laws hijacked the entire thing. I wasn't allowed to pick my bridal party, date, venue... Ect. After 12 years of ridiculousness i divorced. I am engaged now and my fiancee and i are planning a low key event. I keep looking for ways to make it easier and cheaper for all involved. The church wedding is very important to us, but the details are not. I just want a fun day where we stand in front of god and our friends and family. The rest isn't important. I want to feed them well, and entertain them for the day. I've got a herd of kids and a bunch more coming so i think we are going to set up guitar hero in a side room. My moh is my best friend this time and i love that he will be standing beside me this time. My bridesmaids are my friend and older kids. I picked the dresses online and they are 30 bucks. They can wear whatever shoes they already have. I don't get the drama. My ex-mil was the bridezilla at my wedding and i never want to go through something like that again!
2012-10-05 11:46:46 AM
1 votes:
I bet they aren't even going to have vodka or marinated herring.

Link
2012-10-05 11:43:47 AM
1 votes:
See, and I fully expect my next proposal will be something like this- he looks in my eyes and asks "will you continue being the chaos to my order for the rest of our perverted and sinful lives?"

And then we have a 20's themed party where the dress code is garters for women and cuff links for men, and no gifts, just buy us a drink.

It'd fit perfectly.
2012-10-05 11:36:38 AM
1 votes:
I've been married twice. First time we did a "Medieval" themed wedding (dressing up in renn-style stuff was completely optional, but most people did it), had all our friends in the wedding party and they could choose whatever outfit they wanted, spent about $7K total on the whole thing including reception. Everyone had a blast and we heard for years after that people (even older relatives) thought the wedding was the best they'd ever been to.

Second time I bought a more traditional dress for about $300, hubby rented a tux, I sewed our daughters' bridesmaid dresses. Only other people in attendance were our mothers, and the people who happened to be walking by the old gristmill waterfall at the time. Total cost was probably $2500, including travel, hotel, and fancy dinner afterwards.

Stories like this make me completely ill. If you want a $100K+ wedding and can afford it, awesome, but then I say foot the bill for everyone. Honestly I don't know why it's expected for wedding party members to have to spend so much for someone else's wedding, I would feel incredibly guilty.
2012-10-05 11:32:22 AM
1 votes:
Bachelorette party in Vegas? $10 says she gobbles some dude's schlong while they're out whoring it up.
2012-10-05 11:30:12 AM
1 votes:
I just want to add that I've been a groomsmen in about 12-13 weddings. Every one of those weddings were excellent and it was usually the bride that was the first one puking at the reception.

/always a groomsmen, never a groom.
2012-10-05 11:24:38 AM
1 votes:
This type of mentality is so completely foreign to me. I'm getting married in *looks at calendar* oh geez, 7 weeks, and I'm so mentally retarded at this sort of thing that I'm letting my future mother-in-law design the decorations and I told my bridesmaids to get whatever dress they liked as long as it's purple and they can afford it. It doesn't even have to be the same shade. The only things I'm being adamant about are that the theme is butterflies, the cake has to be orange flavored, the food is a fish fry, the groomsmen all have their inexpensive ties and their black converses match, and the colors are blue and purple. That's it. I'm not even being demanding about it. I can't imagine I'm the easiest bride in the world considering how indecive or apathetic I am, but I could be a bridezilla and make life miserable for everyone around me. As it is, I think they're all mildly exasperated at how hopeless I am at these sorts of things.

Oh well, I'm positive everyone is going to have a good time and even though I'll be a nervous wreck on the day of, and that I'll still enjoy myself and I'm not going to sweat the small stuff even if things don't go exactly as planned. I think I'll only flip out if the cake somehow gets completely destroyed and only because I'm shilling out $300 for it. I'll be mourning the loss of the money more than the loss of my perfect cake, though. lol
2012-10-05 11:22:37 AM
1 votes:

ChuDogg: She's probably from fairfield county. All the girls are like this there. They all grew up rich and affluent while getting to party in NYC anytime they want.


You'd certainly think that with the Vail wedding and engagement party in NY or CT, but then there's this:
everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding.

If she legitimately grew up rich and affluent, then Forever 21 wouldn't be the metric she'd use there.
2012-10-05 11:14:44 AM
1 votes:

Summer Glau's Love Slave: Bride sounds fat.

/Dear Jake,
//Run.
///Run until your feet bleed, bandage them, run some more.
////Repeat.


Actually she sounds like she's annoyingly skinny but only because she eats a tiny salad every day and then biatches and moan to everyone she knows about how hungry she is.

And yeah, Jake, just carry this e-mail with you and there isn't a door of a single guy's house anywhere in America that will be shut for you. Hell even us sanely maried folks will help Mi Couch es Su Couch
2012-10-05 11:14:11 AM
1 votes:

cryinoutloud: CapeFearCadaver: If I find someone I actually want to spend the rest of my life with... I've got a cabin in the mountains, a friend who lives near there who is an ordained minister, would probably buy a couple kegs of hobgoblin or something and cook the food myself. Family & close friends. Easy peasy.

Never marrying again. I'd live with somebody, but when one of us wants to leave---SEE YA. Family court is better for taking hostages than a gun.


I used to think I'd never marry again (widowing not divorce like so many here) but mr kiwi and I are discussing it because its security for each other. There's no time frame for this- I don't care when, it'll happen when it happens. I can give him health insurance (he works for himself) and he and I can combine everything.

Plus, when you're with the right person, marriage doesn't feel like a chain, it's just the next logical step when you don't ever want to be without the person.

And for the record, I'd TOTALLY wear a garbage bag over my dress and eat wings. Win.
2012-10-05 11:14:09 AM
1 votes:
Wife 3.0, my favorite one of the bunch, planned our wedding and brought it in under budget (her dress and shoes totalled under $60. No, I didn't leave off a zero). We each had one attendant. There were kilts, bagpipes and drums. Our reception was at a rib place, and we went out and hit a pub afterwards
2012-10-05 11:11:14 AM
1 votes:
Entitlement like this makes me wanna puke. Is it any wonder why divorce statistics are at the rate they're at right now? Why men are afraid to get married?
2012-10-05 11:10:22 AM
1 votes:
I was a groomsman in a wedding, featured on the TLC show "Who's Wedding is it anyway?" That was an Orthodox jewish ceremony with a pirate theme that took place on the deck of the Mooshalu (old Tall ship in Philly harbor that's now a restuarant) and was officiated by probably the only Rabbi in the world who was fluent in Gaelic and Hebrew (she was marrying an Irishman). It was the single most elaborate wedding I've ever been to, (the rehersal dinner took over a Morroccan restuarant and featured an internationally famous belly dancer) and as a close freind of bride and groom I was involved from the very beggining, and the couple still made maybe 1/10th of the demands on me that this "woman" is asking of her friends
2012-10-05 11:04:50 AM
1 votes:
So to demonstrate how important her friends are to her, she demands the following tribute:

• Trip to New York or Connecticut for engagement party, plus food, lodging and transportation
• Gift for bridal shower
• Trip to Las Vegas, plus food & lodging, plus transportation & entertainment for bachelorette party
• Wedding gift
• Bridesmaid dress, shoes, accessories, special hair & nails
• Trip to Vail, Colorado to attend the wedding, plus food, lodging and transportation

She's "honoring" her friends by demanding they pony up at least $3000? Probably a lot more. These are the sacred marriages we, as a nation, are "defending" from gays?

"All right, ladies -- empty your wallets. And I'll need your debit cards and PIN numbers too. NOW!"

cast.thirdage.com
2012-10-05 11:03:51 AM
1 votes:
I legitimately feel bad for Jake. Every time he steps in an elevator, he's going to pray the cable snaps because she's destroyed his manhood so much he no longer has the courage to put a gun in his mouth.
2012-10-05 11:00:15 AM
1 votes:
Kinda CSB:
We had a nice simple wedding. 100 or so guests. Reception with a very good local jazz trio. The whole thing cost my wife's family under $2000. And my wife by her very nature was sweet to all involved. At the reception her dad said he would have just gave us the money and she just about freaked. 'We could have used that to help with the down payment on a house Daddy!'. She thought he wanted to have a traditional wedding for his oldest daughter and he vise versa.

20 yrs. on the 24th and still going strong.
2012-10-05 10:59:02 AM
1 votes:
Bridal parties are for spoiled preppy biatches.
2012-10-05 10:55:36 AM
1 votes:

dotvincent: I was MOH for a woman who turned into psycho biatch from hell. I can't recall the number of times I had to comfort her crying friends, usually by saying "please don't take it personally, she's just being a complete farking biatch."

I shelled out something in the neighborhood of $3000 for this woman's demands, and haven't spoken to her since the wedding itself. I should have bailed when, a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.

Weddings should be fun. The preparation for weddings should be fun. Parties should be fun. Drama is really uncalled for.


Getting old does suck, but there are some advantages. One of them is having the ability to look back on 50 years of experience. I've seen friends get married. Kevin - wife wanted everything perfect and literally screamed at the 3 year old flower girl during the ceremony for ruining the wedding by dumping all the rose petals in one spot. Paul - married a girl that took the microphone out of his hand during his thank you speech at the reception and told him "you're boring - shut up and let me do this right". Chris - married a girl who made an impromptu giant bib out of trash bags so should could cover her dress but still eat chicken wings and beer. Two of these guys were both divorced in less than 2 years. One of them is still mariied 22 years later and they still play grab ass under the table. Can you guess?
2012-10-05 10:48:31 AM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


And if he doesn't?
2012-10-05 10:47:22 AM
1 votes:

mindaroth: I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me. I mean, okay, I'm not religious, so I don't need the sermon and vows and stuff anyway. I just can't identify with anyone who feels like a wedding is necessary. If you want one, fine, but nobody NEEDS one. I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.


Size was necessary to mine because between divorces and half siblings, he was one of 12 and my mom was one of six. Huge close families.

It was a bit important because I had wanted a beautiful wedding since I was a girl, naturally, but it was really low key. My previous comment didn't post so I'll say it again-

My brides wore white shirts and black skirts. That was the only requirement, besides chuck taylors. We all wore them. Mine were sparkly and the men's were all black.

I didn't have ANY responsibility for them besides knowing who their groomsmen was and not being too drunk for pictures. I didn't go bridezilla on ANYTHING.

My aunt made my cake and she's not a pro. My stepdad took my pictures. It was at a winery that served Italian food. It was awesomely fun.



I guess it's still important that I did that, and I'm glad it was so big and happy because that was the last time a lot of our loved ones even saw him (not a thread jack but he passed away six weeks after) so I have lots of happy memories of that day and I'm glad.
2012-10-05 10:46:21 AM
1 votes:
I'm having a violent seizure as I type this; but, if you throw aside the 'I was raised in the very best trailer park' vibe from grammar, spelling, and general vocabulary, it reads like the woman is simply spelling out saying specifically, hey, I love you, but here are my rules. I'll still love you, you can still come, but I want the wedding party to go a certain way and if you can't do this due to time, money, or interest, then it's better that we all part now rather than make each other mad.
2012-10-05 10:44:40 AM
1 votes:
First marriage wife a bridezilla, it last 2 very long years and when she left she took my dog. Second marriage (first marriage for my second wife) low key fun at an airplane hanger, took off afterwards in her B200 for a 2 week long honeymoon flying around wherever we wanted. Best 5 years of my life until that biatch named cancer took her away from me and our 3 year old.

/find a low key woman and enjoy every minute of it.
2012-10-05 10:41:22 AM
1 votes:

flucto: Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.


NO SH*T!

/On another note, I hope her wedding gets a nice "surprise" in the sense that a suicide bomber crashes the event. Bride-to-be has to have her remains scooped up via tweezers while the groom-to-be lives to see another (happier) day. And f*ck the bride's family for raising such a c*nt!!!
2012-10-05 10:40:24 AM
1 votes:
I'm glad I'm not friends with anyone who would demand such selfish shiat of me. Her future husband should really rethink this whole "marry the overbearing crazy person" plan.
2012-10-05 10:39:37 AM
1 votes:
I was MOH for a woman who turned into psycho biatch from hell. I can't recall the number of times I had to comfort her crying friends, usually by saying "please don't take it personally, she's just being a complete farking biatch."

I shelled out something in the neighborhood of $3000 for this woman's demands, and haven't spoken to her since the wedding itself. I should have bailed when, a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.

Weddings should be fun. The preparation for weddings should be fun. Parties should be fun. Drama is really uncalled for.
2012-10-05 10:39:25 AM
1 votes:
What's amazing to me is that women encourage this type of behavior by regularly viewing crap like the Real Housewives and Bridezillas, then act surprised when C-word behavior spreads in their ranks.

Guess what, ladies, if you're watching crap like that, you're part of the problem. This is the world you're building. Congrats.
2012-10-05 10:37:50 AM
1 votes:

flucto: Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.


He's probably even more than a scumbag than the bride. And will probably beheading up a major corporation, bribing politicians, creating lawsuits to silence competitors, ripping off customers and laying off his employees to outsource to a third-world shiathole.

And will be divorced in 6 months.
2012-10-05 10:36:44 AM
1 votes:

Cheron: minoridiot: The poor guy will be wanting a divorce by Labor Day in 2013.

Or she'll be pregnant so she can be the center of attention again.

Too Pretty For Prison:stirred Free advice for young Fark guys. If a woman expects you to put up with this shiat for her "special day" - just don't. This crap doesn't magically end on your wedding day. She'll want the perfect honeymoon, the perfect house, the perfect car, your undivided attention for every trivial thing in her life and it will never end. First wedding? I played this game and within 4 years we were divorced. I simply couldn't take it. My second marriage? We jumped a plane to vegas, got married in street clothes, and spent our honeymoon being tourists in the Grand Canyon and floating down a river. That was 18 years ago. I love her more today than I did then.

▲read that again. A wedding is just the day you get married and if you focus so much attention on the wedding and being the center of attention you probably aren't even thinking about being married. Best wedding I ever went to and the only time I was a best man was a friend who got married by a JP with two strangers a witnesses. They took a week for a honeymoon and then had a huge casual picnic for a wedding. They were interested in being married not being the center of attention.


Sounds like my wedding. My sister and a guy friend of ours were our witnesses, my parents and about 4 other acquaintances were there for the JP wedding, then we went across the street to the billiards bar where we had reserved a table and had homemade meatballs (3 kinds!) bacon wrapped cherries, and beer. Forgot to eat our cake til the next day cause we wanted to get to the hotel and be alone. At the hotel, we took a bath together, watched cartoons, drank wine and started our lives together.

/anniversary number 3 coming up in December, still madly in love and best friends
2012-10-05 10:34:19 AM
1 votes:
I'm willing to bet jake is a d-bag who deserves the hell he is in for.
2012-10-05 10:30:48 AM
1 votes:
Man, am I so glad most of my friends did their "big" weddings in the 80s. Back then, if you were a bridesmaid, you bought a dress (usually polyester), showed up for the rehearsal and wedding.

Maybe they had a bachelorette party, maybe they didn't. And no one flew anywhere. And they used orange paper plates.

But one thing I am sure of is that I sure as hell would not commit to the "honor" of keeping my calendar cleared for six months to be at someones command, and spend my own money to make "your day" happen. Honor someone else.
2012-10-05 10:27:51 AM
1 votes:
Wow, how sad. That woman will have no friends and no husband shortly. I guess she deserves it though.
2012-10-05 10:27:23 AM
1 votes:
I got married in the Caribbean with folks we met at the resort as witnesses. We brought no friends and no family and let the resort do all the planning. We just showed up when and where they told us to. It was great.
2012-10-05 10:26:11 AM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


Well, i controlled the food and date, and a few other things, but mine was a simple courthouse wedding and my hubby and i spent our stag night partying together, as he'd just flown over from england earlier in the week and we hadnt seen each other for a cpl months. No need to be a bridezilla at all. If i knew the girl from TFA, i'd likely punch the ignorant, selfish twat right in the mouth.
2012-10-05 10:25:36 AM
1 votes:
Wow. I hope they all bow out on Bridezilla.
2012-10-05 10:25:36 AM
1 votes:
If Jake agreed to marry this girl, he is already a fool. Personalities like this don't evolve over night because one is going to get married. The bride to be sounds like a royal, first class, AW, pain in the ass. I am trying to picture Jake as Glen Gulia from the Wedding Singer and he is unconcerned because he is out banging strippers while she is occupied with all this mess.
2012-10-05 10:24:51 AM
1 votes:
JAKE!!!

content8.flixster.com
2012-10-05 10:18:38 AM
1 votes:
My response would be:
DIAF.

Nothing more.
2012-10-05 10:18:17 AM
1 votes:
That insufferable coont is going to have a lifetime of disappointment ahead of her. Just a matter of time before her entitled attitude sends "Jake" into the arms of his secretary, some skank at the club, or ANYONE ELSE BUT MY SHRILL, DEMANDING, GREEDY biatch OF A WIFE.
2012-10-05 10:16:47 AM
1 votes:

lilplatinum: HotWingConspiracy: I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.

You sound like as good of a friend as the biatch in the article.


I'm an excellent friend, and that shouldn't be abused.
2012-10-05 10:14:08 AM
1 votes:

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


No, it's not.
2012-10-05 10:13:54 AM
1 votes:
My BFF is getting married in a few weeks and I'm her maid of honor. It's her third marriage so she is being awesomely low key about it. My instructions so far are show up, wear something pink or black. And she gave me a nifty badge that reads "Best biatch."
2012-10-05 10:13:00 AM
1 votes:
Advice to groom, run.
2012-10-05 10:12:55 AM
1 votes:
Tank It Lemon!
2012-10-05 10:12:25 AM
1 votes:
your going to the wrong wedding.

Is it your wedding? Then, yeah, definitely the wrong wedding.
2012-10-05 10:11:39 AM
1 votes:
As someone that can't comprehend the desire to marry anyone, I've bailed out of many weddings when I felt like I was becoming a conscript rather than a guest.

I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.
2012-10-05 10:10:19 AM
1 votes:
... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon
2012-10-05 10:08:18 AM
1 votes:
At an airport the other day, I saw a young woman walk by with a t-shirt with the number "1" on the back and "MAID OF HONOR" as if it was her name on a sports jersey. A moment later, two more walked by with numbers and "BRIDESMAID."
2012-10-05 09:49:20 AM
1 votes:
Tank it!
2012-10-05 09:47:16 AM
1 votes:
Sister is getting married in June and I get to be the maid of honor. Never done it before, but things like this make me soooo happy I'm an ocean away in case she or my mother get crazy.

/that and I'm pretty ok missing the wedding dress shopping this weekend with the two of them I admit...
 
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