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(How Stuff Works)   "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." and other stupid legal warnings that prove we are a nation of total loonies. Legal Warning: slide show   (people.howstuffworks.com) divider line 145
    More: Stupid, instant noodles, warning sign  
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10284 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-03 08:58:17 AM
So you never go ass to mouth?
 
2012-10-03 09:01:28 AM
You never go ass to mouth.
 
2012-10-03 09:03:38 AM
You sometimes go ass to mouth.
 
2012-10-03 09:04:13 AM
Am I too late to make an ATM joke?
 
2012-10-03 09:05:27 AM
"But the product warning on the side of the iron suggests otherwise. "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

Sadly, I have seen the after effects of ironing shirt collars while they were being worn more than once.
 
2012-10-03 09:06:47 AM
Wonko the Sane was right. I'd like out of the asylum now, please.
 
2012-10-03 09:10:28 AM
This goes in your mouth. This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. shiat. Hang on a second. This one... uh... This one... this one goes in your mouth.
 
2012-10-03 09:35:17 AM
I bought a flashlight once that came with a warning that it would be useless in a shark attack. It might have been a bear attack, either way it never came up.
 
2012-10-03 09:35:37 AM
Q: How can you tell an oral thermometer from a rectal thermometer?

A: By taste.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 09:39:21 AM
My brick of cheese has milk in the ingredients list and a separate warning that it contains milk.

When I become chief and sole member of the Supreme Court, I will add a new jury instruction for use in tort and product liability cases:

"A reasonable person is not expected to read silly and stupid warnings, and may disregard the entire context in which such a warning appears."

Then I'll make a rule that the "I won't sue you if I crash" button on car navigation systems is not only legally meaningless as a contract or disclaimer, it is a distraction that is presumed to be the cause of any accident while it is being displayed or acknowledged.

I will spank those corporate lawyers so hard they won't remember which country club they belong to. And after the spanking... the oral sex.
 
2012-10-03 09:44:39 AM
The dishwasher one made me think. My newish dishwasher has a similar latch as those of old-timey refrigerators that used to kill kids, i.e. once you're in you can't get out. What's with that?
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2012-10-03 10:09:16 AM
t1.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-03 10:19:49 AM
These stupid warnings exist only because of stupid people...and smart lawyers.

/// Here's Yer Sign!!!
 
2012-10-03 10:31:44 AM
Football helmet: Must be worn to receive benefit.
 
2012-10-03 10:38:17 AM
worst slide show format ever?
 
2012-10-03 12:29:34 PM
Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to go ass to mouth.

-Rosario Dawson
 
2012-10-03 12:32:15 PM

TheHighlandHowler: The dishwasher one made me think. My newish dishwasher has a similar latch as those of old-timey refrigerators that used to kill kids, i.e. once you're in you can't get out. What's with that?


It happens.
 
2012-10-03 12:33:50 PM
Slide show without slides. Photos are clipart level relevance from stock photo agencies. Be warned.
 
2012-10-03 12:34:48 PM
Paraphrased from a box of fish sticks:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees
Bake fish sticks for 20 minutes
Remove fish sticks from oven
CAUTION: FISH STICKS WILL BE HOT.
 
Zel
2012-10-03 12:35:08 PM

kiwimoogle84: Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to go ass to mouth.

-Rosario Dawson


A video of that quote would be worth millions.
 
2012-10-03 12:35:11 PM
... unless, you know, you're into that kind of thing.
 
2012-10-03 12:35:19 PM
This all started with the dumb old "COFFEE MAY BE HOT" woman, her sandy old crotch, and a stale yellow light, right?
 
2012-10-03 12:36:17 PM
We have to have these warnings because Democrats are so litigious. "But your honor, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to stick a thermometer in your ass, and THEN in your mouth? Can somebody call John Edwards? I need a lawyer."
 
2012-10-03 12:37:50 PM
I LOVE that one of the charitable donations suggestions is Planned Parenthood. I'm sure Romney, and other Fox viewers are giving them tons of dough.
 
2012-10-03 12:37:52 PM

Pud: [t1.gstatic.com image 248x203]


But can you go ass to mouth with them?
 
2012-10-03 12:37:59 PM

Sybarite: So you never go ass to mouth?


Hell, they've got a school for it...

imageshack.us
 
2012-10-03 12:38:25 PM
Old Joke:

A nurse walks into the nurses station, bulls a thermometer from behind her ear and exclaims "Oh damn! What asshole has my ink pen!?!"
 
2012-10-03 12:38:47 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Pud: [t1.gstatic.com image 248x203]

But can you go ass to mouth with them?


I think you'd have to change the warning. It's the decent thing to do.
 
2012-10-03 12:39:17 PM

goodgirl4badboy: I LOVE that one of the charitable donations suggestions is Planned Parenthood. I'm sure Romney, and other Fox viewers are giving them tons of dough.


Wat?
 
2012-10-03 12:53:19 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: We have to have these warnings because Democrats are so litigious. "But your honor, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to stick a thermometer in your ass, and THEN in your mouth? Can somebody call John Edwards? I need a lawyer."


Oh FFS, go back to the Politics tab.
 
2012-10-03 12:54:37 PM
This is all dependant on who's ass and who's mouth we are talking about.
 
2012-10-03 12:54:38 PM

mamoru: Wonko the Sane was right. I'd like out of the asylum now, please.


Came for the Wonko The Sane reference. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-10-03 12:54:52 PM

Nick Nostril: Sybarite: So you never go ass to mouth?

Hell, they've got a school for it...

[imageshack.us image 500x377]


All I'll say about them is that they have guys in old military style uniforms instead of cheerleaders. That should tell you all you need to know.
 
2012-10-03 12:55:41 PM
noted

/I won't do it again...promise.
 
2012-10-03 12:56:42 PM
t0.gstatic.com
 
2012-10-03 12:57:57 PM
i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-10-03 12:59:29 PM
I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.
 
2012-10-03 12:59:39 PM
"uh no Mr. Butthead I said I need to look in your EAR"
 
2012-10-03 01:05:38 PM

nmemkha: I wonder which contains more bacteria: the rectum or the mouth?

I need to write to MythBusters.


Perfectly reasonable. Ask some stunt coordinators about science
 
2012-10-03 01:11:49 PM
www.funnysigns.net

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
 
2012-10-03 01:13:25 PM
static.rcgroups.net

//someone had to post the classics
 
2012-10-03 01:13:43 PM
When Ginsu Knives were first sold in the US, they included the warning "keep out of children" on the box.
 
2012-10-03 01:14:52 PM
50% of the population has an IQ below 100.
 
2012-10-03 01:16:31 PM

DiRF: [i46.tinypic.com image 375x204]


Came for this, moving on now.
 
2012-10-03 01:18:18 PM
ytrewq.com
 
2012-10-03 01:19:02 PM

Valiente: This all started with the dumb old "COFFEE MAY BE HOT" woman, her sandy old crotch, and a stale yellow light, right?


Have you seen her thighs? No consumable liquid has any business being that hot. Seriously. There's no farking reason whatsoever. Eye bleach may be necessary afterwards.
 
2012-10-03 01:19:25 PM

Maechyll: Paraphrased from a box of fish sticks:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees
Bake fish sticks for 20 minutes
Remove fish sticks from oven
CAUTION: FISH STICKS WILL BE HOT.


So, you're saying you like fish sticks? Do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?
 
2012-10-03 01:19:54 PM

TheHighlandHowler: The dishwasher one made me think. My newish dishwasher has a similar latch as those of old-timey refrigerators that used to kill kids, i.e. once you're in you can't get out. What's with that?


Well that's not okay. Things like car trunks, refrigerators and other things children are likely to climb in, shouldn't be death traps, especially considering that there are perfectly serviceable designs that aren't.

Manufacturers reminders to not let kids play in and around major appliances... I mean really so what. On the one hand you could say it's unneeded cover your kiester on the other people, as someone noted about not ironing clothes you're wearing, people unthinkingly do stupid stuff, so reminding them that it's a bad idea isn't out to lunch. One way to not be sued it to remind people not to misuse your products so less people get hurt and have cause to sue.

I'm sure in factories the sticker that says Warning Machine Starts Automatically has saved a few fingers.
 
2012-10-03 01:22:01 PM
I know some Germans who are into that.
 
2012-10-03 01:22:03 PM
My personal favorites are "may contain nuts" on a package of nuts, and "may cause drowsiness" on sleep aids. No shiat, if my Ambien didn't cause drowsiness, I'd be pretty pissed.
 
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