If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Cracked)   Could the entire Harry Potter series have been about the sad fantasies of an abused child?   (cracked.com) divider line 101
    More: Interesting, Harry Potter, hogwarts, J. K. Rowling  
•       •       •

10283 clicks; posted to Geek » on 03 Oct 2012 at 9:23 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



101 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-03 09:03:02 PM  
And here i thought it was George Lucas who raped my childhood
 
2012-10-03 09:26:47 PM  
I've been playing The Binding of Isaac here lately, so I'm getting a kick out of this headline.
 
2012-10-03 09:26:53 PM  
No
 
2012-10-03 09:28:35 PM  
If it makes it more interesting, fine.
 
2012-10-03 09:28:55 PM  
No.

/thread
 
2012-10-03 09:29:00 PM  
Obligatory. (new window)
 
2012-10-03 09:29:37 PM  
I thought it was more about the sad fantasies of the fansboizzzzzzzz and girlzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
 
2012-10-03 09:32:17 PM  

the cake is a pie: Obligatory. (new window)


The top 100 quotes are required reading. Sadly, they haven't really updated in the last 5-10 years.
 
2012-10-03 09:32:59 PM  
The Matrix is about our government, so why not?
 
2012-10-03 09:37:51 PM  
Usually Cracked articles linked on Fark I like.. .that one was pretty weak in terms of their standard level of 'research' for these.
Feels like it was half-assed to get something out on a deadline. The premise is decent, just is more of an outline than a full article.
 
2012-10-03 09:40:31 PM  
Although, I did always wonder why his Aunt and Uncle didn't get arrested for child abuse.
 
2012-10-03 09:40:43 PM  
no shiat sherlock. Its textbook coping fantasy. This cropped up in popular fiction and scifci in the 60s and onward. Even if its not overt, its completely farking obvious and has been since the first book, which was basically the only one worth reading anyway, unlike the rest of those dreary, lame potboilers. rereading childhood wish fullfillment gets old quick.

Are you sitting down? Let me tell you something about Alice in Wonderland....
 
2012-10-03 09:44:10 PM  

SineSwiper: the cake is a pie: Obligatory. (new window)

The top 100 quotes are required reading. Sadly, they haven't really updated in the last 5-10 years.


Don't need to be. They're all great.
 
2012-10-03 09:44:47 PM  
Now tell me the story of how the babies from Rugrats are just in Angelica's imagination because her workaholic parents don't give her any attention.
 
2012-10-03 09:50:29 PM  
Er, wasn't this the funny theory in 99? Usenet? Anyone else remember it?
 
2012-10-03 09:52:50 PM  
I thought it was the sad fantasies of an adult woman.
 
2012-10-03 10:01:28 PM  
... and then Harry woke up.

The end.
 
2012-10-03 10:02:30 PM  

Caeldan: Usually Cracked articles linked on Fark I like.. .that one was pretty weak in terms of their standard level of 'research' for these.
Feels like it was half-assed to get something out on a deadline. The premise is decent, just is more of an outline than a full article.


Yeah, there wasn't much there other than an idea. Then he caps it off with, "...the Harry Potter universe [is] a massively flawed world where nothing makes sense because of shiatty writing..." It actually does make perfect sense when you remember that it's a freakin' FANTASY NOVEL. To then call the writing shiatty doesn't lend much credence to his point, it just makes him sound bitter that he hasn't made millions off his own non-existent writing career.
 
2012-10-03 10:03:32 PM  
Next they'll be saying the movie Signs wasn't about retarded aliens who walk around naked on planets with harmful chemicals in the air, but it was really about demons and holy water...

/still doesn't explain the baby monitor picking up alien radio transmissions or the bird crashing into the ship.
 
2012-10-03 10:04:40 PM  

Caeldan: Usually Cracked articles linked on Fark I like.. .that one was pretty weak in terms of their standard level of 'research' for these.
Feels like it was half-assed to get something out on a deadline. The premise is decent, just is more of an outline than a full article.


With a little more effort it could have been a pretty decent article.
 
2012-10-03 10:07:11 PM  

error 303: ... and then Harry woke up.

The end.


Nah, I much prefer the one where the guy who found Michigan J. Frog finds a small skeleton in a boarded up cupboard.
 
2012-10-03 10:10:02 PM  

error 303: ... and then Harry woke up.

The end.


Not quite. harry turned over to look around the room. That's when he realized it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. He really did marry a ginger.

The end. Of his life.
 
2012-10-03 10:14:03 PM  
Change 'Potter' with 'Dresden'

Makes the books more awesome :D.
 
2012-10-03 11:06:00 PM  

Caeldan: Usually Cracked articles linked on Fark I like.. .that one was pretty weak in terms of their standard level of 'research' for these.
Feels like it was half-assed to get something out on a deadline. The premise is decent, just is more of an outline than a full article.


The "and then Harry woke up in his bed under the stairs" joke has been floating around for a while now. Without reading it, I doubt the article says anything beyond the obvious thoughts conjured from the idea. It's kinda said when you're entire article can be stated more thoughtfully and profoundly as a one-liner.
 
2012-10-03 11:08:28 PM  
On my phone, can't image link, but GARFIELD REFERENCE.
 
2012-10-03 11:18:27 PM  
Harry Potter is the imaginary creation of Tommy Westphall
 
2012-10-03 11:19:56 PM  
Don't be silly. Tommy Westphall wasn't abused, just autistic.
 
2012-10-03 11:20:32 PM  

Tax Boy: Harry Potter is the imaginary creation of Tommy Westphall


SON OF A BI-
 
2012-10-03 11:23:10 PM  
i1124.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-03 11:30:04 PM  

willfullyobscure: no shiat sherlock. Its textbook coping fantasy. This cropped up in popular fiction and scifci in the 60s and onward. Even if its not overt, its completely farking obvious and has been since the first book, which was basically the only one worth reading anyway, unlike the rest of those dreary, lame potboilers. rereading childhood wish fullfillment gets old quick.

Are you sitting down? Let me tell you something about Alice in Wonderland....


www.halloweenplayground.com

Go on.....
 
2012-10-03 11:32:57 PM  
Or it could have ended like this.
 
2012-10-03 11:45:03 PM  
The curtains were farking blue.
 
2012-10-03 11:45:40 PM  
Like Star Wars? Yeah, I can see it
 
2012-10-04 12:01:36 AM  

Arthur Jumbles: willfullyobscure: no shiat sherlock. Its textbook coping fantasy. This cropped up in popular fiction and scifci in the 60s and onward. Even if its not overt, its completely farking obvious and has been since the first book, which was basically the only one worth reading anyway, unlike the rest of those dreary, lame potboilers. rereading childhood wish fullfillment gets old quick.

Are you sitting down? Let me tell you something about Alice in Wonderland....

[www.halloweenplayground.com image 432x432]

Go on.....


The cake...was a lie.
 
2012-10-04 12:11:50 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: error 303: ... and then Harry woke up.

The end.

Not quite. harry turned over to look around the room. That's when he realized it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. He really did marry a ginger.

The end. Of his life.


I can't remember who wrote the joke, but it said: The Harry Potter books are completely unrealistic! A ginger kid with two friends?
 
2012-10-04 12:13:03 AM  
More like abusing the fantasies of sad children.

You want garble-words, read Dr. Seuss. But God bless J.K. for getting so many kids to read. I once met a girl with a hairy potter. Not nice.
Try the veal with crispy hogwarts.

/j.k.ing
 
2012-10-04 12:20:10 AM  
I think of Jeffy as a kidnapped child slave sweatshop worker, and Family Circus is his mental escape from reality, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

I had to do something. I kept reading Family Circus by accident.
 
2012-10-04 12:21:12 AM  
The Matrix trilogy all happened in the Matrix; no one ever really broke free, they were just switched to a new Matrix, because people were starting to reject the old one. The first matrix was a paradise, remember, and humans kept rejecting it. The next attempt worked for a while, but since it's set in a specific time period that never moves forward there are bound to be conflicts. Now they have the perfect Matrix; history will proceed without any jarring resets, and humanity will never be the wiser. Neo is a tool of the machines, acting according to script, the entire time. They are trying to transfer over to the perfected Matrix in a way that is acceptable to human psychology; what they have done is exploit what is essentially a Jungian archetype, the Hero as explicated by Joseph Campbell. The entire Matrix trilogy is an account of the final and permanent triumph of the machines.

/ yes, I'm high as a kite, why do you ask?
 
2012-10-04 12:27:03 AM  
Dear Consumerist,

That link went to a Cracked article that was all on one page. Can I sue subby for $25 million?
 
2012-10-04 12:31:10 AM  

desertmouse: It actually does make perfect sense when you remember that it's a freakin' FANTASY NOVEL.


Nope. It does not. Functional magic fantasy (i.e. I know the words, and when I say the words effect x happens) still requires internal self-consistency.

To use the most blatant example:

Book 1: Harry selecting the brother-wand of Voldemort is a big farking deal that drives the plot. Because, as it's explained, a wand must be specifically crafted around the personality, soul, and destiny of the wielder and no one else can use it properly.

Book 7: Harry having disarmed someone in a more-or-less friendly duel in the past becomes a major plot point, because, as it's explained, the attunement of the wand has nothing to do with the materials or the wielder and a wand is just loyal to the last person that zapped it with a disarming charm.

So... no. Major, plot-altering mechanics of the magic system just arbitrarily changing for the purpose of deus ex machina is, in fact, shiatty writing that's not excusable on the grounds that it's fantasy, because it still breaks the story. The "fantasy of an abused child dying of starvation" actually gives more credit to Mrs. Rowling than just letting the failures of consistency ruin the books for you.

CygnusDarius: Change 'Potter' with 'Dresden'

Makes the books more awesome :D.


Plus, this has actually happened to Dresden a couple of times.

//Where is your blasting wand?
//Who killed me?
 
2012-10-04 12:55:19 AM  
There are few non-sarcastic applications of the phrase "a wizard did it" but I think it is appropriate here.
 
2012-10-04 12:56:33 AM  
Could the entire [insert any fantasy/heroic coming of age story] have been about the sad fantasies of an abused child?

/Sure, but that's stupid.
 
2012-10-04 01:26:25 AM  
zs1.smbc-comics.com

Replace "Science Journalism" with "Blogs"
 
2012-10-04 01:57:20 AM  

Jim_Callahan: desertmouse: It actually does make perfect sense when you remember that it's a freakin' FANTASY NOVEL.

Nope. It does not. Functional magic fantasy (i.e. I know the words, and when I say the words effect x happens) still requires internal self-consistency.

To use the most blatant example:

Book 1: Harry selecting the brother-wand of Voldemort is a big farking deal that drives the plot. Because, as it's explained, a wand must be specifically crafted around the personality, soul, and destiny of the wielder and no one else can use it properly.

Book 7: Harry having disarmed someone in a more-or-less friendly duel in the past becomes a major plot point, because, as it's explained, the attunement of the wand has nothing to do with the materials or the wielder and a wand is just loyal to the last person that zapped it with a disarming charm.

So... no. Major, plot-altering mechanics of the magic system just arbitrarily changing for the purpose of deus ex machina is, in fact, shiatty writing that's not excusable on the grounds that it's fantasy, because it still breaks the story. The "fantasy of an abused child dying of starvation" actually gives more credit to Mrs. Rowling than just letting the failures of consistency ruin the books for you.

CygnusDarius: Change 'Potter' with 'Dresden'

Makes the books more awesome :D.

Plus, this has actually happened to Dresden a couple of times.

//Where is your blasting wand?
//Who killed me?


I try not to apply logic to this kind of stuff. It's about magicians amongst us who are completely unnoticed and all of these mystical creatures are never noticed either. I usually can let go of logic and just let the narrative's emotional content entertain me.

The books were not great writing by any stretch, but I still enjoyed them.
 
2012-10-04 02:15:53 AM  
It would also go a long way towards explaining why, in a land of teenage wizards who are so powerful they make Gandalf look like the guy who played your 10th birthday party, we never see so much as a hint of second base. I defy you to name a single piece of Potterverse magic that an average 14-year-old... an AVERAGE one... wouldn't immediately and effortlessly adapt to unspeakable sexual perversions. Never mind the obvious ones, like the cloak of invisibility Harry took everywhere except the girls' shower. The damn chocolate frogs would have been down someone's pants inside half a minute.

Which of these sentences would be most shocking to read in a Harry Potter book?

1. Dumbledore sprinkled the elixir over the scattered bones. Harry gasped as his parents came back to life.

2. Harry stared in horror at the lifeless bodies of Ron and Hermione. It wasn't a dream. They were really, truly dead.

3. As he stared at Cho's nubile breasts, Harry suddenly realized the answer had been staring him in the face. "Accio bra!" he shouted triumphantly. "In fact... accio every bra!"

Damn, now that I think about what kind of abuse must have led poor Harry Potter to take refuge in the most improbably asexual fantasy ever committed to paper, it's even more depressing.
 
2012-10-04 02:45:19 AM  

MadSkillz: I try not to apply logic to this kind of stuff. It's about magicians amongst us who are completely unnoticed and all of these mystical creatures are never noticed either. I usually can let go of logic and just let the narrative's emotional content entertain me.

The books were not great writing by any stretch, but I still enjoyed them.


So... maybe either read a genre that doesn't have a major world-building component, or refrain from acting like the people that read fantasy for the things that distinguish it as a genre, i.e. "what if" sets of alternate physical laws, are the weird ones.

Reading a fantasy novel without caring about the ramifications of the magic system and how they end up altering other aspects of the world is kind of like watching amateur porn for the advice on the use of the barter system to supplant fiat currency. Sure, you can do it, but you appear to have missed something fairly significant about the purpose of the work, and if you go on a forum and state as much expect to be repeatedly informed of that fact. Possibly rudely.

//Though, on that note, if "turning your brain off and going with the emotional content" is your thing, I would in all seriousness advise romance novels instead, as that's what they're for and no one who reads or writes them cares about plot or consistency either so you'll be in better company.

//Most other children's fantasy books get it more or less right, too, so that's not an excuse either. So You Want to Be a Wizard, the Eragon books, Percy Jackson. And the most obsessively nerdy, the Artemis Fowl series. For something to be fit for publication you're expected to be able to keep track of shiat in Fantasy/SciFi, target audience regardless.
 
2012-10-04 02:49:12 AM  

Jim_Callahan: MadSkillz: I try not to apply logic to this kind of stuff. It's about magicians amongst us who are completely unnoticed and all of these mystical creatures are never noticed either. I usually can let go of logic and just let the narrative's emotional content entertain me.

The books were not great writing by any stretch, but I still enjoyed them.

So... maybe either read a genre that doesn't have a major world-building component, or refrain from acting like the people that read fantasy for the things that distinguish it as a genre, i.e. "what if" sets of alternate physical laws, are the weird ones.

Reading a fantasy novel without caring about the ramifications of the magic system and how they end up altering other aspects of the world is kind of like watching amateur porn for the advice on the use of the barter system to supplant fiat currency. Sure, you can do it, but you appear to have missed something fairly significant about the purpose of the work, and if you go on a forum and state as much expect to be repeatedly informed of that fact. Possibly rudely.

//Though, on that note, if "turning your brain off and going with the emotional content" is your thing, I would in all seriousness advise romance novels instead, as that's what they're for and no one who reads or writes them cares about plot or consistency either so you'll be in better company.

//Most other children's fantasy books get it more or less right, too, so that's not an excuse either. So You Want to Be a Wizard, the Eragon books, Percy Jackson. And the most obsessively nerdy, the Artemis Fowl series. For something to be fit for publication you're expected to be able to keep track of shiat in Fantasy/SciFi, target audience regardless.


I watch Doctor Who and they pull stuff out of their ass when writing, but its quite okay really.
 
2012-10-04 03:32:39 AM  

Jim_Callahan: MadSkillz: I try not to apply logic to this kind of stuff. It's about magicians amongst us who are completely unnoticed and all of these mystical creatures are never noticed either. I usually can let go of logic and just let the narrative's emotional content entertain me.

The books were not great writing by any stretch, but I still enjoyed them.

So... maybe either read a genre that doesn't have a major world-building component, or refrain from acting like the people that read fantasy for the things that distinguish it as a genre, i.e. "what if" sets of alternate physical laws, are the weird ones.

Reading a fantasy novel without caring about the ramifications of the magic system and how they end up altering other aspects of the world is kind of like watching amateur porn for the advice on the use of the barter system to supplant fiat currency. Sure, you can do it, but you appear to have missed something fairly significant about the purpose of the work, and if you go on a forum and state as much expect to be repeatedly informed of that fact. Possibly rudely.

//Though, on that note, if "turning your brain off and going with the emotional content" is your thing, I would in all seriousness advise romance novels instead, as that's what they're for and no one who reads or writes them cares about plot or consistency either so you'll be in better company.

//Most other children's fantasy books get it more or less right, too, so that's not an excuse either. So You Want to Be a Wizard, the Eragon books, Percy Jackson. And the most obsessively nerdy, the Artemis Fowl series. For something to be fit for publication you're expected to be able to keep track of shiat in Fantasy/SciFi, target audience regardless.


Wait.

Wait wait wait.

You just compared the Eragon and Percy Jackson books favorably to the Harry Potter series?

I want your geek card revoked.

/willing to give you Artemis Fowl
 
2012-10-04 03:43:22 AM  

Jim_Callahan: desertmouse: It actually does make perfect sense when you remember that it's a freakin' FANTASY NOVEL.

Nope. It does not. Functional magic fantasy (i.e. I know the words, and when I say the words effect x happens) still requires internal self-consistency.

To use the most blatant example:

Book 1: Harry selecting the brother-wand of Voldemort is a big farking deal that drives the plot. Because, as it's explained, a wand must be specifically crafted around the personality, soul, and destiny of the wielder and no one else can use it properly.

Book 7: Harry having disarmed someone in a more-or-less friendly duel in the past becomes a major plot point, because, as it's explained, the attunement of the wand has nothing to do with the materials or the wielder and a wand is just loyal to the last person that zapped it with a disarming charm.

So... no. Major, plot-altering mechanics of the magic system just arbitrarily changing for the purpose of deus ex machina is, in fact, shiatty writing that's not excusable on the grounds that it's fantasy, because it still breaks the story. The "fantasy of an abused child dying of starvation" actually gives more credit to Mrs. Rowling than just letting the failures of consistency ruin the books for you.


I never got the impression that the general rules for wands had changed. As in, a wizard couldn't win any wand from any other wizard and have it work just as well as their original wand. It was just that particular wand, the Elder Wand, which changed allegiances that way.

A better example comes from the movies where apparition is impossible at Hogwarts except for the headmaster in the 6th movie, but then we see Draco apperating to find his cronies during the battle in the 8th movie.
 
2012-10-04 04:43:53 AM  
 
Displayed 50 of 101 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report