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(Fark)   Write some headlines that would have been posted when Columbus found the Americas. You know. If Fark had been around back then   (fark.com) divider line 212
    More: Amusing  
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2944 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2012 at 3:59 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



212 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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Archived thread
 
2012-10-02 12:51:09 PM  
"I thought we were going to China, WTF is this sh*t?"
 
2012-10-02 12:51:12 PM  
New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.
 
2012-10-02 12:51:46 PM  
White Sox defeat Indians again.
 
2012-10-02 12:52:21 PM  
Sick of smoking Opium? Check out TOBACCO!
 
2012-10-02 12:53:02 PM  
[HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.
 
2012-10-02 12:53:30 PM  
Scientist discover 100's of uses for new flora and fauna found. Still no cure for scurvy.
 
2012-10-02 12:53:37 PM  
Islamic World: "fark Spain, just take it."
 
2012-10-02 12:54:09 PM  

KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.


Hundreds of years later
 
2012-10-02 12:55:35 PM  
Idiot Italian discovers India...again!
 
2012-10-02 12:56:15 PM  
Columbus regresa después de que lo echaron
 
2012-10-02 12:57:23 PM  
A SECOND SHIP HAS JUST HIT THE SOUTH PORT!
 
2012-10-02 12:57:26 PM  
North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.
 
2012-10-02 12:59:39 PM  
Columbus finds Americas, production stops on world's largest milk carton.
 
2012-10-02 01:35:58 PM  
Amazing land never before cultivated by humans found. FARK: Weird, disgusting, primitive humans infest it in some places. At least our leaders say that they aren't really humans, so it's open season.
 
2012-10-02 01:49:51 PM  
Made new friends from across the seas :)
Have the sniffles though :(
 
2012-10-02 01:52:52 PM  
Amusing: Fark: a group of women talk out against men TotalFark: they claim that the indians deserve to own land and be treated as equals. Let's pack em to Salem, gents.
 
2012-10-02 01:56:46 PM  

Skywolf Philosopher: Amusing: Fark: a group of women talk out against men TotalFark: they claim that the indians deserve to own land and be treated as equals. Let's pack em to Salem, gents.


_____________________________________________________________________ _ __________________

Comments

An_atypical_settler

Hahaha, I say, imagine if some guy in the future thought this wasn't serious. Ah well, best of luck to them, maybe they can flee yonder before they are captured.
 
2012-10-02 01:58:12 PM  

Skywolf Philosopher: An_atypical_settler:


Wat? That's rather like saying womenfolk would ever be on TF, don't you think?
 
2012-10-02 02:19:38 PM  
Columbus finds vast, new lands. Contains arable land, massive lakes, and somethings called "Kardashians."
 
2012-10-02 02:36:23 PM  
Italians can't get anything right; miss India by 3,000 leagues.
 
2012-10-02 02:40:43 PM  
[Followup] Early reports that Columbus discovered a new route to the East Indies may have been premature. Oops
 
2012-10-02 02:45:07 PM  
Clobmus. Caught sayof fleet that has stoped saelling " See, told ya so" Is It China or not. Queen Says yes. England Looking for boats -OR- "hello, I am here Spanish and wait wat is this tobco"
 
2012-10-02 04:02:57 PM  
White invaders land, spread new diseases. EVERYBODY PANI
 
2012-10-02 04:04:19 PM  
Chris "Clueless" Columbus Finds India North America Caribbean Island!
 
2012-10-02 04:04:24 PM  

Science_Guy_3.14159: North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.


A good effort.

Pocket Ninja: Clobmus. Caught sayof fleet that has stoped saelling " See, told ya so" Is It China or not. Queen Says yes. England Looking for boats -OR- "hello, I am here Spanish and wait wat is this tobco"


But we have our winner!
 
2012-10-02 04:04:42 PM  
Your dog wants jerk steak.
 
2012-10-02 04:05:34 PM  
Syphillis. penis.
 
2012-10-02 04:06:08 PM  
Columbus 'discovers' 'new' land, giving all Italians reason to be overly proud. For centuries.
 
2012-10-02 04:07:43 PM  
Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.
 
2012-10-02 04:07:49 PM  
"The earth, shesa flat!"
"The earth, shesa round!!!"
 
2012-10-02 04:07:50 PM  
[Spiffy] - Not News: Italian claims he'll find shortcut to new lands. News: By sailing WEST. Fark: Does.
 
2012-10-02 04:07:57 PM  
Undocumented aliens show up on coast, want to be friends, ask where we hide all the gold. What could possibly go wrong?
 
2012-10-02 04:08:53 PM  
Verily for the redskins, the excrement has hit the bellows!
 
2012-10-02 04:09:13 PM  
Something between us and China discovered. Still no cure for continent.
 
2012-10-02 04:09:17 PM  
In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!
 
2012-10-02 04:09:37 PM  
Invading countries, slaughtering and enslaving the inhabitants, and claiming the land for your king is no way to go through life, son.
 
2012-10-02 04:09:57 PM  
Italian immigrant shows up without papers.
 
2012-10-02 04:09:58 PM  
[Breaking News] Waiting for a signal that Columbus has landed after 2 months and nine days of terror.

/and probably buttsex
 
2012-10-02 04:10:00 PM  
Land found on other side of Atlantic Ocean, This is not a repeat from 1000
 
2012-10-02 04:10:11 PM  
Illegal aliens hit east coast. Shoot border patrol injuns.
 
2012-10-02 04:10:57 PM  
Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...
 
2012-10-02 04:11:45 PM  
Discovery of New World gold mines means massive inflation for the Spanish economy. RONALDO PAULUS!
 
2012-10-02 04:11:52 PM  
Pale hairy ghosts arrive from the east, quickly get to know our women whether they want it or not. farkbuddy- the father.
 
2012-10-02 04:12:25 PM  
Columbus successfully lands in India. This is bad news... for King Ferdinand
 
2012-10-02 04:12:59 PM  
Not News: Dumb fark thinks the world is round.
News: Doesn't fall off the edge.
Fark: Finds land filled natives.
Ultra Fark: Naked Natives!
 
2012-10-02 04:13:13 PM  
We've secretly replaced the East Indies with the West Indies. Let's see if anyone's noticed.
 
2012-10-02 04:13:26 PM  

Pangit: New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.


All continents were AIDS-free in the 1400's; AIDS didn't exist until the 20th century.
 
2012-10-02 04:13:40 PM  
Natives are inferior beings, we will dominate the continent, all this land is ours for the taking: This is what colonists really believe.
 
2012-10-02 04:13:51 PM  
Western passage to India found, full of magical megafauna to extinctify. Your dog wants bison.
 
2012-10-02 04:14:32 PM  
European explorers find new land to the West, proves Earth is not flat. This is not a repeat from 1000.
 
2012-10-02 04:15:10 PM  
Finally - Red Sauce for Spaghetti!
 
2012-10-02 04:15:19 PM  

Odd Bird: Not News: Dumb fark thinks the world is round.
News: Doesn't fall off the edge.
Fark: Finds land filled natives.
Total Fark: With boobies that don't sag!
Ultra Fark: Naked Natives!


FTFInjuns
 
2012-10-02 04:15:33 PM  

jshine: Pangit: New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.

All continents were AIDS-free in the 1400's; AIDS didn't exist until the 20th century.


Thanks a lot, Wilt Chamberlain and assorted gay guys.
 
2012-10-02 04:15:41 PM  

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...


If I could vote.. twould be for you
 
2012-10-02 04:15:42 PM  
Pocahontas intervenes to save life of colonist. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
 
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
Strange vessels spotted approaching the coast. I'm not sayin' they're aliens, but...they're aliens.
 
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
All your base are belong to Spain.
 
2012-10-02 04:16:27 PM  
"Columbus Discovers America. Apple Sues For Discovery Infringement"
 
2012-10-02 04:17:03 PM  

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...


I LOL'd!
 
2012-10-02 04:20:05 PM  

Pangit: KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

Hundreds of years later


And not even then, Dr. Churchill.
 
2012-10-02 04:20:46 PM  
"Whites now a minority in America. Thanks, Obama."
 
2012-10-02 04:21:13 PM  
White man meets red man, ready and eager to accept Jesus Christ - this is what Jesuits really believe.
 
2012-10-02 04:22:10 PM  
Wrong era, but I've always wanted to use this one:

[Newsflash] Gold found in California territory. EVERYBODY PAN IT
 
2012-10-02 04:22:45 PM  
Greatest Empire in the world meets the Arawak barbarians. Libtards immediately declare them equal to Spaniards.
 
2012-10-02 04:23:37 PM  
"Yo no soy marinero. Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.  Soy capitan, soy capitan - Baila bamba, baila bamba"
 
2012-10-02 04:24:08 PM  
FARK PARTY Tuesday in the big lodge in Manitou, Kentucky. Drew will be there; join him for shots of pulque. Duke sucks.
 
2012-10-02 04:25:10 PM  

smartaleq: Wrong era, but I've always wanted to use this one:

[Newsflash] Gold found in California territory. EVERYBODY PAN IT


imageshack.us

Still the wrong era, but closer: [Newsflash] Gold found in Georgia colony. EVERYBODY PAN IT
 
2012-10-02 04:25:25 PM  
Columbus thinks he finds India, finds new land instead. To mark the occasion, a holiday will be named in his honor that will have two different dates of observation.
 
2012-10-02 04:25:45 PM  
The local labor is disagreeable and lack healthcare, maybe we should think about a universal healthcare system. Or, you know, import Africans to do the hard stuff.
 
2012-10-02 04:26:56 PM  
Explorer mistakes tepee Indians for bindi. Hilarity ensues.
 
2012-10-02 04:26:58 PM  
TSG must have had to wait until yon fortnight to get some of these subjects: witches, hostile natives with facial tats, fat lips, sharpie eyebrows, sandman and possibly Jeebus
 
2012-10-02 04:28:23 PM  
"The Niña, the Puta, and the Rio Muy Sangre"
 
2012-10-02 04:29:16 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox Pox defeat Indians again.


FTFY
 
2012-10-02 04:29:26 PM  
Guy named Columbus steals idea from Jobs, "discovers" something new.
 
2012-10-02 04:29:44 PM  
Already Bindun, says Leif Ericson
 
2012-10-02 04:30:29 PM  
[Obvious] Spanish subjugate, eject Moors. Celebrate by funding trip to subjgate, eject natives in newly discovered lands
 
2012-10-02 04:30:53 PM  

Skywolf Philosopher: Amazing land never before cultivated by humans found. FARK: Weird, disgusting, primitive humans infest it in some places. At least our leaders say that they aren't really humans, so it's open season.


Ugly-ass baby civilization?
 
2012-10-02 04:32:26 PM  

Galloping Galoshes: White invaders land, spread new diseases. EVERYBODY PANI

Note:They returned the favor with syphilis
 
2012-10-02 04:32:36 PM  
Italian helicopter parents of Christopher Columbus are so proud of their son's discovery dego wop wop wop.
 
2012-10-02 04:32:39 PM  

Gasconne: Explorer mistakes tepee Indians for bindi. HCrilarity ensues.


FTFY
 
2012-10-02 04:33:06 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox defeat Indians again.


Oh my god. Comedy gold.
 
2012-10-02 04:33:12 PM  
"Ok, I know we're outnumbered like 20 million to 100, but all we need to do is sneeze on five of them, and by the time we come back next year, they'll be gone."
 
2012-10-02 04:35:00 PM  
What does a conquistador have to do to get a greenlight around here?
 
2012-10-02 04:35:04 PM  
[Obvious] Cristoforo Colombo discovers new world, tobacco, overcoats, circumstantial questioning.

Pair-o-Dice: "The earth, shesa flat!"
"The earth, shesa round!!!"


Ah, the classics never fail to elicit a chuckle...
 
2012-10-02 04:36:11 PM  
COLUMBUS CLAIMS TO HAVE DISCOVERED THE NEW WORLD, IN IRELAND ST. BRENDAN SAYS THAT'S SO 500A.D.
 
2012-10-02 04:36:24 PM  

serial_crusher: Ugly-ass baby civilization?


Ugly-ass baby civilization born at Caribbean Zoo, Portuguese keepers don't even bother taking care of it for 10ky, somehow magically survives. With head-scalpingly cute dawwww pics.
 
2012-10-02 04:38:14 PM  
The earth is not flat. Now here comes the science.
 
2012-10-02 04:38:19 PM  
Columbus runs into stumbling blocks on way to India.
wpcontent.answcdn.com
 
2012-10-02 04:38:33 PM  
[ Weird ] Italian discovers continent of stinky, uneducated, intensely tribal natives that constantly fight over land. Then left Europe and found a whole new continent to the west.
 
2012-10-02 04:39:15 PM  
I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque !
 
2012-10-02 04:39:32 PM  
Columbus inherited these harsh Winters from the Bush administration, of course some people are going to die!!eleven
 
2012-10-02 04:39:39 PM  

Science_Guy_3.14159: North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.


Excellent. 

+1
 
2012-10-02 04:40:03 PM  
indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com
 
2012-10-02 04:40:04 PM  
Guidos in my Carribean? it's more likely than you think
 
2012-10-02 04:40:29 PM  
[Dumbass] Italian painter tries his hand at engineering, builds a flying machine. Hilarity ensues
 
2012-10-02 04:41:57 PM  
[Dumbass] Only Columbus could manage to run aground half way to China.
 
2012-10-02 04:43:44 PM  
CNN = Impoverished and downtrodded taken advantage of by Columbus and Crew

FoxNews = Columbus and crew discover new land with untold riches but are soon told they have to redistribute it to those unwilling to work

Huffington Post = Columbus intenionally infects minorities with untreatable diseases

MSNBC = Calico kittens are mans best friend
 
2012-10-02 04:43:57 PM  
Chris, Chris, Chris... You go to Cuba, y u no get box of Cohibas?
 
2012-10-02 04:43:58 PM  
Columbus less than thrilled about his association with Ohio
 
2012-10-02 04:43:59 PM  
IMPERIO ESPAÑOL
unconfirmedbreakingnews.com
WE'RE GONNA FREE THE MIERDA OUT OF YOU
 
 
2012-10-02 04:44:18 PM  
People who look like Indians found in new land. They aren't Indians, but we'll call them Indians for hundreds of years anyways.
 
2012-10-02 04:45:03 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Clobmus. Caught sayof fleet that has stoped saelling " See, told ya so" Is It China or not. Queen Says yes. England Looking for boats -OR- "hello, I am here Spanish and wait wat is this tobco"


got to hand it to you Pocket Ninja... I read this and thought, "he's done better." then I read it again seconds later, and chuckled, and once more and laughed hard.

not sure how you do it.
 
2012-10-02 04:45:33 PM  
[Fail] Columbia America, fark yeah!
 
2012-10-02 04:45:39 PM  
Not news: Columbus, needing repairs and low on supplies, gets natives to help out through the use of persuasion News: said persuasion was having the native's gods get angry and block out the moon Fark: the "gods" were a farmer's almanac and calendar


/methinks I tried too hard
 
2012-10-02 04:45:42 PM  
"You call it corn, we call it GTFO!"
 
2012-10-02 04:46:28 PM  

GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!


1942?
 
2012-10-02 04:46:32 PM  
{Asinine} Godless Liberal "explorer" seeking government grants claims to have found "new " world-but everybody knows God created all the world there will ever be 6,000 years ago
 
2012-10-02 04:46:34 PM  
Fark Party on Roanoke Island. What could possibly go wrong?
 
2012-10-02 04:47:06 PM  
Photoshop Theme: Columbus steps off.
 
2012-10-02 04:47:33 PM  

HighOnCraic: Fark Party on Roanoke Island. What could possibly go wrong?


OK, I lol'ed...
 
2012-10-02 04:47:59 PM  
How is America formed? How girl get smallpox?
 
2012-10-02 04:48:28 PM  

Tony_Pepperoni: GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!

1942?


Teach the controversy.
 
2012-10-02 04:49:08 PM  
It's a trip!
 
2012-10-02 04:50:09 PM  
Captain . Caught sayof rock that has stoped Horsriding " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. Kemosabe Says yes. King Looking for spice -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"
 
2012-10-02 04:51:00 PM  
Not news: ship captain overpromises wealthy patrons vast return on investment if they fund his expedition. News: Succeeds. Fark: By traveling west and, somehow, not falling off the edge of the world.
 
2012-10-02 04:52:27 PM  

jshine: Pangit: New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.

All continents were AIDS-free in the 1400's; AIDS didn't exist until the 20th century.


Your headline sucks
 
2012-10-02 04:52:31 PM  
cdn2.holytaco.com
 
2012-10-02 04:53:13 PM  

poe_zlaw: People who look like Indians found in new land. They aren't Indians, but we'll call them Indians for hundreds of years anyways.


Louie C. K. actually did a bit on this.
 
2012-10-02 04:53:27 PM  
Europeans introduce natives to strange drink called "alcohol". Fark is born.
 
2012-10-02 04:53:29 PM  
Now is the time to invest in disease prevention, slavery futures.
 
2012-10-02 04:54:10 PM  
Italian man packs his ship with Genoa salami, discovers new passage
 
2012-10-02 04:54:57 PM  
[spiffy] ♫Selling them whiskey and taking their gold. Enslaving the young and destroying the old!♫
 
2012-10-02 04:55:03 PM  

Bonkthat_Again: Captain . Caught sayof rock that has stoped Horsriding " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. Kemosabe Says yes. King Looking for spice -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"


weknowmemes.com
 
2012-10-02 04:55:51 PM  
Columbus returns from trans-Atlantic voyage. Has unnatural orange skin, spiked hair, and popped collar. May have gone native.
 
2012-10-02 04:56:39 PM  
Ha! Ha! I'm exploring the New World!!1!
 
2012-10-02 04:57:16 PM  

Pangit: Idiot Italian discovers India...again!


Furthermore, Amerigo Vespucci mapped it, then Lucky Luciano organized cocaine distribution. Coca from Columbia, the nation in South America that was named after...um, Hey! pizza suddenly sounds like great chow for tonight!

/abandons thread to make a Little Caesar's run

//closest place
 
2012-10-02 04:58:07 PM  
Imported Africans automatically more valuable than Indians. This is not a repeat from now+500.
 
2012-10-02 04:59:02 PM  
Conquistadors are all up in your base, killin' your doods!
 
2012-10-02 04:59:05 PM  
[FAIL] Columbus discovers India, credits Apple Maps
 
2012-10-02 05:00:43 PM  

cards fan by association: [FAIL] Columbus discovers India, credits Apple Maps


hahaha...

CC: "Sari, where the hell are we?"
"recalculating..."
 
2012-10-02 05:02:37 PM  
White gunsellers "lose" hundreds of guns sold to Indians. The repeats will be faster and furiouser in 500 years.
 
2012-10-02 05:02:42 PM  
[ Florida ] Raving, probably drunk, lunatic crashes boat on our shore; gibberish and hand waving seem to indicate he thinks that makes it "his." No "Bahamas" tag so Florida stands in

/ nobody said they had to be -European- headlines
 
2012-10-02 05:03:40 PM  
Judge to squaw: If you hadn't been on that island, none of this would have happened.
 
2012-10-02 05:04:29 PM  
[HERO] This is going to change everything! (sponsored link)
 
2012-10-02 05:05:14 PM  

SoupJohnB: Pangit: Idiot Italian discovers India...again!

Furthermore, Amerigo Vespucci mapped it, then Lucky Luciano organized cocaine distribution. Coca from Columbia, the nation in South America that was named after...um, Hey! pizza suddenly sounds like great chow for tonight!

/abandons thread to make a Little Caesar's run

//closest place


And yes, I know that Luciano was "Sicilian." But that's like saying Marco Rubio is "Cuban."
 
2012-10-02 05:05:42 PM  
Father of the Year candidate steals gold, burns house down, leaves unborn daughter in dirty Indian woman.
 
2012-10-02 05:06:09 PM  
Columbus fails in his voyage to India, Ferdinand and Isabella to testify before congress over wasteful use of taxpayer funds.
 
2012-10-02 05:07:54 PM  
[Obvious] Fear and surprise greet the Spanish expedition
 
2012-10-02 05:08:08 PM  
Columbus has shrunken balls. Earth is bigger around than he thought.
 
2012-10-02 05:08:36 PM  
(Daily Mail) [Sick] 20-yo hottie: I routinely sleep with a whole ship of seamen! And my husband just lies down and doesn't complain. W/ you'd hit it with face is a shovel pic.
 
2012-10-02 05:09:17 PM  
Trip to discover passage to India ends in failure. Thanks, Fartnando.
 
2012-10-02 05:09:39 PM  

mutterfark: [Obvious] Fear and surprise greet the Spanish expedition


Well I wasn't expecting some sort of Spanish expedition.
 
2012-10-02 05:10:09 PM  
Women in the Catawba tribe begin having white and delightsome babies after exposure to Mormon missionaries. Giggity.
 
2012-10-02 05:11:06 PM  
These people taste like chicken!
 
2012-10-02 05:12:21 PM  
What the fark is a Blue Jacket?
 
2012-10-02 05:13:10 PM  

Leopold Stotch: mutterfark: [Obvious] Fear and surprise greet the Spanish expedition

Well I wasn't expecting some sort of Spanish expedition.


s1.b3ta.com
 
2012-10-02 05:13:19 PM  
Columbus discovers land Vikings rejected.
 
2012-10-02 05:14:04 PM  
Weird white men show up on shore. Offered food and women, but they only want to that useless yellow metal we put in our noses
 
2012-10-02 05:16:32 PM  
"Leif Ericson Pooped Here"
 
2012-10-02 05:17:09 PM  

jshine: Pangit: New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.

All continents were AIDS-free in the 1400's; AIDS didn't exist until the 20th century.


Which is actually kind of interesting, to think about how AIDS would have affected the world population in a pre-science era.
 
2012-10-02 05:17:30 PM  

KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.


European Goodwill Ambassadors to Distribute Blankets to the Needy.
 
2012-10-02 05:18:26 PM  
Oh, the huge manatees. Columbus fights sea creatures to get to Americas
 
2012-10-02 05:20:29 PM  
Obummer Administration abuses "No Tea This Isn't China" law, declares Tea Party illegal on this continent. Libruls love freedom!
 
2012-10-02 05:21:32 PM  
Idiot explorer finds "new" land! Without looking at tag, guess where he's from.
 
2012-10-02 05:23:41 PM  
Columbus Discovers America, Siphilis. Still no cure for black death.
 
2012-10-02 05:25:24 PM  
Spanish sailors, unable to find India, fall back on standard conquistador procedure: Pick an island at random and shoot somebody's husband
 
2012-10-02 05:25:43 PM  
"There are no black people, i think i have found heaven!!!"
 
2012-10-02 05:27:50 PM  

Julieahni: Oh, the huge manatees. Columbus fights sea creatures to get to Americas


[STRANGE] Holy sh*t, Columbus discovers mermaids, although they're a little chunkier than the European ones
 
2012-10-02 05:28:46 PM  
i1125.photobucket.com


/Also, we have a flag.
 
2012-10-02 05:29:27 PM  

I Have The Touch of a Shocked Monkey: European ones


"How many diseases does one colonist bring to the New World?" "African or European?"
 
2012-10-02 05:31:52 PM  
[FAIL] That new sea route to India? Yea well, about that
 
2012-10-02 05:33:07 PM  
Colombus lands in Guanahani. New France surrenders.
 
2012-10-02 05:35:09 PM  

cgraves67: Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.


Winner winner chicken dinner!
 
2012-10-02 05:35:52 PM  
imageshack.us
 
2012-10-02 05:37:41 PM  
Fed up with the foreigners invading their territory, the Mayans invent a calendar that will make them all panic five hundred years from now.
 
2012-10-02 05:39:26 PM  

Tony_Pepperoni: GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!

1942?


Forget it, he's rolling.
 
2012-10-02 05:43:26 PM  
[SCARY] Jesus Christ, it's a European!! Get in the teepee!
 
2012-10-02 05:45:21 PM  
[Fail] Zheng He's ghost frowns upon your shenanigans, Chris.
 
2012-10-02 05:45:47 PM  
Fast forward a few centuries...

[ASININE] Witches found in Salem. Your God wants stake.
 
2012-10-02 05:46:47 PM  
news: Columbus sails for india, doesn't fall off the world. fark: finds new lands. ultrafark: they're naked.
 
2012-10-02 05:47:49 PM  
My three faves:

Ponzholio: A SECOND SHIP HAS JUST HIT THE SOUTH PORT!


ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...


JackieRabbiatchris "Clueless" Columbus Finds India North America Caribbean Island!

/ I know, nobody cares about my faves
// Deal with it ;)
 
2012-10-02 05:47:51 PM  

Bonkthat_Again: Captain . Caught sayof rock that has stoped Horsriding " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. Kemosabe Says yes. King Looking for spice -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"


Oh sorry haha. I finally found what that was from, I've been fail ing this joke all these years. Thanks for making me go educate. Good luck and sayof, my friend.
 
2012-10-02 05:49:06 PM  
I for one welcome our new metal-helmeted overlords.
 
2012-10-02 05:50:56 PM  
img1.fark.net Columbus discovers America, Natives no longer left wondering where the fark they were
 
2012-10-02 05:51:40 PM  
I don't know what a Beaver is, but a guy name Columbus just found a continent of them....
 
2012-10-02 05:52:36 PM  
Business Links

[FAIL] King of Portugal passes on risky shipping investment. Since this is FARK, you know what happens next.
 
2012-10-02 05:53:56 PM  
Alcohol delivery vehicle crashes on major American thoroughfare, thirsty redfaces get their first drink in way too long. Drew Curtis drinking too quickly to comment.
 
2012-10-02 06:04:54 PM  
"Columbus encounters a brave new world just as his case of the clap turns into a standing ovation"
 
2012-10-02 06:08:22 PM  
Italian finds resource to replenish dwindling bling supply - two-foot tall gold crosses for everybody!
 
2012-10-02 06:26:16 PM  
Columbus discovers North America, soon Duke will suck
 
2012-10-02 06:40:42 PM  
Some guy finds alien world, farkers roll eyes knowing full well its just a reflection of a streetlight
 
2012-10-02 06:49:41 PM  
I can envision the natives proclaiming "Oh no, here come the boat people!"
 
2012-10-02 06:58:00 PM  
Christians encounter animists, immediately rape and enslave them. Religion of PeaceTM strikes again!
 
2012-10-02 07:00:06 PM  
Columbus accused of smuggling STD's to the new world on the captain's dingy...
 
2012-10-02 07:12:17 PM  
"But what I really want to do is direct."
 
2012-10-02 07:15:25 PM  
If you picked October 12th, 1492 as the day we get off this ship, come forward to claim your prize.
 
2012-10-02 08:06:37 PM  

Pangit: KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

Hundreds of years later


Another myth. There is only ONE (1) reference to germ infested blankets being given to Indians and it was from a British soldier in a letter he wrote.

ONE reference - in a letter home, no less - does not make this true.
 
2012-10-02 08:24:28 PM  
Columbus discovers a new way to be incontinent. Finds a Pinta somethin Nina his shorts. Santa Maria!
 
2012-10-02 08:26:03 PM  
Principal caught crosswind say of.
 
2012-10-02 08:26:39 PM  
Balls caught in brig.  So very scared.
 
2012-10-02 08:33:31 PM  
News: Another group of white guys 'discovered us'. Fark: Asshats think they are in India.
 
2012-10-02 08:38:35 PM  
Earth is round. This is not a repeat from 240 B.C.
 
2012-10-02 09:05:00 PM  
Columbus detractor says that the distance to China is so great "the only thing that'll keep that dim Eyetie from dying of hunger and thirst is if he lucks out and finds someplace to restock halfway."
 
2012-10-02 09:13:28 PM  
Columbus, noting lack of hordes of slant-eyed people with ironworking tech, fireworks and noodle shops comes to conclusion that he may not, in fact, be in China. "But, hey, at least it'll get my name on it, right?" Amerigo Vespucci seen chuckling, paying off King of Spain.
 
2012-10-02 09:14:12 PM  
Crap I worked late and got here late, but this has to be posted:

I was going to post an awesome headline but you'll never be greenlit unless you pay $5 a month for TotalFARK.
 
2012-10-02 09:14:40 PM  
After reading some of these "headlines," I have a newfound respect for the Fark moderators.
 
2012-10-02 09:14:42 PM  
Columbus finds undiscovered continent, and by undiscovered we mean settled by twice the current population of Europe but soon to be 90% wiped out in the biggest genocide in History but hey, it will be romanticized in American history
 
2012-10-02 10:43:48 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox defeat Indians again.



I thought it was "White pox........".
 
2012-10-02 10:47:43 PM  

cgraves67: Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.



HA HA HA ! ! !
 
2012-10-02 10:49:38 PM  

SFSailor: [ Florida ] Raving, probably drunk, lunatic crashes boat on our shore; gibberish and hand waving seem to indicate he thinks that makes it "his." No "Bahamas" tag so Florida stands in

/ nobody said they had to be -European- headlines


Thank you. "Florida tag needed" was the first thing I thought of, can't believe it took this long for someone to use it!
 
2012-10-02 10:57:47 PM  

HighOnCraic: Italian immigrant shows up without papers.



I'm going to be banned for this:

[clears throat]

{not news} Injuns spot far off distant ship, squint thee eyes; {news} help FOB WOP onto free land, are only offered nubianrdly beads for it in return. {Fark} Redfaced. {TF} No, reservations are the way to go through life, Son.
 
2012-10-02 10:59:21 PM  
***
Royal Commission Finds Crackpot Theories of Mysterious Con Artist Colomb Impracticable.

Four reasons given: World diameter 3x larger than Colomb thinks. World round, not pear-shaped. The other side of the Earth is known to be a gigantic tractless ocean. If there are any lands between Europe and Asia they must be inhabited by now.

***
Promise of Riches of the Indies Overides Common Sense. Queen Isabella Hocks the Jewels.

***

Discovery of America is Liberal Media Hoax, says Eminent Protestant Divine. Not Mentioned in Bible.
Obama Held Responsible for Black Death, Sour Milk, Climate Change

***
Prominent Economist Warns Gold and Silver of the Americas will Ruin Spanish Economy, cause Inflation on unprecendented scale. Bullion surplus may force fiat currency on world.
 
2012-10-02 11:06:35 PM  
[Follow-up] Italians arrive way too late to save lost Viking explorers.......

[Ironic] ....... leave Roanoke settlement just in case Vikings return.
 
2012-10-02 11:08:50 PM  

Tony_Pepperoni: GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!

1942?



The war had just begun.
 
2012-10-02 11:12:01 PM  

Science_Guy_3.14159: North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.


Everyone can stop now. Winner found.
 
2012-10-03 06:33:47 AM  
No one expects a Spanish immigration
 
2012-10-03 10:21:28 AM  

Kangaroo_Ralph: poe_zlaw: People who look like Indians found in new land. They aren't Indians, but we'll call them Indians for hundreds of years anyways.

Louie C. K. actually did a bit on this.


Ahhh, you're Indians!
 
2012-10-03 12:12:46 PM  
Spanish sailors find land, lose noses.
 
2012-10-03 12:37:28 PM  
Columbus discovers scantily clad natives in new--you already clicked, didn't you?
 
2012-10-03 01:35:53 PM  
"All your maise are belong to us"

/late, like that goddamn Pinta.
 
2012-10-03 05:27:37 PM  
[Aztec] The secret ingredient to this sacred meal Posole is... People! Guess who eats this dish...
 
2012-10-03 07:29:55 PM  
So many good tag lines! should have enabled voting!
 
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