FARK.com: (7360977) DC Comics unveils its newest superhero: The Sears Craftsman. "People are passionate about what they build." Hostess Twinkie Guy sulks after pounding his thumb with a hammer

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		DC Comics unveils its newest superhero: The Sears Craftsman. "People are passionate about what they build." Hostess Twinkie Guy sulks after pounding his thumb with a hammer (chicagotribune.com)		63
		More: Silly, twinkies, Craftsman, Justice League, New York Comic Con, power tools, Detroit Auto Show, real-life superheroes, thumbs

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2905 clicks; posted to Geek » on 03 Oct 2012 at 12:12 PM | Favorite | share:

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Sybarite		2012-10-03 08:57:36 AM

His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

Nickster79		2012-10-03 09:05:14 AM

So I guess the next NEW 52 to be a drill bit set.

ArkAngel		2012-10-03 10:12:26 AM

His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

Bow-chicka-wow-wow

spcMike		2012-10-03 12:15:56 PM

that makes me nostalgic for the heady days of the NFL Superpro.

Bf+		2012-10-03 12:20:51 PM

COMALite J		2012-10-03 12:23:36 PM

They can′t be more original than that!?

brainscab		2012-10-03 12:29:10 PM

http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2aquaman02.htm

You'd turn it off when I was halfway across		2012-10-03 12:33:50 PM

"Hostess Twinkie Guy"?

Where the hell are you spending your evenings subbie?

chachi88		2012-10-03 12:35:18 PM

I am Snap-On Toolman!

PsyLord		2012-10-03 12:41:44 PM

Who is his arch nemesis? The Kool-Aid Pitcher?

i.ebayimg.com

PirateKing		2012-10-03 12:50:06 PM

He was bitten by a radioactive Norm Abrams.

Pants full of macaroni!!		2012-10-03 12:50:07 PM

Hostess Twinkie Guy

Twinkie the Kid, you mean?

CheapEngineer		2012-10-03 12:52:01 PM

Dexter FTW

akula		2012-10-03 12:52:23 PM

PsyLord: Who is his arch nemesis? The Kool-Aid Pitcher?

[i.ebayimg.com image 242x300]

No, it's probably the dumb bastard who built the thing in the first place because that asshole was reusing whatever screws and pieces he could find lying around. Who the hell uses Phillips, flathead, AND Torx head screws ON THE SAME FARKING PROJECT?

And don't even get him started on the tasteless coont who put that ugly wallpaper in the bathroom. It ain't EVER coming off without practically having to sand and mud every square inch of drywall in there.

saintstryfe		2012-10-03 12:54:01 PM

I knew Didio is stuck in the 70's but corporate-themed superheroes? What a tool.

/ha.

HeartBurnKid		2012-10-03 12:54:17 PM

What's old is new again.

goodcomics.comicbookresources.com

jst3p		2012-10-03 12:57:23 PM

A company in my industry actually came up with a superhero with powers that have something to do with fiber-optic data transmission...

allvirtual.files.wordpress.com

Subby's Mother		2012-10-03 01:00:02 PM

Dafaq? This isn't an Onion article?

Nina_Hartley's_Ass		2012-10-03 01:04:19 PM

Phil Moskowitz		2012-10-03 01:09:37 PM

He better watch out of Chee Toes and his delightfully crunchy kick.

Fano		2012-10-03 01:10:36 PM

Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

www.headinjurytheater.com

He has potential...

Subdue their bellies		2012-10-03 01:13:08 PM

The fool! He's no match for the hellacious hardware of Mr. Badwrench!

SacriliciousBeerSwiller		2012-10-03 01:15:08 PM

Just die already, Sears.

maddogdelta		2012-10-03 01:16:11 PM

Ahem....

MinatoArisato013		2012-10-03 01:16:17 PM

The only nice thing about this is that it seems comics are going back to the silver age of ridiculous crap by making a "superhero" that advertisers used to think were awesome ideas, but nothing can beat what was used to beat Doctor Doom?

/hostess fruitcakes?
//twinkies?
///I honestly can't remember

maxx2112		2012-10-03 01:18:10 PM

Hostess Twinkie Guy?

Poser!

upload.wikimedia.org

/ poseur?

FrancoFile		2012-10-03 01:21:11 PM

So his arch-enemies are Dr. Rust and The Leaky Washer?

MBZ321		2012-10-03 01:24:13 PM

Do kids even care about comic books anymore? Way to go after the 'younger demographic', Sears. Why not make a movie to give out on VHS tapes while you're at it.

CygnusDarius		2012-10-03 01:25:23 PM

Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

Seems like a good idea, but bad execution. However...

Imagine a guy with several robots, nanomachines, and specialized tools that, along with pieces of carbon, could create any time he needed on a molecular level. Also, his nanomachines could deploy to destroy existing things (from enemy weapons and tech, to his own) in a molecular level not just to disrupt the bad guy,s but to give him raw materials for new items.

CygnusDarius		2012-10-03 01:27:42 PM

CygnusDarius: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

Seems like a good idea, but bad execution. However...

Imagine a guy with several robots, nanomachines, and specialized tools that, along with pieces of carbon, could create any ~~time~~ item he needed on a molecular level...

FTFM.

angry_scientist		2012-10-03 01:28:42 PM

Eh, I'm done with Craftsman. I got one of those 19.2v combo packs as a gift a few years ago with the drill and impact, and they both died within an hour of usage. Meanwhile my old refurb'd very same model 19.2v drill from the early 2000's still works great. W T F?

Also, their fine tooth 3/8 ratchet looks like a bottle opener with a large snap ring holding the ratchet mechanism in. I bought it to give my prized narrow head long handled Snap-On an occasional rest. What happened to nice, reasonably priced hand tools that were mostly made in USofA?

/damn you Danaher
//rant off

coldones		2012-10-03 01:35:01 PM

Fruuuuuuit Pie the Magician

gunther_bumpass		2012-10-03 01:41:36 PM

akula:

No, it's probably the dumb bastard who built the thing in the first place because that asshole was reusing whatever screws and pieces he could find lying around. Who the hell uses Phillips, flathead, AND Torx head screws ON THE SAME FARKING PROJECT?

oh I don't know.. someone WHO WAS USING MORE THAN ONE TYPE OF MATERIAL?

I prefer flathead screws, myself. They look nicer. But sometimes I mix it up to irritate the future person
who has to take it apart.

Dog Welder		2012-10-03 01:43:13 PM

Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

[www.headinjurytheater.com image 500x247]

He has potential...

What's wrong with Dog Welder? Those are perfectly cromulent super powers.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood		2012-10-03 02:18:04 PM

... I'll see your 'Sears Craftsman', and raise you a 'Steelgrip Starkey and the All-Purpose Power Tool'.

Seriously, why not Constructive heroes in addition to Destructive ones? We used to have Paul Bunyan, Joe Magarac (look him up), Pecos Bill, Windwagon Smith, John Henry, and other constructive-type Folk Heroes.

akula		2012-10-03 02:24:26 PM

angry_scientist: Eh, I'm done with Craftsman. I got one of those 19.2v combo packs as a gift a few years ago with the drill and impact, and they both died within an hour of usage. Meanwhile my old refurb'd very same model 19.2v drill from the early 2000's still works great. W T F?

The Craftsman power tools have usually been really no better than Black & Decker, Skil, etc. Their hand tools are decent quality for a homeowner- sure, Snap On, Mac, and others are better, but there needs to be an intermediate step between the cheap zinc Chinese stuff and the $100 for a ratchet professional "use it all day every day" level. Up until recently Craftsman has filled that niche pretty well- forged steel tools at not unreasonable prices. However, I am also very dissatisfied with how they've been making a bunch of their stuff in China lately. IMO, there's no longer any reason to drive over to the mall for a Sears Craftsman hand tool instead of a much shorter and easier trip to Home Depot or Lowe's for a Husky or Kobalt branded tool.

kroonermanblack		2012-10-03 02:42:06 PM

Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.

FirstNationalBastard		2012-10-03 02:47:23 PM

Ego edo infantia cattus		2012-10-03 02:48:51 PM

In every episode, half of his tools break, and it ends with him in the returns line at sears.

Dog Welder		2012-10-03 02:49:19 PM

kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.

It's from the pages of "Hitman" by Garth Ennis and John McCrea.

The series had recurring characters from a team of "mentallly insane" super heroes called Section 8.

Six-Pack -- the leader, who was a drunk that hung out at the local bar. His power was hitting people with broken bottles.

Jean Jean de Baton -- French guy who had a baton.

Phlegm Jem -- hocked acidic loogies

Friendly Fire -- could shoot fire out of his hands, but only hit his friends.

The Defenestrator -- he could pull windows out from his leather coat and would hurl people through them.

Bueno Excellente -- fought crime with the power of perversion.

Shakes -- he...um...shook. People would bleed from their eyes and ears in close proximity to him.

And...

Dog Welder -- he would weld dogs to the faces of evil doers.

And if you can track down the trade paperbacks or back issues, "Hitman" was awesome.

commisioner		2012-10-03 02:52:15 PM

FirstNationalBastard		2012-10-03 02:53:00 PM

Dog Welder: kroonermanblack: Fano: Sybarite: His super powers come in the form of a modular power tool with nine interchangeable attachments

And you thought Aquaman had lame powers.

He has potential...

Anyone explain that one to me? Could be a funny comic if I'm reading it right.

It's from the pages of "Hitman" by Garth Ennis and John McCrea.

The series had recurring characters from a team of "mentallly insane" super heroes called Section 8.

Six-Pack -- the leader, who was a drunk that hung out at the local bar. His power was hitting people with broken bottles.

Jean Jean de Baton -- French guy who had a baton.

Phlegm Jem -- hocked acidic loogies

Friendly Fire -- could shoot fire out of his hands, but only hit his friends.

The Defenestrator -- he could pull windows out from his leather coat and would hurl people through them.

Bueno Excellente -- fought crime with the power of perversion.

Shakes -- he...um...shook. People would bleed from their eyes and ears in close proximity to him.

And...

Dog Welder -- he would weld dogs to the faces of evil doers.

And if you can track down the trade paperbacks or back issues, "Hitman" was awesome.

It's not too difficult to get the Hitman back catalog at this point. Surprisingly, NuDC actually did something right and finished releasing the entire series in TPB.

Of course, they forgot the Resurrection Man crossover issues. But after stalling out the trades for a decade and being assholes and threatening to never complete them if a certain online muckraker didn't shut up about them, we should all feel lucky the entire series is out in trade.

stevetherobot		2012-10-03 02:56:23 PM

ProfessorOhki		2012-10-03 03:02:30 PM

When I became a carpenter, I took an oath! I promised to only use my skills for the forces of good!

/Suck it Vila

Fixerofcars		2012-10-03 03:02:54 PM

Ha, you wanta know how to keep your popularity craftsman? Stop shipping tool production to china. I can't buy a tool at my local sears that doesn't say "Made in China" anymore. Its awful.

/if I buy from sears.com they usually come stamped USA
//usually

scut207		2012-10-03 03:04:31 PM

Ego edo infantia cattus: In every episode, half of his tools break, and it ends with him in the returns line at sears.

Looses every time to his arch nemesis, the Festool Fuehrer.

Lonestar		2012-10-03 03:08:42 PM

When he gets sick, they call his replacement:

The Canadian Tire replacement.

MrEricSir		2012-10-03 03:10:45 PM

In other news, Sears still has enough money in their piggy bank to get product placement in a comic book.

FirstNationalBastard		2012-10-03 03:15:03 PM

MrEricSir: In other news, Sears still has enough money in their piggy bank to get product placement in a comic book.

To be fair, comic sales are so bad, they probably only had to pay 5 bucks and a pack of Twizzlers to get their product placement deal.