If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   Expert offers advice on what to say to your son when you discover his porn stash. Missing: "So, son... (grabs notepad) ...what was that website address again?"   (slate.com) divider line 136
    More: Amusing, uniform resource locators, porn, sons  
•       •       •

8583 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2012 at 8:15 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-04 09:39:11 AM  
I will tell them to be discreet, clean up after themselves, and use whatever the 2022 equivalent of incognito browsing is.

I will also tell them that porn is to sex as action movies are to fighting. They're both fun to watch, but you can get into a lot of trouble if you think you're learning how to do anything.

Also, porn:sex::____:fighting should be on the SAT.
 
2012-10-04 09:39:51 AM  

sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like law school, politics and finding discreet hookers."


FTFY
 
2012-10-04 09:40:25 AM  
I heard this from a radio DJ:

"My wife found out that my son was looking at porn on the computer and told me I had to have 'The Talk' with him. So I say him down and said 'OK, son. This is how you clear your browser history...'"
 
2012-10-04 09:40:26 AM  

Another Pretentious Nickname: porn:sex::____:fighting


I know! I know! UFC.
 
2012-10-04 09:42:21 AM  
ahh, I remember when my parents found my massive porn collection. My father sent my mother out of the room and we had a "guy talk" about the birds and the bees and how bees and birds having sex with each other was an abomination just like interacial dating, and finished up the conversation with a hearty "At least you're not some light in the loafers sissy boy queer" before leaving and taking my best issues of hustler promising to return them at some point. So yeah my childhood was really farked up.
 
2012-10-04 09:43:15 AM  

NickelP: serial_crusher: TFA: Let's say you find history of porn searches on your 13-year-old's computer

stopped reading there. Is it really that hard to just not give your kid unsupervised access to his own computer?

At 13? Do you lock out r rated movies on the cable too and still hold his hand while he crosses the street to?


I don't think it's unreasonable to make sure the only computer your kid has access to is a desktop that's in the living room. I'm not advocating looking over his shoulder every second that he's using the thing. Just make it a little more difficult for him to set up his own 24/7 porn dungeon in his bedroom.

I guess phones these days make that sort of regulation a moot point. So maybe it is better to just give him a laptop.
 
2012-10-04 09:50:35 AM  

sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."


You could say the same thing about reading Fark.
 
2012-10-04 09:58:26 AM  

untaken_name: Another Pretentious Nickname: porn:sex::____:fighting

I know! I know! UFC.


I chuckled...

UFC is like "amateur" porn - you know, not the *real* amateur porn, but the professional psuedo-amateur porn.

traditional porn:sex::jean-claude van damme movies:fighting

amateur porn:sex::UFC:fighting

anime porn:sex::street fighter:fighting
 
2012-10-04 10:04:03 AM  

Earpj: meanmutton:

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.

A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

I'm sure some people in the world have porn style relationships.


13 year olds aren't consenting adults.
 
2012-10-04 10:09:46 AM  
There are sites that are completely safe

Know how I know he doesn't know a lot about the interwebs?
Those maybe "safer" but no siet is completely safe. Site get compromised all the time and porn site are a favorite target.
 
2012-10-04 10:10:19 AM  

meanmutton:

13 year olds aren't consenting adults.


No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.
 
2012-10-04 10:27:16 AM  

probesport: Should tell him to stop running Windows, or at least not for his 'pleasure' machine then you don't have to go through all of the effort of stealing internets from someone else.


I won't let him use his laptop for it regardless of operating system. They are all hackable. Plus I never have to touch his Galaxy. I do have to mess with his laptop and I don't want to touch any gooey keys. And I don't want any of it going through my network anyway.

And with his Galaxy it is a quick wipe and reinstall apps. We have some coffee shops at the edge of the neighborhood, and quite a few dentists/therapists/chiropractors in the neighborhood with advertised open unsecured wireless, so he could use that. We are in Residential/Office zoning so any professional practitioner can set up a shingle as long as the appearance of the office looks house-like.
 
2012-10-04 10:27:44 AM  
My girlfriend is chronically ill, to the point where she's given me the go ahead to cheat on her if I have to, as long as I don't lie about it. I think she can say that because she knows I won't. She's well aware of my porn stash, and only insists that if I find something awesome (say, anything from Stoya or Justine Jolie getting fisted) I show her. Unless it goes all kiddie and gross, then she'll punch me right in the face and I'll wake up in the river right as police arrive. She's mostly glad that my kinks end up quaint, and when she does feel up to it, we can act it out.

Except for the french maid thing. For some reason she won't do that one. I've told her repeatedly she doesn't have to do the accent, just leave the thigh high fishnets on.

At some point she's agreed to dress up as Power Girl but every time it gets to bleaching her hair out, we end up in an argument until one of us is too exhausted to continue and has to sleep on the couch.

/Sixteen years in two months.
 
2012-10-04 10:30:35 AM  
"Son, you have discovered how to avoid the greatest mistakes in your life. Before any major decision. especially involving women, run to the john and rub one out to some youporn on the smartphone."
 
2012-10-04 10:50:54 AM  

Earpj: meanmutton:

13 year olds aren't consenting adults.

No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.


Then how is that relevant to the discussion of what types of media are appropriate for helping a 13 year old understand emotionally rewarding relationships and fulfilling sex lives?
 
2012-10-04 10:58:14 AM  
here's the part I don't understand about the internet and porn.

why does everyone have a porn folder? what about going online, looking at porn, sanitizing the computer, feeling shameful, and moving on with your day? why is there all this talk about porn folders? is it really the way y'all do porn? you download this stuff and save it in some folder? Am I doing it wrong by not downloading anything and not saving it in some folder?
 
2012-10-04 10:58:38 AM  
My mom left it where it was and said "not until you're 18." I think I threw it out to be sure she wouldn't snoop around again, but they were just printed photos, in case I was home alone and the power was out or something, not the real stuff.
 
2012-10-04 11:03:06 AM  
My dad noticed his porn stash missing one day and had a talk with me about it and he let me keep it. About a year later I bought a vcr.....
 
2012-10-04 11:06:10 AM  

meanmutton:

Then how is that relevant to the discussion of what types of media are appropriate for helping a 13 year old understand emotionally rewarding relationships and fulfilling sex lives?


It doesn't. That's where parenting comes in. I know my 13 yr old son watches porn and I know that my 18 yr old son tells him all about the weird things he's seen on the internet. To pretend otherwise is plain stupid.

We talk about anything and everything. Nothing is taboo. No such thing as TMI.
So, I am able to talk to them about how it's usually not normal and to not expect sex to be like that in reality.

Not really sure where the types of media come into play. Maybe I need more coffee.
 
2012-10-04 11:21:46 AM  
Your kids have genitals and they know how to use them.
 
2012-10-04 11:22:09 AM  

Earpj: meanmutton:

13 year olds aren't consenting adults.

No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.


Trust her. She is speaking from experience
 
2012-10-04 11:25:11 AM  

meanmutton: Earpj: meanmutton:

13 year olds aren't consenting adults.

No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Then how is that relevant to the discussion of what types of media are appropriate for helping a 13 year old understand emotionally rewarding relationships and fulfilling sex lives?


Because even a good girl likes to get dirty once in a while... my wife started off as a tame prude who didn't even want the lights on when we got together... Now... she loves the feel of latex vacuum beds and going down on other girls...

You don't just pick a girl up on a date and take her to the dungeon for christ's sakes, you have to ease them into it... like anal sex... you don't just flip them over and go in dry... you have to work on it, use plenty of lube, start with a pinky, before you know it, you'll be wrist deep and acting like Jeff Dunham with a puppet...

You just need to figure out what sortof "lube" will get her to that point... sometimes it's literal, other times, it might be a diamond necklace... And if your woman needs shiat you can't afford in order to play the "Let's do something new tonight" game... then find someone knew...

Sex is an exploration into the both the psyche, and the unknown... you HAVE to try new things... You won't know what you REALLY like unless you do... and watching it is not the same as doing... Wifey doesn't necessarily like watching porn unless there's some sort of story element to it, and her tastes are VERY specific... so I can't just sit her down on the PC and say, show me what you like... she doesn't like to watch, she likes doing...

This year we are giving swinging a shot... We've dated a couple already, but our busy schedules haven't given us room for anything in the bedroom yet... We've been accepted to a private club as well, but again, we haven't been able to go just yet...

Looking forward to it when we do... will be either fun and exciting, or a complete waste of time... who knows...
 
2012-10-04 11:29:39 AM  

KingKauff:
No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Trust her. She is speaking from experience


Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...
 
2012-10-04 11:35:19 AM  
"No. no girls will actually do that"
 
2012-10-04 11:45:08 AM  
As long as it's not furry porn or anything with Bronies, it's cool with me. Some things are just not to be tolerated.
 
2012-10-04 11:45:23 AM  

ImmaHoopyFrood: I don't want any of it going through my network anyway.


Any particular reason? Is he digging up pics of girls his own age or something?
 
2012-10-04 11:46:16 AM  

ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"


Actually, you don't even need to do that. Just tell him sites like motherless and youporn are reputable, and to stay away from anything else. Between those two sites, he shouldn't want for anything, unless he wants to see some deviant crap, then direct him to 4chan in that case.

adblock + NoScript + SpyBot S&D + Reputable porn site= safe browsing.

And really, all of those things you should already have.
 
2012-10-04 11:47:48 AM  

pute kisses like a man: here's the part I don't understand about the internet and porn.

why does everyone have a porn folder? what about going online, looking at porn, sanitizing the computer, feeling shameful, and moving on with your day? why is there all this talk about porn folders? is it really the way y'all do porn? you download this stuff and save it in some folder? Am I doing it wrong by not downloading anything and not saving it in some folder?


Sometimes you find something you think is really hot and want to keep it around for easy repeated perusal. (Mine is mostly text, but a few pics and vids, and I don't need to hide it or anything).

For pics and vids it was more important in the days of dialup Internet; you might not want to go through a long download/uudecode cycle every time you wanted to rub one out.
 
2012-10-04 11:56:47 AM  
I'd tell him about the good old days when models had real tits and a patch.
 
2012-10-04 12:01:15 PM  

sodomizer: Earpj: A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

That's the safe postmodern view.

The counterpoint is that some types of behavior lead to misery and neurosis, and others lead to health.

Same reason we don't legalize drugs and bestiality.


Gotta say, it's because of people like sodomizer here that I finally dropped the whole god/sin bag for good. And I'm a lot happier and healthier because of it.
 
2012-10-04 12:03:16 PM  
Make sure that it's not larger than mine?
 
2012-10-04 12:08:21 PM  
You know what's even more awkward?

When you are doing tech support for your clueless 80-year-old father and you find teenage blow-job vids all over the place, along with all the malware,

"Dad, I think it's time we had a little talk."

Awwwk-ward.
 
2012-10-04 12:10:08 PM  
Nosey Farking whores shouldn't be snooping in the first place! Chics who say it's bad or "disgusting" are just simply jealous because they're fat and ugly.
 
2012-10-04 12:10:13 PM  

Gaseous Anomaly: For pics and vids it was more important in the days of dialup Internet; you might not want to go through a long download/uudecode cycle every time you wanted to rub one out.


makes sense for back in the day... but that was a long time ago.

Gaseous Anomaly: (Mine is mostly text, but a few pics and vids, and I don't need to hide it or anything).


you some kind of lingophile or something?
 
2012-10-04 12:15:53 PM  

Earpj: KingKauff:
No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Trust her. She is speaking from experience

Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...


Jizzz

FTFY
 
2012-10-04 12:20:34 PM  

Gaseous Anomaly: ImmaHoopyFrood: I don't want any of it going through my network anyway.

Any particular reason? Is he digging up pics of girls his own age or something?


He did venture a little too far, but nothing illegal yet. I only broke the question once it started getting borderline. I'd still be legally liable for where he goes. In a short 3 years he can do whatever he wants with his own connection.
 
2012-10-04 12:21:25 PM  

Abuse Liability: Earpj: KingKauff:
No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Trust her. She is speaking from experience

Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...

Jizzz

FTFY


TY
 
2012-10-04 12:22:00 PM  

miss diminutive: Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.

Well that depends. Does the guy get a running start?


I find it hard to aim properly while running. Might get her in the ear instead of the cheek and that would be weird.
 
2012-10-04 12:32:11 PM  

ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"


Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful
Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night
Pitcures of Lily solved my childhood problems
Pictures of Lily helped me feel alright
 
2012-10-04 12:36:40 PM  

Earpj: Abuse Liability: Earpj: KingKauff:
No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Trust her. She is speaking from experience

Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...

Jizzz

FTFY

TY


Such a polite person. Probably the type to go the extra mile with the reach around, even though it isn't specifically stated in the contract.
 
2012-10-04 12:48:07 PM  

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.


But some do... =)
 
2012-10-04 12:50:54 PM  
www.misterhonk.de
 
2012-10-04 01:00:23 PM  

stonicus: Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.

But some do... =)


Undoubtedly. It's just rare.
 
2012-10-04 01:03:44 PM  
csb

My buddies and I worked out a plan that we would all buy one hotrag when we headed off to college and every month we would mail that book to another buddy. There were six of us so we would each get a new book each month for 6 months. Then by the time the one you bought got back to you, it would no longer be boring, it would be like visiting an old friend. We called it the blue paper exchange.

/csb
 
2012-10-04 01:05:07 PM  

dustygrimp: csb

My buddies and I worked out a plan that we would all buy one hotrag when we headed off to college and every month we would mail that book to another buddy. There were six of us so we would each get a new book each month for 6 months. Then by the time the one you bought got back to you, it would no longer be boring, it would be like visiting an old friend. We called it the blue paper exchange.

/csb


Umm...ewww...sticky.
 
2012-10-04 01:09:34 PM  
Unless it's kid porn or snuff porn, I'm not sure why the fark you should say anything. People look at porn. Get over it. Just tell him not to jack too much (ie, if it starts to affect school work) and leave it at that.

There you go. Free advice. Probably more useful than the linked article.
 
2012-10-04 01:14:33 PM  

Earpj: KingKauff:
No. They are not. I didn't say they were. I just meant that some people DO have sex lives that might fit into porn, and it works just fine for them.

Trust her. She is speaking from experience

Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...


Well there went my fantasy.
 
2012-10-04 01:21:32 PM  

kcfarker:

Dude. You make it sound like I speak from experience about a porn like sex life. Jeezz...

Well there went my fantasy.


Sorry, Hon. :(
 
2012-10-04 01:32:51 PM  

pute kisses like a man: here's the part I don't understand about the internet and porn.

why does everyone have a porn folder? what about going online, looking at porn, sanitizing the computer, feeling shameful, and moving on with your day? why is there all this talk about porn folders? is it really the way y'all do porn? you download this stuff and save it in some folder? Am I doing it wrong by not downloading anything and not saving it in some folder?



Same here.  I've never saved any porn.  At least not in a decade or so.  There's hundreds of free videos posted daily to a multitude of sites.
 
2012-10-04 01:47:22 PM  

Shadowtag: My girlfriend is chronically ill, to the point where she's given me the go ahead to cheat on her if I have to, as long as I don't lie about it. I think she can say that because she knows I won't. She's well aware of my porn stash, and only insists that if I find something awesome (say, anything from Stoya or Justine Jolie getting fisted) I show her. Unless it goes all kiddie and gross, then she'll punch me right in the face and I'll wake up in the river right as police arrive. She's mostly glad that my kinks end up quaint, and when she does feel up to it, we can act it out.

Except for the french maid thing. For some reason she won't do that one. I've told her repeatedly she doesn't have to do the accent, just leave the thigh high fishnets on.

At some point she's agreed to dress up as Power Girl but every time it gets to bleaching her hair out, we end up in an argument until one of us is too exhausted to continue and has to sleep on the couch.

/Sixteen years in two months.



Only twenty-six more to go, and then she's legal!
 
Displayed 50 of 136 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report