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(Slate)   Expert offers advice on what to say to your son when you discover his porn stash. Missing: "So, son... (grabs notepad) ...what was that website address again?"   (slate.com) divider line 136
    More: Amusing, uniform resource locators, porn, sons  
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8583 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Oct 2012 at 8:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-04 08:14:47 AM
So using a keylogger to get his password and posting his entire search history on Facebook along with direct messages to his female friends pointing out how similar in appearance they are to his favorite "actresses" isn't the way to go?
 
2012-10-04 08:20:02 AM
I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."
 
2012-10-04 08:20:56 AM
I learned it from you, Jr! I learned it from you!
 
2012-10-04 08:22:54 AM

sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."


that's a heck of a thing to say coming from a guy like you.
 
2012-10-04 08:24:16 AM
Unless he is a risk of a malware or is into disturbing stuff I think the best advice is that of the German philosopher Sgt. Shultz, "I see nothing."
 
2012-10-04 08:24:38 AM
"Waitaminute...this shiat is free on the internet?! Hot damn!"
 
2012-10-04 08:25:17 AM
FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn
 
2012-10-04 08:25:34 AM
Explain the downfalls of IE and how to browse in a safe and secure manner.
 
2012-10-04 08:26:19 AM

sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."


There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.
 
2012-10-04 08:28:42 AM
TFA: Let's say you find history of porn searches on your 13-year-old's computer

stopped reading there. Is it really that hard to just not give your kid unsupervised access to his own computer?
 
2012-10-04 08:32:24 AM
No, Dad, the number 4, not F-O-U-R, then...
 
2012-10-04 08:34:17 AM
I'd worry about a thirteen-year-old boy who had access to porn and DIDN'T look at it.
 
2012-10-04 08:34:37 AM
I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.
 
2012-10-04 08:35:46 AM

serial_crusher: TFA: Let's say you find history of porn searches on your 13-year-old's computer

stopped reading there. Is it really that hard to just not give your kid unsupervised access to his own computer?


At 13? Do you lock out r rated movies on the cable too and still hold his hand while he crosses the street to?
 
2012-10-04 08:38:24 AM
i.imgur.com

Obligatory.
 
2012-10-04 08:38:28 AM

markfara: I'd worry about a thirteen-year-old boy who had access to porn and DIDN'T look at it.


This.

xanadian: FTFA: He basically said, "I won't make a big deal or any-sized deal about it," though he did go pretty deeply and somewhat creatively into the dangers of pornography to computers.

This is exactly what I would do. I would also tell him to use Firefox with NoScript and how to adjust its settings.

/xvideo, tube8, youporn


Common sense. Don't shame the kid, just teach them safety.
 
2012-10-04 08:40:11 AM

Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.


Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.
 
2012-10-04 08:40:24 AM
Discovers? Isn't it right there for all to see?

1.bp.blogspot.com

/dnrtfa
 
2012-10-04 08:42:36 AM
TBLOP site is best site.
 
2012-10-04 08:43:39 AM
From the Reddit link,
"I've been on this earth three times as long as you and there's nothing you have done or will do that I haven't done before. "

Urgh, way to tell your son that you wanked all over his bed to dog midget porn.
 
2012-10-04 08:47:25 AM

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.



But when you find that special girl, it's magic.
 
2012-10-04 08:50:58 AM

meanmutton: Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


You sound Mormon.
 
2012-10-04 08:51:45 AM

meanmutton: Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


Oh? What sex should our relationships be like?
 
2012-10-04 08:51:51 AM
"Son, the pleasure of rubbing one out is one of life's silver linings. It will help keep you sane in a thoroughly farked up world. Enjoy it without guilt as often as you feel is appropriate. Don't do it out in public. And stop stealing your Mom's hand lotion."
 
2012-10-04 08:53:24 AM

Nurglitch: Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.


Porn = Soaps without the acting.
Soaps = Porn without the sex.
 
2012-10-04 08:53:27 AM

meanmutton: Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


Exactly. Someone else brought up soap operas, which are also bad. I wouldn't want my kids thinking that either one is a plausible template for a relationship... unless I hated my kids, of course.
 
2012-10-04 08:54:21 AM

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.


That's a dealbreaker.
 
2012-10-04 08:57:25 AM

Dr. Goldshnoz: that's a heck of a thing to say coming from a guy like you.


You don't know me, Internet Person.
 
2012-10-04 08:58:44 AM

John Buck 41: Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.

That's a dealbreaker.


For most women, I would imagine so.
 
2012-10-04 09:00:45 AM
My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"
 
2012-10-04 09:01:56 AM
If your kid is looking at porn, you should make sure that he's open-minded. Put some gay porn in there, midgets, A2M, interracial, the works, or he'll grow up to be closed-minded.
 
2012-10-04 09:02:39 AM

Nurglitch: meanmutton: Nurglitch: sodomizer: I think the response is the same that you should tell your kid for any unproductive activity: "This will get you nowhere. The time and energy you're using on this would be better placed elsewhere, like education, sports, or finding a soulmate."

There's a beautiful synergy between your username and your advice.

I think I would have spent less time masturbating if I'd had easy access to porn as a teenager - I would have rubbed one out and gotten on with my day instead of all the hijinks I went through for the privacy and material to spank it. As a parent, I think I'd make sure that my kids have a few back-issue collections of Savage Love to peruse.

Frankly I'd be more concerned about them watching prime-time soap operas and forming an opinion about relationships from that sort of material than from porn.

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.

Oh? What sex should our relationships be like?


It should be like that., you know.w
 
2012-10-04 09:05:56 AM

meanmutton:

Let's not pretend that Gonzo style porn, which is almost exclusively the type you easily find on the Internet, shows anything even remotely close to what sex our relationships should be like.


A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

I'm sure some people in the world have porn style relationships.
 
2012-10-04 09:09:07 AM

Earpj: A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.


That's the safe postmodern view.

The counterpoint is that some types of behavior lead to misery and neurosis, and others lead to health.

Same reason we don't legalize drugs and bestiality.
 
2012-10-04 09:12:34 AM

sodomizer: Earpj: A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

That's the safe postmodern view.

The counterpoint is that some types of behavior lead to misery and neurosis, and others lead to health.

Same reason we don't legalize drugs and bestiality.


Most of the sexual neuroses I see in people were inflicted by others judging what they like, not by what they actually like.
 
2012-10-04 09:14:01 AM

ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12.


Funny, I used to finish with the Victoria's Secret catalog.
 
2012-10-04 09:15:40 AM

John Buck 41: Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.

That's a dealbreaker.


Obligatory (NSFW!!)
 
2012-10-04 09:16:19 AM

ChrisDe: ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12.

Funny, I used to finish with the Victoria's Secret catalog.


...Sears catalog :/
 
2012-10-04 09:16:56 AM

sodomizer: Earpj: A sexual relationship should be however the consenting adults involved, want it to be. It's no one elses business.

That's the safe postmodern view.

The counterpoint is that some types of behavior lead to misery and neurosis, and others lead to health.

Same reason we don't legalize drugs and bestiality.


All depends on the people involved. I wouldn't presume to decide what will make anyone else happy/miserable in their own lives. My daughter is living her life in a way that is foreign to me, but she's thriving.

Some people can have a perfectly innocuous life, and still be miserable. No two people are the same and no two people will react or feel exactly the same way.

That's what makes life grand. :)
 
2012-10-04 09:18:29 AM

Devolving_Spud: "Son, the pleasure of rubbing one out is one of life's silver linings. It will help keep you sane in a thoroughly farked up world. Enjoy it without guilt as often as you feel is appropriate. Don't do it out in public. And stop stealing your Mom's hand lotion."


Switch up your routine, and use a light touch, so as not to inadvertently train yourself to be unable to get off any other way.

/um, so I read from Dan Savage
 
hej
2012-10-04 09:21:45 AM
CSB; I actually had the an experience like subby's headline when I test drove a car years ago. A friend of mine was with me, salesman in the back seat. Sales guy couldn't have been less excited about his job until he asked us the obligatory "so, what do you guys do for a living". One of us jokingly said we mostly just surfed porn sites, at which point he lit up like a christmas tree and asked us which ones we used.
 
2012-10-04 09:25:49 AM

Koodz: Most of the sexual neuroses I see in people were inflicted by others judging what they like, not by what they actually like.


Known expert! I think you've mistaken offense/butthurt for neurosis.

Earpj: All depends on the people involved. I wouldn't presume to decide what will make anyone else happy/miserable in their own lives. My daughter is living her life in a way that is foreign to me, but she's thriving.

Some people can have a perfectly innocuous life, and still be miserable. No two people are the same and no two people will react or feel exactly the same way.

That's what makes life grand. :)


Yeah, I've heard that one before, about life being grand because everyone's just doing their thing. Twenty years ago I believed it. Now I realize how that was just wishful thinking on the part of those who wanted to "be different."

Your daughter may find that time modifies her success as well.

As far as the people having perfectly innocuous lives and being miserable, the technical term for that is a non sequitur; it literally has no bearing on what we're discussing.
 
2012-10-04 09:27:10 AM

Inigo: [i.imgur.com image 644x200]

Obligatory.


That would sound like what might have happened if my father had discovered my 13 year old self looking at skin mags.
"Son, where did you get this copy of penthouse?"
"From the bottom drawer of your bedside furniture. Would it have been better if I had played with the loaded saturday night special in the top drawer?"
 
2012-10-04 09:28:52 AM

Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.


Well that depends. Does the guy get a running start?
 
2012-10-04 09:30:55 AM
also obligatory (and NSFW)

Link
 
2012-10-04 09:34:55 AM

ImmaHoopyFrood: My son is 15 now. He started with the victoria's secret catalog at 12. Over the last month my proxy has been picking up on his online porn searches and visits. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything about where he has been going online and he spilled the beans without a problem. Told him if there are any more visits to porn sites on my network he loses access. Porn sites are laden with malware.

I told him to build a cantenna or get an external antenna, and drill a hole in his Galaxy and hook into an unsecured WAP in the neighborhood. I don't allow the handhelds full access to the internal wap. Or he can get his own internet access. I also got him a subscription to Playboy. Look at all the porn you want. Just don't do it over my network.

I asked him if he enjoyed the Stephen Hawking classic interview in the last issue. He grinned and said "Yeah... I read that for like 20 minutes"


Should tell him to stop running Windows, or at least not for his 'pleasure' machine then you don't have to go through all of the effort of stealing internets from someone else.
 
2012-10-04 09:37:47 AM

sodomizer: Koodz: Most of the sexual neuroses I see in people were inflicted by others judging what they like, not by what they actually like.

Known expert! I think you've mistaken offense/butthurt for neurosis.

Earpj: All depends on the people involved. I wouldn't presume to decide what will make anyone else happy/miserable in their own lives. My daughter is living her life in a way that is foreign to me, but she's thriving.

Some people can have a perfectly innocuous life, and still be miserable. No two people are the same and no two people will react or feel exactly the same way.

That's what makes life grand. :)

Yeah, I've heard that one before, about life being grand because everyone's just doing their thing. Twenty years ago I believed it. Now I realize how that was just wishful thinking on the part of those who wanted to "be different."

Your daughter may find that time modifies her success as well.

As far as the people having perfectly innocuous lives and being miserable, the technical term for that is a non sequitur; it literally has no bearing on what we're discussing.


Wow, thats a really jaded, faded, old sorry ass "been there done that years ago now all the t shirts dont even fit my fat ass any more" point of view, sodomizer.

Its like you missed a turn back there somewhere between the fetish party, the polyamorous girlfriend and the trips to burningman.

and that therefore means the activities were to blame, not the person doing them.
 
2012-10-04 09:38:23 AM

Cheron: Unless he is a risk of a malware or is into disturbing stuff I think the best advice is that of the German philosopher Sgt. Shultz, "I see nothing."


Someone kid I never met stole some Club magazines from his dad, his cousin stole them from him, his younger brother stole them from him, I stole them from the him (my best friend in middle school), and they disappeared from the place I hid them after a few weeks. I don't know if one of my brothers or friends found them, or if one of my parents picked them and decided to avoid having "the talk." Luckily, internet porn came out just a few months later.
 
2012-10-04 09:38:32 AM

sodomizer:

As far as the people having perfectly innocuous lives and being miserable, the technical term for that is a non sequitur; it literally has no bearing on what we're discussing.


Hmm...ya think so? I thought people leading "deviant" lives, as is often shown in porn, and how it can make some miserable...is part of what we were discussing. So, leading innocuous (as in "not deviant") lives and still being miserable, fit right in.

My apologies if I were mistaken.
 
2012-10-04 09:38:56 AM

miss diminutive: Earpj: I just periodically remind my boys that porn is fantasy. Very few women will let you slap them in the face with your penis.

Well that depends. Does the guy get a running start?


How YOU Doin'!
 
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