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(Chicago Trib)   DC Comics unveils its newest superhero: The Sears Craftsman. "People are passionate about what they build." Hostess Twinkie Guy sulks after pounding his thumb with a hammer   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 63
    More: Silly, twinkies, Craftsman, Justice League, New York Comic Con, power tools, Detroit Auto Show, real-life superheroes, thumbs  
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2917 clicks; posted to Geek » on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-03 08:57:36 AM
His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.
 
2012-10-03 09:05:14 AM
So I guess the next NEW 52 to be a drill bit set.
 
2012-10-03 10:12:26 AM
His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

Bow-chicka-wow-wow
 
2012-10-03 12:15:56 PM
that makes me nostalgic for the heady days of the NFL Superpro.
 
Bf+
2012-10-03 12:20:51 PM
i184.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-03 12:23:36 PM
images.wikia.com
They can′t be more original than that!?
 
2012-10-03 12:29:10 PM
http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2aquaman02.htm
 
2012-10-03 12:33:50 PM
"Hostess Twinkie Guy"?

Where the hell are you spending your evenings subbie?
 
2012-10-03 12:35:18 PM
I am Snap-On Toolman!
 
2012-10-03 12:41:44 PM
Who is his arch nemesis? The Kool-Aid Pitcher?

i.ebayimg.com
 
2012-10-03 12:50:06 PM
He was bitten by a radioactive Norm Abrams.
 
2012-10-03 12:50:07 PM
Hostess Twinkie Guy

Twinkie the Kid, you mean?
 
2012-10-03 12:52:01 PM
 
2012-10-03 12:52:23 PM

PsyLord: Who is his arch nemesis? The Kool-Aid Pitcher?

[i.ebayimg.com image 242x300]


No, it's probably the dumb bastard who built the thing in the first place because that asshole was reusing whatever screws and pieces he could find lying around. Who the hell uses Phillips, flathead, AND Torx head screws ON THE SAME FARKING PROJECT?

And don't even get him started on the tasteless coont who put that ugly wallpaper in the bathroom. It ain't EVER coming off without practically having to sand and mud every square inch of drywall in there.
 
2012-10-03 12:54:01 PM
I knew Didio is stuck in the 70's but corporate-themed superheroes? What a tool.

/ha.
 
2012-10-03 12:54:17 PM
What's old is new again.

goodcomics.comicbookresources.com

img.newkadia.com
 
2012-10-03 12:57:23 PM
A company in my industry actually came up with a superhero with powers that have something to do with fiber-optic data transmission...

allvirtual.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-10-03 01:00:02 PM
Dafaq? This isn't an Onion article?
 
2012-10-03 01:04:19 PM
farm3.static.flickr.com
 
2012-10-03 01:09:37 PM
He better watch out of Chee Toes and his delightfully crunchy kick.
 
2012-10-03 01:10:36 PM

Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.


www.headinjurytheater.com

He has potential...
 
2012-10-03 01:13:08 PM
The fool! He's no match for the hellacious hardware of Mr. Badwrench!
 
2012-10-03 01:15:08 PM
Just die already, Sears.
 
2012-10-03 01:16:11 PM
Ahem....
www.theoldbicycleshowroom.co.uk
 
2012-10-03 01:16:17 PM
The only nice thing about this is that it seems comics are going back to the silver age of ridiculous crap by making a "superhero" that advertisers used to think were awesome ideas, but nothing can beat what was used to beat Doctor Doom?

/hostess fruitcakes?
//twinkies?
///I honestly can't remember
 
2012-10-03 01:18:10 PM
Hostess Twinkie Guy?

Poser!

upload.wikimedia.org 


/ poseur?
 
2012-10-03 01:21:11 PM
So his arch-enemies are Dr. Rust and The Leaky Washer?
 
2012-10-03 01:24:13 PM
Do kids even care about comic books anymore? Way to go after the 'younger demographic', Sears. Why not make a movie to give out on VHS tapes while you're at it.
 
2012-10-03 01:25:23 PM

Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.


Seems like a good idea, but bad execution. However...

Imagine a guy with several robots, nanomachines, and specialized tools that, along with pieces of carbon, could create any time he needed on a molecular level. Also, his nanomachines could deploy to destroy existing things (from enemy weapons and tech, to his own) in a molecular level not just to disrupt the bad guy,s but to give him raw materials for new items.
 
2012-10-03 01:27:42 PM

CygnusDarius: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

Seems like a good idea, but bad execution. However...

Imagine a guy with several robots, nanomachines, and specialized tools that, along with pieces of carbon, could create any time item he needed on a molecular level...


FTFM.
 
2012-10-03 01:28:42 PM
Eh, I'm done with Craftsman. I got one of those 19.2v combo packs as a gift a few years ago with the drill and impact, and they both died within an hour of usage. Meanwhile my old refurb'd very same model 19.2v drill from the early 2000's still works great. W T F?

Also, their fine tooth 3/8 ratchet looks like a bottle opener with a large snap ring holding the ratchet mechanism in. I bought it to give my prized narrow head long handled Snap-On an occasional rest. What happened to nice, reasonably priced hand tools that were mostly made in USofA?

/damn you Danaher
//rant off
 
2012-10-03 01:35:01 PM
Fruuuuuuit Pie the Magician
 
2012-10-03 01:41:36 PM

akula:

No, it's probably the dumb bastard who built the thing in the first place because that asshole was reusing whatever screws and pieces he could find lying around. Who the hell uses Phillips, flathead, AND Torx head screws ON THE SAME FARKING PROJECT?


oh I don't know.. someone WHO WAS USING MORE THAN ONE TYPE OF MATERIAL?

I prefer flathead screws, myself. They look nicer. But sometimes I mix it up to irritate the future person
who has to take it apart.
 
2012-10-03 01:43:13 PM

Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

[www.headinjurytheater.com image 500x247]

He has potential...


What's wrong with Dog Welder? Those are perfectly cromulent super powers.
 
2012-10-03 02:18:04 PM
... I'll see your 'Sears Craftsman', and raise you a 'Steelgrip Starkey and the All-Purpose Power Tool'.

Seriously, why not Constructive heroes in addition to Destructive ones? We used to have Paul Bunyan, Joe Magarac (look him up), Pecos Bill, Windwagon Smith, John Henry, and other constructive-type Folk Heroes.
 
2012-10-03 02:24:26 PM

angry_scientist: Eh, I'm done with Craftsman. I got one of those 19.2v combo packs as a gift a few years ago with the drill and impact, and they both died within an hour of usage. Meanwhile my old refurb'd very same model 19.2v drill from the early 2000's still works great. W T F?


The Craftsman power tools have usually been really no better than Black & Decker, Skil, etc. Their hand tools are decent quality for a homeowner- sure, Snap On, Mac, and others are better, but there needs to be an intermediate step between the cheap zinc Chinese stuff and the $100 for a ratchet professional "use it all day every day" level. Up until recently Craftsman has filled that niche pretty well- forged steel tools at not unreasonable prices. However, I am also very dissatisfied with how they've been making a bunch of their stuff in China lately. IMO, there's no longer any reason to drive over to the mall for a Sears Craftsman hand tool instead of a much shorter and easier trip to Home Depot or Lowe's for a Husky or Kobalt branded tool.
 
2012-10-03 02:42:06 PM

Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.



He has potential...


Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.
 
2012-10-03 02:47:23 PM

kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.



He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.


It's a guy whose superpowers are that he welds dogs to bad guys.

Hitman was a very funny comic book.


/though Dogwelder is no Bueno Excellante.
 
2012-10-03 02:48:51 PM
In every episode, half of his tools break, and it ends with him in the returns line at sears.
 
2012-10-03 02:49:19 PM

kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.



He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.


It's from the pages of "Hitman" by Garth Ennis and John McCrea.

The series had recurring characters from a team of "mentallly insane" super heroes called Section 8.

Six-Pack -- the leader, who was a drunk that hung out at the local bar. His power was hitting people with broken bottles.

Jean Jean de Baton -- French guy who had a baton.

Phlegm Jem -- hocked acidic loogies

Friendly Fire -- could shoot fire out of his hands, but only hit his friends.

The Defenestrator -- he could pull windows out from his leather coat and would hurl people through them.

Bueno Excellente -- fought crime with the power of perversion.

Shakes -- he...um...shook. People would bleed from their eyes and ears in close proximity to him.

And...

Dog Welder -- he would weld dogs to the faces of evil doers.

And if you can track down the trade paperbacks or back issues, "Hitman" was awesome.
 
2012-10-03 02:52:15 PM

kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.



He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.


It's from DC'shiatman series from a few years back. Written by Garth Ennis.
There's a crazy, drunk guy who calls himself a hero and Dog Welder is part of his superhero team.
 
2012-10-03 02:53:00 PM

Dog Welder: kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.



He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.

It's from the pages of "Hitman" by Garth Ennis and John McCrea.

The series had recurring characters from a team of "mentallly insane" super heroes called Section 8.

Six-Pack -- the leader, who was a drunk that hung out at the local bar. His power was hitting people with broken bottles.

Jean Jean de Baton -- French guy who had a baton.

Phlegm Jem -- hocked acidic loogies

Friendly Fire -- could shoot fire out of his hands, but only hit his friends.

The Defenestrator -- he could pull windows out from his leather coat and would hurl people through them.

Bueno Excellente -- fought crime with the power of perversion.

Shakes -- he...um...shook. People would bleed from their eyes and ears in close proximity to him.

And...

Dog Welder -- he would weld dogs to the faces of evil doers.

And if you can track down the trade paperbacks or back issues, "Hitman" was awesome.


It's not too difficult to get the Hitman back catalog at this point. Surprisingly, NuDC actually did something right and finished releasing the entire series in TPB.

Of course, they forgot the Resurrection Man crossover issues. But after stalling out the trades for a decade and being assholes and threatening to never complete them if a certain online muckraker didn't shut up about them, we should all feel lucky the entire series is out in trade.
 
2012-10-03 02:56:23 PM
d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net
 
2012-10-03 03:02:30 PM
i144.photobucket.com

When I became a carpenter, I took an oath! I promised to only use my skills for the forces of good! 

/Suck it Vila
 
2012-10-03 03:02:54 PM
Ha, you wanta know how to keep your popularity craftsman? Stop shipping tool production to china. I can't buy a tool at my local sears that doesn't say "Made in China" anymore. Its awful.

/if I buy from sears.com they usually come stamped USA
//usually
 
2012-10-03 03:04:31 PM

Ego edo infantia cattus: In every episode, half of his tools break, and it ends with him in the returns line at sears.


Looses every time to his arch nemesis, the Festool Fuehrer.
 
2012-10-03 03:08:42 PM
When he gets sick, they call his replacement:

The Canadian Tire replacement.
 
2012-10-03 03:10:45 PM
In other news, Sears still has enough money in their piggy bank to get product placement in a comic book.
 
2012-10-03 03:15:03 PM

MrEricSir: In other news, Sears still has enough money in their piggy bank to get product placement in a comic book.


To be fair, comic sales are so bad, they probably only had to pay 5 bucks and a pack of Twizzlers to get their product placement deal.
 
2012-10-03 03:27:20 PM

coldones: Fruuuuuuit Pie the Magician


That never ends well.
 
2012-10-03 03:31:36 PM

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Just die already, Sears.


Actually, Sears in is seriously deep ca-ca in regards to Craftsman. A decade or so ago, Sears bought Orchard Supply Hardware and started stocking it with Craftsman tools in addition to brand names. I just found out from a friend that still works at Sears that Orchard just bought themselves *back* and are now no longer a part of the Sears family. Also, Sears has removed he hardware department out of a lot of stores, meaning the only place to go buy Craftsman tools is now K-Mart.
 
2012-10-03 04:01:07 PM
i478.photobucket.com

This is my multiple head tool... and I love it, best tool ever, I've never used a tool as much as this one, and got lucky and got a second for a spare when I found it on liquidation a few months later, missing some parts like the bag and the smaller accessories, but important parts like the handle and the main attachments were all there, for less than half the price.




/guess that makes me his nemesis?
 
2012-10-03 04:26:27 PM
media.screened.com

God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
 
2012-10-03 04:32:38 PM

Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.


I would think twice about mocking Aquaman.
 
2012-10-03 04:34:27 PM
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com
"Major Nougat! Gooey! Cocoa! Put down those entertaining Mattel products!"
 
2012-10-03 05:52:54 PM
Well, in THAT case;

"Only Toilet Duck has the power to scrub the pot after the Bowels of Steel have been unleashed!"

THICK LIQUID!!! 
QUACK quack
 
2012-10-03 07:04:35 PM
Bicycle Repairman was one of their greatest sketches
 
2012-10-03 09:01:13 PM
As much as I hate going to Home Depot, Husky's "good" hand tools are U.S. Made, guaranteed unconditionally for life, and I think (I could be wrong) that they are made by whoever USED to make Craftsman hand tools. Also, if you bring it a broken Craftsman hand tool, they'll honour the lifetime guarantee and give you the equal in the Husky brand. Home Depot seems to carry two lines of Husky hand tools, though - a low end Chinese line that doesn't have the lifetime guarantee, and is of rather poor quality, but is very cheap, and a higher end line that is comparable to what my older Craftsman stuff is in quality and price, and does have the guarantee.
 
2012-10-04 04:21:46 AM
Sears Craftsman? Why not the Binford Tool Man?
 
2012-10-04 07:46:27 AM
The Sears Craftsman will be proud to rescue you Ma'am. He can rescue you between 12-6 pm on Thursday.
 
2012-10-04 09:50:07 AM

StarshipAngel: As much as I hate going to Home Depot, Husky's "good" hand tools are U.S. Made, guaranteed unconditionally for life, and I think (I could be wrong) that they are made by whoever USED to make Craftsman hand tools. Also, if you bring it a broken Craftsman hand tool, they'll honour the lifetime guarantee and give you the equal in the Husky brand. Home Depot seems to carry two lines of Husky hand tools, though - a low end Chinese line that doesn't have the lifetime guarantee, and is of rather poor quality, but is very cheap, and a higher end line that is comparable to what my older Craftsman stuff is in quality and price, and does have the guarantee.


Speaking of the guaranteed for life thing. If you have the time, you can go around to pawn shops and buy any broken or worn out Snapon, Craftsmen or other lifetime guaranteed tools for next to nothing. Then you can trade them in for brand new tools. My BIL does that and sells the new tools. At any one time he usually has thousands of dollars worth of high quality tools in his truck.
 
2012-10-04 01:31:24 PM

akula: Husky or Kobalt branded tool.


Neat, thanks for the info. It does look like Husky is the old craftsman designs which was Danaher, but now Apex tools, or something, I lost track somewhere of all that stuff. Hell the handle on one Husky MUSA ratchet looks exactly like on my prized snap-on. Now to hunt for a second elusive slim long handled ratchet...
 
2012-10-04 11:38:40 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Dog Welder: It's not too difficult to get the Hitman back catalog at this point. Surprisingly, NuDC actually did something right and finished releasing the entire series in TPB.

Of course, they forgot the Resurrection Man crossover issues. But after stalling out the trades for a decade and being assholes and threatening to never complete them if a certain online muckraker didn't shut up about them, we should all feel lucky the entire series is out in trade.


So I don't know this story...someone care to elaborate?
 
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