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(Slate)   Expert offers advice on what to say to your son when you discover his porn stash. Missing: "So, son... (grabs notepad) ...what was that website address again?"   (slate.com) divider line 23
    More: Amusing, uniform resource locators, porn, sons  
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8585 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2012 at 8:15 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-10-04 08:34:17 AM  
4 votes:
I'd worry about a thirteen-year-old boy who had access to porn and DIDN'T look at it.
2012-10-04 08:40:11 AM  
3 votes:

Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.


Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.
2012-10-04 09:37:47 AM  
2 votes:

sodomizer: Koodz: Most of the sexual neuroses I see in people were inflicted by others judging what they like, not by what they actually like.

Known expert! I think you've mistaken offense/butthurt for neurosis.

Earpj: All depends on the people involved. I wouldn't presume to decide what will make anyone else happy/miserable in their own lives. My daughter is living her life in a way that is foreign to me, but she's thriving.

Some people can have a perfectly innocuous life, and still be miserable. No two people are the same and no two people will react or feel exactly the same way.

That's what makes life grand. :)

Yeah, I've heard that one before, about life being grand because everyone's just doing their thing. Twenty years ago I believed it. Now I realize how that was just wishful thinking on the part of those who wanted to "be different."

Your daughter may find that time modifies her success as well.

As far as the people having perfectly innocuous lives and being miserable, the technical term for that is a non sequitur; it literally has no bearing on what we're discussing.


Wow, thats a really jaded, faded, old sorry ass "been there done that years ago now all the t shirts dont even fit my fat ass any more" point of view, sodomizer.

Its like you missed a turn back there somewhere between the fetish party, the polyamorous girlfriend and the trips to burningman.

and that therefore means the activities were to blame, not the person doing them.
2012-10-04 08:53:24 AM  
2 votes:

Nurglitch: Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.


Porn = Soaps without the acting.
Soaps = Porn without the sex.
2012-10-04 08:34:37 AM  
2 votes:
I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.
2012-10-04 08:26:19 AM  
2 votes:

sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."


There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.
2012-10-04 08:14:47 AM  
2 votes:
So using a keylogger to get his password and posting his entire search history on Facebook along with direct messages to his female friends pointing out how similar in appearance they are to his favorite "actresses" isn't the way to go?
2012-10-04 05:48:35 PM  
1 votes:

Undulation: On a related note, I'm pretty sure women can only get aroused when baking pies, and not when thinking about pictures of people having sex.


Women only become aroused at the prospect of taking the seed of a prosperous, physically fit man who has demonstrated qualities of responsibility and devotion such that she can be sure he will remain to support her and any children resulting from their union. Beyond this, it is the image of a strong, fit, handsome man performing household tasks like vacuuming, washing dishes, folding laundry, or doing yard work. It is not merely his brawn, but his perceived fitness as a provider, paired with his display of competence in maintaining a safe, stable household which taps her moistness. This presentation of hard work and dedication to protecting her and her progeny can stimulate her such that her breasts will swell and nipples will harden, even to the point of lactating, while her vulva becomes engorged and begins to lubricate at the sound of the washing machine starting as he grasps the knob in his clean, strong hand, gently twists to just the right point, and pulls. Firmly. Irresistibly.

This will inflame her passion. This will arouse her lusts, dampening her undergarments, swelling the delicate petals of her secret, precious flower, bringing forth the flow of sweet nectars and the aroma of Spring that will delight the gods and cause the dew to lay heavy on the evening clover.
2012-10-04 02:11:19 PM  
1 votes:

FunkOut: It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.


You were told wrong.

I told my son that he was made in the image of our Lord, perfect and whole. I told him that a man's hands naturally reached his penis when laying supine. This was no accident or coincidence, but God's plan for him until he finds his wife. The Lord wants him to touch his penis, and often, but in private, and with a clean cache afterward. And not to spill his seed on the sofa or the bed sheets where they will stain and enfunk our home, but instead to release his issue into a paper towel, that it may be sanctified and blessed before disposal.

My daughter will get a Sybian when she's older.
2012-10-04 12:08:21 PM  
1 votes:
You know what's even more awkward?

When you are doing tech support for your clueless 80-year-old father and you find teenage blow-job vids all over the place, along with all the malware,

"Dad, I think it's time we had a little talk."

Awwwk-ward.
2012-10-04 11:47:48 AM  
1 votes:

pute kisses like a man: here's the part I don't understand about the internet and porn.

why does everyone have a porn folder? what about going online, looking at porn, sanitizing the computer, feeling shameful, and moving on with your day? why is there all this talk about porn folders? is it really the way y'all do porn? you download this stuff and save it in some folder? Am I doing it wrong by not downloading anything and not saving it in some folder?


Sometimes you find something you think is really hot and want to keep it around for easy repeated perusal. (Mine is mostly text, but a few pics and vids, and I don't need to hide it or anything).

For pics and vids it was more important in the days of dialup Internet; you might not want to go through a long download/uudecode cycle every time you wanted to rub one out.
2012-10-04 11:46:16 AM  
1 votes:

ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"


Actually, you don't even need to do that. Just tell him sites like motherless and youporn are reputable, and to stay away from anything else. Between those two sites, he shouldn't want for anything, unless he wants to see some deviant crap, then direct him to 4chan in that case.

adblock + NoScript + SpyBot S&D + Reputable porn site= safe browsing.

And really, all of those things you should already have.
2012-10-04 10:30:35 AM  
1 votes:
"Son, you have discovered how to avoid the greatest mistakes in your life. Before any major decision. especially involving women, run to the john and rub one out to some youporn on the smartphone."
2012-10-04 09:40:25 AM  
1 votes:
I heard this from a radio DJ:

"My wife found out that my son was looking at porn on the computer and told me I had to have 'The Talk' with him. So I say him down and said 'OK, son. This is how you clear your browser history...'"
2012-10-04 09:12:34 AM  
1 votes:

sodomizer: Earpj: A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

That's the safe postmodern view.

The counterpoint is that some types of behavior lead to misery and neurosis, and others lead to health.

Same reason we don't legalize drugs and bestiality.


Most of the sexual neuroses I see in people were inflicted by others judging what they like, not by what they actually like.
2012-10-04 09:05:56 AM  
1 votes:

meanmutton:

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

I'm sure some people in the world have porn style relationships.
2012-10-04 09:00:45 AM  
1 votes:
My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"
2012-10-04 08:51:51 AM  
1 votes:
"Son, the pleasure of rubbing one out is one of life's silver linings. It will help keep you sane in a thoroughly farked up world. Enjoy it without guilt as often as you feel is appropriate. Don't do it out in public. And stop stealing your Mom's hand lotion."
2012-10-04 08:47:25 AM  
1 votes:

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.



But when you find that special girl, it's magic.
2012-10-04 08:38:24 AM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

Obligatory.
2012-10-04 08:28:42 AM  
1 votes:
TFA: Let's say you find history of porn searches on your 13-year-old's computer

stopped reading there. Is it really that hard to just not give your kid unsupervised access to his own computer?
2012-10-04 08:25:34 AM  
1 votes:
Explain the downfalls of IE and how to browse in a safe and secure manner.
2012-10-04 08:24:16 AM  
1 votes:
Unless he is a risk of a malware or is into disturbing stuff I think the best advice is that of the German philosopher Sgt. Shultz, "I see nothing."
 
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