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(How Stuff Works)   "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." and other stupid legal warnings that prove we are a nation of total loonies. Legal Warning: slide show   (people.howstuffworks.com) divider line 50
    More: Stupid, instant noodles, warning sign  
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10287 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-10-03 09:35:37 AM
7 votes:
Q: How can you tell an oral thermometer from a rectal thermometer?

A: By taste.
2012-10-03 08:58:17 AM
6 votes:
So you never go ass to mouth?
2012-10-03 12:37:59 PM
5 votes:

Sybarite: So you never go ass to mouth?


Hell, they've got a school for it...

imageshack.us
2012-10-03 01:47:53 PM
4 votes:
I was given a cheap $10 first aid kit a few years ago. It came with a small tube of antiseptic cream with the warning "Do not allow to come into contact with eyes, ears or brain"

If you are ever in the position to be able to apply antiseptic cream to someone's brain then you are going to need more than a $10 first aid kit.
2012-10-03 01:25:25 PM
4 votes:
i635.photobucket.com
2012-10-03 09:10:28 AM
4 votes:
This goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. shiat. Hang on a second. This one... uh... This one... this one goes in your mouth.
2012-10-03 09:04:13 AM
4 votes:
Am I too late to make an ATM joke?
2012-10-03 09:03:38 AM
4 votes:
You sometimes go ass to mouth.
2012-10-03 01:22:24 PM
3 votes:
dl.dropbox.com


"If you have the fever, there's only one cure: take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning." - Kent Brockman
"Warning, tickets should not be taken internally." - Announcer
"See because of me, now they have a warning." - Homer Simpson
2012-10-03 09:05:27 AM
3 votes:
"But the product warning on the side of the iron suggests otherwise. "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

Sadly, I have seen the after effects of ironing shirt collars while they were being worn more than once.
2012-10-03 02:11:55 PM
2 votes:

Coming on a Bicycle: If you wash them good and wipe them off with a piece of cloth drenched in alcohol - which you should do anyway, then there's no problem.


I think washing your anus with a cloth drenched with alcohol is a bit excessive.
2012-10-03 02:10:26 PM
2 votes:

Pud: nmemkha: moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science

Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.

And besides, scientists don't usually blow shiat up at the end of the experiment


You, sir or madam, are in the wrong kind of science.
2012-10-03 01:23:12 PM
2 votes:
As seen on a Honda(?) Jetski

Warning, do not aim water jet at anus or vagina. Serious injury may occur.

Now you know they had to put that warning on there for a reason. Some guy, some where thought "Hey! This high pressure water jet that is used to move a 300lb vehicle across the water at 25 mph would feel really good on ol' Mr Brown-eye."

And then he wonders why he has to shiat through a bag for the rest of his life and who could he blame for that.
2012-10-03 01:22:01 PM
2 votes:
I know some Germans who are into that.
2012-10-03 01:13:25 PM
2 votes:
static.rcgroups.net

//someone had to post the classics
2012-10-03 12:59:29 PM
2 votes:
I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.
2012-10-03 12:57:57 PM
2 votes:
i46.tinypic.com
Pud [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 10:09:16 AM
2 votes:
t1.gstatic.com
2012-10-03 09:35:17 AM
2 votes:
I bought a flashlight once that came with a warning that it would be useless in a shark attack. It might have been a bear attack, either way it never came up.
2012-10-03 04:22:37 PM
1 votes:

I should be in the kitchen: My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.


Have you seen that the makers of Nyquil have come out with a sleep aid (Zzzquil)? Fark me - I thought Nyquil *was* a sleep aid!
2012-10-03 04:04:00 PM
1 votes:

OnlyM3



Debby7813

These stupid warnings exist only because of stupid people...and smart lawyers.



The idiots that hurt themselves are only minority idiotic. The true fools and dangers to our society are the 12 idiots in the jury boxes that keep handing out millions.

Farking spell checker... that should be minorly...
2012-10-03 03:56:53 PM
1 votes:
Old Favorite - from a Fark Photoshop contest (wavion's work)
www.wavion.info

Original Contest
2012-10-03 03:24:37 PM
1 votes:
If you haven't seen this before, get off my lawn!

moosevalley.solidwebhost.com
2012-10-03 03:06:03 PM
1 votes:

nmemkha: moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science

Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.


Or, put another way:

imgs.xkcd.com
2012-10-03 03:00:42 PM
1 votes:
s8.postimage.org
2012-10-03 02:59:57 PM
1 votes:
My old car used to have a warning 'DO NOT DRINK THE LIQUID CONTENTS OF THE BATTERY!'
2012-10-03 02:57:13 PM
1 votes:
This is my favorite "Well, DUUUUH!" sign!
press.comedycentral.co.uk


It seems that stupid people are everywhere that need protection from themselves.
www.guy-sports.com


Well, I guess I'll just go wait over there----->
www.guy-sports.com


WHAT??? I can't even do that? Maybe I should just kill myself!
s3.amazonaws.com


Well, CRAP!! Oh, wait. They have a sign for that too!
1.bp.blogspot.com


But this one makes me smile the most!
2.bp.blogspot.com
gja [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 01:52:53 PM
1 votes:

Pud: [t1.gstatic.com image 248x203]


/i dont even...oh for f*cks sake
2012-10-03 01:48:25 PM
1 votes:
Caution: cape does not enable user to fly.
2012-10-03 01:48:06 PM
1 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I like the little warning embossed on the dollar store carabiner keychains that reads "NOT FOR CLIMBING", yeah, because I go to the dollar store keychain display for all my professional spelunking needs.


I'm sure the target audience of that warning will be grateful when they learn to read it a few years later.

/Sign should say "Watch your damn crotchfruit"
2012-10-03 01:41:57 PM
1 votes:

This text is now purple: thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.

Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.


But not consumed at temperatures that hot. So, "correctly brewed and placed to cool for a period of time before consumption" would be more accurate than "served".

That's fine - McDonald's primary argument was that most of their customers bought the coffee to bring to work and consume a half hour later... but then they should have warned people that their coffee wasn't fit for consumption yet.
2012-10-03 01:38:31 PM
1 votes:
You know this means?

Sometime in the past, some nut said to his wife, "Honey, you been licking the dog's butt again?"

media.ticketmaster.com



/ it could be a law, I don't know
2012-10-03 01:35:37 PM
1 votes:
I like the little warning embossed on the dollar store carabiner keychains that reads "NOT FOR CLIMBING", yeah, because I go to the dollar store keychain display for all my professional spelunking needs.
2012-10-03 01:31:42 PM
1 votes:

I should be in the kitchen: My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.


Have a package right here (off brand with a tech company logo I got at a trade show) of peanuts that has a warning that "Contents were processed on machinary that also processes peanuts"

So if it ALSO processes peanuts, WTF is in the bag of peanuts?
2012-10-03 01:26:58 PM
1 votes:
One of the best white elephant gifts I ever saw given was "one, slightly used,, rectal thermometer."
2012-10-03 01:22:03 PM
1 votes:
My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.
2012-10-03 01:13:43 PM
1 votes:
When Ginsu Knives were first sold in the US, they included the warning "keep out of children" on the box.
2012-10-03 01:11:49 PM
1 votes:
www.funnysigns.net

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
2012-10-03 12:59:39 PM
1 votes:
"uh no Mr. Butthead I said I need to look in your EAR"
2012-10-03 12:56:42 PM
1 votes:
t0.gstatic.com
2012-10-03 12:38:25 PM
1 votes:
Old Joke:

A nurse walks into the nurses station, bulls a thermometer from behind her ear and exclaims "Oh damn! What asshole has my ink pen!?!"
2012-10-03 12:37:52 PM
1 votes:

Pud: [t1.gstatic.com image 248x203]


But can you go ass to mouth with them?
Zel
2012-10-03 12:35:08 PM
1 votes:

kiwimoogle84: Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to go ass to mouth.

-Rosario Dawson


A video of that quote would be worth millions.
2012-10-03 12:34:48 PM
1 votes:
Paraphrased from a box of fish sticks:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees
Bake fish sticks for 20 minutes
Remove fish sticks from oven
CAUTION: FISH STICKS WILL BE HOT.
2012-10-03 12:29:34 PM
1 votes:
Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to go ass to mouth.

-Rosario Dawson
2012-10-03 10:31:44 AM
1 votes:
Football helmet: Must be worn to receive benefit.
2012-10-03 10:19:49 AM
1 votes:
These stupid warnings exist only because of stupid people...and smart lawyers.

/// Here's Yer Sign!!!
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 09:39:21 AM
1 votes:
My brick of cheese has milk in the ingredients list and a separate warning that it contains milk.

When I become chief and sole member of the Supreme Court, I will add a new jury instruction for use in tort and product liability cases:

"A reasonable person is not expected to read silly and stupid warnings, and may disregard the entire context in which such a warning appears."

Then I'll make a rule that the "I won't sue you if I crash" button on car navigation systems is not only legally meaningless as a contract or disclaimer, it is a distraction that is presumed to be the cause of any accident while it is being displayed or acknowledged.

I will spank those corporate lawyers so hard they won't remember which country club they belong to. And after the spanking... the oral sex.
2012-10-03 09:06:47 AM
1 votes:
Wonko the Sane was right. I'd like out of the asylum now, please.
2012-10-03 09:01:28 AM
1 votes:
You never go ass to mouth.
 
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