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(Seacoastonline.com)   Stripper calls police to complain that the person who hired her won't open his door   (seacoastonline.com) divider line 51
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9378 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2012 at 1:04 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 10:21:03 AM
I sure hope "Sabrina" was arrested for misusing 911.
 
2012-10-03 10:28:02 AM
I'm guessing that one ugly looking female
 
2012-10-03 10:30:20 AM
She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.
 
2012-10-03 10:40:37 AM
"Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn't answer the door either."

Maybe he saw that her Schwartz was as big as his.
 
2012-10-03 11:46:48 AM
The police report stated that it was a case of mistaken identity: "Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him."
 
2012-10-03 01:09:59 PM

MarshHawk: The police report stated that it was a case of mistaken identity: "Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him."


"Joel, be a courageous person ... open the door."


/woulda let Jackie stay to chat, seemed good company
//though probably not if I had 16 year old blueballs
 
2012-10-03 01:10:15 PM

MarshHawk: The police report stated that it was a case of mistaken identity: "Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him."


i.imgur.com

Done in five.
 
2012-10-03 01:14:57 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

Good thing he didn't.
 
2012-10-03 01:16:10 PM

MorePeasPlease: MarshHawk: The police report stated that it was a case of mistaken identity: "Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him."

"Joel, be a courageous person ... open the door."


/woulda let Jackie stay to chat, seemed good company
//though probably not if I had 16 year old blueballs


16 years is a long time to have blueballs. After that long "Jackie" would look like a pretty good option.
 
2012-10-03 01:17:48 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.


That is how prostitutes operate. If the con does not work then intimidation is next.
 
2012-10-03 01:18:21 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: I'm guessing that one ugly looking female


Wow this police officer (Mike Schwartz) has better euphemism skills than 99% of big name PR firms...

"I guess there are some people who would have a better dance than others," he said. "Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn't answer the door either."
 
2012-10-03 01:20:38 PM
Heh, I got a HJ at a strip club in Porstmouth, Va., so I got excited to read TFA. Then found out it was in NH, now I haz a sad.
 
2012-10-03 01:21:22 PM
FTA: Please Enable Javascript
In order for Seacoastonline.com to function correctly you must enable JavaScript in your web browser. For help enabling javascript, read this.


I hate it when sites do this. I was reading the article fine until it figured out I have noscript and then it vanished. Ugh.
 
2012-10-03 01:21:36 PM

macadamnut:
[i.imgur.com image 680x382]


It's funny seeing the period in Tom's career before he demanded shorter co-stars.
 
2012-10-03 01:26:16 PM
'professional doorbell ringer', Police Capt. Schwartz is a funny bastage.
 
2012-10-03 01:29:55 PM

Oliver Twisted: 16 years is a long time to have blueballs. After that long "Jackie" would look like a pretty good option.


Not if you're a white boy on the Lake.
 
2012-10-03 01:30:56 PM

rev. dave: Because People in power are Stupid: She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.

That is how prostitutes operate. If the con does not work then intimidation is next.


Every "delivery" stripper is a hooker.

NO EXCEPTIONS
 
2012-10-03 01:31:07 PM
"I guess there are some people who would have a better dance than others," he said. "Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn't answer the door either."

When even the cop feels the need to point out that you were too ugly and untalented to give him a lap dance, you know this isn't the line of work for you.
 
2012-10-03 01:31:14 PM
FTFA: an officer was dispatched to the residence and the man didn't answer the door for the officer either.

Hmm, I wonder if anyone was actually home. Plus how does the stripper know that the man in the house actually ordered the dance? Perhaps some friends or neighborhood kids called the service for fun.
 
2012-10-03 01:31:50 PM
i.imgur.com
Wait, is this pic from Risky Business, or just last Tuesday?
 
2012-10-03 01:36:29 PM
She came in and took her coat off right away and sort of chucked it on the bed. She had on a green dress underneath. Then she sort of sat down sideways on the chair that went with the desk in the room and started jiggling her foot up and down. She crossed her legs and started jiggling this one foot up and down. She was very nervous, for a prostitute. She really was. I think it was because she was young as hell. She was around my age. I sat down in the big chair, next to her, and offered her a cigarette.

"I don't smoke," she said.

She had a tiny little wheeny-whiny voice. You could hardly hear her. She never said thank you, either, when you offered her something. She just didn't know any better.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Steele," I said.

"Ya got a watch on ya?" she said. She didn't care what the hell my name was, naturally.

"Hey, how old are you, anyways?"

"Me? Twenty-two."

"Like fun you are."

It was a funny thing to say. It sounded like a real kid. You'd think a prostitute and all would say "Like hell you are" or "Cut the crap" instead of "Like fun you are."
 
2012-10-03 01:37:04 PM

MorePeasPlease: Oliver Twisted: 16 years is a long time to have blueballs. After that long "Jackie" would look like a pretty good option.

Not if you're a white boy on the Lake.


With some glass artsy-fartsy thing.
 
2012-10-03 01:42:56 PM

Oliver Twisted: With some glass artsy-fartsy thing.


Speaking of glass artsy-fartsy things...

"In times of a sluggish economy, never, ever f*ck with another man's livelihood."

Something I took to heart from that film, among other things.

/ask me about Vicki
//owe you one!
 
2012-10-03 01:50:23 PM
How hard is it to answer the door and say you didn't call so it must be a prank?
 
2012-10-03 01:55:21 PM

missmez: How hard is it to answer the door and say you didn't call so it must be a prank?


Harder than just not answering the door.
 
2012-10-03 01:58:22 PM

Fano: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 320x240]

Good thing he didn't.


1 + 2 +1+1....
 
2012-10-03 02:07:32 PM
Mike Schwartz wins one Internet.
 
2012-10-03 02:20:05 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.


Happened to me yesterday at Subway. I ordered the new Tuscan Chicken sub, and the lady asked if I wanted bacon. I said "no" but she added bacon anyway - hidden under the cheese - and then charged me for it. I said "But I didn't want bacon" and she said "When I asked, you said 'that sounds good' so I thought you wanted it."

I ended up paying for it and eating it anyway, though, because... I mean, its bacon.
 
2012-10-03 02:41:27 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Because People in power are Stupid: She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.

Happened to me yesterday at Subway. I ordered the new Tuscan Chicken sub, and the lady asked if I wanted bacon. I said "no" but she added bacon anyway - hidden under the cheese - and then charged me for it. I said "But I didn't want bacon" and she said "When I asked, you said 'that sounds good' so I thought you wanted it."

I ended up paying for it and eating it anyway, though, because... I mean, its bacon.


Bacon = Baryshnikov?
 
2012-10-03 02:47:53 PM

Dazrin: FTA: Please Enable Javascript
In order for Seacoastonline.com to function correctly you must enable JavaScript in your web browser. For help enabling javascript, read this.

I hate it when sites do this. I was reading the article fine until it figured out I have noscript and then it vanished. Ugh.


I came here to biatch about this too. Complete failure of understanding what JavaScript is supposed to be for.
 
2012-10-03 02:49:48 PM

Zeb Hesselgresser: 'professional doorbell ringer'


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-10-03 02:53:08 PM

missmez: How hard is it to answer the door and say you didn't call so it must be a prank?


Open the door and it becomes a game of he said - she said.

Ignore the doorbell and it's just some crazy hooker screaming at a closed door. Cops will know what to do.
 
2012-10-03 03:03:18 PM
A lockout, huh?

Call in the Substitute Strippers!

cdn.head-fi.org
 
2012-10-03 03:07:17 PM
Looks like someone used a fake picture in her Backpage ad.
 
2012-10-03 03:20:16 PM
FTA: "I guess there are some people who would have a better dance than others," he said. "Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn't answer the door either."

Did a cop just make a joke?
 
2012-10-03 03:21:52 PM
FTFA: "She never danced, so I would be hard pressed to say it was theft of services," Schwartz said. "Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer...."

Ha ha. Ha.....ha...huuuuuhhhhh....zzzzzzzz
 
2012-10-03 03:29:53 PM
Legally speaking, the "exotic dancer" hasn't got a leg to stand on ... which coincidentally is the a plausible reason why the client wouldn't answer the door.

(Ba-da-boom! Ba-da-bing!)

Assuming the verbal contract is legal (i.e., prostitution or stripping is not illegal), whether the client had to pay might depend on whether the dispatcher (or "dancer") informed the client of no-show charges and cost retrieval BEFORE she arrived at the door. A delivery company can charge you for refusing a package, so a stripper can charge you for refusing a dance once she arrives. She engaged in the transaction in good faith, if shady assumptions.

I could have been a lawyer but I knew I wasn't enough of a jerk to get through law school. You need thick skin and an ability to deal with jerks as well as a willingness to be on if there's an advantage in it for you. Otherwise, somebody else will have to get the rich and guilty off while crushing the souls and lives of inoffensive and honest people. Even working pro bono doesn't mean working in Candy Land. In that case you have the harder job of dealing with jerks without becoming one yourself. If I could do that, I'd be Pope or something.

Whatever the case, the courts and police don't have to enforce an agreement which is criminal or shady. A valid contract has to be legal, it doesn't have to be fair. If you explain the charges in advance, you might be in a position to collect them. This does not apply, of course, to the illegal part of the transaction.

Charges: $200 for limousine
Exotic dance: $100
No-show or late cancellation fee: $500
"Extras": Ask for our price list.
Anything else: You can't afford it, suckah!

That's a typical hooker, er, I mean exotic dancer's fee structure.

You might be interested to know that other businesses on the shady side of the street often work in much the same way.

For example, a medium or fortune-teller may charge $50 for a palm reading. If the reading shows that you have more cash in hand and are a prime sucker, other, more "detailed" readings may be suggested.

This is where fortune-telling passes from a harmless toy to grand theft or worse. The longer you stay attached to the parasite, the steeper the cost. You will send good money after bad by buying all sorts of charms, amulets, spells, prophecies, and other crap once you are hooked. Even your doubt will be used to keep you paying until the utmost farthing is extracted. If the merchant of misery can extract no more from you, you may be referred to a second story man (or woman) who is willing and able to squeeze you all the harder.

Even fly-by-night religious con-artists have mailing lists that they can sell, and once they have all your money, they will set you upon your family and friends to beg, borrow and steal with promises of retribution or restitution. There's actually con artists that specialize in plucking the thoroughly plucked. If not else, your carcass may be worth something to a rendering plant long after it is worth deep-frying, chicken.

Rule number one: don't start down that road. The smarter and sharper you think you are, the more fool you. Con artists use your intelligence against you in a kind of dumb-fu.
 
2012-10-03 03:30:28 PM
With all these Risky Business references it ALMOST makes me want to watch it again, ALMOST.. although seeing them pull the Porche out of the lake and the guy asking who the Sub commander was might be worth it (also if I got the exacts of that wrong do NOT blame me, I only saw it ONCE and that was back in 1984)
 
2012-10-03 03:31:01 PM

strangeguitar: rev. dave: Because People in power are Stupid: She was trying to get the police to intimidate someone into paying her for something that he may or may not have ordered.

That is how prostitutes operate. If the con does not work then intimidation is next.

Every "delivery" stripper is a hooker.

NO EXCEPTIONS


he ordered a hot hooker.. a fat cow showed up at his door. he didn't answer.
 
2012-10-03 03:32:01 PM

missmez: How hard is it to answer the door and say you didn't call so it must be a prank?


newbiedm.files.wordpress.com
Ignore her, perhaps she'll go away.
 
2012-10-03 03:35:03 PM
If, indeed, she used a different picture to sell her services and misrepresented herself, she should seriously reconsider filing a civil suit since he can then file a countersuit for fraud.
 
909
2012-10-03 03:58:18 PM
Seacrest, exotic dancers and the Schwartz? I'm in!

Oops/ Seacoast. Never mind.
 
2012-10-03 04:13:11 PM
Dave's not here man!
 
2012-10-03 04:41:34 PM
Stripper thread??

img145.imageshack.us
img191.imageshack.us
img32.imageshack.us
 
2012-10-03 04:51:40 PM
Schwartz said the responding officer determined no crime had occurred and that the dancer could pursue her complaint civilly.

WTF? A rational response! Well-done.
 
2012-10-03 05:18:58 PM

MorePeasPlease: [i.imgur.com image 850x477]
Wait, is this pic from Risky Business, or just last Tuesday?


I don't know. He looks a little too tall in this. May be a fake.....
 
2012-10-03 05:43:10 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Stripper thread??

[img145.imageshack.us image 850x850]
[img191.imageshack.us image 300x400]
[img32.imageshack.us image 500x750]


The top picture probably has some pretty interesting bystander stories.
 
2012-10-03 06:23:13 PM

brantgoose: Legally speaking, the "exotic dancer" hasn't got a leg to stand on ... which coincidentally is the a plausible reason why the client wouldn't answer the door.

(Ba-da-boom! Ba-da-bing!)

Assuming the verbal contract is legal (i.e., prostitution or stripping is not illegal), whether the client had to pay might depend on whether the dispatcher (or "dancer") informed the client of no-show charges and cost retrieval BEFORE she arrived at the door. A delivery company can charge you for refusing a package, so a stripper can charge you for refusing a dance once she arrives. She engaged in the transaction in good faith, if shady assumptions.

I could have been a lawyer but I knew I wasn't enough of a jerk to get through law school. You need thick skin and an ability to deal with jerks as well as a willingness to be on if there's an advantage in it for you. Otherwise, somebody else will have to get the rich and guilty off while crushing the souls and lives of inoffensive and honest people. Even working pro bono doesn't mean working in Candy Land. In that case you have the harder job of dealing with jerks without becoming one yourself. If I could do that, I'd be Pope or something.

Whatever the case, the courts and police don't have to enforce an agreement which is criminal or shady. A valid contract has to be legal, it doesn't have to be fair. If you explain the charges in advance, you might be in a position to collect them. This does not apply, of course, to the illegal part of the transaction.

Charges: $200 for limousine
Exotic dance: $100
No-show or late cancellation fee: $500
"Extras": Ask for our price list.
Anything else: You can't afford it, suckah!

That's a typical hooker, er, I mean exotic dancer's fee structure.

You might be interested to know that other businesses on the shady side of the street often work in much the same way.

For example, a medium or fortune-teller may charge $50 for a palm reading. If the reading shows that you have more cash in hand and a ...


i could never be a criminal lawyer because i'd have to occasionally defend real scumbags like wife beaters, pedophiles, etc. "Your Honor, my filthy scumbag of a client wishes to plead guilty to all counts, with the additional charge of being a disgusting oxygen thief."
 
2012-10-03 08:22:59 PM
seems legit
 
2012-10-03 08:46:24 PM

Kazahmish: With all these Risky Business references it ALMOST makes me want to watch it again, ALMOST.. although seeing them pull the Porche out of the lake and the guy asking who the Sub commander was might be worth it (also if I got the exacts of that wrong do NOT blame me, I only saw it ONCE and that was back in 1984)

Risky Business

is my all-time favorite comedy; I think I have it memorized.
 
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