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(Gawker)   Welcome to Target. I love you   (gawker.com) divider line 51
    More: Amusing, Target, AMAZING, existential threat, Amazon  
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25945 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2012 at 1:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-10-01 01:31:31 PM
7 votes:
This is nothing new. Back in the 70s and 80s at Pacific Stereo we had employee "pep rallies", but most of the "pep" was actually cocaine.
2012-10-01 01:30:43 PM
6 votes:
It looks like they plagiarized a Scientology brochure.
2012-10-01 01:52:25 PM
5 votes:
A moment is when my girlfriend gives me a blowjob. Amazing is when she asks me to do it on her face.

Spare me you're faux-friendship. I don't wanna have "moments" or be "amazed" at Target. I want to get what I came for, QUICKLY, and get out, so that I can resume my regular activities, such as the example posted above.
2012-10-01 01:39:23 PM
5 votes:
i171.photobucket.com
2012-10-01 01:30:32 PM
5 votes:
I tried to walk into Target once, but I missed.

-Mitch Hedberg
2012-10-01 02:22:31 PM
4 votes:
i220.photobucket.com">Link
2012-10-01 02:43:43 PM
2 votes:
cdn.stripersonline.com
2012-10-01 02:28:32 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-10-01 02:06:22 PM
2 votes:

EZ Writer: Change your female employee uniform to this, and we'll talk.

[www.lingeriediva.com image 240x360]

Otherwise, I will continue to shop from home. Free shipping, no tax, and I don't have to wear pants...


TARGET GIRL THREAD!!! GO!!!

desktop-wallpapers.net
2012-10-01 01:56:39 PM
2 votes:
I love you too, Target.

/drtfa
2012-10-01 01:41:40 PM
2 votes:
Penis Goes WHAR?!?!? 
i.imgur.com
2012-10-01 01:36:04 PM
2 votes:
Maybe they should really start pronouncing it "Tar-zhay."
2012-10-01 01:35:43 PM
2 votes:
Just tell me where the Preparation-H is and then leave me alone. I didn't come into your store to be your friend.
2012-10-01 01:33:54 PM
2 votes:
I love Target for the views. It's the opposite of Walmart.
2012-10-01 01:33:23 PM
2 votes:

URAPNIS: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.


This. If I want your help I'll ask, otherwise stay the fark away from me. I've taken to just completely ignoring the clerks at Home Depot, I'll look thru them like they aren't even there. My favorite is always the staff at record/book stores. "Do you need some help?: "No, I've pretty much mastered the goddamn alphabet already"...
2012-10-01 01:33:00 PM
2 votes:
Ow, my balls!
2012-10-01 01:32:33 PM
2 votes:
Am I the only one that read that in Ralph Wiggum's voice?
2012-10-01 01:30:23 PM
2 votes:
Hey Target, you wanna be Amazing? Then open more than three of those 30 checkout lanes at noontime.
2012-10-01 01:24:53 PM
2 votes:
I wondered why the local Target pharmacy techs had gone all Stepford Wife on me.
2012-10-01 03:52:36 PM
1 votes:

Pray 4 Mojo: Dancin_In_Anson: I can't stand the use of the word "guest" over "customer". One of my kids worked at Target and got called on the carpet for using "the c word".

What the fark?

Wait... "customer"... or the actual "c word"?

cause there's a difference.


A coworker's cousin was sent home from the Cracker Barrel kitchen because they felt his ear gauge was not "country fresh".
2012-10-01 03:48:59 PM
1 votes:

Dancin_In_Anson: I can't stand the use of the word "guest" over "customer". One of my kids worked at Target and got called on the carpet for using "the c word".

What the fark?


Wait... "customer"... or the actual "c word"?

cause there's a difference.
2012-10-01 03:26:03 PM
1 votes:

jeanwearinfool: SkylineRecords: A moment is when my girlfriend gives me a blowjob. Amazing is when she asks me to do it on her face.

Spare me you're faux-friendship. I don't wanna have "moments" or be "amazed" at Target. I want to get what I came for, QUICKLY, and get out, so that I can resume my regular activities, such as the example posted above.

Actually, by your definition, I wouldn't mind having a moment and being amazed at Target.

/Which Target does your gf work at?


She doesn't work at Target, so everyone stop calling!
2012-10-01 03:23:06 PM
1 votes:

brigid_fitch: I feel bad when a clerk has to lead me halfway across the store to find something I'm looking for. Dude, you're busy and this is obviously your section. I don't want to take you from your job where you're going to get yelled at for not finishing something fast enough. Just tell me which aisle and I'll find it myself.


Had this issue trying to find some quick motor oil at a Harris Teeter I hadn't previously been in... I looked everywhere, couldn't find it... Finally stopped and asked someone and felt so bad about stopping him from what he was doing to help me find something. So, he starts going through the same isles I had previously looked through (I'm thinking 'godammit, if it was right in front of me!') and neither could he find it. We went through every isle, again; laughing at this point... and he finally spots the motor oil. Next to the pampers.

Motor oil... baby supplies... there's a joke there.
2012-10-01 03:21:44 PM
1 votes:

SkylineRecords: A moment is when my girlfriend gives me a blowjob. Amazing is when she asks me to do it on her face.

Spare me you're faux-friendship. I don't wanna have "moments" or be "amazed" at Target. I want to get what I came for, QUICKLY, and get out, so that I can resume my regular activities, such as the example posted above.


Actually, by your definition, I wouldn't mind having a moment and being amazed at Target.

/Which Target does your gf work at?
2012-10-01 03:18:15 PM
1 votes:
sigdiamond2000:

It may seem completely insane to sane people, but there are a shocking number of sad, lonely people who need this kind of fake sincerity. It's why these companies do sh*t like this.

I'm a sad lonely person who doesn't need fake sincerity. My dog will always love me, even if the ex who keeps him got over me years ago. (Apartments that do accept pets want a big fee for it.)

An occasional blowjob would be nice, but I don't the service provider to pretend she really loves her job or my willy is so big or anything like that. So if Target set up glory holes they'd see much more of me, even if I had to use a loyalty card and pay a special surcharge.
2012-10-01 03:07:40 PM
1 votes:
demaL-demaL-yeH:


/Soon they're going to start doing it when we walk in the door.

They do that with me if that's where they see me first.

"Please direct me to whatever's easieast to shoplift?"
2012-10-01 03:02:28 PM
1 votes:
I would prefer they offer me an Andy Kaufman moment.
2012-10-01 02:51:53 PM
1 votes:
hey don't pig pile on this - it gives someones drunken good for nothing brother in law a freaking job, gets his sister off her husbands back, employs printers and video companies. to say nothing of the shipping and other ancillary costs of producing crap this program. It's the adult equivalent of those $3.95 toys that hang in a bag in the grocery store.

Yeah your capitalization, apostrophe, and other nit picky crap, it's kissin my ass. I'm sick as a dog and still compelled to comment so take you nazi and jam it. All I want from you is a hearty "Wilco"
2012-10-01 02:51:06 PM
1 votes:

sigdiamond2000: SkylineRecords: Spare me you're faux-friendship. I don't wanna have "moments" or be "amazed" at Target. I want to get what I came for, QUICKLY, and get out, so that I can resume my regular activities

One of the things that working in the service industry teaches you is the disturbing fact that there are a large percentage of people out there who go shopping or go out to eat not because they want to buy something they need or eat something they enjoy, but because they want to interact with people in the service industry.

It may seem completely insane to sane people, but there are a shocking number of sad, lonely people who need this kind of fake sincerity. It's why these companies do sh*t like this.


That is farking scary. That's literally, "shop here, we'll be your best friend..."
2012-10-01 02:48:44 PM
1 votes:
Considering I only step into a Target or Wal-Mart for completely mundane household items like bath towels or bed sheets, I should really test their new customer service strategy to the limits.

"So, I see this is 400 thread count, but THIS one is 500. Can you please take turns draping both over you on the floor, and I'll lay on you to see if I can feel the 100 thread difference?"
2012-10-01 02:46:27 PM
1 votes:
wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net
2012-10-01 02:36:59 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: Big_Fat_Liar: It's only annoying when you're feeling a little too stoned. That's what someone told me anyway...


How stoned is "too stoned"? Just curious...


Ever been so stoned that you're lying on the floor, and you can't get up, because the room is spinning waaaaaay too fast?

\that's "too stoned"
2012-10-01 02:33:51 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: Big_Fat_Liar: It's only annoying when you're feeling a little too stoned. That's what someone told me anyway...


How stoned is "too stoned"? Just curious...


Yeah, you get to a point where you're just wasting it if you keep packing. Go bite your nails or something.
2012-10-01 02:32:41 PM
1 votes:

jicon: Can we cut the 'Amazing' and 'Magical' BS?

Birth of a kid, or some once in a lifetime sort of event... maybe...


You have never seen a woman give birth.
2012-10-01 02:32:21 PM
1 votes:

gingerjet: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

A while ago Wells Fargo started what I call the "New Niceness". While depositing a check they will attempt to engage you in all matters of polite small talk. I just want to leap over the counter and choke the living niceness out of them.

/just deposit the damn thing and shut the fark up


Yes, but I noticed they also added the check-cashing ATMs around the same time. Still farked when I have to go in to get quarters tho. Was waiting in line once and some 20-year old manager walks up, shakes my hand and starts talking about the weather. Confused the fark out of me.
2012-10-01 02:31:23 PM
1 votes:
Back when I had these kinds of jobs, I had fun by saying precisely what I was told to say. Like, not adjust it to the situation but just repeat it - friendly but rote. Confused the hell out of the poor customers.

/good times
2012-10-01 02:30:42 PM
1 votes:

Big_Fat_Liar: It's only annoying when you're feeling a little too stoned. That's what someone told me anyway...



How stoned is "too stoned"? Just curious...
2012-10-01 02:23:29 PM
1 votes:

hdhale:
Some things though, I want to see in person before I throw plastic at it--sorry, I just do. I did that with my exercise bike, got what I wanted and saved hundreds.


You would trust a farking salesmen over a hundred online user reviews?
2012-10-01 02:11:42 PM
1 votes:
I don't know... She might have bought this at Target.

24.media.tumblr.com
2012-10-01 02:10:05 PM
1 votes:
Meh. Semi related CSB:

Was at Wal-mart yesterday. It was fairly busy, and they only had like 4 checkout lines open, so long lines were forming. People were getting annoyed, and a supervisor or someone comes around, announcing that if you don't need anything weighed, you can checkout at Electronics or the pharmacy. Some dude goes off on the supervisor, yelling "We have rights. Why aren't more checkout lines open? etc."

I know I go to Wal-mart for the cheapest prices, so in my case, I value my time pretty low, and I know what to expect when I go there. I respond to this guy: "this is what happens when you want to pay the absolute minimum for your goods"
"We have rights. The customer is always right."
"Yeah, you do have rights. You have the right to abandon your cart, head up to IGA, where'll you'll be paying 30% more, but you'll get a cashier within 2 minutes of entering a line."

I got a few nods, some scornful looks, and a perplexed look from that supervisor.
2012-10-01 02:08:17 PM
1 votes:
It's out of control.

Target
Me: *walking down the paper towel aisle*
Redshirt, stopping me mid-stride: "Can I help you find something?"

Grocery store
Me: *walking down the flour/sugar/oil/cakemix/frosting aisle to get some vegetable oil*
Stocker, stopping me mid-stride: "Can I help you find something?"

Local video rental place
Me: *walking down the Russian aisle in the foreign films section*
Clerk, getting between me and the film titles: "Can I help you find something?"

Do I look either lost or illiterate, martherfarkers?

/Soon they're going to start doing it when we walk in the door.
2012-10-01 02:04:16 PM
1 votes:
Change your female employee uniform to this, and we'll talk.

www.lingeriediva.com

Otherwise, I will continue to shop from home. Free shipping, no tax, and I don't have to wear pants...
2012-10-01 02:00:20 PM
1 votes:

hailin: You want to know how they can compete with Amazon? Let me freaking buy my stuff online and then have it waiting for me to pickup at the store. I know that interferes with their business model of putting what I really need at the back of the store hoping I buy something else along the way with their "fun" advertising promotions, but just stop it. I buy from Amazon for convenience and not having to interact with a human to purchase tampons. Friendlier associates in counterproductive to what I want....to be in and out of a store in 5 minutes.

Best Buy has pick up in store and it is awesome. I shop there when I need stuff right away. If I can wait a few days then it is Amazon. Why other brick & mortor stores can't figure out the pick up in store option is beyond me.


I like how some of you are getting upset about people at least trying to be friendly and helpful to you.

In the current economy, you have a shiatload of people forced into the service sector that have no clue about how to interact with a live human and provide them proper service. Target and stores like it have to start at the bottom and train them up from there. The ones that don't figure it out (and yes, there are some that don't) go away.

FYI: I shop more at Amazon.com than ever. Some things though, I want to see in person before I throw plastic at it--sorry, I just do. I did that with my exercise bike, got what I wanted and saved hundreds.
M-G
2012-10-01 01:45:29 PM
1 votes:
Going the extra inch?

/giggity
2012-10-01 01:42:36 PM
1 votes:
"Be sure to tell the team where they'll find the "Going The Extra Inch" board and a supply of Vibe cards..."
images.whereilive.com.au
Welcome to Target. Is that your soap on the floor..?
2012-10-01 01:39:05 PM
1 votes:

olddeegee: This is nothing new. Back in the 70s and 80s at Pacific Stereo we had employee "pep rallies", but most of the "pep" was actually cocaine.


Cocaine is one thing but I don't want the senior at the door taking Ecstasy.
2012-10-01 01:37:58 PM
1 votes:
I'm still waiting for the audience's "yeah!" so I'm getting a kick out of these replies
2012-10-01 01:35:35 PM
1 votes:
I dunno, it might be a refreshing change from the fat 50 year-old Walmart lifer pushing the shopping cart full of returned kids clothes slowly down the aisle who refuses to tell me where I could find the clothes hangers without rolling their eyes and sighing profusely and waving a flabby arm in a general direction over there like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.
2012-10-01 01:31:03 PM
1 votes:

URAPNIS: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.


unless you need help finding something. Then they are nowhere to be found.
2012-10-01 01:22:47 PM
1 votes:
Scripted to 15-second increments?

also:

www.enjoy-your-style.com
2012-10-01 01:16:42 PM
1 votes:
I wouldn't read that crap if I was a paid employee of Target, and I'm sure as hell not going to read it for free.
 
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