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(Washington Post)   "Let me tell you a bit about dressage.'' What Obama, Romney WON'T say in the debate   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 125
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3439 clicks; posted to Politics » on 03 Oct 2012 at 2:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 11:00:39 AM
Man, Rafalca is taking a beating in this election cycle.

She's been removed to seclusion in her air conditioned Spanish Renaissance livery, her raven tail mussed like a common swayback.
 
2012-10-03 11:06:21 AM
Obama:
"And even though I was born on African soil, I am, in my heart of hearts, a real American."
"I understand the American Dream. I understand it, and I want to crush it."
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"
"Today you have a clear choice. You can elect someone who will drive up the national debt, deadlock Congress, extend the power of the executive government, sign laws that take away citizens' freedoms. Or you can elect my opponent, who will do much of the same."

Rmoney:
"Ask not what your Mitt can do for you. Ask what your country can do for Mitt."
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"Like the guy with the $5000 suit is going to shake hands with the...oh yours is $5000 too? C'mon!"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."
 
2012-10-03 11:16:50 AM
That was...rather lame. I'm confident that Farkers can come up with far superior quotes.
 
2012-10-03 11:17:07 AM
Romney: "Obama is African, but I am Africa."
 
2012-10-03 11:17:36 AM
Obama:

"Personally, I don't even really understand the economy. I mean, WTF is a derivative?"
"I just don't like rich white people."
هذا الرجل هو نكتة" هذا الرجل هو نكتة"

Romney:
"I have campaign contributions from a lot of small business owners and middle class people, and I just want to tell you, your tiny little checks are ADORABLE. I didn't know you could WRITE a check for less than a grand!"
"Look, what do you people want me to say? Just tell me what the fark you want me to say?"
"Boy, I can buy and sell you"
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 11:22:56 AM
I hope everyone in this audience appreciated my zinger. My staff and I worked very hard to make it spontaneous.

George H. W. Bush to Michael Dukakis: "Is it time to bring out the one-liners?"
 
2012-10-03 11:32:25 AM
Obama:

"For real though, I hate Chicago as much as you guys do"
"Yes, I resigned the PATRIOT ACT and reauthorized warrantless wiretapping and other security state measures, and I'd do it again."
"The reason you morons are against Michelle's school lunch program is because you're fat."
"about nine inches"

Romney:
"I'm proud of my record as Governor of Massachusetts"
"No, for real. I was governor. There's a painting of me and everything"
"I want to punch Paul Ryan's smug face too"
"Here are concrete details of my tax plan"
 
2012-10-03 11:33:21 AM

what_now: "I have campaign contributions from a lot of small business owners and middle class people, and I just want to tell you, your tiny little checks are ADORABLE. I didn't know you could WRITE a check for less than a grand!"


I lol'd.
 
2012-10-03 11:36:48 AM
"Let me tell you a bit about my son Bapp."
 
2012-10-03 11:37:14 AM
"These new jets that the Pentagon doesn't want can stop on a ... what's that word? A 'dimmee?'" [off camera speaker] "A die-muh? What the f*ck is a die-muh?"
 
2012-10-03 11:38:17 AM
"Dogs like riding on the roof of a car. They like it. So why don't you poors just get off my back!"
 
2012-10-03 11:42:36 AM
"You guys can see that he's black, right? I mean, it's not just us? We all talked about it and we're pretty sure that he is black."
 
2012-10-03 11:48:29 AM

sweetmelissa31: "Let me tell you a bit about my son Bapp."


OK well there goes my idea.
 
2012-10-03 11:49:28 AM
Things you will not hear tonight:

1. Hey, why don't we actually work together and hammer out a compromise that is best for America. We must take into consideration that the wealthy must contribute fairly and that there is a large contingent of people that will do nothing for themselves.

2. Removing profit and greed from sick and injured people's misfortune is the right thing to do. Nobody can profess any religious or moral high ground while standing on the backs of the sick and disabled.

3. A strong safety net for our elderly and TRULY needy is preferred.

4. We can no longer pretend that we have the right to place military troops and bases all over globe unless we are willing to admit we are in fact, an aggressive and evil empire.

5. We can not legislate morality or religious beliefs.

6. We can no longer maintain a tax system and a judicial system that favors one class over all the others.

8. Some people need to be in jail, insane asylums, or removed from society for the good of that society.

9. The war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on women are all abject failures.

10. We do not have a handle on education, personal responsibility, entitlement or military spending.

BONUS* There has never been an utopian society. There is no heaven here on Earth.
 
2012-10-03 12:12:15 PM

Dahnkster: There is no heaven here on Earth.



userserve-ak.last.fm
 
...disagrees
 
2012-10-03 12:15:30 PM
Obama:
I really like the Executive powers and privilege that Bush left behind.
I am half-white and half-black, but you crackers insisted I was a n****r.
I was born in Hawaii, but my heart belongs in Indonesia.
I have no idea how to solve the economy. I am just hoping the free market fixes it and I will throw out ideas to make it seem like I am doing something.

Romney:
I took advantage of the Swiss tax amnesty.
Paul Ryan's plan sucks. Here's a plan based on my record as Governor.
Romneycare worked and Obamacare works.
I am a vote whore. I will say whatever you want to hear if it gets me elected.
I have Asperger's. That means I don't like anyone that I pretend to like. Including Anne.
 
2012-10-03 12:16:25 PM
I'm just in this for the perks.
 
2012-10-03 12:22:31 PM
"After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."
 
2012-10-03 12:24:01 PM
Romney is definitely going to be prepped with one liners. What would be cool is if Obama had a slide whistle that he blew everytime Romney used one of them.
 
2012-10-03 12:24:57 PM
"Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"
 
2012-10-03 12:27:37 PM
"Why yes, the vast majority of my economic and foreign policy advisers worked in the Bush administration, why do you ask?
 
2012-10-03 12:50:29 PM

bdub77: "I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison.


I like this one.
 
2012-10-03 12:58:33 PM
Dressage? That's easy. You put your underpants on FIRST, and THEN your pants. Socks first, then shoes.

I know...some people get this confused.
 
2012-10-03 01:05:32 PM
"Let's just say I made sure, personally, that my Stericycle stock would perform above expectations."
 
2012-10-03 01:11:39 PM
"Let's just say that I was displeased with my mentally disabled son, so I had him murdered and disposed of by Stericycle, a medical waste disposal company that I was invested in. You might say that I killed two birds with one stone- or two mentally disabled children, haha."
 
2012-10-03 01:16:40 PM

xanadian: Dressage? That's easy. You put your underpants on FIRST, and THEN your pants. Socks first, then shoes.

I know...some people get this confused.


Why don't poor people just have their servants sew on an outfit on leg at a time like the rest of us?
 
2012-10-03 01:18:05 PM

sweetmelissa31: "Let's just say that I was displeased with my mentally disabled son, so I had him murdered and disposed of by Stericycle, a medical waste disposal company that I was invested in. You might say that I killed two birds with one stone- or two mentally disabled children, haha."


"Poor Bapp. So full of life, so full of ice cream." - Barack Q. Tinkledink
 
2012-10-03 01:31:26 PM
Obama: "I'm going to start selling white babies to pay black teachers' salaries."

Romney: "I wonder if you can burn minorities for fuel?"
 
2012-10-03 01:54:09 PM
Obama:
"Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!"


Romney:
"Yes, I have made some interesting gaffs during the campaign. But that's only because I have to concentrate on speaking in a monosyllabic manner so my base can understand me."
 
2012-10-03 02:11:37 PM

UberDave: Obama:
"Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!"


"Leg er down an smackem yackem!"
 
2012-10-03 02:25:00 PM
Romney:
"Let me start off with a joke. A guy form the 47% walks into a bar... And has no health insurance to cover it! HA! Get it!!!"
 
2012-10-03 02:28:21 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-03 02:32:45 PM

bdub77: Obama:
"And even though I was born on African soil, I am, in my heart of hearts, a real American."
"I understand the American Dream. I understand it, and I want to crush it."
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"
"Today you have a clear choice. You can elect someone who will drive up the national debt, deadlock Congress, extend the power of the executive government, sign laws that take away citizens' freedoms. Or you can elect my opponent, who will do much of the same."

Rmoney:
"Ask not what your Mitt can do for you. Ask what your country can do for Mitt."
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"Like the guy with the $5000 suit is going to shake hands with the...oh yours is $5000 too? C'mon!"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."


Clap.
 
2012-10-03 02:36:32 PM

sigdiamond2000: Man, Rafalca is taking a beating in this election cycle.

She's been removed to seclusion in her air conditioned Spanish Renaissance livery, her raven tail mussed like a common swayback.


"my horse has more class and more style in her hoof than they have in their whole deal"
 
2012-10-03 02:38:24 PM
Mitt to Obama: " Oh, hey. For some reason or another you sounded a little taller on radio."
(leans over to Ryan: "What the hell is the world comin' to?")
 
2012-10-03 02:39:06 PM
Obama: "Jim, Can you repeat the question? I shared a joint with Biden before I came on stage, and to be honest, I'm a little bit baked."

Romney: "I really have no idea why I am running. It's not like I have something I want to accomplish or policies I want to enact. I guess I'm just looking for a hobby."
 
2012-10-03 02:40:38 PM
I'd love Obama to ask Romney:
"You spent 10 years planning to run for President and on the taxes you spent 10 years planning to release you STILL had the balls to claim a dancing horse as a medical expense."
"Do you have a question for Governor Romney, Mr. President?"
"No, I just wanted to point that out."
 
2012-10-03 02:41:02 PM

bdub77: Obama:
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"



Bwhahahaha!

/+1
 
2012-10-03 02:41:03 PM
Obama: "This peckerwood over here don't recognize game when he see it!"
 
2012-10-03 02:41:10 PM

Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."


www.usacouponsavings.com
 
2012-10-03 02:41:56 PM
Romney: "If elected, i will work hard to be a fair and just, even to those who spoke out against me or voted for Obama. I've already promised all 245 of my domestic help that i wont fire them on November 8th"
 
2012-10-03 02:42:02 PM
"My favorite historical figure is Hitler"
 
2012-10-03 02:43:40 PM
Romney: "And to all of my Mexican...I mean HISPANIC brothers, I'd just like to say,... 'I had one of those Doritos Taco things on a stop in Tulsa and it was really enjoyable'."
 
2012-10-03 02:45:18 PM

Maud Dib: Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."

[www.usacouponsavings.com image 350x350]


Wrong. Brony sex cruise.
 
2012-10-03 02:47:09 PM
Romney: "Well, if you want to eliminate the pork in Washington I don't think it is advisable to go with the gentleman who eats chitterlings. I'm just sayin'."
 
2012-10-03 02:47:49 PM

Jackson Herring: Maud Dib: Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."

[www.usacouponsavings.com image 350x350]

Wrong. Brony sex cruise.


Either candidate: "Like what Twilight Sparkle said in My Little Pony..."
 
2012-10-03 02:49:46 PM
Obama:

"I think it's through the grace of a Christian God that I didn't declare martial law and kill every last one of you Truther motherf**kers with my bare hands."
"I really don't care about gays myself. I just use them to bolster my ratings and create the visage of giving a damn about their plight while I'm really just keeping them aroud because they do good jobs in interior design and hairdressing. I just hope they haven't caught on yet."
"I'm totally cool about Israel. I just want to stuff Benjamin Netanyahu in a bag and beat him with a croquet mallet, that's all."
"Ani DiFranco just needs to get laid."
"So what if my high school mentor was a card-carrying Communist? It's not like I fantasize about Putin or anything. Mmmm...sweet sweet Putin. Uh...wait, what was the question?"

Romney:
"Why the hell should I care about abortion? I can't get pregnant."
"No, Warren Jeffs is NOT getting a pardon when I become president. Why do you keep saying that?"
"Leopard print bikini briefs."
 
2012-10-03 02:49:49 PM
Jim Lehrer: "*cough* bullshiat*cough*
 
2012-10-03 02:54:43 PM
Romney: If you sing the Kenyan national anthem, I will...

Obama: I don't know the Kenyan national anthem since I was not born there.

Romney: Like I was saying, I will drop out of the race and donate my millions to the Democratic party.

Obama: Ee Mungu nguvu yetu Ilete baraka kwetu Haki iwe ngao na mlinzi Natukae kwa Undugu Amani na uhuru Raha tupate na ustawi.

Amkeni ndugu zetu Tufanye sote bidii Nasi tujitoe kwa nguvu Nchi yetu ya Kenya Tunayoipenda Tuwe tayari kuilinda

Natujenge taifa letu Ee, ndio wajibu wetu Kenya istahili heshima Tuungane mikono Pamoja kazini Kila siku tuwe na shukrani
 
2012-10-03 02:54:45 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Romney: "And to all of my Mexican...I mean HISPANIC brothers, I'd just like to say,... 'I had one of those Doritos Taco things on a stop in Tulsa and it was really enjoyable'."


there might be better ones than this up-thread, but this one actually made me snort
 
2012-10-03 02:59:01 PM
Obama:
- "As Mitt Romney well knows, advancements in robotics can help in everything from the exploration of planets ripe for total domination, to hard-working Americans' day to day lives."
- "Oh, excuse me - I thought these were the Presidential debates, not the Perpetual Candidate Smackdown."
- "Please don't mutter 'negro' during the debates. Anything my big ears don't catch, the CIA bug in your lectern certainly will."
- "As my father Frank Marshall Davis once said, 'We didn't go back in time and fake your birth announcement and certificate for nothing. You must spread Communism through the world, or the world shall be lost.' He was a great guy, really."
- "Excuse me while I whip this out."

Romney:
- "Initializing Presidential Debate Protocol... error. Error. PDP found no logical argument that can be used against currPresident. Shut down."
- "Say it ain't so, O, there you go again pointing backwards again. You prefaced your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future." *wink to crowd*
- "ZING!" *lifts and waves hand backward over his head*
- "I hope you have the good sense not to tell anyone we debated in public."
- "I would bet you $10,000 that I'll win this debate, but you probably don't even carry that much with you. How about $5,000?"
 
2012-10-03 02:59:08 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Romney: "And to all of my Mexican...I mean HISPANIC brothers, I'd just like to say,... 'I had one of those Doritos Taco things on a stop in Tulsa and it was really enjoyable'."


No Mitt, those were taco flavor doritos and you didn't like how they made your fingers smell after you were done eating them so you fired the staffer who bought them.
 
2012-10-03 02:59:18 PM

hugram: Ee Mungu nguvu yetu Ilete baraka kwetu Haki iwe ngao na mlinzi Natukae kwa Undugu Amani na uhuru Raha tupate na ustawi.

Amkeni ndugu zetu Tufanye sote bidii Nasi tujitoe kwa nguvu Nchi yetu ya Kenya Tunayoipenda Tuwe tayari kuilinda

Natujenge taifa letu Ee, ndio wajibu wetu Kenya istahili heshima Tuungane mikono Pamoja kazini Kila siku tuwe na shukrani



Ha! Nice job...Allow me to mangle that using Google Translate:

O God of our creation to be a blessing to us right shield and defender Natukae Partnership for Peace and freedom site might and prosperity.

Awake brethren should we all strive for power we submit our Country Kenya Tunayoipenda We should be prepared to defend

O Natujenge our nation, our responsibility Kenya deserve decent link hands Together we work every day with gratitude
 
2012-10-03 02:59:55 PM
Obama: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Romney: What do you mean, I'm not helping?
 
2012-10-03 03:02:12 PM
Romney: "I can see Russia from three of my houses."
 
2012-10-03 03:05:03 PM
"Let me tell you a bit about dressage.'' What Obama, Romney WON'T say in the debate

Romney: (referencing his lower than average tax rate and multiple tax dodging schemes)

Obama: (referencing higher than average unemployment)

What they could say, but likely won't:

Romney: I enacted healthcare reform in Mass which covered almost everyone, and they love it. And... (He honestly has done nothing else of any significance that didn't involve firing people)

Obama: I enacted healthcare reform in USA, which covers more people than any point in history. Oh, and I gave the order to kill bin laden, the country's #1 most wanted individual, while simultaneously fending off members of the GOP accusing me of not being a citizen. Oh, and Fair Pay act. Oh, and revoking DADT.
 
2012-10-03 03:05:17 PM
Obama will place an empty chair next to the podium, then go sit in the audience with Biden, drinking beer and heckling Romney.
 
2012-10-03 03:07:09 PM
"Nice gunt, Governor"
 
2012-10-03 03:07:22 PM
Obama:
"the only Illegal aliens adults we were okay with staying here were those who crashed on earth between 1947 and 1973"
"As my wife once said, Aint no reason to trust them whitiies".
"i get no kick from champagne..."

Romney:
"Plebeians, the lot of you"
"Even if I lose this race, I still get my own planet after I die, which is more them my opponent can say"
"No, I said he was near, what do you think I said?"
 
2012-10-03 03:07:38 PM
Obama:
"Say What Again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfarker, say what one more gotdamn time!"
 
2012-10-03 03:09:10 PM
Debates should now be held online. Without warning. Involving strangers. It would be far more entertaining.

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-10-03 03:09:33 PM

what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"


I doubt Rmoney is going to ask for MA's money back.
 
2012-10-03 03:11:12 PM
"I am the byproduct of a true Meritocracy. Mr. President, you would do well to learn from me, you elitist"
 
2012-10-03 03:12:11 PM

enry: what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"

I doubt Rmoney is going to ask for MA's money back.


Well, no. We actually PAY more money in federal taxes than we take in federal subsidies.
 
2012-10-03 03:14:07 PM

xanadian: Dressage? That's easy. You put your underpants on FIRST, and THEN your pants. Socks first, then shoes.

I know...some people get this confused.


And when it comes to shoes, don't forget "T.G.I.F.", Toes Go In First!
 
2012-10-03 03:14:58 PM
Obama & Romney Together: "It really doesn't matter!"
 
2012-10-03 03:15:21 PM

imontheinternet: Obama will place an empty chair next to the podium, then go sit in the audience with Biden, drinking beer and heckling Romney.


He'll have to invite his debate team as well.
Seen here, going over his strategy:
i0.kym-cdn.com 

/taken with a special lens in order to actually see Obama
 
2012-10-03 03:16:10 PM
"Ladies and gentlemen... let me tell you a little something about Planet Kolob..."
 
2012-10-03 03:17:11 PM

Mr_Fabulous: "Ladies and gentlemen... let me tell you a little something about Planet Kolob..."


Mormons do not actually believe God to live on a planet named Kolob.

They believe God to live on a planet that orbits a star named Kolob.
 
2012-10-03 03:18:46 PM

what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"


Moderator: Your response?

"I thought it was three words!"
 
2012-10-03 03:18:49 PM

nyrkah1: Romney: "I can see Russia the Soviet Union from three of my houses."


There. thats better.
 
2012-10-03 03:19:18 PM

Dimensio: Mr_Fabulous: "Ladies and gentlemen... let me tell you a little something about Planet Kolob..."

Mormons do not actually believe God to live on a planet named Kolob.

They believe God to live on a planet that orbits a star named Kolob.


The planet is called Kodos.
 
2012-10-03 03:20:42 PM

what_now: enry: what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"

I doubt Rmoney is going to ask for MA's money back.

Well, no. We actually PAY more money in federal taxes than we take in federal subsidies.


Yeah, otherwise it'd be Obama asking for MA's money back.

/doesn't particularly mind that my money helps poor folks in the South, just resentful they b*tch about it
 
2012-10-03 03:20:48 PM
Romney: "I understand black people. My great grandfather owned several."

Obama: "I think the Prophet, pbu"h, said it best when..."
 
2012-10-03 03:20:55 PM
Obama: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! Vote for me or the n****r gets it.
Romney: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Obama: [still gruffly} Vote for me, or I swear I'll blow this n*****r's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [pickaninny voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he saaaayyyy... do what he saaaayyyy...
 
2012-10-03 03:21:51 PM
Romney: "As to the charges that I have never done any real work in my life, let me just say that you don't what hard work is until you've tried to convince a Frenchman to give up tobacco and alcohol."
 
2012-10-03 03:21:57 PM

Antimatter: Obama:
"the only Illegal aliens adults we were okay with staying here were those who crashed on earth between 1947 and 1973"
"As my wife once said, Aint no reason to trust them whitiies".
"i get no kick from champagne..."

Romney:
"Plebeians, the lot of you"
"Even if I lose this race, I still get my own planet after I die, which is more them my opponent can say"
"No, I said he was near, what do you think I said?"


I surrender. That was perfect.
 
2012-10-03 03:24:09 PM
Romney: "F*CK YOU.. F#CK YOU... YOU'RE COOL ... F%CK YOU, I'M OUT!!!"
 
2012-10-03 03:28:01 PM

Via Infinito: what_now: "I have campaign contributions from a lot of small business owners and middle class people, and I just want to tell you, your tiny little checks are ADORABLE. I didn't know you could WRITE a check for less than a grand!"

I lol'd.


I did, too. Like anyone would write a check for less than a grand to Romney.

/I bet his staffers returned those checks uncashed.
 
2012-10-03 03:28:28 PM
My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.

It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us.

It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed.
 
2012-10-03 03:29:53 PM

Marshal805: Romney: "As to the charges that I have never done any real work in my life, let me just say that you don't what hard work is until you've tried to convince a Frenchman to give up tobacco and alcohol."


Mitt Romney: "When I was a boy, I used to think that becoming rich and becoming famous would make me happy. Boy was I right."

Oh wait he actually said that.
 
2012-10-03 03:32:39 PM

PanicMan: Marshal805: Romney: "As to the charges that I have never done any real work in my life, let me just say that you don't what hard work is until you've tried to convince a Frenchman to give up tobacco and alcohol."

Mitt Romney: "When I was a boy, I used to think that becoming rich and becoming famous would make me happy. Boy was I right."

Oh wait he actually said that.


No way...

*google*

What. A. Prick.
 
2012-10-03 03:32:43 PM
Romney: "You know, if I'm being honest, I don't really care about abortions or Libya or unemployment or what you poor slobs do with your naughty bits. I'm just a Mormon because it gets me mad biatches.

I don't even expect to run for a second term. I plan to do everything I can to help myself and my extremely rich Ivy League douchebag friends get richer. Then I'm going to retire and float around on my 250' yacht in between million-dollar speaking appearances at the Club for Growth."
 
2012-10-03 03:33:37 PM
Obama: Will you libs stop whining? I mean, what are you gonna do, vote third party?

Romney: Will you teabaggers stop whining? I mean, what are you gonna do, vote third party?
 
2012-10-03 03:34:26 PM
Romney: Here is the deal. Inside one of these boxes is a key. If your box has a key in it, you will be the last person today to get one of those cute little G6′s, ok. Who will it be? Are you ready? Hold on, JR is back in our audio booth, I want, y'know. this calls for a drum roll, cue the drum roll, alright open your boxes. Open your boxes 1 2 3, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR!!!!
 
2012-10-03 03:35:45 PM

Superjew: Obama: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Romney: What do you mean, I'm not helping?



MY GOD MAN.
2.bp.blogspot.com 

/Let me tell you about my mother...
 
2012-10-03 03:35:47 PM

Marshal805: Romney: "As to the charges that I have never done any real work in my life, let me just say that you don't what hard work is until you've tried to convince a Frenchman to give up tobacco and alcohol."


You know, if Romney pulled that one, I might vote for him. Which if he was to read this thread he probably would.
 
2012-10-03 03:36:47 PM
Obama: People are still thinking about voting for Romney? *shakes head* Idiots...

Romney: I know, right? What the hell's wrong with these people? Have they been in a cave for the past 6 months?
 
2012-10-03 03:37:48 PM

Superjew: Obama: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Romney: What do you mean, I'm not helping?


Well, that tortoise needs to learn to take personal responsibility.
 
2012-10-03 03:38:48 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Romney: "Well, if you want to eliminate the pork in Washington I don't think it is advisable to go with the gentleman who eats chitterlings. I'm just sayin'."


Or Obama: I pledge to free Washington from pork, in accordance with my Muslim faith.
 
2012-10-03 03:40:00 PM

unyon: Romney is definitely going to be prepped with one liners. What would be cool is if Obama had a slide whistle that he blew everytime Romney used one of them.


He should sneak an iPad up there and keep it open to This
 
2012-10-03 03:40:52 PM
Obama just needs to walk onto the stage with a big horseshoe magnet, wave it at Romney and say, "Degauss!"
If asked why he can explain, "A lot of Romney's answers seem out of focus, thought I would help clear up the picture."
 
2012-10-03 03:42:38 PM
What's wrong with dressage? Gay horses need work too.
 
2012-10-03 03:45:37 PM
If Romney mentions birth certificates or Kenya in any capacity, even as a "zinger", Obama should get the opportunity to punch him in the cock.
 
2012-10-03 03:48:56 PM
Romney *wispering off stage*: psssst, hey is this one of my butlers over here?
 
2012-10-03 03:49:41 PM

Epoch_Zero: I enacted healthcare reform in Mass which covered almost everyone, and they love it.


Actually he didn't. He signed it with a line-item veto of the key provisions including the universal mandate.

But he won't mention that fact in public, even though it would placate the Teabaggers.
 
2012-10-03 03:51:09 PM

stevetherobot: [pickaninny voice]


I used to live in a place where the actual word for "child" was "pikinini". They weren't racist, but they learned their language from racists....
 
2012-10-03 03:51:37 PM
Romney: Let me explain to you that as Archon of the Lyran Commonwealth I will strive to remove the undo influence the merchant class has on the Government. I will not forget the threat the damned Clanners pose to our society. Nor will I back down from the Davions. Quiaff?
 
2012-10-03 03:52:08 PM

PanicMan: what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"

Moderator: Your response?

"I thought it was three words!"


Unfunded mandates whatever he can get. He hangs out in libraries, takes walks, and gets angry when she wants sauerkraut on her hotdog. (It's 50 cents extra.)
 
2012-10-03 03:55:33 PM

ilambiquated: Epoch_Zero: I enacted healthcare reform in Mass which covered almost everyone, and they love it.

Actually he didn't. He signed it with a line-item veto of the key provisions including the universal mandate.

But he won't mention that fact in public, even though it would placate the Teabaggers.


I stand corrected. I'm sure the opposite would be true regarding his Assault Weapon law.
 
2012-10-03 03:58:37 PM
Moderator: Now yesterday, the President's campaign manager said that you are the godfather of Obamacare. I know that's not the case. I know you didn't cut Medicare or raise taxes, and you didn't change every American's health care plan. But just for the moment, if that's who you are, can you make the Democrats an office they can't refuse to repeal it?

Romney: (laughing) That's a great idea. We counted, by the way, that Mr. Plouffe is the Rumpelstiltskin of trying to turn straw into gold. He will not be successful. I can tell you one thing. If I'm the godfather of this thing, then it gives me the right to kill it.

Link
 
2012-10-03 04:02:56 PM
You can pretty much bet that Rmoney will stay away from any specifics. He will talk about recovery through "leadership" with no indication of where he plans to lead the US.
 
2012-10-03 04:10:12 PM

Great_Milenko: If Romney mentions birth certificates or Kenya in any capacity, even as a "zinger", Obama should get the opportunity to punch him in the cock.


If that happens, I'll donate again.
 
2012-10-03 04:10:55 PM

stevetherobot: Obama: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! Vote for me or the n****r gets it.
Romney: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Obama: [still gruffly} Vote for me, or I swear I'll blow this n*****r's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [pickaninny voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he saaaayyyy... do what he saaaayyyy...


Of all the Blazing Saddles references, this had me in tears
 
2012-10-03 04:11:12 PM

LawPD: nyrkah1: Romney: "I can see Russia the Soviet Union from three of my houses."

There. thats better.


Agreed.
 
2012-10-03 04:15:24 PM

Epoch_Zero: Obama: I enacted healthcare reform in USA, which covers more people than any point in history. Oh, and I gave the order to kill bin laden, the country's #1 most wanted individual, while simultaneously fending off members of the GOP accusing me of not being a citizen. Oh, and Fair Pay act. Oh, and revoking DADT.


You forgot the donuts.
 
2012-10-03 04:15:47 PM

bdub77: Rmoney:
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."


For some reason, I can't help but read these two in Cave Johnson's voice.
 
2012-10-03 04:20:02 PM
Sorry I haven't quite finished fixing the economy just yet, Mitt. I was busy preventing World War III after your "goodwill" tour of England and Israel.
 
2012-10-03 04:23:17 PM

Jupiter's Thunder: PanicMan: what_now: "Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"

Moderator: Your response?

"I thought it was three words!"

Unfunded mandates whatever he can get. He hangs out in libraries, takes walks, and gets angry when she wants sauerkraut on her hotdog. (It's 50 cents extra.)


Obama: Unfunded Man Dates are another way Romney is trying to halt the gay agenda. When I am re-elected I will take 200 billion dollars from Military spending and implement a Mandatory Man Date Monday institution. All males of age must partake in the Bacchanalian delights of the homosexual lifestyle.

Romney: Fabulous! Now come here you hum-dinger!

And then they start making out.
 
2012-10-03 04:24:49 PM

Ghost Roach: stevetherobot: Obama: [in a gruff voice, hauling himself by the collar and pressing the muzzle of his gun against his own neck] Hold it! Vote for me or the n****r gets it.
Romney: Listen to him, men; he's just crazy enough to do it!
Obama: [still gruffly} Vote for me, or I swear I'll blow this n*****r's head ALL OVER THIS TOWN! [pickaninny voice] Oh, Lawdy-Lawd, he's desp'at! Do what he say, do what he saaaayyyy... do what he saaaayyyy...

Of all the Blazing Saddles references, this had me in tears


I still can't believe Obama hasn't used "excuse me while I whip this out" at some point the past 4 years. I would have done that during my acceptance speech.
 
2012-10-03 04:25:24 PM
To both candidates: Why are you farking over the middle class in favor of the poor/rich?
 
2012-10-03 04:26:24 PM
Romney: This boy is not white! Hell, he ain't even old timey!
 
2012-10-03 04:26:26 PM

bdub77: Obama:
"And even though I was born on African soil, I am, in my heart of hearts, a real American."
"I understand the American Dream. I understand it, and I want to crush it."
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"
"Today you have a clear choice. You can elect someone who will drive up the national debt, deadlock Congress, extend the power of the executive government, sign laws that take away citizens' freedoms. Or you can elect my opponent, who will do much of the same."

Rmoney:
"Ask not what your Mitt can do for you. Ask what your country can do for Mitt."
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"Like the guy with the $5000 suit is going to shake hands with the...oh yours is $5000 too? C'mon!"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."


Without question, that is the funniest goddamn post I've EVER seen on Fark. The "fart bongos" and "clicking sounds" part made me lose my sh*t. I don't even have total fark, and would still have sponsored you for a month for that if you didn't have it already.

F*cking hilarious, amigo/a. Consider yourself favorited as "damn funny farker".
 
2012-10-03 04:28:59 PM
Romney: Obama is half white, half black. Talk about being a flip flopper.
 
2012-10-03 04:34:29 PM

monoski: You can pretty much bet that Rmoney will stay away from any specifics. He will talk about recovery through "leadership" with no indication of where he plans to lead the US.


You'd have to have a plan to give specifics. We should just trust him. To do what's right. Whatever that is. To a Mormon.
 
2012-10-03 04:38:45 PM

Dahnkster: Things you will not hear tonight:
5. We can not legislate morality or religious beliefs.

I would not be surprised if Obama says this at some point.

6. We can no longer maintain a tax system and a judicial system that favors one class over all the some people and not others
I would not be surprised if Romney says this at some point.
 
2012-10-03 04:45:42 PM
 
2012-10-03 04:55:56 PM
"And now we turn this debate over to our third moderator, Jigsaw, for the last round of questions."

"Mr. Romney, You've stated that wealth and fame make you happy, but how strong is your will to live? You'll notice that your foot is chained to the podium, and there is a deadly trap inside set to go off in 5 minutes. There is a young child beside you with the key surgically implanted within her skull. Live or die, make your..."

"Got it!"

"What, how, I haven't even given you the hammer yet! How did you..."

"Headbutted the little tyke with my helmet hair. OK, chain's unlocked now. Blood all over me. Sticky, red, wet. Jeeves, new suit!"

"Obama, your rebuttal."

"Can I borrow that for Biden?"
 
2012-10-03 05:06:53 PM
Obama:

"My opponent claims I am am empty suit, and this is clearly a lie. There are, in fact, several hundred miniaturized, time traveling communists piloting this Obama suit, Doctor who style".

'I didn't forge my birth certification to claim to be American born vis a vis Hawaii. No, we forged the Hawaiian Constitution and had backdated it's entry into the union."

"Bin laden wasn't the only one who wasn't able to walk the next day after the raid, just ask Michelle".

Romney:

"When five died in Libya on 9/11, it was a horrible tragedy and a sign of the democrats weakness. When 3,000 died in new york on 9/11 it was a time to come together and blame no one".

"Why yes, that is a roll of hundreds in my pocket, thanks for asking".

"My opponent may be a head in the polls, but that's only because certain minorities were oversampled as likely voters by 2/5ths".
 
2012-10-03 05:35:45 PM
I will vote for whichever candidate first says "Booyah!" during the debate.
 
2012-10-03 06:47:41 PM
"In America we have a song, 'Dingdong lommawanni jumping with an ice pick, she thinks I'm going in.'"
 
2012-10-03 06:49:22 PM
You know what we won't hear, although i soooo wish we would, from Obama "i will decriminalize marijuana."
 
2012-10-03 06:53:44 PM

Antimatter: "Why yes, that is a roll of hundreds Krugerrands in my pocket, thanks for asking".


Molded from the original golden tablets, no less!
 
2012-10-03 08:12:45 PM
Before the pre-debate handshake

Obama: (To Romney) "Assalaumu Alaikum, comrade."

Following the pre-debate handshake

Romney (yelling offstage) Bapp! Hand sanitizer! Now! Get this mark of Cain off of me!
 
2012-10-03 10:57:23 PM

Satanic_Hamster: "You spent 10 years planning to run for President and on the taxes you spent 10 years planning to release you STILL had the balls to claim a dancing horse as a medical expense."


No.

No he didn't.

He had the balls to claim the medical horse as a farking business expense.
 
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