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(Gawker)   Dearest Friends, Thank you for agreeing to be a bridesmaid, here are some guidelines for you to follow. Please be aware that if you cannot commit the next six-months of your lives to me then you will be replaced, but you are still invited to attend   (gawker.com) divider line 374
    More: Asinine  
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23613 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2012 at 10:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-05 10:24:16 AM
i393.photobucket.com

Ladies, I'll be right over here by the punchbowl.
 
2012-10-05 10:24:51 AM
JAKE!!!

content8.flixster.com
 
2012-10-05 10:24:52 AM

Summer Glau's Love Slave: Bride sounds fat.

/Dear Jake,
//Run.
///Run until your feet bleed, bandage them, run some more.
////Repeat.


But her parents sound looooooooooooooooadeeeeeeeeeeeeed...
 
2012-10-05 10:25:25 AM

lennavan: But when you make dozens in a single email, that reads like it's the most important email you've ever written, I think the only fair conclusion to draw is this chick is either really stupid, or English is not her first (or second, or third) language.


Those mistakes (like Your instead of You're) are not the kind of mistakes made by people whose English is not their mother tongue. Usually, mistakes done by natives still parse as correct English when read aloud. A non-native speaker will almost never write "I could of done that" or "Your such an ass", but will use syntax that'll be obviously incorrect when spoken aloud, such as "I'm giving visit to my grand-mother" or "My father is banker".
 
2012-10-05 10:25:36 AM
If Jake agreed to marry this girl, he is already a fool. Personalities like this don't evolve over night because one is going to get married. The bride to be sounds like a royal, first class, AW, pain in the ass. I am trying to picture Jake as Glen Gulia from the Wedding Singer and he is unconcerned because he is out banging strippers while she is occupied with all this mess.
 
2012-10-05 10:25:36 AM
Wow. I hope they all bow out on Bridezilla.
 
2012-10-05 10:25:59 AM

SlothB77: Considering the bride's grasp of English, how the hell did she make the money to pay for trips to Vegas and expensive Colorado ski resorts?

/yes, yes, i know what the fark answer will be.


She had the good sense and put in the hard work necessary to be born to wealth parents.
 
2012-10-05 10:26:07 AM
I hope Jake sees and heeds our advice before it's too late. But I suppose there's always divorce or even suicide. Yes, I know that sounds extreme and something I normally denounce, but if the alternative is to die on the inside, very slowly, one needle at a time...
 
2012-10-05 10:26:11 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


I did a courthouse steps wedding with my husband. We paid the $50 and got the license and that was it. No ceremony. We spent all out money throwing a kickass reception party for all our friends and family. I wouldn't have done it any other way! Of course our way isn't for everyone, we were really poor so we couldn't afford to set up the whole ceremony. But it was still great! No biatch bride required.
 
2012-10-05 10:26:11 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


Well, i controlled the food and date, and a few other things, but mine was a simple courthouse wedding and my hubby and i spent our stag night partying together, as he'd just flown over from england earlier in the week and we hadnt seen each other for a cpl months. No need to be a bridezilla at all. If i knew the girl from TFA, i'd likely punch the ignorant, selfish twat right in the mouth.
 
2012-10-05 10:26:40 AM

JohnAnnArbor: BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon

Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.


co-sign.

Also, break out of the wedding industrial complex; it only exists to give you an inferiority complex and take your money!!! Go to Vegas, or just the local courthouse and get it over with. *shrug* that's what I did. Proposed to my fella, bought my own ring, bought my own cocktail 'wedding' dress (wasn't even white), headed to the court house, got a friend to take some photos of us at the zoo, had an awesome Brazilian steak dinner with our friends and family, got absolutely BAKED and sauced at the after party.

/there's a reason our wedding was on 4/20......
 
2012-10-05 10:27:09 AM

JohnAnnArbor: Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.


:( I dun wanna. In all seriousness, while I am a "WOO FEMINISM" kind of gal on just about every other subject, I still have that 'princess' mentality when it comes to the proposal. I'm not going to be a bridezilla (just takes way too much effort and energy), but I do insist that he propose.
 
2012-10-05 10:27:13 AM

Crackers Are a Family Food: [i46.tinypic.com image 454x627]


Hahahaha. I had gotten to that exact point with someone once... I had fun; they didn't, but I did.
 
2012-10-05 10:27:21 AM
I never understood the whole "my special day" thing for brides. All I wanted for my wedding was to have a kick-ass party. So we got a great band to play, good food, and kept the alcohol flowing freely. It was great.

/I always thought my "special day" was when I graduated from med school
//intellectual snob
 
2012-10-05 10:27:23 AM
I got married in the Caribbean with folks we met at the resort as witnesses. We brought no friends and no family and let the resort do all the planning. We just showed up when and where they told us to. It was great.
 
2012-10-05 10:27:32 AM

JohnAnnArbor: At an airport the other day, I saw a young woman walk by with a t-shirt with the number "1" on the back and "MAID OF HONOR" as if it was her name on a sports jersey. A moment later, two more walked by with numbers and "BRIDESMAID."


When we were at the airport leaving for our honeymoon we saw at least 3 women with shirts that said "just married" or "newlywed" in sequins. They women looked high maintenance and their husbands looked like fratboys.
 
2012-10-05 10:27:42 AM
Etiquette Hell's List of Bridezilla Stories

Warning: It's a time sink. (Not "TV Tropes" level time sink, but entertaining nonetheless....)
 
2012-10-05 10:27:51 AM
Wow, how sad. That woman will have no friends and no husband shortly. I guess she deserves it though.
 
2012-10-05 10:28:39 AM
Huh, for my bridesmaids I told them to pick one of 4 dresses we decided on, wear the same shoes ( on sale for 20 bucks! ) and show up to the rehearsal and the wedding.

That much effort for a wedding must be exhausting.
 
2012-10-05 10:29:54 AM
Yeah but men are the immature ones for not wanting to get married....
 
2012-10-05 10:30:48 AM
Man, am I so glad most of my friends did their "big" weddings in the 80s. Back then, if you were a bridesmaid, you bought a dress (usually polyester), showed up for the rehearsal and wedding.

Maybe they had a bachelorette party, maybe they didn't. And no one flew anywhere. And they used orange paper plates.

But one thing I am sure of is that I sure as hell would not commit to the "honor" of keeping my calendar cleared for six months to be at someones command, and spend my own money to make "your day" happen. Honor someone else.
 
2012-10-05 10:32:13 AM

SlothB77: Considering the bride's grasp of English, how the hell did she make the money to pay for trips to Vegas and expensive Colorado ski resorts?

/yes, yes, i know what the fark answer will be.


She chose her parents well ?

/but not her school...
 
2012-10-05 10:33:02 AM

HotWingConspiracy: lilplatinum: HotWingConspiracy: I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.

You sound like as good of a friend as the biatch in the article.

I'm an excellent friend, and that shouldn't be abused.


Offering your time to help a friend out on their wedding is not an abuse, its one of those minor inconveniences that goes along with having friends.

Abuse is this biatch in the article.
 
2012-10-05 10:33:41 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: JohnAnnArbor: Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.

:( I dun wanna. In all seriousness, while I am a "WOO FEMINISM" kind of gal on just about every other subject, I still have that 'princess' mentality when it comes to the proposal. I'm not going to be a bridezilla (just takes way too much effort and energy), but I do insist that he propose.


ಠ_ಠ

honey, you're not ready to get married.
 
2012-10-05 10:34:19 AM
I'm willing to bet jake is a d-bag who deserves the hell he is in for.
 
2012-10-05 10:36:10 AM

vonapathy: honey, you're not ready to get married.


Because she wants her man to propose to her?
 
2012-10-05 10:36:12 AM
It's one thing to know what you want, it's an entirely other thing to expect to get everything you want and for everyone around you to make it happen. You want them all in a certain location on multiple days? be prepared to shell out the cash to get them the flights. Want expensive dresses? be prepared to buy them or prepared to compromise when all of your bridesmaids can't afford them. The woman who is going to be my MOH is a broke college student right now, I'll be buying her dress, jewelry, and shoes simply because I don't want to add to her stress in life. At the end of the day, I'll be married which is the important part, the rest are just inconsequential (though pretty! ^__^ ) details.
 
2012-10-05 10:36:44 AM

Cheron: minoridiot: The poor guy will be wanting a divorce by Labor Day in 2013.

Or she'll be pregnant so she can be the center of attention again.

Too Pretty For Prison:stirred Free advice for young Fark guys. If a woman expects you to put up with this shiat for her "special day" - just don't. This crap doesn't magically end on your wedding day. She'll want the perfect honeymoon, the perfect house, the perfect car, your undivided attention for every trivial thing in her life and it will never end. First wedding? I played this game and within 4 years we were divorced. I simply couldn't take it. My second marriage? We jumped a plane to vegas, got married in street clothes, and spent our honeymoon being tourists in the Grand Canyon and floating down a river. That was 18 years ago. I love her more today than I did then.

▲read that again. A wedding is just the day you get married and if you focus so much attention on the wedding and being the center of attention you probably aren't even thinking about being married. Best wedding I ever went to and the only time I was a best man was a friend who got married by a JP with two strangers a witnesses. They took a week for a honeymoon and then had a huge casual picnic for a wedding. They were interested in being married not being the center of attention.


Sounds like my wedding. My sister and a guy friend of ours were our witnesses, my parents and about 4 other acquaintances were there for the JP wedding, then we went across the street to the billiards bar where we had reserved a table and had homemade meatballs (3 kinds!) bacon wrapped cherries, and beer. Forgot to eat our cake til the next day cause we wanted to get to the hotel and be alone. At the hotel, we took a bath together, watched cartoons, drank wine and started our lives together.

/anniversary number 3 coming up in December, still madly in love and best friends
 
2012-10-05 10:37:20 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: ... Okay, wives of Fark, be honest, is it really necessary to be a complete biatch? Do you wish you'd been a bridezilla if only a little? Did it really ruin your entire life to not control every little detail of the wedding?

/important because I'm hoping and hoping that the boyfriend will propose soon


What'st that old saying? Why put a ring on cow when you are getting the low fat for free?
It's something along those lines.
 
2012-10-05 10:37:50 AM

flucto: Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.


He's probably even more than a scumbag than the bride. And will probably beheading up a major corporation, bribing politicians, creating lawsuits to silence competitors, ripping off customers and laying off his employees to outsource to a third-world shiathole.

And will be divorced in 6 months.
 
2012-10-05 10:38:20 AM

lilplatinum: HotWingConspiracy: lilplatinum: HotWingConspiracy: I'll show up and party at your pre-divorce ceremony, but please don't assume I'll excitedly offer free labor and time because it's your special day.

You sound like as good of a friend as the biatch in the article.

I'm an excellent friend, and that shouldn't be abused.

Offering your time to help a friend out on their wedding is not an abuse, its one of those minor inconveniences that goes along with having friends.

Abuse is this biatch in the article.


I suppose I could have worded it better, I do assist where I can. When requests start to turn in to demands/assumptions I start to check out.

Like when a couple asked if I would drive back from their destination wedding so I could shlep all of their crap home while they honeymooned, and got genuinely pissy when I refused. They assumed it was no big deal since I "have lots of vacation time".

Which I do. But it's not for playing delivery boy.
 
2012-10-05 10:39:14 AM
I not only wouldn't do a wedding (or anything else) like this, I can't even comprehend why someone would.
 
2012-10-05 10:39:25 AM
What's amazing to me is that women encourage this type of behavior by regularly viewing crap like the Real Housewives and Bridezillas, then act surprised when C-word behavior spreads in their ranks.

Guess what, ladies, if you're watching crap like that, you're part of the problem. This is the world you're building. Congrats.
 
2012-10-05 10:39:34 AM
sweet moses so many things about this that just piss me off. But poor Jake. I bet she has told him "i know we are already having sex, but lets wait until the honeymoon to have sex again. Then it will be special" Get ready hoss, because this will be the first of many reasons she can't have sex. She's roped you in with the good bait (p*ssy), and now she has the power to dangle it in front of you so you'll go to home depot and look at color swatches, take out the trash, or have a baby that you never wanted.
 
2012-10-05 10:39:37 AM
I was MOH for a woman who turned into psycho biatch from hell. I can't recall the number of times I had to comfort her crying friends, usually by saying "please don't take it personally, she's just being a complete farking biatch."

I shelled out something in the neighborhood of $3000 for this woman's demands, and haven't spoken to her since the wedding itself. I should have bailed when, a week after agreeing to be MOH (the only person in her bridal party), she excluded me from the engagement party because I didn't have a serious boyfriend.

Weddings should be fun. The preparation for weddings should be fun. Parties should be fun. Drama is really uncalled for.
 
2012-10-05 10:40:03 AM

BrynnMacFlynn: JohnAnnArbor: Break out of gender roles. Propose to him.

:( I dun wanna. In all seriousness, while I am a "WOO FEMINISM" kind of gal on just about every other subject, I still have that 'princess' mentality when it comes to the proposal. I'm not going to be a bridezilla (just takes way too much effort and energy), but I do insist that he propose.


Don't cry about fleas if you lay with dogs....
 
2012-10-05 10:40:24 AM
I'm glad I'm not friends with anyone who would demand such selfish shiat of me. Her future husband should really rethink this whole "marry the overbearing crazy person" plan.
 
2012-10-05 10:40:29 AM
What an utterly useless twatwaddle she must be.
 
2012-10-05 10:40:55 AM

CapeFearCadaver: vonapathy: honey, you're not ready to get married.

Because she wants her man to propose to her?


No, cause she referred to herself has having a princess mentality.
 
2012-10-05 10:41:22 AM

flucto: Hope for the groom's sake that he sees this and runs screaming for the exit.


NO SH*T!

/On another note, I hope her wedding gets a nice "surprise" in the sense that a suicide bomber crashes the event. Bride-to-be has to have her remains scooped up via tweezers while the groom-to-be lives to see another (happier) day. And f*ck the bride's family for raising such a c*nt!!!
 
2012-10-05 10:41:46 AM
Wife and I eloped to Eureka Springs, AR, got married at a B&B by the inn keeper who was also a minister, This was our 3rd and best, like one of the previous writers eluded to, we were focused on being married, not the ceremony, this has been the best time of our lives..
 
2012-10-05 10:42:07 AM
I just don't get weddings, period. They make no sense to me. I mean, okay, I'm not religious, so I don't need the sermon and vows and stuff anyway. I just can't identify with anyone who feels like a wedding is necessary. If you want one, fine, but nobody NEEDS one. I had a party with some kegs and some BBQ, and spent a few minutes in a fancy white dress to please my parents and make sure they had pictures of the "special day" (the dress was amazing, but it was a friend's dress from her wedding). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

Women who have had weddings of any size, why was it important to you? Legit question, not asking to snark.
 
2012-10-05 10:43:14 AM

Trucker: What an utterly useless twatwaddle she must be.


She's most likely horrible in bed too.
 
2012-10-05 10:44:40 AM
First marriage wife a bridezilla, it last 2 very long years and when she left she took my dog. Second marriage (first marriage for my second wife) low key fun at an airplane hanger, took off afterwards in her B200 for a 2 week long honeymoon flying around wherever we wanted. Best 5 years of my life until that biatch named cancer took her away from me and our 3 year old.

/find a low key woman and enjoy every minute of it.
 
2012-10-05 10:45:01 AM

cryinoutloud: I not only wouldn't do a wedding (or anything else) like this, I can't even comprehend why someone would.


If I find someone I actually want to spend the rest of my life with... I've got a cabin in the mountains, a friend who lives near there who is an ordained minister, would probably buy a couple kegs of hobgoblin or something and cook the food myself. Family & close friends. Easy peasy.
 
2012-10-05 10:45:08 AM

Lundyn: Trucker: What an utterly useless twatwaddle she must be.

She's most likely horrible in bed too.


I bet she has extensive, poorly-done dental work as well! And knees like razorblades!
 
2012-10-05 10:45:19 AM
And 'mos still want to get married?

WHAT.DA.FUQ?
 
2012-10-05 10:45:40 AM
Thread needs "Blues Brothers" reference:

Jake: It's good to see you, Sweetheart!

"Mystery Woman": You contemptable Pig!
 
2012-10-05 10:45:52 AM
mtaram.com
 
2012-10-05 10:46:21 AM
I'm having a violent seizure as I type this; but, if you throw aside the 'I was raised in the very best trailer park' vibe from grammar, spelling, and general vocabulary, it reads like the woman is simply spelling out saying specifically, hey, I love you, but here are my rules. I'll still love you, you can still come, but I want the wedding party to go a certain way and if you can't do this due to time, money, or interest, then it's better that we all part now rather than make each other mad.
 
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