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(Fark)   Write some headlines that would have been posted when Columbus found the Americas. You know. If Fark had been around back then   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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2969 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2012 at 3:59 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

212 Comments     (+0 »)
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2012-10-02 05:17:30 PM  

KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

European Goodwill Ambassadors to Distribute Blankets to the Needy.
2012-10-02 05:18:26 PM  
Oh, the huge manatees. Columbus fights sea creatures to get to Americas
2012-10-02 05:20:29 PM  
Obummer Administration abuses "No Tea This Isn't China" law, declares Tea Party illegal on this continent. Libruls love freedom!
2012-10-02 05:21:32 PM  
Idiot explorer finds "new" land! Without looking at tag, guess where he's from.
2012-10-02 05:23:41 PM  
Columbus Discovers America, Siphilis. Still no cure for black death.
2012-10-02 05:25:24 PM  
Spanish sailors, unable to find India, fall back on standard conquistador procedure: Pick an island at random and shoot somebody's husband
2012-10-02 05:25:43 PM  
"There are no black people, i think i have found heaven!!!"
2012-10-02 05:27:50 PM  

Julieahni: Oh, the huge manatees. Columbus fights sea creatures to get to Americas

[STRANGE] Holy sh*t, Columbus discovers mermaids, although they're a little chunkier than the European ones
2012-10-02 05:28:46 PM  
i1125.photobucket.comView Full Size

/Also, we have a flag.
2012-10-02 05:29:27 PM  

I Have The Touch of a Shocked Monkey: European ones

"How many diseases does one colonist bring to the New World?" "African or European?"
2012-10-02 05:31:52 PM  
[FAIL] That new sea route to India? Yea well, about that
2012-10-02 05:33:07 PM  
Colombus lands in Guanahani. New France surrenders.
2012-10-02 05:35:09 PM  

cgraves67: Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.

Winner winner chicken dinner!
2012-10-02 05:35:52 PM  
imageshack.usView Full Size
2012-10-02 05:37:41 PM  
Fed up with the foreigners invading their territory, the Mayans invent a calendar that will make them all panic five hundred years from now.
2012-10-02 05:39:26 PM  

Tony_Pepperoni: GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!


Forget it, he's rolling.
2012-10-02 05:43:26 PM  
[SCARY] Jesus Christ, it's a European!! Get in the teepee!
2012-10-02 05:45:21 PM  
[Fail] Zheng He's ghost frowns upon your shenanigans, Chris.
2012-10-02 05:45:47 PM  
Fast forward a few centuries...

[ASININE] Witches found in Salem. Your God wants stake.
2012-10-02 05:46:47 PM  
news: Columbus sails for india, doesn't fall off the world. fark: finds new lands. ultrafark: they're naked.
2012-10-02 05:47:49 PM  
My three faves:


ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...

JackieRabbiatchris "Clueless" Columbus Finds India North America Caribbean Island!

/ I know, nobody cares about my faves
// Deal with it ;)
2012-10-02 05:47:51 PM  

Bonkthat_Again: Captain . Caught sayof rock that has stoped Horsriding " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. Kemosabe Says yes. King Looking for spice -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"

Oh sorry haha. I finally found what that was from, I've been fail ing this joke all these years. Thanks for making me go educate. Good luck and sayof, my friend.
2012-10-02 05:49:06 PM  
I for one welcome our new metal-helmeted overlords.
2012-10-02 05:50:56 PM  
img1.fark.netView Full Size
Columbus discovers America, Natives no longer left wondering where the fark they were
2012-10-02 05:51:40 PM  
I don't know what a Beaver is, but a guy name Columbus just found a continent of them....
2012-10-02 05:52:36 PM  
Business Links

[FAIL] King of Portugal passes on risky shipping investment. Since this is FARK, you know what happens next.
2012-10-02 05:53:56 PM  
Alcohol delivery vehicle crashes on major American thoroughfare, thirsty redfaces get their first drink in way too long. Drew Curtis drinking too quickly to comment.
2012-10-02 06:04:54 PM  
"Columbus encounters a brave new world just as his case of the clap turns into a standing ovation"
2012-10-02 06:08:22 PM  
Italian finds resource to replenish dwindling bling supply - two-foot tall gold crosses for everybody!
2012-10-02 06:26:16 PM  
Columbus discovers North America, soon Duke will suck
2012-10-02 06:40:42 PM  
Some guy finds alien world, farkers roll eyes knowing full well its just a reflection of a streetlight
2012-10-02 06:49:41 PM  
I can envision the natives proclaiming "Oh no, here come the boat people!"
2012-10-02 06:58:00 PM  
Christians encounter animists, immediately rape and enslave them. Religion of PeaceTM strikes again!
2012-10-02 07:00:06 PM  
Columbus accused of smuggling STD's to the new world on the captain's dingy...
2012-10-02 07:12:17 PM  
"But what I really want to do is direct."
2012-10-02 07:15:25 PM  
If you picked October 12th, 1492 as the day we get off this ship, come forward to claim your prize.
2012-10-02 08:06:37 PM  

Pangit: KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

Hundreds of years later

Another myth. There is only ONE (1) reference to germ infested blankets being given to Indians and it was from a British soldier in a letter he wrote.

ONE reference - in a letter home, no less - does not make this true.
2012-10-02 08:24:28 PM  
Columbus discovers a new way to be incontinent. Finds a Pinta somethin Nina his shorts. Santa Maria!
2012-10-02 08:26:03 PM  
Principal caught crosswind say of.
2012-10-02 08:26:39 PM  
Balls caught in brig.  So very scared.
2012-10-02 08:33:31 PM  
News: Another group of white guys 'discovered us'. Fark: Asshats think they are in India.
2012-10-02 08:38:35 PM  
Earth is round. This is not a repeat from 240 B.C.
2012-10-02 09:05:00 PM  
Columbus detractor says that the distance to China is so great "the only thing that'll keep that dim Eyetie from dying of hunger and thirst is if he lucks out and finds someplace to restock halfway."
2012-10-02 09:13:28 PM  
Columbus, noting lack of hordes of slant-eyed people with ironworking tech, fireworks and noodle shops comes to conclusion that he may not, in fact, be in China. "But, hey, at least it'll get my name on it, right?" Amerigo Vespucci seen chuckling, paying off King of Spain.
2012-10-02 09:14:12 PM  
Crap I worked late and got here late, but this has to be posted:

I was going to post an awesome headline but you'll never be greenlit unless you pay $5 a month for TotalFARK.
2012-10-02 09:14:40 PM  
After reading some of these "headlines," I have a newfound respect for the Fark moderators.
2012-10-02 09:14:42 PM  
Columbus finds undiscovered continent, and by undiscovered we mean settled by twice the current population of Europe but soon to be 90% wiped out in the biggest genocide in History but hey, it will be romanticized in American history
2012-10-02 10:43:48 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox defeat Indians again.

I thought it was "White pox........".
2012-10-02 10:47:43 PM  

cgraves67: Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.

HA HA HA ! ! !
2012-10-02 10:49:38 PM  

SFSailor: [ Florida ] Raving, probably drunk, lunatic crashes boat on our shore; gibberish and hand waving seem to indicate he thinks that makes it "his." No "Bahamas" tag so Florida stands in

/ nobody said they had to be -European- headlines

Thank you. "Florida tag needed" was the first thing I thought of, can't believe it took this long for someone to use it!
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