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(How Stuff Works)   "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." and other stupid legal warnings that prove we are a nation of total loonies. Legal Warning: slide show   (people.howstuffworks.com) divider line 145
    More: Stupid, instant noodles, warning sign  
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10289 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:27 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 01:22:24 PM  
dl.dropbox.com


"If you have the fever, there's only one cure: take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning." - Kent Brockman
"Warning, tickets should not be taken internally." - Announcer
"See because of me, now they have a warning." - Homer Simpson
 
2012-10-03 01:23:12 PM  
As seen on a Honda(?) Jetski

Warning, do not aim water jet at anus or vagina. Serious injury may occur.

Now you know they had to put that warning on there for a reason. Some guy, some where thought "Hey! This high pressure water jet that is used to move a 300lb vehicle across the water at 25 mph would feel really good on ol' Mr Brown-eye."

And then he wonders why he has to shiat through a bag for the rest of his life and who could he blame for that.
 
2012-10-03 01:25:25 PM  
i635.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-03 01:26:58 PM  
One of the best white elephant gifts I ever saw given was "one, slightly used,, rectal thermometer."
 
2012-10-03 01:27:02 PM  

Ponzholio: [i635.photobucket.com image 383x657]


NO NO NO NO NO NO... that has to be a photoshop.
 
2012-10-03 01:28:59 PM  

thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.


Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.
 
2012-10-03 01:31:42 PM  

I should be in the kitchen: My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.


Have a package right here (off brand with a tech company logo I got at a trade show) of peanuts that has a warning that "Contents were processed on machinary that also processes peanuts"

So if it ALSO processes peanuts, WTF is in the bag of peanuts?
 
2012-10-03 01:35:29 PM  

GranoblasticMan: Why Would I Read the Article: We have to have these warnings because Democrats are so litigious. "But your honor, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to stick a thermometer in your ass, and THEN in your mouth? Can somebody call John Edwards? I need a lawyer."

Oh FFS, go back to the Politics tab.


It is true that most lawyers are Democrats. It is not true that most Democrats are lawyers. Logic fail, Why Would I.
 
2012-10-03 01:35:37 PM  
I like the little warning embossed on the dollar store carabiner keychains that reads "NOT FOR CLIMBING", yeah, because I go to the dollar store keychain display for all my professional spelunking needs.
 
2012-10-03 01:38:31 PM  
You know this means?

Sometime in the past, some nut said to his wife, "Honey, you been licking the dog's butt again?"

media.ticketmaster.com



/ it could be a law, I don't know
 
2012-10-03 01:38:58 PM  
I would never do that
 
2012-10-03 01:39:59 PM  

moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science


Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.
 
2012-10-03 01:41:57 PM  

This text is now purple: thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.

Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.


But not consumed at temperatures that hot. So, "correctly brewed and placed to cool for a period of time before consumption" would be more accurate than "served".

That's fine - McDonald's primary argument was that most of their customers bought the coffee to bring to work and consume a half hour later... but then they should have warned people that their coffee wasn't fit for consumption yet.
 
2012-10-03 01:45:09 PM  

This text is now purple: thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.

Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.


Hot things served in a drive-through or handed over should have a different standard than when served at a table: Thicker cups (McD intentionally made their coffee cups thinner and flimsier to save a few pennies on every thousand), better insulation, adding your condiments (cream, sugar) for you. This is why every company puts the cardboard sleeve around them now. Tea hasn't been served for thousands of years to impatient people in cars by minimum-wagers who don't care, so it's a bit of an analogy fail.

Accidents have always happened and will always happen, but negligently causing them to save pennies is stupid and short-sighted, something big companies excel at.
 
2012-10-03 01:47:53 PM  
I was given a cheap $10 first aid kit a few years ago. It came with a small tube of antiseptic cream with the warning "Do not allow to come into contact with eyes, ears or brain"

If you are ever in the position to be able to apply antiseptic cream to someone's brain then you are going to need more than a $10 first aid kit.
 
Pud
2012-10-03 01:47:57 PM  

nmemkha: moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science

Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.


And besides, scientists don't usually blow shiat up at the end of the experiment
 
2012-10-03 01:48:06 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I like the little warning embossed on the dollar store carabiner keychains that reads "NOT FOR CLIMBING", yeah, because I go to the dollar store keychain display for all my professional spelunking needs.


I'm sure the target audience of that warning will be grateful when they learn to read it a few years later.

/Sign should say "Watch your damn crotchfruit"
 
2012-10-03 01:48:25 PM  
Caution: cape does not enable user to fly.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 01:52:53 PM  

Pud: [t1.gstatic.com image 248x203]


/i dont even...oh for f*cks sake
 
2012-10-03 01:57:43 PM  
How else am I supposed to clean it?
 
2012-10-03 02:00:22 PM  
If you wash them good and wipe them off with a piece of cloth drenched in alcohol - which you should do anyway, then there's no problem.
 
2012-10-03 02:00:26 PM  

Why Would I Read the Article: We have to have these warnings because Democrats are so litigious.


No, we have these warnings because too many people refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and there are plenty of lawyers who are willing to take stupid cases - for a handsome contingency, of course.

These warnings not only add to the cost of products because of the lawsuit settlements, but because of the huge, international industry that has sprung up to write, translate, and print all of these warnings. In some cases, even the packaging needs to be altered to accommodate an instruction/warning manual roughly the size of the Chicago Yellow Pages. (the old print version - the one that doubled as a booster seat for small children before that became illegal and we had to buy legitimate booster seats that came with 27 pages of warnings.)
 
2012-10-03 02:05:24 PM  

The Third Man: Caution: cape does not enable user to fly.


Holly crap. I did that when I was a kid. Don't remember how young, but pretty young. Put on something like a cape pretending to be superman, and jumped down from some high thing. Don't remember any details. Just remembered the fact just now after reading this. Had completely forgotten about it. Will have to ask my parents about it when I visit them in January.

Come to think of it, my parents may not remember it either. I was found of performing stunts when I was a kid, and got injured quite often. Now that I'm in my late 40's, my body often reminds me that I shouldn't have done those things. Oh, to be young and immortal..... And with a full head of hair......
 
2012-10-03 02:06:21 PM  

Why Would I Read the Article: We have to have these warnings because Democrats are so litigious. "But your honor, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to stick a thermometer in your ass, and THEN in your mouth? Can somebody call John Edwards? I need a lawyer."


We have these warnings because people do stupid shi'it. Older I get the more I see how things you would think are obvious need to be spelled out for people. Mostly all a label does is reduce the amount someone can sue for, and reduce the number of people we some minor cause to sue. And in some cases it's just corporate habit, all products need a warning label.
 
2012-10-03 02:10:26 PM  

Pud: nmemkha: moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science

Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.

And besides, scientists don't usually blow shiat up at the end of the experiment


You, sir or madam, are in the wrong kind of science.
 
2012-10-03 02:11:10 PM  
I bought a Dremel tool this week.

In the manual was a warning, stating that this device should not be used for dentistry, for either human or veterinary applications.
 
2012-10-03 02:11:55 PM  

Coming on a Bicycle: If you wash them good and wipe them off with a piece of cloth drenched in alcohol - which you should do anyway, then there's no problem.


I think washing your anus with a cloth drenched with alcohol is a bit excessive.
 
2012-10-03 02:12:17 PM  

foxyshadis: Thicker cups (McD intentionally made their coffee cups thinner and flimsier to save a few pennies on every thousand), better insulation, adding your condiments (cream, sugar) for you. This is why every company puts the cardboard sleeve around them now.


Problem: coffee cups are expensive.
Solution: buy thinner, cheaper cups

Problem: new, thinner coffee cups are too hot to be held when the beverage inside is hot
Solution: buy cardboard rings to put around hot cups

BRILLIANT!

// also, as I understand it, most of these disclaimers/warnings would not hold up in court
// or am I thinking of liability waivers?
 
2012-10-03 02:18:53 PM  
Well sometimes, in the heat of the moment you can go ass to mouth...
 
2012-10-03 02:19:32 PM  
Meh. I found these things hilarious around 1999 or so, when I had a huge collection on my web site. There aren't really any new ones here. "For indoor our outdoor use only." Yeah, I think that was my first one.
 
2012-10-03 02:32:28 PM  

thursdaypostal: Valiente: This all started with the dumb old "COFFEE MAY BE HOT" woman, her sandy old crotch, and a stale yellow light, right?

Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot. Seriously. There's no farking reason whatsoever. Eye bleach may be necessary afterwards.


OMFG MY EYES ARE BURNING WHERE IS THE BLEACH
 
2012-10-03 02:48:38 PM  

thursdaypostal: Valiente: This all started with the dumb old "COFFEE MAY BE HOT" woman, her sandy old crotch, and a stale yellow light, right?

Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot. Seriously. There's no farking reason whatsoever. Eye bleach may be necessary afterwards.


The coffee was prepared at the proper temperature. The severity of her injuries is irrelevant. Have you seen a knife wound? Have you seen a hand that got caught in a slicer? (I won't even link to a Google search!) Sharp things cut... hot things burn. And idiots will hurt themselves no matter how many warning signs there are.
 
2012-10-03 02:57:13 PM  
This is my favorite "Well, DUUUUH!" sign!
press.comedycentral.co.uk


It seems that stupid people are everywhere that need protection from themselves.
www.guy-sports.com


Well, I guess I'll just go wait over there----->
www.guy-sports.com


WHAT??? I can't even do that? Maybe I should just kill myself!
s3.amazonaws.com


Well, CRAP!! Oh, wait. They have a sign for that too!
1.bp.blogspot.com


But this one makes me smile the most!
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-03 02:58:07 PM  

Theaetetus: This text is now purple: thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.

Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.

But not consumed at temperatures that hot. So, "correctly brewed and placed to cool for a period of time before consumption" would be more accurate than "served".

That's fine - McDonald's primary argument was that most of their customers bought the coffee to bring to work and consume a half hour later... but then they should have warned people that their coffee wasn't fit for consumption yet.


If it "wasn't fit for consumption" then everyone who bought it and drank it would have burned themselves.

But the actual fact is that only one cup in 24,000,000 caused a burn (of any severity). That means, for every idiot that burned themselves, 23,999,999 managed not to.

Does that sound like something 'not fit for consumption'???

(By way of comparison, the chance of getting hit by lightning is 1 in 10,000 , or about 2400 times as high as burning yourself on McDonalds coffee.)
 
2012-10-03 02:59:50 PM  
it is not 50 percent of the people are below 100 IQ you idiot!!!

it is 50 percent are below average.
 
2012-10-03 02:59:57 PM  
My old car used to have a warning 'DO NOT DRINK THE LIQUID CONTENTS OF THE BATTERY!'
 
2012-10-03 03:00:42 PM  
s8.postimage.org
 
2012-10-03 03:06:03 PM  

nmemkha: moothemagiccow: nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.

Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science

Meh. Real hard science is pretty boring. People will watch how many bacterial cultures develop on agar plates swabbed with thermometers that have been suck up their rectums and in their mouths (hopefully no the same one). Scientific? Not really, but a lot closer than "Ancient Aliens". Entertaining? Yes, for a lot of people.


Or, put another way:

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2012-10-03 03:07:23 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Am I too late to make an ATM joke?


What does a cash machine have to do with this???
 
2012-10-03 03:19:46 PM  

Flint Ironstag: I was given a cheap $10 first aid kit a few years ago. It came with a small tube of antiseptic cream with the warning "Do not allow to come into contact with eyes, ears or brain"

If you are ever in the position to be able to apply antiseptic cream to someone's brain then you are going to need more than a $10 first aid kit.


It's probably also true that if you are looking at someone's brain and holding a first aid kit, nothing you can do is going to make the situation worse. So go right ahead and slather some cream onto their frontal lobe. Can't hurt.
 
2012-10-03 03:20:59 PM  
I remember when I was young--somewhere between the ages of 10 and 30, don't recall specifically--I found a thermometer in someone's medicine cabinet where I was visiting and put my mouth. I'm not saying it had been previously used rectally, since I'll never know for sure, but I am saying that it tasted like ass.
 
2012-10-03 03:21:18 PM  
A favorite.
files.g4tv.com
/hot
 
2012-10-03 03:21:47 PM  

Theaetetus: This text is now purple: thursdaypostal: Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot.

Tea, perhaps humanity's oldest produced beverage, is correctly brewed and served at temperatures hotter than that.

But not consumed at temperatures that hot. So, "correctly brewed and placed to cool for a period of time before consumption" would be more accurate than "served".

That's fine - McDonald's primary argument was that most of their customers bought the coffee to bring to work and consume a half hour later... but then they should have warned people that their coffee wasn't fit for consumption yet.


From what i recall, the MAJOR issue was that instead of stopping, cleaning up the coffee spill and wiping off. Her son gunned it straight to the hospital and she sat in the hot coffee the whole way there. A simple spill and wipe off is not going to burn you as bad as continued exposure to the hot liquid.
 
2012-10-03 03:21:50 PM  

poonesfarm: This goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. shiat. Hang on a second. This one... uh... This one... this one goes in your mouth.


Dr. Spaceman?
 
2012-10-03 03:24:37 PM  
If you haven't seen this before, get off my lawn!

moosevalley.solidwebhost.com
 
2012-10-03 03:26:00 PM  
"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

Bah! Just wipe it off with alcohol; you'll be fine.

/ :)
 
2012-10-03 03:26:49 PM  

I should be in the kitchen: My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.


I think the warnings on Ambien are a bit more...weird.
 
2012-10-03 03:28:40 PM  

DoBeDoBeDo: From what i recall, the MAJOR issue was that instead of stopping, cleaning up the coffee spill and wiping off. Her son gunned it straight to the hospital and she sat in the hot coffee the whole way there.


Considering the car was parked at the time, I don't think that's true at all.
 
2012-10-03 03:34:05 PM  

The Irresponsible Captain: A favorite.

/hot


Is that the Heisenberg disguise kit?
 
2012-10-03 03:38:10 PM  

DoBeDoBeDo: From what i recall, the MAJOR issue was that instead of stopping, cleaning up the coffee spill and wiping off. Her son gunned it straight to the hospital and she sat in the hot coffee the whole way there. A simple spill and wipe off is not going to burn you as bad as continued exposure to the hot liquid.


On February 27, 1992, Stella Liebeck, a 79-year-old woman from Albuquerque, New Mexico, ordered a 49-cent cup of coffee from the drive-through window of a local McDonald's restaurant located at 5001 Gibson Boulevard S.E. Liebeck was in the passenger's seat of her grandson's Ford Probe, and her grandson Chris parked the car so that Liebeck could add cream and sugar to her coffee. Liebeck placed the coffee cup between her knees and pulled the far side of the lid toward her to remove it. In the process, she spilled the entire cup of coffee on her lap. Liebeck was wearing cotton sweatpants; they absorbed the coffee and held it against her skin, scalding her thighs, buttocks, and groin. - wiki pedia

Note that the car was parked, not being driven, as some people think. Note also, she was a passenger, not the driver. The actual cause of the spill was her pinching the cup between her (bony) knees and pulling the far side of the lid toward her, causing the cup to pivot and dump its contents in her lap. If she had put the cup in a cup holder, or between her thighs (where increased contact surface would have cause more friction), or on the floor, or even held it in one hand, the spill would not have happened.

Although you are correct: She took a while (accounts vary from 30 seconds on up) to got out of the puddle she was sitting in and remove the sweatpants she was wearing, thus causing the hot liquid to remain in contact with her skin.

Neither her careless handling of a hot liquid, nor her slow response to the spill was McDonald's fault.
 
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