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(Gizmodo)   Screw you guys, Microsoft is building its own phone. With hookers and blackjack. Eh, forget the hookers. And the blackjack. And the phone   (gizmodo.com) divider line 47
    More: Obvious, Microsoft, BGR, OEM, Windows Phones  
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3785 clicks; posted to Geek » on 02 Oct 2012 at 8:45 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-02 08:49:38 PM  
Good. The lesson to take away from Android is that you want a couple of good devices, not 10,000 "me too" crap devices. Microsoft and Google seem to both have figured this out at the same time.
 
2012-10-02 08:52:02 PM  
With hookers and blackjack.

Strike that... reverse it
 
2012-10-02 09:06:32 PM  
So, when it locks up, as it will inevitably do, what do you suppose they will call it?
We've already got BSoD and RRoD. I assume the 'oD' portion will remain.
 
19
2012-10-02 09:13:39 PM  
Does that mean Nokia is free of Microsoft?

/please oh please oh....
 
2012-10-02 09:19:05 PM  

MrEricSir: Good. The lesson to take away from Android*cough*Apple*cough* is that you want a couple of good devices, not 10,000 "me too" crap devices. Microsoft and Google seem to both have figured this out at the same time.

 
2012-10-02 09:29:23 PM  

Mayhem of the Black Underclass: So, when it locks up, as it will inevitably do, what do you suppose they will call it?
We've already got BSoD and RRoD. I assume the 'oD' portion will remain.


I'd call it SICCJLOPWDOSoD. (See It Can Crash Just Like Other Phones With Different Operating Systems of Death)
 
2012-10-02 09:31:18 PM  

Mayhem of the Black Underclass: So, when it locks up, as it will inevitably do, what do you suppose they will call it?
We've already got BSoD and RRoD. I assume the 'oD' portion will remain.


I've owned an iPhone 4 and now an HTC android phone. Both have locked up on me in the past, requiring a restart.
 
2012-10-02 09:35:38 PM  
Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.
 
2012-10-02 09:38:36 PM  
I don't understand how this would be surprising to anyone who is even remotely familiar with the direction the company is taking.
 
2012-10-02 09:45:42 PM  
I'm pretty sure there would be plenty of blackjack apps for it.
 
2012-10-02 09:48:14 PM  
For about a year, I owned a Kin, a Microsoft phone. Any of you owned a Kin?

farking horrible. The cherry on top, and what eventually forced me to actually go back and reactivate my previous phone, was when the OS started refusing to work entirely.

After hours and hours with tech support, I finally discovered that there was what THEY were calling a "hard reset"...in the settings menu.

How the fark do you get to the settings menu to do a hard reset to fix the OS when the OS doesn't work, so you can't open any menus? Why the fark didn't they just put in a hole you stick a paperclip into like normal people?

So, yeah, go ahead. Make another phone. Maybe I'll need another coaster by the time it comes out for purchase.
 
2012-10-02 09:51:58 PM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: With hookers and blackjack.

Strike that... reverse it


Black hookers and jack?
 
2012-10-02 10:10:51 PM  
Forget the hookers? I'm outraged!
 
2012-10-02 10:12:30 PM  

farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.


You're forgetting the MS business model though. Step 1: Get into the market late. Step 2: Enter the market with an inferior product. Step 3: Spend obscene amounts of money improving the product and advertising it. Step 4: Finally profit.

My point is, if MS goes through with this phone idea, I'll plan on buying one around 2020 or 2021. It should be a fine product by then.
 
2012-10-02 10:13:34 PM  
Yeah, I mean its not like microsoft has ever had success muscling their way into an existing hardware market.

/xbox what?
 
2012-10-02 10:15:25 PM  

picturescrazy: The All-Powerful Atheismo: With hookers and blackjack.

Strike that... reverse it

Black hookers and jack?


imokwiththis.jpg
 
2012-10-02 10:17:44 PM  
I guess people will need something to run Win 8 on.
 
2012-10-02 10:19:05 PM  

kg2095: Mayhem of the Black Underclass: So, when it locks up, as it will inevitably do, what do you suppose they will call it?
We've already got BSoD and RRoD. I assume the 'oD' portion will remain.

I've owned an iPhone 4 and now an HTC android phone. Both have locked up on me in the past, requiring a restart.



Same here. I figure that these are some amazingly complex machines we're taking for granted, and there's going to be an occasional lock up. They're miniature PC's, and my desktop still crashes once in a blue moon too, so I don't sweat it. My new Samsung GS3 is pretty stable so far. And it resets fast as hell anyway.

As for a Windows phone.... I'd consider it. I wandered in to the Microsoft store at Tysons Corner a few weeks ago and I saw hardware in there every bit as sexy as the stuff I see in the Apple store... and Apple doesn't have an Xbox section.
 
2012-10-02 10:23:37 PM  

HMS_Blinkin: picturescrazy: The All-Powerful Atheismo: With hookers and blackjack.

Strike that... reverse it

Black hookers and jack?

imokwiththis.jpg


Me too. I farkING LOVE CHEESE
 
2012-10-02 10:24:07 PM  
Emposter
For about a year, I owned a Kin, a Microsoft phone. Any of you owned a Kin?

Most of us have been blessed with the power of pattern recognition, so no.

Sorry to hear that it sucked as much as expected though.
 
2012-10-02 10:41:14 PM  

kg2095: I've owned an iPhone 4 and now an HTC android phone. Both have locked up on me in the past, requiring a restart.


I've owned a phone with a rotary dial that was locked to the wall in the Kitchen, so I tend not to get too upset about the occasional reboot on a "phone" that has more computing power than the entire world did in 1965.
 
2012-10-02 10:49:56 PM  

0Icky0: more computing power than the entire world did in 1965.


www.american-buddha.com

ORLY?
 
2012-10-02 11:05:27 PM  

Emposter: For about a year, I owned a Kin, a Microsoft phone. Any of you owned a Kin?

farking horrible. The cherry on top, and what eventually forced me to actually go back and reactivate my previous phone, was when the OS started refusing to work entirely.

After hours and hours with tech support, I finally discovered that there was what THEY were calling a "hard reset"...in the settings menu.

How the fark do you get to the settings menu to do a hard reset to fix the OS when the OS doesn't work, so you can't open any menus? Why the fark didn't they just put in a hole you stick a paperclip into like normal people?

So, yeah, go ahead. Make another phone. Maybe I'll need another coaster by the time it comes out for purchase.


Never owned a Kin so I'm not entirely sure how they operate, but why not just pull the battery? Got to agree that putting in a hard reset as a software option is a chucklehead move.
 
2012-10-02 11:06:07 PM  
OK OK, I understand now, you thought I meant "What happens when you can't progress in the system and you must force a restart?"
I was thinking more along the lines, of what will we do when some essential piece of the design overheats and melts a circuitboard, so that you can no longer touch the screen, because if you do the LCD explodes on your hand, kind of a problem with the device. Because they are going to try to jam EVERYTHING into that handset. WiFi hot spot, Blue tooth enabled, USB hub, ZIP drive, RS-232 serial port, printer dock, SD/Mini SD/SATA/MS/XD/MS memory card readers, Zune dock and 12V power supply, touch screen DVD player, projector, headset. And it'll be nice to own, but you'll never be able to figure out just what to do with it.
 
2012-10-02 11:07:40 PM  

HMS_Blinkin: farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.

You're forgetting the MS business model though. Step 1: Get into the market late. Step 2: Enter the market with an inferior product. Step 3: Spend obscene amounts of money improving the product and advertising it. Step 4: Finally profit.

[...]


When was the last time this strategy even worked for them? Xbox, I guess? I know Bing is still a huge money-loser for them. All of their previous phone efforts failed, Zune was a joke...
 
2012-10-02 11:15:57 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
Approves.
 
2012-10-02 11:18:36 PM  

HMS_Blinkin: You're forgetting the MS business model though. Step 1: Get into the market late. Step 2: Enter the market with an inferior product. Step 3: Spend obscene amounts of money improving the product and advertising it. Step 4: Finally profit.

My point is, if MS goes through with this phone idea, I'll plan on buying one around 2020 or 2021. It should be a fine product by then.


Correction:
Step 3: Get the OEMs to build, market, and support your product and create the customer base. Provide little to no bug fixes or support.
Step 4: Screw over the OEMs by selling revised better product at the same or lower price direct, with an inferior oem build.
Step 5: Profit for awhile
 
2012-10-02 11:21:49 PM  

dopeydwarf: Emposter: For about a year, I owned a Kin, a Microsoft phone. Any of you owned a Kin?

farking horrible. The cherry on top, and what eventually forced me to actually go back and reactivate my previous phone, was when the OS started refusing to work entirely.

After hours and hours with tech support, I finally discovered that there was what THEY were calling a "hard reset"...in the settings menu.

How the fark do you get to the settings menu to do a hard reset to fix the OS when the OS doesn't work, so you can't open any menus? Why the fark didn't they just put in a hole you stick a paperclip into like normal people?

So, yeah, go ahead. Make another phone. Maybe I'll need another coaster by the time it comes out for purchase.

Never owned a Kin so I'm not entirely sure how they operate, but why not just pull the battery? Got to agree that putting in a hard reset as a software option is a chucklehead move.


Was the third or fourth thing I tried, way before calling tech support. Did nothing.
 
2012-10-02 11:57:18 PM  

farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.


Exactly, remember when MS tried to get into the video game console? Utter disaster.
 
2012-10-03 12:14:17 AM  

MrSplifferton: farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.

Exactly, remember when MS tried to get into the video game console? Utter disaster.


The original X-box was unmitigated suck. It pillaged PC gaming for titles, and it still sucked.

X-box 360 had a HUGE jump on Sony and was way ahead of Nintendo techwise. And the division still took 6 years to show a NET profit for the effort. If you consider opportunity cost, the X-box platform is probably a net negative for MS. Almost all of the profits at MS come from Windows/Office defacto monopolies.
 
2012-10-03 12:25:21 AM  

madgonad: MrSplifferton: farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.

Exactly, remember when MS tried to get into the video game console? Utter disaster.

The original X-box was unmitigated suck. It pillaged PC gaming for titles, and it still sucked.

X-box 360 had a HUGE jump on Sony and was way ahead of Nintendo techwise. And the division still took 6 years to show a NET profit for the effort. If you consider opportunity cost, the X-box platform is probably a net negative for MS. Almost all of the profits at MS come from Windows/Office defacto monopolies.


Hmm, I seem to remember things like HALO, GTA San Andreas, KOTOR, Fable, Ninja Gaiden, etc... coming out on Xbox. As far as money goes, http://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/36011/Microsofts_Xbox_360_Division_ Sees_132_Billion_Profit_For_Fiscal_Year_2011.php, yeah I guess it's not that profitable...
 
2012-10-03 12:33:39 AM  
MS's problem is wanting to do everything, but doing it without actually first thinking how to do it. They could've had an e-reader 10 years ago, but killed it because it wouldn't have a windows UI. That sort of thinking hasn't left them yet, see the whatever it's called now formerly Metro on Windows 8.
 
2012-10-03 12:41:03 AM  

picturescrazy: The All-Powerful Atheismo: With hookers and blackjack.

Strike that... reverse it

Black hookers and jack?



Oh, damnit. Damnit to hell.

/submitter
 
2012-10-03 12:42:28 AM  
So when will Apple be buying Microsoft?
 
2012-10-03 02:31:54 AM  

MrSplifferton: Exactly, remember when MS tried to get into the video game console? Utter disaster.


The game console market is really limited. At the time they entered, it was Sony and Nintendo as the major players, and that was pretty much it. It's not that hard to capture market share when there are very few players, high barriers to entry, and you can throw obscene amounts of money at the problem until it eventually turns a profit.

Phones, on the other hand, have a pretty low barrier to entry, hence you have much more competition.
 
2012-10-03 04:10:49 AM  
Without a doubt, my all-time favorite Bender quote.
 
2012-10-03 06:09:59 AM  
Between the Surface tablet, following the App store model with Windows 8, and now this, I'm shocked
Apple hasn't sued MS for ripping off their business model.
 
2012-10-03 08:44:39 AM  
As someone said in the comments on TFA, if it looks like a Zune, I'll buy one. The Zune was sexy.

www.mp3newswire.net
 
2012-10-03 10:08:14 AM  

MrSplifferton: madgonad: MrSplifferton: farkeruk: Dear Microsoft,

No-one cares.

People use PCs because of the Windows API that every application developer makes as their priority. You enjoy a virtuous circle of people buying PCs because that's where the applications are, and as a result, applications are made for Windows, because that's where the users are.

Phones are a really different beast because of the nature of most apps which is that they're really very simple. A lot of them are little more than a UI that makes calls to a webservice and displays results. So, most of the work of launching an app isn't in one flavour, so no-one controls the app space. Then if you consider projects like Xamarin and Phonegap that generate cross-platform code, there's limited control over the biggest platform.

So, you might win by making a better phone than Apple or Android, but no-one is crying out for an MS phone. And really, you're not offering much more than Android, certainly not enough for people to bother switching.

Exactly, remember when MS tried to get into the video game console? Utter disaster.

The original X-box was unmitigated suck. It pillaged PC gaming for titles, and it still sucked.

X-box 360 had a HUGE jump on Sony and was way ahead of Nintendo techwise. And the division still took 6 years to show a NET profit for the effort. If you consider opportunity cost, the X-box platform is probably a net negative for MS. Almost all of the profits at MS come from Windows/Office defacto monopolies.

Hmm, I seem to remember things like HALO, GTA San Andreas, KOTOR, Fable, Ninja Gaiden, etc... coming out on Xbox. As far as money goes, http://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/36011/Microsofts_Xbox_360_Division_ Sees_132_Billion_Profit_For_Fiscal_Year_2011.php, yeah I guess it's not that profitable...


People just confuse MS selling the firxt XBOXes at a loss with the division not making money. They're just idiots because companies don't really make money selling the console, but the licenses for the games and a profit for each game sold. Of course, unless you're Nintendo who do indeed sell consoles on a profit. Mostly because they either do good engineering (GCN was a marvel capable of going toe to toe with the XBOX while having PS2 level of nominal power) or just underpowering the whole thing (the Wii and the various portables) because graphics are overrated.
 
2012-10-03 11:25:40 AM  

rocky_howard: People just confuse MS selling the firxt XBOXes at a loss with the division not making money. They're just idiots because companies don't really make money selling the console, but the licenses for the games and a profit for each game sold. Of course, unless you're Nintendo who do indeed sell consoles on a profit. Mostly because they either do good engineering (GCN was a marvel capable of going toe to toe with the XBOX while having PS2 level of nominal power) or just underpowering the whole thing (the Wii and the various portables) because graphics are overrated.


The GCN would be the most underrated system of my lifetime if the dreamcast hadn't existed.
 
2012-10-03 11:29:47 AM  
I read that waaaay too fast, and came up with "Minecraft is building it's own phone."
Which wouldn't surprise me at this point, considering people have built goddamn computers and all.
 
2012-10-03 11:54:50 AM  
With their stock price so far in the shiatter it is considered junk, wouldn't it be cheaper for MS just buy Nokia than develop their own phones?
 
Xai
2012-10-03 12:03:44 PM  

MrEricSir: Good. The lesson to take away from Android is that you want a couple of good devices, not 10,000 "me too" crap devices. Microsoft and Google seem to both have figured this out at the same time.


don't you mean one good brand and a few mediocre devices with serious flaws?
 
2012-10-03 05:56:54 PM  
I had a Samsung Omnia with MS Windows Mobile once. Worst crap ever. And no support or upgrades.
Never ever a MS based product again!
 
2012-10-03 09:14:15 PM  

0Icky0: kg2095: I've owned an iPhone 4 and now an HTC android phone. Both have locked up on me in the past, requiring a restart.

I've owned a phone with a rotary dial that was locked to the wall in the Kitchen, so I tend not to get too upset about the occasional reboot on a "phone" that has more computing power than the entire world did in 1965.


Oh, I'm not upset about it. I was just responding to another poster's comment about the new Windows phone being likely to lock up.
 
2012-10-03 09:42:25 PM  

Mad_Radhu: With their stock price so far in the shiatter it is considered junk, wouldn't it be cheaper for MS just buy Nokia than develop their own phones?


Microsoft stock is in the shiatter? News to me. Oh wait, it's not and it's considered Blue Chips.
 
2012-10-03 11:06:37 PM  

rocky_howard: Mad_Radhu: With their stock price so far in the shiatter it is considered junk, wouldn't it be cheaper for MS just buy Nokia than develop their own phones?

Microsoft stock is in the shiatter? News to me. Oh wait, it's not and it's considered Blue Chips.


Nokia, not Microsoft.
 
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