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(Gawker)   Dearest Friends, Thank you for agreeing to be a bridesmaid, here are some guidelines for you to follow. Please be aware that if you cannot commit the next six-months of your lives to me then you will be replaced, but you are still invited to attend   (gawker.com) divider line 374
    More: Asinine  
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23614 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 10:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-05 10:46:35 AM
I hope and pray that the groom literally strands her at the altar -- doesn't show up at all. That's what this c*nt deserves.
 
2012-10-05 10:46:36 AM
When a woman I worked with got engaged, she was one of those that held her left hand over her neck so everyone would see the rock.

When she was planning her 'amazing' wedding, she got angrier and angrier that less than 10% of the people she invited said they'd come (including ALL of us at work) because the wedding was being held at some castle in France they had visited on vacation.

Yea, Ill get right on that. Plane tickets to France, hotel, etc etc. Um, no. Here's a card.
 
2012-10-05 10:46:36 AM
If you have to shell out more than the cost of the dress to be a bridesmaid, don't be a bridesmaid. Just because you think this person is your friend isn't a reason to go broke. I can guarantee you that once you spend an extraordinary amount of money on someone elses wedding, you won't be friends afterwards.
 
2012-10-05 10:46:38 AM

vonapathy: CapeFearCadaver: vonapathy: honey, you're not ready to get married.

Because she wants her man to propose to her?

No, cause she referred to herself has having a princess mentality.


Got that one... guess it's just that that's what she was implying.
 
2012-10-05 10:46:48 AM

fruitloop: Summer Glau's Love Slave: Bride sounds fat.

/Dear Jake,
//Run.
///Run until your feet bleed, bandage them, run some more.
////Repeat.

But her parents sound looooooooooooooooadeeeeeeeeeeeeed...


Not enough money in the world.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:18 AM
It's her wedding. She can do or say whatever she wants and her friends can agree to play along or not. I'm sure they already know she is a control freak.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:22 AM

mindaroth: I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me. I mean, okay, I'm not religious, so I don't need the sermon and vows and stuff anyway. I just can't identify with anyone who feels like a wedding is necessary. If you want one, fine, but nobody NEEDS one. I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.


Size was necessary to mine because between divorces and half siblings, he was one of 12 and my mom was one of six. Huge close families.

It was a bit important because I had wanted a beautiful wedding since I was a girl, naturally, but it was really low key. My previous comment didn't post so I'll say it again-

My brides wore white shirts and black skirts. That was the only requirement, besides chuck taylors. We all wore them. Mine were sparkly and the men's were all black.

I didn't have ANY responsibility for them besides knowing who their groomsmen was and not being too drunk for pictures. I didn't go bridezilla on ANYTHING.

My aunt made my cake and she's not a pro. My stepdad took my pictures. It was at a winery that served Italian food. It was awesomely fun.



I guess it's still important that I did that, and I'm glad it was so big and happy because that was the last time a lot of our loved ones even saw him (not a thread jack but he passed away six weeks after) so I have lots of happy memories of that day and I'm glad.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:28 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: /important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


Save money, elope, come back and have a badass reception.

I am a photographer, and shot a wedding in Tybee this weekend. Bride, groom, parents, best friend of each, and kids. The whole ordeal was over in 20 minutes on a Friday, beautiful sunset wedding on the beach. The wedding "party" went out for dinner and drinks at a local restaurant, then back to the condo for cake. The next day they left for their honeymoon. Next month they are throwing a combined reception/housewarming party for family and friends to congratulate them and bring presents.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:37 AM

HotWingConspiracy: As someone that can't comprehend the desire to marry anyone, I've bailed out of many weddings when I felt like I was becoming a conscript rather than a guest.

I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.


Seriously! What is the taboo with "running from the alter" so to speak. If you find yourself swept up in the madness and start to see your bride-to-be as she REALLY is, DON'T FEEL THE PRESSURE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT!!! Why the f*ck WOULDN'T you run for the door? Piss off the guests (they'll get over it), let them take back their gifts, explain it to your family (if they're anything like my family, they'd congratulate you for making the sane decision) and enjoy single life for awhile longer.

/seriously, weddings bring out "her" character AND the character of the family you'll be marrying.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:41 AM
I read things like this and am kind of glad I've only been a bridesmaid once, for a cousin who was nothing close to a bridezilla.

Also, in the event I ever find anyone I want to marry, I reaffirm my oath to elope and then have a big party.
 
2012-10-05 10:47:57 AM

namegoeshere: namegoeshere: BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon

No, it's not.

My dress advice (especially if you don't have Stepford bridesmaids.) Pick a fabric, length, neckline, sleeve length. Find a good, flexible seamstress. Have the bridesmaids meet with the seamstress and pick a dress design that is most flattering to them. This option is cheaper than paying $$$$$$$ for pre-made dresses that only flatter perfect figures, and will make your bridesmaids much happier than paying out the ass for a dress they hate. Your wedding party will look better, too.


That's what I did for my wedding. Started planning the dresses a year in advance. I had a few ideas of what style I wanted and consulted w/my bridesmaids--which of these style dresses would you most likely wear at least one other time? We narrowed it down to 3. I had 2 color combinations and we decided on one final style/color. I ordered all the fabric, had it cut for each girl, and they all either made their own or found a seamstress. Everyone looked stunning (and the 5 girls ranged in size from size 4 to size 16) and each paid less than $100 for her dress.

I tried to be as low-key as possible and not demand too much of anyone. All I asked was that, when I scheduled something (wedding dress shopping, help w/wedding favors, bridal shower, whatever) they be on time and that I wanted a fun bachelorette party. Nothing extreme, never expected them to drop everything for me, and never wanted them to.

CSB: The ONLY issue I had was with one high-strung bridesmaid who dragged her feet throughout the year. Whined about everything, hated all the dresses and colors, complained about being expected to find a seamstress (which I ended up finding for her with 10 months to spare), and kept calling last-minute on the few times I scheduled stuff to move it to another day or time. The other bridesmaids complained that she was negative all the time, wouldn't pitch in to help them, and only showed up at stuff they planned when there was free food. The last straw was when, a week before the wedding, she informed me that she hadn't bothered to go to the seamstress and was now being charged an extra $75 rush fee. Since I had recommended the seamstress, she felt I should pay for this. I'd had it & threw her out of the wedding party. I let her know she was still invited to everything but would just not be a bridesmaid. I offered to reimburse her for the fabric (it was nice fabric--I could use it for something) and she demanded the money immediately. Told her to hit me up after the wedding--I was crazy busy, everything had been tightly budgeted, but I'd definitely pay her.

In her wedding card to us, she wrote a note that instead of a wedding present, she was deducting the cost of the fabric. I don't think I spoke much to her after that. I don't need whiny AND petty in my life.
 
2012-10-05 10:48:11 AM
I'm waiting for the Daily Mail article complete with pictures of this woman's lollipop head, orange skin, and giant nose, crying about someone sharing her email and doubling down on the biatchiness. Popping the popcorn.
 
2012-10-05 10:48:31 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


And if he doesn't?
 
2012-10-05 10:48:56 AM

mindaroth: I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me... to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day"...


I think you just figured it out.
 
2012-10-05 10:50:05 AM
If you are not getting married while dead drunk with the service being performed by an Elvis impersonator you are doing it wrong.


// Knows someone who did that
 
2012-10-05 10:50:35 AM
After reading this i'm glad my brother's Fiancee is a level headed woman - a very cut and dry lawyer to go with his very cut and dry engineer mindset.

They are more interested in being together, than the wedding itself. They even pushed back their wedding a few months so they could close on their new house - where the wedding itself is being held.

sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net

The ceremony is going to look great in their gazebo (if we can defeat it).

/this article just reaffirmed the type of woman i do not want to involve myself with
//I really hope my Bro's Lady has some hot friends to be bridesmaids...
 
2012-10-05 10:51:02 AM

mindaroth: I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me. I mean, okay, I'm not religious, so I don't need the sermon and vows and stuff anyway. I just can't identify with anyone who feels like a wedding is necessary. If you want one, fine, but nobody NEEDS one. I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.


If you marry a person from another country, proof of an actual wedding is a good thing to have. Mine was simple but documented in photos
 
2012-10-05 10:51:50 AM

AgentBang: JAKE!!!

[content8.flixster.com image 360x195]



oh sexy, grammatically-challenged, certifiably insane girrrrlfrieeend.


/i'm eloping. and not to some cliched shiattown like vegas, either
 
2012-10-05 10:52:00 AM

mindaroth:
Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.


I didn't want the wedding, I wanted the marriage.

We both had the day off, so we went to the judge and had 2 friends there.

/Over 21 years now.
 
2012-10-05 10:52:29 AM

Dictatorial_Flair: Lundyn: Trucker: What an utterly useless twatwaddle she must be.

She's most likely horrible in bed too.

I bet she has extensive, poorly-done dental work as well! And knees like razorblades!


t2.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-05 10:54:03 AM
I partially blame wedding planners. Their pay is likely dependent on the level of detail they can offer, and deliver. I'd swear the last wedding I was in, everything was done from a spreadsheet. Normal white cake, but with twinkie filling frosting. Smashing Pumpkins instead of the wedding song when the bridal party entered the church- pretty cool, but my brain shuts off when it's 'go time' so I didn't notice until he asked me how I liked the song later.
 
2012-10-05 10:54:08 AM

Langdon Alger: sweet moses so many things about this that just piss me off. But poor Jake. I bet she has told him "i know we are already having sex, but lets wait until the honeymoon to have sex again. Then it will be special" Get ready hoss, because this will be the first of many reasons she can't have sex. She's roped you in with the good bait (p*ssy), and now she has the power to dangle it in front of you so you'll go to home depot and look at color swatches, take out the trash, or have a baby that you never wanted.


ROFL! I know a girl who told her Guy they should stop having sex and focus on their relationship (and religion). 2 months later, they're rushing through wedding plans so they will be married before she starts showing. They weren't fast enough tho...
 
2012-10-05 10:54:08 AM
"if its something important and it takes you a week even 2-3 days to get back to me seeeee ya!"

Holy shiat what a supreme queen biatch of the universe. Hopefully every would be bridesmaid and fiance tell her to shove it up her hoohah sideways.
 
2012-10-05 10:54:13 AM

trendkill: [mtaram.com image 323x400]


ytrewq.com 

FTFY
 
2012-10-05 10:55:26 AM

SundaesChild: My BFF is getting married in a few weeks and I'm her maid of honor. It's her third marriage so she is being awesomely low key about it. My instructions so far are show up, wear something pink or black. And she gave me a nifty badge that reads "Best biatch."


CSB: Having just married for the 3rd time myself...my younger bro is a minister so he married us. We went up the Greenhorn mountain (Colorado) picked a great "nature spot" and had our Colorado friends (from my bro's church) and CO family who WANTED to attend, attend.

None of the people from my bro's church had a lot of "disposable income". We had all we needed already - joining two households. So my SIL's "gift" was making up my wife pre-wedding (she's a stylist/cosmetic..person). Another friend home-made some bouquets to wear, a few others brought food for our post-wedding pot-luck. Another friend took the pictures as a gift.

It was awesome...people wore jeans (I and her still dressed up) and it was just a fun day - no stress for us OR anyone else. Best wedding (including those I've witnessed) ever! And she's been an awesome wife.
 
2012-10-05 10:55:36 AM

dotvincent: I was MOH for a woman who turned into psycho biatch from hell. I can't recall the number of times I had to comfort her crying friends, usually by saying "please don't take it personally, she's just being a complete farking biatch."

I shelled out something in the neighborhood of $3000 for this woman's demands, and haven't spoken to her since the wedding itself. I should have bailed when, a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.

Weddings should be fun. The preparation for weddings should be fun. Parties should be fun. Drama is really uncalled for.


Getting old does suck, but there are some advantages. One of them is having the ability to look back on 50 years of experience. I've seen friends get married. Kevin - wife wanted everything perfect and literally screamed at the 3 year old flower girl during the ceremony for ruining the wedding by dumping all the rose petals in one spot. Paul - married a girl that took the microphone out of his hand during his thank you speech at the reception and told him "you're boring - shut up and let me do this right". Chris - married a girl who made an impromptu giant bib out of trash bags so should could cover her dress but still eat chicken wings and beer. Two of these guys were both divorced in less than 2 years. One of them is still mariied 22 years later and they still play grab ass under the table. Can you guess?
 
2012-10-05 10:56:27 AM

dotvincent: a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.


Well sure, you'd have spoiled the Love Vibe with your loveless singletude. The nerve. You could at least have taken on a boyfriend for the event. Really quite selfish of you, I think.
 
2012-10-05 10:56:45 AM

mindaroth: I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.


You had a reception without the wedding. Our wedding ceremony lasted 15 minutes at the same place we held the reception. Then we started drinking (from kegs) and had food (roast beef). You had a wedding and didn't even realize.
 
2012-10-05 10:56:52 AM
At our wedding we had a maid of honor and a best man. We had under 50 people there, and it was a simple ~ 4 hour affair at a place that we were able to plan out the wedding in around 2 hours.

Though that girl sounds crazier than the woman that tried to marry my (literally) retarded brother in law. When my in-laws scuttled it they had to pay some money to cover the cost of her dress.
 
2012-10-05 10:58:46 AM
Well, I guess this broad wouldn't have liked the idea my friends did. We all, bridesmaids and groomsmen, wore purple chuck taylors.
 
2012-10-05 10:58:56 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


I'm thinking Fark ladies are a lot more low-key. My husband and I went to Vegas and bought a wedding chapel package deal. My sister got married a month ago and chose to have no bridesmaids or groomsmen at all.
 
2012-10-05 10:59:02 AM
Bridal parties are for spoiled preppy biatches.
 
2012-10-05 10:59:18 AM
This has to be a joke.

If there is a woman out there that actually does this, then she needs to experience very long term poverty firsthand.

If I were the rich guy she's marrying, I would dump her faster than diarrhea .....even if she was hotter than hot and could suck start a Harley..

.....or had a "Chatterbox" (Old 70s porn reference....trailer on YouTube).

Life is too short for this kind of Shi@T

//Justice O the Peace.....no stress and no time and money spent on this kind of crap.
///Explore the worls, make a difference....
 
2012-10-05 10:59:56 AM

Tom_Slick: First marriage wife a bridezilla, it last 2 very long years and when she left she took my dog. Second marriage (first marriage for my second wife) low key fun at an airplane hanger, took off afterwards in her B200 for a 2 week long honeymoon flying around wherever we wanted. Best 5 years of my life until that biatch named cancer took her away from me and our 3 year old.

/find a low key woman and enjoy every minute of it.


Sincere condolences.

I saw this on yahoo and knew it would make it here. Holy sh*t! Weddings like this are guaranf*ckinteed to produce a miserable disaster of a marriage. I hope Jake sees this and runs fast and far.
I hope that miserable b*tch is unable to reproduce.
 
2012-10-05 11:00:15 AM
Kinda CSB:
We had a nice simple wedding. 100 or so guests. Reception with a very good local jazz trio. The whole thing cost my wife's family under $2000. And my wife by her very nature was sweet to all involved. At the reception her dad said he would have just gave us the money and she just about freaked. 'We could have used that to help with the down payment on a house Daddy!'. She thought he wanted to have a traditional wedding for his oldest daughter and he vise versa.

20 yrs. on the 24th and still going strong.
 
2012-10-05 11:00:55 AM
I love threads like this, were I get to pat myself on the back for NOT being like this.

I just had my best friend since 9th grade be my MoH and she was shocked that I told her to pick her own dress, etc. Why would I have people incur a cost at my wedding?

Chicks who obsess over their wedding are very strange to me, I have a life and other accomplishments outside of being a Fiancee/Wife.
 
2012-10-05 11:01:48 AM
Call me skeptical, but I'm thinking possible shenanigans. Wedding in Vail and she spells that poorly?
 
2012-10-05 11:01:56 AM
Wife 2.0 was given the "honor" of being a bride-slave for a college friend of hers that lived in Florida (we lived in Kentucky). This chick went full on bridezilla. 2.0 was expected to pony up $$ for gift, dress, bachelorette party, as well as gifts and plane tickets to showers in Florida and New York (where 'zilla's family was).

When 2.0 mentioned that all of this was more than we could afford, 'zilla went ape-shiat, uninvited us, wrote a really nasty letter to 2.0, and sent an e-mail to the entire wedding party about how horrible a person 2.0 was.

We were unsurprised when the marriage only lasted 18 months. Hope her dad enjoyed all the bills.
 
2012-10-05 11:02:00 AM

Day_Old_Dutchie: flucto: Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.

He's probably even more than a scumbag than the bride. And will probably beheading up a major corporation, bribing politicians, creating lawsuits to silence competitors, ripping off customers and laying off his employees to outsource to a third-world shiathole.

And will be divorced in 6 months.


I could go for some beheading here.
 
2012-10-05 11:02:25 AM

blatz514: Well, I guess this broad wouldn't have liked the idea my friends did. We all, bridesmaids and groomsmen, wore purple chuck taylors.


*high five*

My reasoning was that I wouldn't wear heels- lots of grass and he was only an inch taller. Plus, we'd get the groomsmen to wear black shoes they wouldn't complain about, and the chicks could dance. Loved it!
 
2012-10-05 11:02:34 AM
Nor do I think someone planning a Vail wedding would have friends that routinely shop at Forever 21.
 
2012-10-05 11:02:52 AM

Too Pretty For Prison: dotvincent: I was MOH for a woman who turned into psycho biatch from hell. I can't recall the number of times I had to comfort her crying friends, usually by saying "please don't take it personally, she's just being a complete farking biatch."

I shelled out something in the neighborhood of $3000 for this woman's demands, and haven't spoken to her since the wedding itself. I should have bailed when, a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.

Weddings should be fun. The preparation for weddings should be fun. Parties should be fun. Drama is really uncalled for.

Getting old does suck, but there are some advantages. One of them is having the ability to look back on 50 years of experience. I've seen friends get married. Kevin - wife wanted everything perfect and literally screamed at the 3 year old flower girl during the ceremony for ruining the wedding by dumping all the rose petals in one spot. Paul - married a girl that took the microphone out of his hand during his thank you speech at the reception and told him "you're boring - shut up and let me do this right". Chris - married a girl who made an impromptu giant bib out of trash bags so should could cover her dress but still eat chicken wings and beer. Two of these guys were both divorced in less than 2 years. One of them is still mariied 22 years later and they still play grab ass under the table. Can you guess?


The third one sounds like my lady. Everyone should be able to find someone that bad ass.
 
2012-10-05 11:03:29 AM
Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life.

This is the worst thing in the whole email. This shows that this crazy broad doesn't give a damn about BEING MARRIED, she just wants the pretty princess wedding fairy tale.

Run away, fiancee. RUN AWAY.
 
2012-10-05 11:03:44 AM

blatz514: Well, I guess this broad wouldn't have liked the idea my friends did. We all, bridesmaids and groomsmen, wore purple chuck taylors.


Adding this this.

My brother has expressed he wants no suits - just button downs with a tie if you feel like it.

He's a Georgia Tech Engineer to the core so yellow is "his" color. Yellow Chuck Taylors are the only required attire for the entire wedding - even for our parents.

/seriously looking forward to this
 
2012-10-05 11:03:51 AM
I legitimately feel bad for Jake. Every time he steps in an elevator, he's going to pray the cable snaps because she's destroyed his manhood so much he no longer has the courage to put a gun in his mouth.
 
2012-10-05 11:04:21 AM
Jake, if you need a safe place to hide out, email me.

/Run, man!
 
2012-10-05 11:04:37 AM

stupiddream: Kinda CSB:
We had a nice simple wedding. 100 or so guests. Reception with a very good local jazz trio. The whole thing cost my wife's family under $2000. And my wife by her very nature was sweet to all involved. At the reception her dad said he would have just gave us the money and she just about freaked. 'We could have used that to help with the down payment on a house Daddy!'. She thought he wanted to have a traditional wedding for his oldest daughter and he vise versa.

20 yrs. on the 24th and still going strong.


That sounds pretty cool, actually. A lot of my friends play in some truly excellent bands, but I don't know if it would be bad form to ask one of them to play at a wedding.
 
2012-10-05 11:04:43 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


No. You control the stuff you pay for (the guest count, who's invited, what's being served). You don't get to run the lives of other people, they aren't slaves that you bought on the block.

For the Maid of Honor dress (no bridesmaids) I just told her the style of the location, style of my dress, and she got to pick anything that made her happy as long as it didn't clash (historic hotel and wedding gown that would have happily been worn in the 1800's would have looked odd with a knee length and skin tight bridesmaid dress). I didn't even see it in person until the day before the wedding. So she got to get something she really could wear again that didn't scream "bridesmaid" and she looked totally hot in it.
 
2012-10-05 11:04:50 AM
So to demonstrate how important her friends are to her, she demands the following tribute:

• Trip to New York or Connecticut for engagement party, plus food, lodging and transportation
• Gift for bridal shower
• Trip to Las Vegas, plus food & lodging, plus transportation & entertainment for bachelorette party
• Wedding gift
• Bridesmaid dress, shoes, accessories, special hair & nails
• Trip to Vail, Colorado to attend the wedding, plus food, lodging and transportation

She's "honoring" her friends by demanding they pony up at least $3000? Probably a lot more. These are the sacred marriages we, as a nation, are "defending" from gays?

"All right, ladies -- empty your wallets. And I'll need your debit cards and PIN numbers too. NOW!"

cast.thirdage.com
 
2012-10-05 11:05:36 AM

unfarkingbelievable: I hope and pray that the groom literally strands her at the altar -- doesn't show up at all. That's what this c*nt deserves.


Better yet he comes to the wedding with a stripper he met the night before and decides to marry HER - right there, on the spot.
 
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