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(Slate)   Expert offers advice on what to say to your son when you discover his porn stash. Missing: "So, son... (grabs notepad) ...what was that website address again?"   (slate.com) divider line 136
    More: Amusing, uniform resource locators, porn, sons  
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8578 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2012 at 8:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-04 01:50:28 PM

downstairs: Same here. I've never saved any porn. At least not in a decade or so. There's hundreds of free videos posted daily to a multitude of sites.



You must be fun at restaurants.

"Ranch dressing on the side, got it... and for you?"
"Oh, whatever, it's all the same to me." (closes eyes and points randomly at menu)
 
2012-10-04 01:51:38 PM
It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.
 
2012-10-04 01:53:30 PM

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.


You only need one.
 
2012-10-04 01:55:55 PM
Would you rather have your kid jerking off to porn, or getting STDs?
 
2012-10-04 02:03:44 PM

MorePeasPlease: downstairs: Same here. I've never saved any porn. At least not in a decade or so. There's hundreds of free videos posted daily to a multitude of sites.


You must be fun at restaurants.

"Ranch dressing on the side, got it... and for you?"
"Oh, whatever, it's all the same to me." (closes eyes and points randomly at menu)



Actually sort of the opposite.  Stuff I've seen before bores me.  If someone else is different, more power to them.  Not trying to knock anyone, just never understood it... because there's so much free, new stuff posted every minute.
 
2012-10-04 02:04:27 PM

FunkOut: It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.



And believed that? Ha ha.
I could do it naked and blind folded out in a blizzard if necessary.
 
2012-10-04 02:09:40 PM

HellRaisingHoosier: FunkOut: It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.


And believed that? Ha ha.
I could do it naked and blind folded out in a blizzard if necessary.


Guys would much rather watch porn than imagine anything on their own.
 
2012-10-04 02:10:17 PM

HellRaisingHoosier: FunkOut: It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.


And believed that? Ha ha.
I could do it naked and blind folded out in a blizzard if necessary.


Yeah I can do it without help but that gets harder and harder throughout the day. I mean by number 12 I just can't get into it without some porn or some panties to sniff.
 
2012-10-04 02:11:19 PM

FunkOut: It was explained to me that men look at porn because it's impossible for them to mentally fantasise about having sex and jerk off to that like many women do and it would be wrong to expect a man to have to do that. Men don't have the capacity to imagine a sexual fantasy in their mind and simply leave it to the professionals.


You were told wrong.

I told my son that he was made in the image of our Lord, perfect and whole. I told him that a man's hands naturally reached his penis when laying supine. This was no accident or coincidence, but God's plan for him until he finds his wife. The Lord wants him to touch his penis, and often, but in private, and with a clean cache afterward. And not to spill his seed on the sofa or the bed sheets where they will stain and enfunk our home, but instead to release his issue into a paper towel, that it may be sanctified and blessed before disposal.

My daughter will get a Sybian when she's older.
 
2012-10-04 02:16:31 PM
No, I'm pretty sure men only get aroused by pictures of people having sex and not thinking about having sex.
 
2012-10-04 02:27:57 PM
Son (or daughter), you're better off saving all the ass chasing for college. Now take 15 to rub one out and get back to studying. And please remember to practice safe browsing.
 
2012-10-04 02:33:21 PM

FunkOut: No, I'm pretty sure men only get aroused by pictures of people having sex and not thinking about having sex.


Well that settles it then.
 
2012-10-04 04:25:17 PM
You know, when my parents found my porn stash they weren't happy, but not pissed either. Didn't get in trouble.

/I asked for it back.
//They said no.
 
2012-10-04 04:58:35 PM

meanmutton: Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


www.deviantart.com
 
2012-10-04 05:01:03 PM

xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn


I wouldn't do that. I would use a VM. You can't be too careful.
 
2012-10-04 05:03:34 PM

Jument: xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn

I wouldn't do that. I would use a VM. You can't be too careful.


Or Linux, which as a bonus will prevent him from getting STDs.
 
2012-10-04 05:13:19 PM

FunkOut: No, I'm pretty sure men only get aroused by pictures of people having sex and not thinking about having sex.


I had always thought I was getting aroused by thinking about having sex, but then I thought some more and maybe I'm aroused by thinking about pictures of people having sex, and not thinking about actually having sex. Or maybe the thought of being aroused by thinking about seeing pictures of people having sex is what actually gets me aroused. Or is it the other way around, where thinking about getting to see the pictures of people having sex makes me want to see the pictures of people having sex and then think about those pictures, and that desire to think about thinking about seeing pictures of people having sex is what actually gets me aroused.

On a related note, I'm pretty sure women can only get aroused when baking pies, and not when thinking about pictures of people having sex.
 
2012-10-04 05:16:24 PM
Tom Selleck = moustache zenith
 
2012-10-04 05:21:39 PM

Gaseous Anomaly: Jument: xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn

I wouldn't do that. I would use a VM. You can't be too careful.

Or Linux, which as a bonus will prevent him from getting STDs.


Remember how Apple used to claim that Macs couldn't get virii? Same goes for Linux. Don't confuse obscurity with security.
 
2012-10-04 05:32:54 PM
A person I work with came home, and his wife presented him with some smut magazines she found under their teenage son's bed. She told him "he" needed to address with "his" son. He said "OK", and called his son into the room and told him. " If your going to bring something into this house that your Mom and I doesn't approve of,... you better do a better job of hiding it. You need to find a place she'll never look,... like under the vacuum cleaner." Then took it through the kitchen and dropped them in the trash.
 
2012-10-04 05:33:07 PM
I didn't see "Buy him a Flesh Tube" in there as a suggestion. Hell, no suggestions for making it better at all.

Hypothetically, If I found my kids stash, I would mess with his mind. Rename a bunch of dog and cat pictures as the ones he saving. Replace a video with you laughing and ridiculing him. No, I wouldn't do that... Maybe an instructional video on how to use a condom, or yoga.
 
2012-10-04 05:46:33 PM

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.


...five minutes after you deliver their pizza.

In the context of a healthy sexual relationship between adults, cock slapping, titty sprinkles, and all manner of butt stuff can be not only normal but freakin' awesome.
 
2012-10-04 05:48:35 PM

Undulation: On a related note, I'm pretty sure women can only get aroused when baking pies, and not when thinking about pictures of people having sex.


Women only become aroused at the prospect of taking the seed of a prosperous, physically fit man who has demonstrated qualities of responsibility and devotion such that she can be sure he will remain to support her and any children resulting from their union. Beyond this, it is the image of a strong, fit, handsome man performing household tasks like vacuuming, washing dishes, folding laundry, or doing yard work. It is not merely his brawn, but his perceived fitness as a provider, paired with his display of competence in maintaining a safe, stable household which taps her moistness. This presentation of hard work and dedication to protecting her and her progeny can stimulate her such that her breasts will swell and nipples will harden, even to the point of lactating, while her vulva becomes engorged and begins to lubricate at the sound of the washing machine starting as he grasps the knob in his clean, strong hand, gently twists to just the right point, and pulls. Firmly. Irresistibly.

This will inflame her passion. This will arouse her lusts, dampening her undergarments, swelling the delicate petals of her secret, precious flower, bringing forth the flow of sweet nectars and the aroma of Spring that will delight the gods and cause the dew to lay heavy on the evening clover.
 
2012-10-04 06:30:38 PM
I didn't have porn growing up, nor did it interest me. Dad and his rolodex of nameless "girlfriends" pretty much ruined it for me by drunkenly hanging around the house naked on a regular basis throughout my childhood and teen years.

Probably ruined my chances of ever having or recognizing a healthy relationship, too. Is there more to it than rough sex and shameless money exchanges?
 
2012-10-04 06:36:28 PM

Gaseous Anomaly: Jument: xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn

I wouldn't do that. I would use a VM. You can't be too careful.

Or Linux, which as a bonus will prevent him from getting STDs.


ha!
 
2012-10-04 06:59:15 PM

screwzloos: I didn't have porn growing up, nor did it interest me. Dad and his rolodex of nameless "girlfriends" pretty much ruined it for me by drunkenly hanging around the house naked on a regular basis throughout my childhood and teen years.

Probably ruined my chances of ever having or recognizing a healthy relationship, too. Is there more to it than rough sex and shameless money exchanges?


Well, there's also doctor's appointments and prescription costs.
 
2012-10-04 07:29:59 PM

Jument: Gaseous Anomaly: Jument: xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn

I wouldn't do that. I would use a VM. You can't be too careful.

Or Linux, which as a bonus will prevent him from getting STDs.

Remember how Apple used to claim that Macs couldn't get virii? Same goes for Linux. Don't confuse obscurity with security.


However at this point Linux virus are listed as "theoretically possible" versus Windows which seems to come pre-loaded with them.
 
2012-10-04 08:11:27 PM
I understand that masturbation is normal and healthy, but I'd rather not my 15 year old watch 10,000 hours of mainstream porn before laying hands on a real boobie. Fapping to Betty Paige is harmless. Mindlessly re-enacting porn is not. I also understand there's probably no way to stop them. A conundrum.
 
2012-10-04 09:03:50 PM

Frank Slide: You know what's even more awkward?

When you are doing tech support for your clueless 80-year-old father and you find teenage blow-job vids all over the place, along with all the malware,

"Dad, I think it's time we had a little talk."

Awwwk-ward.


Exactly why I convinced my 2 older sisters (about a decade ago) that our father (who turns 90 in a couple months) had no need to be online. Yeah, he would have a blast learning cool stuff about gardening, woodworking, etc., but.....he's happy with playing Solitaire on a 15 y/o laptop.
 
2012-10-04 09:52:17 PM

LiberalEastCoastElitist: I understand that masturbation is normal and healthy, but I'd rather not my 15 year old watch 10,000 hours of mainstream porn before laying hands on a real boobie. Fapping to Betty Paige is harmless. Mindlessly re-enacting porn is not. I also understand there's probably no way to stop them. A conundrum.


Do you think that your 15 year old son would storm the beaches of Normandy after watching Saving Private Ryan or playing some FPS? Then why assume that he'll try to reenact porn?
 
2012-10-04 10:18:00 PM

lewismarktwo: LiberalEastCoastElitist: I understand that masturbation is normal and healthy, but I'd rather not my 15 year old watch 10,000 hours of mainstream porn before laying hands on a real boobie. Fapping to Betty Paige is harmless. Mindlessly re-enacting porn is not. I also understand there's probably no way to stop them. A conundrum.

Do you think that your 15 year old son would storm the beaches of Normandy after watching Saving Private Ryan or playing some FPS? Then why assume that he'll try to reenact porn?


Because around half of the younger, inexperienced men I've been with have re-enacted porn to a certain degree, including major WTF obviously outside the realm of common sense like going ass --> vagina. Maybe 1/4 of them have anorgasmia which I think is related to ham fisting themselves to massive amounts of internet porn numerous times. Most of them get over it, but its not exactly the most ideal experience.

/Yes, I am a slut
//Would take a 45 year old over a 25 year old
 
2012-10-04 10:50:02 PM

LiberalEastCoastElitist: lewismarktwo: LiberalEastCoastElitist: I understand that masturbation is normal and healthy, but I'd rather not my 15 year old watch 10,000 hours of mainstream porn before laying hands on a real boobie. Fapping to Betty Paige is harmless. Mindlessly re-enacting porn is not. I also understand there's probably no way to stop them. A conundrum.

Do you think that your 15 year old son would storm the beaches of Normandy after watching Saving Private Ryan or playing some FPS? Then why assume that he'll try to reenact porn?

Because around half of the younger, inexperienced men I've been with have re-enacted porn to a certain degree, including major WTF obviously outside the realm of common sense like going ass --> vagina. Maybe 1/4 of them have anorgasmia which I think is related to ham fisting themselves to massive amounts of internet porn numerous times. Most of them get over it, but its not exactly the most ideal experience.

/Yes, I am a slut
//Would take a 45 year old over a 25 year old



encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-04 10:53:13 PM
Once again, I get to trot how old I am. I used to think I would know exactly how to handle the porn issue with kids. I had a secret job stocking porn in high school. It let me buy school supplies without the drama of prying those supplies out of my dysfunctional parents. At the end of the month, the store owner ripped the covers off of two copies of each magazine and gave them to me and the other girl that worked with me. We smuggled them to our brothers and/or boy cousins and when we ran out of other things to read we took them back and read them ourselves.

I remember reading an interview with Frank Zappa and an article comparing condom quality in Playboy. I remember my friend writing parodies of the Easy Rider stories and reading them out loud causing me to laugh so hard that my sides hurt.

Now, we have the internet. Ugh. The problem I have with the internet is that some of the stuff that purports to be porn isn't porn in my opinion. I feel that, here, my post is going to fall apart as I struggle to put this "so called porn that is not porn" concept into words. Maybe its' that it's too easy to stumble on scenes of violence. Maybe it's that I'm prejudiced because the articles are gone and the pictures are less appealing than I remember them ever being in the print magazines. Some of the stuff that can be found on line can make a person long for the relative classiness of Hustler, if that makes any sense.

Meanwhile, my daughter had classmates that were downloading and viewing porn in class at school during the first week of school. It aggravated her because they kept calling her name while she was working and asking her to look at it. My husband called the school and offered to help them block it. So, that's been nipped.

Per my daughter, the same group of kids found out my son has never seen porn and informed him he had to watch it or he wasn't normal. She couldn't recall his exact words, but apparently he disputed them in such a way that the females in the class were impressed. She reports that a significant number of the girls in the class now have a crush on him. So, maybe I've been bailed out of dealing with it in any direct manner. Maybe I can just sit back and let my son bask in his new found no porn watching prompted popularity with the girls.
 
2012-10-04 11:08:09 PM

meanmutton: Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


Correct. Even my wife agrees, he has to know that shiat isn't normal, the rest is whatever.

Amateur ftw
 
2012-10-05 05:09:59 AM
Found my dad's (limited) porn stash before I had ever even seen one. It lead to years of the mags being moved around, because at some point I must have put them back in the wrong order or something and he started hiding them better (alas for him there were only so many places they could be in the house).

To this day we have never discussed it (or I was just paranoid and he actively used them and hid them haphazardly.)
 
2012-10-05 08:36:13 AM

LiberalEastCoastElitist: Maybe 1/4 of them have anorgasmia which I think is related to ham fisting themselves to massive amounts of internet porn numerous times.


Don't forget lateral epicondylitis or "jerker's elbow."
 
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