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(TwinCities.com)   Our favorite Viking Chris Kluwe is at it again. He drops a smack down in response to an column titled "Why same-sex marriage affects my marriage"   (blogs.twincities.com) divider line 70
    More: Cool, opinion pieces, arranged marriages, Star Tribune, stones  
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3977 clicks; posted to Sports » on 03 Oct 2012 at 6:42 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 03:23:28 PM  
FTA: You completely ignore the fact that "people in homosexual relationships are trying to change society" not just because they want to have teh buttsecks (or rise and grind for the ladies), but also to avoid, oh I don't know, things like being tortured and tied to a fencepost until you die (Matthew Shepard), shot to death while attending school (Lawrence King), shot to death for being transgender (Moses King), committing suicide by hanging due to repeated bullying and taunting (Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover), shot to death and burned while standing military guard (Seaman August Provost), stabbed to death after serving in the Vietnam War (James Zappalorti) - every single one of these attacks because of the victim's sexuality. Let's not even get into the over 1100 federal benefits gay couples are legally unable to obtain in this state because they can't get married - things like health care, survivor benefits, legacies to pass on to their families (including children); things like tolerance, acceptance, and compassion.

MVP
MVP
MVP
Honestly the whole thing is spectacular
 
2012-10-03 03:54:09 PM  
Dear Mr. Kluwe:

Thank you for your delightful message. Until this point, my only wish for you was for the Vikings to go 2-10 for the remainder of the season. (Those two W's, of course, are only because I have an even greater desire to see the Packers go 0-12.) However, your words have convinced me to wish you, personally, an injury-free season, and a sincere hope that the chair from which you will watch the Bears in the playoffs is comfy.
 
2012-10-03 06:47:40 PM  
Clever, insightful, witty. But he's just a punter, not a REAL football player.

/I keed
 
2012-10-03 06:55:36 PM  
A thorough beatdown. A pity that the tools who need to be exposed to this will never read it (or reflect upon and understand it, provided that they manage to see it). Kluwe is a force for good, it seems.

/Needs an editor, though
 
2012-10-03 06:55:41 PM  
"not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?
 
2012-10-03 06:57:41 PM  
citizenkane.gif
citizenkane.gif
citizenkane.gif
citizenkane.gif
citizenkane.gif
 
2012-10-03 06:58:55 PM  

Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?


brap is kluwe

kluwe is brap
 
2012-10-03 06:59:02 PM  

Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?


He, along with almost everyone else, is over at Reddit now.
 
2012-10-03 07:01:58 PM  

SwingAwayMarell: Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?

He, along with almost everyone else, is over at Reddit now.


Don't worry, threaded comments are supposed to go live the first day of Q2, 2013. They'll be back.
 
2012-10-03 07:04:14 PM  
kluwe is a damn good writer. below is a damn good song and video (pops to youtube) by macklemore on the subject.

thissongissick.com
 
2012-10-03 07:05:29 PM  
Said it in a redlit thread a few days ago. Already purchased my Kluwe jersey and am just waiting on shipping. I don't even like the Vikings, but I love Kluwe enough to overlook that.

/He needs to be the face of the NFL, not the spoiled douchebags they always throw up there
 
2012-10-03 07:05:42 PM  
I think I'm going to vote for Kluwe for the Pro Bowl...
 
2012-10-03 07:06:33 PM  
Just once I'd like to see one of these epic verbal beatdowns actually change someone's mind.

I know, I know. It'll never happen. Fun read though.
 
2012-10-03 07:07:56 PM  
If you don't follow him on Twitter yet, you should. @ChrisWarcraft. Frequently hilarious and often right on target.
 
2012-10-03 07:08:26 PM  
That beat down had more win than the Vikings did over the 49ers.
 
2012-10-03 07:09:39 PM  
I love those arguments with false correlations. On the issue of single-parent households, Kluwe should've pointed out that while single-parent households are at an all-time high, the crime rate is at an all-time low. There is no studies to show the two are related, but it's the same sort of argument the dude Kluwe was responding to was trying to make.
 
2012-10-03 07:10:05 PM  

WhackingDay: Just once I'd like to see one of these epic verbal beatdowns actually change someone's mind.

I know, I know. It'll never happen. Fun read though.


My friend's diehard Packer parents actually bought a Kluwe jersey. So while it may not change people's minds about gay marriage, it has at least caused some people to actually like the Vikings.
 
2012-10-03 07:13:59 PM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: Clever, insightful, witty. But he's just a punter, not a REAL football player.

/I keed


He did at least attempt to tackle Devon Hester once. That's more manly than anything I'll do this week.
 
2012-10-03 07:14:39 PM  
Awesomest Viking ever. He makes it much more bearable to be a Vikings fan.
 
2012-10-03 07:16:22 PM  

WhackingDay: Just once I'd like to see one of these epic verbal beatdowns actually change someone's mind.

I know, I know. It'll never happen. Fun read though.


Or at least get one of the bigoted asswipes that write the sort of thing to which he was responding to at least acknowledge his arguments. Maybe even challenge him to a debate during the offseason.

/I think he's got the smarts and the popularity to run for office if he chooses to when he retires
 
mjg
2012-10-03 07:18:25 PM  
I'd like to see Kluwe's Linkedin account.
 
2012-10-03 07:21:57 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Said it in a redlit thread a few days ago. Already purchased my Kluwe jersey and am just waiting on shipping. I don't even like the Vikings, but I love Kluwe enough to overlook that.

/He needs to be the face of the NFL, not the spoiled douchebags they always throw up there


Im sure that if there is a dollar to be made and Vikings Jerseys to be sold to fans of fairness and/or teh buttsecks then the Commiish will have Kluwe as the Gay Face of the NFL no later than next Wednesday.
 
2012-10-03 07:23:44 PM  
Absolutely brilliant. Chris Kluwe, you may be a member of the Vikings, but this Packers fan is a huge fan of yours. Keep up the good fight, sir.
 
mjg
2012-10-03 07:28:00 PM  

Ponzholio: I think I'm going to vote for Kluwe for the Pro Bowl...


Agreed. Let's also get him on Celebrity Jeopardy.
 
2012-10-03 07:28:43 PM  

Jclark666: SwingAwayMarell: Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?

He, along with almost everyone else, is over at Reddit now.

Don't worry, threaded comments are supposed to go live the first day of Q2, 2013. They'll be back.


Or... "They'll get over it."

The design of that site is so godawful it scorches the eyes of my unborn children.
 
2012-10-03 07:31:05 PM  
"OH MAH GAWD THINK OF THE CHILDREN"

www.kayfabenews.com
 
2012-10-03 07:33:30 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-03 07:35:13 PM  
this from his ,"Can I Kick It" response to Nate Jackson

I don't really care what you or anyone else thinks about what I say or when I say it. If I see something greedy, hypocritical, or just plain stupid, I'm going to call out whoever the offending party happens to be. I've done it to the owners; I've done it to the NFL front office; and I'll certainly do it if I see it happen with the players. And make no mistake: trying to hold up the settlement of a CBA affecting almost 1,900 players just so four can get special treatment is pretty much the definition of greed. Whether it was instigated by their attorneys, agents, or whoever, it's still a douchebag move to make.

And you know why it's a douchebag move to make? Because it makes ALL OF US look bad. It makes ALL OF US look like grasping, blackmailing, money-grubbing jerks whose only care is how much blood we can squeeze from the rock that is the fans - you know, the people who ultimately pay all of our wages. And I'm not a fan of that. (Owners, make sure you pay attention, too. Charging outrageous sums for drinks, seats, and seat licenses, while a great moneymaker now, is definitely counterproductive in the long run, especially with the advent of high-def TVs). You know how you grow the football pie? It's definitely not by shiatting on the people who spend money on you. Maybe this is a small thing, but small things add up over time.

I'll grant you that Mankins and Jackson got screwed by the CBA situation last year. They're entering the prime of their career and were counting on entering free agency. But at the same time, the franchise tag and restricted free agent tag aren't exactly the kiss of death. One year under the RFA offer would be as much money as a doctor earns in his/her ENTIRE LIFE. What. The. fark. You're telling me that having to go one year making "only" as much money as most people will earn their entire lives is such a hardship that you need an extra $10 million payout for putting your name on a lawsuit? I honestly don't know how to respond to that.

Oh wait, yes I do. It's a douchebag move.

Speaking of which, my favorite part of your entire rant is the following: "If it is his goal to slide into a post-punter career as a presumptuous and accusatory football analyst, then he has set himself up quite nicely. ..." Let's replace "punter" with "tight end" and see how that reads. Ooooh, it reads quite nicely. I like it. At least I had the grace to do it in 140 characters or less, not this meandering shiatstorm that you felt compelled to vomit out at someone you've never met, don't know the first thing about, and likely might enjoy talking to if we ever met at a bar (someone who has written a meandering shiatstorm of his own in rebuttal).

So, Nate Jackson, while I respect your right to free speech (as apparently you don't respect mine), I also respect my right to tell you to go jam a tackling dummy up your ass sideways for being a snake-tongued, shiat-talking Internet tough guy asshole who is so far out of touch with reality that you have no idea just how privileged we are to play this game for ridiculous amounts of money.

You're not the only one who can craft a sentence, my friend.

Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe
Punter

P.S. I respect all four of the people I called douchebags (Manning, Brees, Mankins, and Jackson). That's why I used the word "douchebag" instead of "asshole" or "farkwit." Someone acting like a douchebag can still be redeemed; generally it's a momentary lapse of judgment. There's no hope for asshole farkwits. 
 

Never heard of the guy until I saw the thread about his letter to the politician. The above really impressed me, considering what is happening with the NHL right now. Give 'em hell, punterman!!
 
2012-10-03 07:35:35 PM  
I think it is great he had time to do this in between leveling his panda.
 
2012-10-03 07:48:12 PM  

js34603: I think it is great he had time to do this in between leveling his panda.


Is that what they're calling it these days?
 
2012-10-03 07:48:41 PM  
Kluwe for Prez!
 
2012-10-03 07:58:50 PM  
The LTTE he is responding to was written by a guy who attended Brigham Young.

This is why I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for the Mormons and their apologists- if they stayed out of the media and politics I wouldn't give a rat's ass how they live their lives. Let them all huddle in Utah and live by the teaching of their Buddha. Instead they are actively supporting discriminatory legislation and trying to influence public policy. What's worse, they are diverting millions of dollars to their discriminatory causes in the political arena. Link TAX FREE MONEY.

Fark the Mormons. Buy Kluwe a beer.
 
2012-10-03 08:01:47 PM  
outsports.com


He made the cover
 
2012-10-03 08:04:36 PM  
He put the smackdown on Matt Birk the other day as well, after Birk wrote an editorial that was essentially "Gay marriage is bad because I say so The End". He didn't use his "internet dialect" in this one either, and it's arguably more effective.
 
2012-10-03 08:10:29 PM  

caddisfly: The LTTE he is responding to was written by a guy who attended Brigham Young.

This is why I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for the Mormons and their apologists- if they stayed out of the media and politics I wouldn't give a rat's ass how they live their lives. Let them all huddle in Utah and live by the teaching of their Buddha. Instead they are actively supporting discriminatory legislation and trying to influence public policy. What's worse, they are diverting millions of dollars to their discriminatory causes in the political arena. Link TAX FREE MONEY.

Fark the Mormons. Buy Kluwe a beer.


Yes and Kluwe went to UCLA therefore California is now for gay marriage and Barney the Dinosaur gets to be president of the United States. FARK YELLOW DINOSAURS
 
2012-10-03 08:21:47 PM  
jackass in high school, jackass today. go figure.

/him and scandrick
 
2012-10-03 08:26:00 PM  

Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?


I thought the exact same thing!
 
2012-10-03 08:33:54 PM  
Damnit Kluwe, stop making me not hate a Viking! I'm almost willing to forget you pinning the Lions near the goal line for their final drive last Sunday.

/long suffering Lions fan
 
2012-10-03 08:35:04 PM  
What a douchebag.

Oh. . . I think I see why fark likes him.
 
2012-10-03 08:47:41 PM  
I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this. Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)
 
2012-10-03 08:53:40 PM  
thumbnails103.imagebam.com

/to you, good sir
 
2012-10-03 08:54:34 PM  

MrVeach: I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this. Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)


the only reason that folks like kluwe (who though a punter, is not gay) has to say anything is because bigoted asshole farktards are bigoted asshole farktards.

/heaven forbid athletes have an opinion.
 
2012-10-03 08:56:47 PM  

ArtosRC: A thorough beatdown. A pity that the tools who need to be exposed to this will never read it (or reflect upon and understand it, provided that they manage to see it). Kluwe is a force for good, it seems.

/Needs an editor, though


Like he said elsewhere, his columns will probably never sway their named targets. And that's fine, because people like those will not be convinced anyway. He does this for the benefit of those who are on the fence regarding gay rights.
 
2012-10-03 08:57:47 PM  

A Fark Handle: MrVeach: I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this. Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)

the only reason that folks like kluwe (who though a punter, is not gay) has to say anything is because bigoted asshole farktards are bigoted asshole farktards.

/heaven forbid athletes have an opinion.


Punters are athletes?
 
2012-10-03 08:59:48 PM  

MrVeach: I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this


I know right? Can't believe Balling would write an article on how gay marriage would figuratively affect him and his "think of the children!" bullshiat. It's amazing that people would write shiat like this. People are tired of the hate, and douchebags like this do nothing but perpetuate it.

MrVeach: Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)


Ohh you're talking about Kluwe. Well go fark yourself then, kind sir.
 
2012-10-03 09:03:31 PM  

MrVeach: A Fark Handle: MrVeach: I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this. Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)

the only reason that folks like kluwe (who though a punter, is not gay) has to say anything is because bigoted asshole farktards are bigoted asshole farktards.

/heaven forbid athletes have an opinion.

Punters are athletes?


we call baseball players athletes, so sure, why the fark not?
 
2012-10-03 09:04:59 PM  

scottydoesntknow: MrVeach: I hate when people get on their soapbox about shiat like this

I know right? Can't believe Balling would write an article on how gay marriage would figuratively affect him and his "think of the children!" bullshiat. It's amazing that people would write shiat like this. People are tired of the hate, and douchebags like this do nothing but perpetuate it.

MrVeach: Suck a dick, kluwe (and shutup about it)

Ohh you're talking about Kluwe. Well go fark yourself then, kind sir.


I'm tired of your hate, and douchebags like you do nothing to perpetuate it. Carry on with your white knightage, kind sir
 
2012-10-03 09:05:04 PM  
As an Eagles fan, he's easily my favorite non-Eagle.
I've interracted with him on twitter a couple times, he's a really cool guy.
 
2012-10-03 09:05:17 PM  

SwingAwayMarell: Jclark666: SwingAwayMarell: Theaetetus: "not just because they want to have teh buttsecks"

... okay, which one of you Farkers is Kluwe?

He, along with almost everyone else, is over at Reddit now.

Don't worry, threaded comments are supposed to go live the first day of Q2, 2013. They'll be back.

Or... "They'll get over it."

The design of that site is so godawful it scorches the eyes of my unborn children.


I went over there a few times and felt the same way - made me feel like i was back in 1998 on this old message board I used ti visit. I don't even see why anyone is there...oh, love Kluwe but I did catch myself reading parts of this in Sheldon Cooper's voice.

I am going to buy myself a Kluwe jersey for Christmas.
 
2012-10-03 09:29:28 PM  
Mother of God, its beautiful.
 
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