what_now: Also, can we get some love for the immersion blender? BEST THING EVER!!

I use that motherf*cker every chance I get. Carrots are like "Shiat man! We're carrots whatchu gonna do 'bout it." And Imma like: "fark you you skanky assed root! I is gonna make you my biatch!"

And that's my recipe for carrot soup.

First, I open the can... then I follow the directions on the label... voila Soup! (okay, SpaghettiO's, but still)

what_now: I don't know why we need to make up a new word.

Stupid French having their own language. Why can't they just use English like Jesus did?

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: what_now: Also, can we get some love for the immersion blender? BEST THING EVER!!

I use that motherf*cker every chance I get. Carrots are like "Shiat man! We're carrots whatchu gonna do 'bout it." And Imma like: "fark you you skanky assed root! I is gonna make you my biatch!"

And that's my recipe for carrot soup.

Best. Recipe. Ever.

Does it taste better if you're holding a handgun sideways while you do this?

DGS: what_now: Also, can we get some love for the immersion blender? BEST THING EVER!!

Yep, love mine. Made potato leek soup with it recently and turned wifey into a fan of the stuff.

Immersion blender is a necessity for most of the soups in the Silver Palate cookbook. I lurve mine. I'd marry it if it was allowed in Texas. Heh. they'd probably allow that before gay marriage. stupid fundies.

xaks: The cat wandered in and decided to supervise...she is so spoiled rotten it isn't even funny.

You should always use fresh cat when making soup.

Okay, you crazy Farkers, tonight we're gonna make beef stew!

(Audience Shill: "Like I need your help to throw some sh*t into a slow cooker!")

I said beef stew, not dishwater with soggy sh*t in it!

You're gonna wanna start with a pound and a half of stew meat. This is usually chuck or some other tough meat that comes from the part of the cow that does a lot of work. You cook this sh*t low and slow and it becomes tender. You can typically find it pre-cut into pieces. These pieces are usually too damn big. Trim 'em down to a size that's comfortable to have in your mouth.

(AS: "You know what YOUR MOM-")

-had in her mouth last night? NOT YOU. That would require an electron microscope.

So, toss that sh*t into a skillet and brown up the sides. Beef stew tastes a F*CK of a lot better once you make the Malliard Effect your b*tch.

(AS: "What the f*ck is this My-yar bullsh*t? This is a cooking show, not French class!")

I'll French FRY you if you keep this up. Basically, it's the browning of certain sugars due to heat. It makes things taste good.

So, once the beef cubes are brown on the sides, stick 'em in a greased-up casserole dish, put a lid on it, and throw them in the oven. 2 hours at 350 degrees. If you have the time, 3 hours at 250 might be better. Toss a quarter cup of your favorite liquid steak seasoning on so it braises properly.

(AS: "Mmmm, ketchup!")

Ketchup? You put ketchup on steak? Do I gotta get out the Taser?

Now, about 45 minutes before that beef comes out, you're gonna want to start doing some other sh*t. Cut an onion in half and put it in a bowl of water. If you neglect this step, the onion will say hurtful things to you and you will cry like a little girl. Waterboarding the onion makes all their nasty sh*t go into the water. While your onion is making its peace with the Onion God, chop up some red potatoes. They hold up to boiling better. White ones just disintegrate, they're better for mashing or baking. A double handful should be enough, just scoop that many out of the bag. You'll also want two stalks of celery and a couple of carrots. Chop dem b*tches up. The onion should be ready for chopping now, so hack it to pieces. All of this goes into the stew pot, with a few bay leaves, a dash of ground allspice, a dash of thyme, and a dash of ground sage. A bit of fresh coarse ground pepper works fine, here.

On a side note, if you store your spuds and onions in the same place, the spuds will release moisture that will f*ck your onions up. Don't be a dumbsh*t. Separate cupboards.

(AS: "Don't you tell me what to do!")

This is a cooking show, b*tch. The entire POINT is to tell you what to do.

Haul the beef out of the oven and pour all drippings into the stew pot. Add three or four cups of beef broth (if ya don't got it, water with bouillon works) to cover, and boil for fifteen minutes, stirring occasionally (reserve half a cup of broth). Put a couple tablespoons of flour or corn starch in a bowl and add some of the reserved COOL broth (if broth is not cool, lumps will form). Whisk with a fork to make a slurry. Add some more broth (temperature not important at this point) to make it more liquid. Stir into the stew. This'll help thicken it up. You don't want a sh*tload of watery broth. This is stew, not soup.

Once the primary boiling phase is done and the broth has thickened a bit, you remove it from heat (if you have a superior gas stove, just kill the burner. If you have electric, you have clearly made a serious error in home appliances). Add the meat and remove the bay leaves. You don't eat bay leaves, idiot. You toss 'em in for flavor and them you get rid of them. Let it cool for 10 minutes unless you WANT to burn your f*cking tongue off.

Serve with fresh bread to mop up the broth.

ahab: CoRrUpTeDbUdGiE: I bought a butternut squash from the supermarket today and need an idea or three... I'm vegan and I don't touch alcohol. I am currently (due to health reasons) on a very low-fat diet.
I don't particularly do fruit either - I think veg is definitely more important ;-)
At the moment, I have 2 onions, a small bag of carrots, miso soup paste, udon noodles, two tins of plum tomatoes and a fairly decent stash of herbs and spices. I have rice milk aswell. (for ideas...)
However, I don't want soup all the time. I was wondering how to cook butternut squash too. I have eaten it in the past but this is the first time I've bought a squash.

I have an entire section in my food blog for butternut squash recipes. Link

Thats your blog?! Muthafarka just got favorited....

CoRrUpTeDbUdGiE: I bought a butternut squash from the supermarket today and need an idea or three... I'm vegan and I don't touch alcohol. I am currently (due to health reasons) on a very low-fat diet.
I don't particularly do fruit either - I think veg is definitely more important ;-)
At the moment, I have 2 onions, a small bag of carrots, miso soup paste, udon noodles, two tins of plum tomatoes and a fairly decent stash of herbs and spices. I have rice milk aswell. (for ideas...)
However, I don't want soup all the time. I was wondering how to cook butternut squash too. I have eaten it in the past but this is the first time I've bought a squash.

cut squash in half lengthwise.

Slather in whatever vegans use for butter Iand I mean lots of it fill the hole wher you scooped the seeds out with it.

Cover in fil

Bake in oven for about an hour (depending on the size of the squash.

Scoop meat of the squash out of the gourd shell and stuff it in your face.

Ras-Algethi: If you ever watched Good Eats you'd understand the importance of mirepoix.

I understand the importance of adding carrots, onions and celery to a good soup. I don't know why we need to make up a new word. Stupid language.

Came for Carl Weathers - leaving disappointed.

/baby you got a stew going!

Shostie: what_now: half shake of Aarontology

I can't get white Aarontology down here. Will Mexican Aarontology work?

Just as long as it isn't Mexican The English Major.