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(News.com.au)   Pet shop owners complain of recent parrot thefts. Police say that they haven't heard a word   (news.com.au) divider line 26
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302 clicks; posted to Business » on 04 Oct 2012 at 3:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-04 03:58:50 AM
the owner of the third pet store was just repeating things the first two said
 
2012-10-04 04:07:18 AM
something something pining for the fjords
 
2012-10-04 04:11:01 AM
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help.
The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters, 'I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?'
The parrot says 'With my prick, you dummy.'
The guy is startled and says, 'You certainly talk well for a parrot.'
The parrot says, 'Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish.'
The guy says, 'Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for.'
The parrot says, 'There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor L20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me.'
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost, the Pope did so and so.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says, 'Come in and shut the door.'
The guy says, 'What's up?'
The parrot says, 'I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips.'
The guy says, 'Oh, A momentary flight of passion.'
The parrot says, 'Then he fondled her breasts.'
The guy says, 'He did?'
The parrot says, 'Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts.'
The guy says, 'My God, what happened next?!?'
The parrot says, 'I don't know. I got a hard on and fell off my perch.'
 
2012-10-04 04:39:21 AM
I have my doubts about a parrot stealing ring. It seems much more likely that these birds just flew the coop.
 
2012-10-04 04:52:18 AM
Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.
 
2012-10-04 05:35:47 AM

Wittenberg Dropout: Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.


In a west-end town? A dead-end world?
 
2012-10-04 05:47:30 AM
A palindrome of Sydney would be Yendys.
 
2012-10-04 06:34:10 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Wittenberg Dropout: Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.

In a west-end town? A dead-end world?


Who when why what?
 
2012-10-04 08:33:23 AM
The owner also wears women's clothing and hangs around in bars.
 
2012-10-04 08:54:40 AM
Hope they didn't snag the Norwegian Blue --- Lovely plumage
 
2012-10-04 09:13:59 AM

AbbeySomeone: AverageAmericanGuy: Wittenberg Dropout: Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.

In a west-end town? A dead-end world?

Who when why what?


Lacroix, sweetie, Lacroix.
 
2012-10-04 09:28:51 AM

Tahs4Evar: AbbeySomeone: AverageAmericanGuy: Wittenberg Dropout: Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.

In a west-end town? A dead-end world?

Who when why what?

Lacroix, sweetie, Lacroix.


What have I done to deserve this?
 
2012-10-04 10:40:28 AM

Glenford: Tahs4Evar: AbbeySomeone: AverageAmericanGuy: Wittenberg Dropout: Shiat like this tends to happen in western towns.

In a west-end town? A dead-end world?

Who when why what?

Lacroix, sweetie, Lacroix.

What have I done to deserve this?


Call the police, there's a madman around.
 
2012-10-04 11:01:06 AM
read it in a book
or write it in a letter
 
2012-10-04 11:11:42 AM
I love you
you pay my rent
 
2012-10-04 11:44:06 AM
"New madame, new whores, oh Hi George!"
 
2012-10-04 12:17:17 PM
maybe it's more like this?
 
2012-10-04 12:18:00 PM
sigh...

Link
 
2012-10-04 01:57:56 PM
Came for Monty Python. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-10-04 02:24:20 PM
It pushed up to the bar and VOOM!
 
2012-10-04 04:30:30 PM
Customer: I wish to complain about a parrot.
Shop keeper: What parrot, sir? There's nothing in the cage.
Customer: My point exactly. You have certainly hit the nail on the head. There is no parrot.
Shop keeper: Then what is the problem, sir?
Customer: I wish to buy a parrot for my cage, but you seem to have no parrots at all. They have been nicked, they are departed, gorn, vamoosed, they have joined their comrades in a cage-free existence. They have flown the coop, fled the barn, vanished, taken flight, absconded. They may be chatting it up on Telegraph Hill at this very moment for all we know.
Shop keeper: I see, sir.
Customer: I doubt it. There seems to be absolutely nothing to see.
Shop keeper: Well, we do still have one parrot, only he's dead, sir.
Customer: Dead?
Shop keeper: As a door nail, as a stone, as flared trousers.
Customer: Good. That will save me the trouble of knocking it on the head when it swears at the Vicar. May I see this parrot.
Shop keeper: Certainly, sir. And if you buy it, I tell you what I'll do, I will nail it to the perch of your cage free of charge, so nobody steals it, and spray it with hairspray to reduce the smell.
Customer: There. You see. This is what I call good customer service!

(Turns to address the camera directly.)

If only British shopkeepers gave a damn, if they only cared about their customers, there would be fewer complaints about ants, dead parrots, and cheese shops with no cheese. Not that any of that really happens any way. In this alternative univese, Monty Python never existed and people are still laughing at Don Rickles and Shecky Green gags. It's a dark, tormented hell-hole of a universe, with never a glimmer of wit, whimsey or wackiness, unless you count Syd Caesar.

So, British Shopkeepers, head our appeal: care about your customers. Try to please them, and always keep at least some cheese in stock despite the Socialism, etc. Good night from Auntie Beeb and all of us at sea!
 
2012-10-04 04:33:10 PM
Please read "heed" for "head" in the preceeding sketch. Thank you. The Retroactive Proof-Reader.
 
2012-10-04 04:47:25 PM
Subby: Pet shop owners complain of recent parrot thefts. Police say that they haven't heard a word

I don't know anything about this 'word' you're talking about, subby.
 
2012-10-04 05:02:52 PM
Polly wanna crack the case?
 
2012-10-06 02:18:29 PM

HotWingAgenda: The parrot says, 'I don't know. I got a hard on and fell off my perch.'


Have you ever seen a bird with a hard-on?
 
2012-10-07 03:22:26 PM
Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage.

etc.
 
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