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(Washington Post)   "Let me tell you a bit about dressage.'' What Obama, Romney WON'T say in the debate   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 125
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3439 clicks; posted to Politics » on 03 Oct 2012 at 2:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 11:00:39 AM
Man, Rafalca is taking a beating in this election cycle.

She's been removed to seclusion in her air conditioned Spanish Renaissance livery, her raven tail mussed like a common swayback.
 
2012-10-03 11:06:21 AM
Obama:
"And even though I was born on African soil, I am, in my heart of hearts, a real American."
"I understand the American Dream. I understand it, and I want to crush it."
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"
"Today you have a clear choice. You can elect someone who will drive up the national debt, deadlock Congress, extend the power of the executive government, sign laws that take away citizens' freedoms. Or you can elect my opponent, who will do much of the same."

Rmoney:
"Ask not what your Mitt can do for you. Ask what your country can do for Mitt."
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"Like the guy with the $5000 suit is going to shake hands with the...oh yours is $5000 too? C'mon!"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."
 
2012-10-03 11:16:50 AM
That was...rather lame. I'm confident that Farkers can come up with far superior quotes.
 
2012-10-03 11:17:07 AM
Romney: "Obama is African, but I am Africa."
 
2012-10-03 11:17:36 AM
Obama:

"Personally, I don't even really understand the economy. I mean, WTF is a derivative?"
"I just don't like rich white people."
هذا الرجل هو نكتة" هذا الرجل هو نكتة"

Romney:
"I have campaign contributions from a lot of small business owners and middle class people, and I just want to tell you, your tiny little checks are ADORABLE. I didn't know you could WRITE a check for less than a grand!"
"Look, what do you people want me to say? Just tell me what the fark you want me to say?"
"Boy, I can buy and sell you"
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 11:22:56 AM
I hope everyone in this audience appreciated my zinger. My staff and I worked very hard to make it spontaneous.

George H. W. Bush to Michael Dukakis: "Is it time to bring out the one-liners?"
 
2012-10-03 11:32:25 AM
Obama:

"For real though, I hate Chicago as much as you guys do"
"Yes, I resigned the PATRIOT ACT and reauthorized warrantless wiretapping and other security state measures, and I'd do it again."
"The reason you morons are against Michelle's school lunch program is because you're fat."
"about nine inches"

Romney:
"I'm proud of my record as Governor of Massachusetts"
"No, for real. I was governor. There's a painting of me and everything"
"I want to punch Paul Ryan's smug face too"
"Here are concrete details of my tax plan"
 
2012-10-03 11:33:21 AM

what_now: "I have campaign contributions from a lot of small business owners and middle class people, and I just want to tell you, your tiny little checks are ADORABLE. I didn't know you could WRITE a check for less than a grand!"


I lol'd.
 
2012-10-03 11:36:48 AM
"Let me tell you a bit about my son Bapp."
 
2012-10-03 11:37:14 AM
"These new jets that the Pentagon doesn't want can stop on a ... what's that word? A 'dimmee?'" [off camera speaker] "A die-muh? What the f*ck is a die-muh?"
 
2012-10-03 11:38:17 AM
"Dogs like riding on the roof of a car. They like it. So why don't you poors just get off my back!"
 
2012-10-03 11:42:36 AM
"You guys can see that he's black, right? I mean, it's not just us? We all talked about it and we're pretty sure that he is black."
 
2012-10-03 11:48:29 AM

sweetmelissa31: "Let me tell you a bit about my son Bapp."


OK well there goes my idea.
 
2012-10-03 11:49:28 AM
Things you will not hear tonight:

1. Hey, why don't we actually work together and hammer out a compromise that is best for America. We must take into consideration that the wealthy must contribute fairly and that there is a large contingent of people that will do nothing for themselves.

2. Removing profit and greed from sick and injured people's misfortune is the right thing to do. Nobody can profess any religious or moral high ground while standing on the backs of the sick and disabled.

3. A strong safety net for our elderly and TRULY needy is preferred.

4. We can no longer pretend that we have the right to place military troops and bases all over globe unless we are willing to admit we are in fact, an aggressive and evil empire.

5. We can not legislate morality or religious beliefs.

6. We can no longer maintain a tax system and a judicial system that favors one class over all the others.

8. Some people need to be in jail, insane asylums, or removed from society for the good of that society.

9. The war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on women are all abject failures.

10. We do not have a handle on education, personal responsibility, entitlement or military spending.

BONUS* There has never been an utopian society. There is no heaven here on Earth.
 
2012-10-03 12:12:15 PM

Dahnkster: There is no heaven here on Earth.



userserve-ak.last.fm
 
...disagrees
 
2012-10-03 12:15:30 PM
Obama:
I really like the Executive powers and privilege that Bush left behind.
I am half-white and half-black, but you crackers insisted I was a n****r.
I was born in Hawaii, but my heart belongs in Indonesia.
I have no idea how to solve the economy. I am just hoping the free market fixes it and I will throw out ideas to make it seem like I am doing something.

Romney:
I took advantage of the Swiss tax amnesty.
Paul Ryan's plan sucks. Here's a plan based on my record as Governor.
Romneycare worked and Obamacare works.
I am a vote whore. I will say whatever you want to hear if it gets me elected.
I have Asperger's. That means I don't like anyone that I pretend to like. Including Anne.
 
2012-10-03 12:16:25 PM
I'm just in this for the perks.
 
2012-10-03 12:22:31 PM
"After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."
 
2012-10-03 12:24:01 PM
Romney is definitely going to be prepped with one liners. What would be cool is if Obama had a slide whistle that he blew everytime Romney used one of them.
 
2012-10-03 12:24:57 PM
"Unfunded mandates is actually two words, it's not one really big word"
 
2012-10-03 12:27:37 PM
"Why yes, the vast majority of my economic and foreign policy advisers worked in the Bush administration, why do you ask?
 
2012-10-03 12:50:29 PM

bdub77: "I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison.


I like this one.
 
2012-10-03 12:58:33 PM
Dressage? That's easy. You put your underpants on FIRST, and THEN your pants. Socks first, then shoes.

I know...some people get this confused.
 
2012-10-03 01:05:32 PM
"Let's just say I made sure, personally, that my Stericycle stock would perform above expectations."
 
2012-10-03 01:11:39 PM
"Let's just say that I was displeased with my mentally disabled son, so I had him murdered and disposed of by Stericycle, a medical waste disposal company that I was invested in. You might say that I killed two birds with one stone- or two mentally disabled children, haha."
 
2012-10-03 01:16:40 PM

xanadian: Dressage? That's easy. You put your underpants on FIRST, and THEN your pants. Socks first, then shoes.

I know...some people get this confused.


Why don't poor people just have their servants sew on an outfit on leg at a time like the rest of us?
 
2012-10-03 01:18:05 PM

sweetmelissa31: "Let's just say that I was displeased with my mentally disabled son, so I had him murdered and disposed of by Stericycle, a medical waste disposal company that I was invested in. You might say that I killed two birds with one stone- or two mentally disabled children, haha."


"Poor Bapp. So full of life, so full of ice cream." - Barack Q. Tinkledink
 
2012-10-03 01:31:26 PM
Obama: "I'm going to start selling white babies to pay black teachers' salaries."

Romney: "I wonder if you can burn minorities for fuel?"
 
2012-10-03 01:54:09 PM
Obama:
"Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!"


Romney:
"Yes, I have made some interesting gaffs during the campaign. But that's only because I have to concentrate on speaking in a monosyllabic manner so my base can understand me."
 
2012-10-03 02:11:37 PM

UberDave: Obama:
"Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in', man!"


"Leg er down an smackem yackem!"
 
2012-10-03 02:25:00 PM
Romney:
"Let me start off with a joke. A guy form the 47% walks into a bar... And has no health insurance to cover it! HA! Get it!!!"
 
2012-10-03 02:28:21 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-03 02:32:45 PM

bdub77: Obama:
"And even though I was born on African soil, I am, in my heart of hearts, a real American."
"I understand the American Dream. I understand it, and I want to crush it."
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"
"Today you have a clear choice. You can elect someone who will drive up the national debt, deadlock Congress, extend the power of the executive government, sign laws that take away citizens' freedoms. Or you can elect my opponent, who will do much of the same."

Rmoney:
"Ask not what your Mitt can do for you. Ask what your country can do for Mitt."
"I've gotta be honest, I asked my staff for Zingers, and after trying them, let me just say, Bain Capital is now invested in Dolly Madison. Does anyone want to buy some junk bonds?"
"Like the guy with the $5000 suit is going to shake hands with the...oh yours is $5000 too? C'mon!"
"I just want to say quickly before we begin, that I really like you 47 percenters. I do! In fact I want to hug all of you collectively. Can we do this on camera? Everyone just come up to your TVs and give me a big ol' hug."


Clap.
 
2012-10-03 02:36:32 PM

sigdiamond2000: Man, Rafalca is taking a beating in this election cycle.

She's been removed to seclusion in her air conditioned Spanish Renaissance livery, her raven tail mussed like a common swayback.


"my horse has more class and more style in her hoof than they have in their whole deal"
 
2012-10-03 02:38:24 PM
Mitt to Obama: " Oh, hey. For some reason or another you sounded a little taller on radio."
(leans over to Ryan: "What the hell is the world comin' to?")
 
2012-10-03 02:39:06 PM
Obama: "Jim, Can you repeat the question? I shared a joint with Biden before I came on stage, and to be honest, I'm a little bit baked."

Romney: "I really have no idea why I am running. It's not like I have something I want to accomplish or policies I want to enact. I guess I'm just looking for a hobby."
 
2012-10-03 02:40:38 PM
I'd love Obama to ask Romney:
"You spent 10 years planning to run for President and on the taxes you spent 10 years planning to release you STILL had the balls to claim a dancing horse as a medical expense."
"Do you have a question for Governor Romney, Mr. President?"
"No, I just wanted to point that out."
 
2012-10-03 02:41:02 PM

bdub77: Obama:
"I believe it was my father who first taught me how to play the fart bongos. He said, 'Son, [clicking sounds]'"



Bwhahahaha!

/+1
 
2012-10-03 02:41:03 PM
Obama: "This peckerwood over here don't recognize game when he see it!"
 
2012-10-03 02:41:10 PM

Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."


www.usacouponsavings.com
 
2012-10-03 02:41:56 PM
Romney: "If elected, i will work hard to be a fair and just, even to those who spoke out against me or voted for Obama. I've already promised all 245 of my domestic help that i wont fire them on November 8th"
 
2012-10-03 02:42:02 PM
"My favorite historical figure is Hitler"
 
2012-10-03 02:43:40 PM
Romney: "And to all of my Mexican...I mean HISPANIC brothers, I'd just like to say,... 'I had one of those Doritos Taco things on a stop in Tulsa and it was really enjoyable'."
 
2012-10-03 02:45:18 PM

Maud Dib: Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."

[www.usacouponsavings.com image 350x350]


Wrong. Brony sex cruise.
 
2012-10-03 02:47:09 PM
Romney: "Well, if you want to eliminate the pork in Washington I don't think it is advisable to go with the gentleman who eats chitterlings. I'm just sayin'."
 
2012-10-03 02:47:49 PM

Jackson Herring: Maud Dib: Jackson Herring: "After her disgraceful performance at the Olympics, Rafalca has been... disposed of."

[www.usacouponsavings.com image 350x350]

Wrong. Brony sex cruise.


Either candidate: "Like what Twilight Sparkle said in My Little Pony..."
 
2012-10-03 02:49:46 PM
Obama:

"I think it's through the grace of a Christian God that I didn't declare martial law and kill every last one of you Truther motherf**kers with my bare hands."
"I really don't care about gays myself. I just use them to bolster my ratings and create the visage of giving a damn about their plight while I'm really just keeping them aroud because they do good jobs in interior design and hairdressing. I just hope they haven't caught on yet."
"I'm totally cool about Israel. I just want to stuff Benjamin Netanyahu in a bag and beat him with a croquet mallet, that's all."
"Ani DiFranco just needs to get laid."
"So what if my high school mentor was a card-carrying Communist? It's not like I fantasize about Putin or anything. Mmmm...sweet sweet Putin. Uh...wait, what was the question?"

Romney:
"Why the hell should I care about abortion? I can't get pregnant."
"No, Warren Jeffs is NOT getting a pardon when I become president. Why do you keep saying that?"
"Leopard print bikini briefs."
 
2012-10-03 02:49:49 PM
Jim Lehrer: "*cough* bullshiat*cough*
 
2012-10-03 02:54:43 PM
Romney: If you sing the Kenyan national anthem, I will...

Obama: I don't know the Kenyan national anthem since I was not born there.

Romney: Like I was saying, I will drop out of the race and donate my millions to the Democratic party.

Obama: Ee Mungu nguvu yetu Ilete baraka kwetu Haki iwe ngao na mlinzi Natukae kwa Undugu Amani na uhuru Raha tupate na ustawi.

Amkeni ndugu zetu Tufanye sote bidii Nasi tujitoe kwa nguvu Nchi yetu ya Kenya Tunayoipenda Tuwe tayari kuilinda

Natujenge taifa letu Ee, ndio wajibu wetu Kenya istahili heshima Tuungane mikono Pamoja kazini Kila siku tuwe na shukrani
 
2012-10-03 02:54:45 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Romney: "And to all of my Mexican...I mean HISPANIC brothers, I'd just like to say,... 'I had one of those Doritos Taco things on a stop in Tulsa and it was really enjoyable'."


there might be better ones than this up-thread, but this one actually made me snort
 
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