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(WDRB Louisville)   Police say the stolen donut was not recoverable   (wdrb.com) divider line 26
    More: Obvious, Louisville Police, Jay Bilas, weather-related cancellation  
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3834 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2012 at 1:51 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



26 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-04 10:05:50 AM  
What, it's not like he'd had it sitting on his cock or anything.
 
2012-10-04 10:06:10 AM  
"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home... Under "D", for doughnut.'"
 
2012-10-04 10:34:06 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: What, it's not like he'd had it sitting on his cock or anything.


Well, there could have been a hole in his pocket

/and you never know what might have been on that tissue
 
2012-10-04 10:49:47 AM  
Is there any cruller crime?
 
2012-10-04 10:57:41 AM  

Sybarite: Is there any cruller crime?


dough!
 
2012-10-04 01:53:53 PM  
It will be submitted into evidence when Officer Wikowitz passes it.
 
2012-10-04 01:54:46 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Sybarite: Is there any cruller crime?

dough!


Well, we're only getting timbits of information.
 
2012-10-04 01:58:31 PM  
let me guess.
someone stole your sweetroll.
 
2012-10-04 02:08:17 PM  

YoTengoId: let me guess.
someone stole your sweetroll.


I took that joke to the knee
 
2012-10-04 02:08:48 PM  
The suspect was hatless, I repeat, hatless.

oblig.
 
2012-10-04 02:17:08 PM  
Leads, detectives, shifts, etc...
 
2012-10-04 02:19:54 PM  
We do not have to bring ink and paper into this.
 
2012-10-04 02:20:42 PM  
He really thought he'd get away with this?
api.ning.com
 
2012-10-04 02:49:56 PM  
img2-2.timeinc.net
Begs to differ.
 
2012-10-04 02:52:12 PM  
realsecur.com

That's some fine detective work, Lou.
 
2012-10-04 03:14:25 PM  
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fark is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your footlocker, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
[turns and addresses rest of platoon]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle farks up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW GET ON YOUR FACES!
[rest of recruits get in front-leaning-rest position, Hartman turns to Pyle]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Open your mouth!
[shoves jelly doughnut into PYLE's mouth]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: They're payin' for it; YOU eat it! Ready! Exercise!
 
2012-10-04 03:20:43 PM  

Crazy Joe Davola: "I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home... Under "D", for doughnut.'"


I was expecting this to be before all others...
 
2012-10-04 03:29:48 PM  
"she had not sold any pastries."

Either still drunk from last night or needs better glasses; but I read that as pasties. Which would have been cooler.
 
2012-10-04 03:54:24 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: What, it's not like he'd had it sitting on his cock or anything.


It least wasn't wearing this shirt. (Possibly NSFW)
 
2012-10-04 04:24:25 PM  
Cheryl: (to Cyril, whose hand is over Pam's mouth) Cyril! Are you cheating on me?!
Cyril: (lying) No! Just... trying to get my [donut] back!
Cheryl: Uh, no you're not!
Cyril: I'm not?
Cheryl: Not like that! You gotta slug her in the diaphragm, with a forearm shiver!
Cyril: Oh... that's... good to know.
Cheryl: DO IT!!!
Cyril: Um...
(pause, then Cyril rams his forearm into Pam's stomach. Pam throws up her stomach contents and key)
Cyril: Wow.
Cheryl: And no [donut]. See? Time lost is [donut] lost. (drops lunch bag) Along with my appetite. (suggestively, to Cyril) For food, that is... Come see me.
 
2012-10-04 06:45:35 PM  
i.ytimg.com


Has a receipt.
 
2012-10-04 06:53:00 PM  

Crazy Joe Davola: "I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home... Under "D", for doughnut.'"


haha, this is the second Mitch Hedberg reference/quote I have seen related to an article today.
 
2012-10-04 09:10:09 PM  
mmmmm..... stolen doughnut.....
 
2012-10-04 10:10:35 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: FirstNationalBastard: What, it's not like he'd had it sitting on his cock or anything.

Well, there could have been a hole in his pocket

/and you never know what might have been on that tissue


Always blow on the pie.
 
2012-10-05 06:15:37 AM  
Stupid article, stupid headline. Ashamed I got green for this crap.
 
2012-10-05 12:33:45 PM  
"Police say the stolen donut was not recoverable" and the police are inconsolable.
 
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