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(NPR)   Finally, a book on housekeeping for the mother who likes to down "a full bottle of Kahlua consumed in the afternoon while soaking in a steaming bathtub and ignoring the knocks of her children locked outside." Sounds like subby's ex-wife   (npr.org) divider line 32
    More: Satire, Kahlua, Kahlua consumed, Melissa Block, Phyllis Diller, HMM?  
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5784 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2012 at 9:07 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-02 08:44:50 AM
FTFA: "She wants to do the right thing and she wants to do what is expected of her and she starts out generally, almost always, with a very good intention," he says. "But then something goes wrong, and then she just totally blows up and just screams and yells and curses.

So, she's Puerto Rican?
 
2012-10-02 09:15:49 AM
So, she's Italian?
 
2012-10-02 09:17:06 AM
So, she's Irish?
 
2012-10-02 09:19:53 AM
If getting drunk in the bath and ignoring your kids is wrong I don't think I want to be right.
 
2012-10-02 09:23:46 AM
I've always wanted to read about myself.
 
2012-10-02 09:24:11 AM
So, she's Russian?
 
2012-10-02 09:25:01 AM
Along with her dubious parenting skills, the cursing mommy has no shame, and she swears an extremely blue streak.

Will you farking marry me?
 
2012-10-02 09:25:12 AM
So, she's...a woman?
 
2012-10-02 09:28:30 AM

Doink_Boink: So, she's...a woman?


Annnnd we're done here.
 
2012-10-02 09:30:41 AM
Sounds like subby's ex-wife did the right thing in getting out while the going was good.
 
2012-10-02 09:30:46 AM
Mom?
 
2012-10-02 09:31:29 AM
It works better if you get the kids drunk and then throw them into the bath.
 
2012-10-02 09:36:11 AM
Banacek
It works better if you get the kids drunk and then throw them into the bath.

a.abcnews.com

Agrees
 
2012-10-02 09:36:31 AM

Gortex: Doink_Boink: So, she's...a woman?

Annnnd we're done here.

 
2012-10-02 09:38:27 AM
So she's .... hawking a book.
 
2012-10-02 09:41:36 AM

steerforth: Sounds like subby's ex-wife did the right thing in getting out while the going was good.


Well, when the kids get older they start to worry when Mommy is "sleeping" in the front yard with her pants off.
 
2012-10-02 09:43:51 AM
so. she's . . . . . as lousy parent?
 
2012-10-02 09:49:47 AM
Trade Kahlua with fake weed and you have the EXACT description of my ex wife.

... biatch
 
2012-10-02 09:55:21 AM
And the winner for most appropriate usage of a meme ever is...

Primitive Screwhead: Mom?

 
2012-10-02 09:58:08 AM
"For example, I was walking in the park near my house and a muffin fell out of the air and landed upright on the path in front of me. And I just, my God, that was incredible! A muffin fell out of the sky! And what was even more amazing, it didn't bounce or anything. And it landed exactly in presentation, just exactly like a muffin right in front of me. And I just thought, 'That is the most amazing thing.' Well, I looked up and hunted around the tree and finally I found way up there was a blue jay that was looking over. He had obviously - a very strong blue jay - had stolen this thing somewhere or found it somewhere and was trying to eat it up in the tree and it had gotten away from him. ... Or he just decided, 'Let's see if I can hit this guy with the muffin.' And he missed. But no, I'll go back and describe that in minute detail. You never know what the one funny thing of that might be. But yeah, I have folders and folders of stuff ... that I'll just note, and, you know, sometimes things come of it, but often nothing does."

Muffin.

And also file under reasons "Warzy is not a parent" - I would be this woman.
 
2012-10-02 10:06:40 AM

honeygrl: If getting drunk in the bath and ignoring your kids is wrong I don't think I want to be right.


There's nothing wrong with wanting a little peace...

/good book
//that's not tea
 
2012-10-02 10:14:17 AM
Headline sounds like my ex-sister-in-law. But substitute "cocaine" for Kahlua".

/She's divorced a second time now and living in a crappy apartment. Brother-in-law just bought the newer wife a Mercedes and a second home in South Carolina.
 
2012-10-02 10:24:12 AM

fickenchucker: Headline sounds like my ex-sister-in-law. But substitute "cocaine" for Kahlua".

/She's divorced a second time now and living in a crappy apartment. Brother-in-law just bought the newer wife a Mercedes and a second home in South Carolina.


Like this?

www.lilligren.com
 
2012-10-02 11:04:27 AM

czei: fickenchucker: Headline sounds like my ex-sister-in-law. But substitute "cocaine" for Kahlua".

/She's divorced a second time now and living in a crappy apartment. Brother-in-law just bought the newer wife a Mercedes and a second home in South Carolina.

Like this?

[www.lilligren.com image 324x243]


Uh...no.

2013 E350 4MATIC Wagon.

And a nice house in Charlotte near the ocean.
 
2012-10-02 11:05:50 AM
Not Charlotte--Charleston.

The point was newer wife got what cokey ex-wife ditched.
 
2012-10-02 11:11:35 AM

WarszawaScream: "For example, I was walking in the park near my house and a muffin fell out of the air and landed upright on the path in front of me. And I just, my God, that was incredible! A muffin fell out of the sky! And what was even more amazing, it didn't bounce or anything. And it landed exactly in presentation, just exactly like a muffin right in front of me. And I just thought, 'That is the most amazing thing.' Well, I looked up and hunted around the tree and finally I found way up there was a blue jay that was looking over. He had obviously - a very strong blue jay - had stolen this thing somewhere or found it somewhere and was trying to eat it up in the tree and it had gotten away from him. ... Or he just decided, 'Let's see if I can hit this guy with the muffin.' And he missed. But no, I'll go back and describe that in minute detail. You never know what the one funny thing of that might be. But yeah, I have folders and folders of stuff ... that I'll just note, and, you know, sometimes things come of it, but often nothing does."

Muffin.

And also file under reasons "Warzy is not a parent" - I would be this woman.


For weeks after months after years, I would get up in the morning and fill the coffee carafe at the sink while looking out of the kitchen window. The window looked onto the neighbor's driveway, barn, and the kennel built out from the barn that housed their German Shepherd. Big dog. It could be found, variously, sleeping on top of his doghouse, Snoopy-style, or in a patch of sunlight. One day I went to the sink and there was a little Poodle-type dog in its place, sitting on top of the doghouse.

It was just so unexpected that it always struck me as completely bizarre and funny.

I found out later that relatives were visiting and the Shepherd was in the house while the visiting dog was put in the kennel.
 
2012-10-02 11:33:24 AM

Mandapants: For weeks after months after years, I would get up in the morning and fill the coffee carafe at the sink while looking out of the kitchen window. The window looked onto the neighbor's driveway, barn, and the kennel built out from the barn that housed their German Shepherd. Big dog. It could be found, variously, sleeping on top of his doghouse, Snoopy-style, or in a patch of sunlight. One day I went to the sink and there was a little Poodle-type dog in its place, sitting on top of the doghouse.

It was just so unexpected that it always struck me as completely bizarre and funny.

I found out later that relatives were visiting and the Shepherd was in the house while the visiting dog was put in the kennel.


Experiences like this are my favorite things. Maybe the Internet is to blame for my over-sensitivity to the "Random and Unexpected" aspects of life, but I laugh myself stupid at things like that. (Just yesterday I was looking for a birthday card and saw one, cover had a late 70's/early 80's photograph of a little girl, father, and little girl respectively. First little girl is holding a sign in crayon, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Dad's holding another "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Second little girl has a sign that says "I like corn on the cob." Open the card and it says "(Please disregard Stephanie.) Happy birthday!" I was in tears laughing in the aisle and I doubt anyone else would have been.)
 
2012-10-02 11:34:00 AM

czei: fickenchucker: Headline sounds like my ex-sister-in-law. But substitute "cocaine" for Kahlua".

/She's divorced a second time now and living in a crappy apartment. Brother-in-law just bought the newer wife a Mercedes and a second home in South Carolina.

Like this?

[www.lilligren.com image 324x243]


South Carolina, not Alabama.
 
2012-10-02 12:06:08 PM
Wot's wrong with locking the kids outside? Go play you little farkers.
 
2012-10-02 03:42:17 PM

WarszawaScream: Experiences like this are my favorite things. Maybe the Internet is to blame for my over-sensitivity to the "Random and Unexpected" aspects of life, but I laugh myself stupid at things like that. (Just yesterday I was looking for a birthday card and saw one, cover had a late 70's/early 80's photograph of a little girl, father, and little girl respectively. First little girl is holding a sign in crayon, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Dad's holding another "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Second little girl has a sign that says "I like corn on the cob." Open the card and it says "(Please disregard Stephanie.) Happy birthday!" I was in tears laughing in the aisle and I doubt anyone else would have been.)


I think we share the same funny bone!!
 
2012-10-02 04:07:46 PM

Claude Ballse: Banacek
It works better if you get the kids drunk and then throw them into the bath.

[a.abcnews.com image 640x360]

Agrees


static.guim.co.uk

Also agrees
 
2012-10-02 08:48:35 PM

dustygrimp: And the winner for most appropriate usage of a meme ever is...

Primitive Screwhead: Mom?


Awesome! What did win?
Jelly of the month club membership?
Basket of dirty socks?
Kick in the groin?
 
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