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(Gawker)   Welcome to Target. I love you   (gawker.com) divider line 228
    More: Amusing, Target, AMAZING, existential threat, Amazon  
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25945 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2012 at 1:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-01 01:16:42 PM
I wouldn't read that crap if I was a paid employee of Target, and I'm sure as hell not going to read it for free.
 
2012-10-01 01:22:47 PM
Scripted to 15-second increments?

also:

www.enjoy-your-style.com
 
2012-10-01 01:23:09 PM
If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.
 
2012-10-01 01:24:53 PM
I wondered why the local Target pharmacy techs had gone all Stepford Wife on me.
 
2012-10-01 01:29:43 PM

WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.


Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.
 
2012-10-01 01:30:23 PM
Hey Target, you wanna be Amazing? Then open more than three of those 30 checkout lanes at noontime.
 
2012-10-01 01:30:32 PM
I tried to walk into Target once, but I missed.

-Mitch Hedberg
 
2012-10-01 01:30:43 PM
It looks like they plagiarized a Scientology brochure.
 
2012-10-01 01:31:03 PM

URAPNIS: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.


unless you need help finding something. Then they are nowhere to be found.
 
2012-10-01 01:31:31 PM
This is nothing new. Back in the 70s and 80s at Pacific Stereo we had employee "pep rallies", but most of the "pep" was actually cocaine.
 
2012-10-01 01:32:05 PM
As a consumer, I'm insulted when I think the customer service agent is reading from a script. Stop it, Target.
 
2012-10-01 01:32:33 PM
Am I the only one that read that in Ralph Wiggum's voice?
 
2012-10-01 01:33:00 PM
Ow, my balls!
 
2012-10-01 01:33:23 PM

URAPNIS: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.


This. If I want your help I'll ask, otherwise stay the fark away from me. I've taken to just completely ignoring the clerks at Home Depot, I'll look thru them like they aren't even there. My favorite is always the staff at record/book stores. "Do you need some help?: "No, I've pretty much mastered the goddamn alphabet already"...
 
2012-10-01 01:33:54 PM
I love Target for the views. It's the opposite of Walmart.
 
2012-10-01 01:34:22 PM
AMAZING: Currently the 2nd most overused synynom for good next to AWESOME. I'm going to start carring a pocket sized thesaurus to the store if this really happens.
 
2012-10-01 01:34:47 PM
www.enjoy-your-style.com
 
2012-10-01 01:34:56 PM

WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.


A while ago Wells Fargo started what I call the "New Niceness". While depositing a check they will attempt to engage you in all matters of polite small talk. I just want to leap over the counter and choke the living niceness out of them.

/just deposit the damn thing and shut the fark up
 
2012-10-01 01:35:35 PM
I dunno, it might be a refreshing change from the fat 50 year-old Walmart lifer pushing the shopping cart full of returned kids clothes slowly down the aisle who refuses to tell me where I could find the clothes hangers without rolling their eyes and sighing profusely and waving a flabby arm in a general direction over there like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.
 
2012-10-01 01:35:36 PM

olddeegee: This is nothing new. Back in the 70s and 80s at Pacific Stereo we had employee "pep rallies", but most of the "pep" was actually cocaine.


Did it work?
 
2012-10-01 01:35:41 PM
Wholefoods does this.
 
2012-10-01 01:35:41 PM

Ordinary Genius: URAPNIS: WorldCitizen: If they start talking to me and acting all cheesy when I don't want any help from them, I will completely stop going there. I want to buy stuff. I don't want someone trying to be my fake friend.

Seems like they do that at The Home Depot a lot.

unless you need help finding something. Then they are nowhere to be found.


They are usually very enthusiastic about having no idea what you are talking about.

I had to ask one of the guys about this certain type of oil based wood finish. He didn't really know as he doesn't, you know, work with wood that much. He knew about paint; which wouldn't really look right on my dining room table.
 
2012-10-01 01:35:43 PM
Just tell me where the Preparation-H is and then leave me alone. I didn't come into your store to be your friend.
 
2012-10-01 01:36:02 PM
Can we cut the 'Amazing' and 'Magical' BS?

Birth of a kid, or some once in a lifetime sort of event... maybe...
But we're slapping this language on sandwiches, particle board, aluminum foil, and minimum wage jobs.

Just. Stop. It.
 
2012-10-01 01:36:04 PM
Maybe they should really start pronouncing it "Tar-zhay."
 
2012-10-01 01:36:09 PM
Here's what I consider an amazing retail experience:  Don't bother me unless I come to you first.  Have enough people working checkout to get me done fast.
 
2012-10-01 01:37:23 PM
I was just in Target, and my local store is not following this script. Which happies me, actually.

If you want to be successful at customer service, be around so that if I need you to answer a question, I can find you. If I don't ask you a question, leave me alone.

And yeah, more open checkout lines, plz.
 
2012-10-01 01:37:58 PM
I'm still waiting for the audience's "yeah!" so I'm getting a kick out of these replies
 
2012-10-01 01:38:57 PM
Welcome to the wonderful world that is retail.This is standard.

In my experience, at least, it comes down heavy from corporate, and everybody has to play along from the top on down.
 
2012-10-01 01:38:58 PM
I do agree that lower pricing and better product selection/quality is important - but not as important as SINCERE (read: not over-zealous obsequiousness) customer service.

It's like comparing the service at Hardees to Chick Fil A...
 
2012-10-01 01:39:05 PM

olddeegee: This is nothing new. Back in the 70s and 80s at Pacific Stereo we had employee "pep rallies", but most of the "pep" was actually cocaine.


Cocaine is one thing but I don't want the senior at the door taking Ecstasy.
 
2012-10-01 01:39:23 PM
i171.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-01 01:41:18 PM

Jamrock: Welcome to the wonderful world that is retail.This is standard.

In my experience, at least, it comes down heavy from corporate, and everybody has to play along from the top on down.


This. Just about any retail job you take will have this stuff buried somewhere in the employee manual, and featured prominently in the orientation training video that you slept through.
 
2012-10-01 01:41:23 PM
As someone who worked in the "service industry" in the past I have to say----give the poor employees a break. It's not their idea to try and kill you with kindness, but I bet they get the boot if they're caught not doing this crap.
 
2012-10-01 01:41:40 PM
Penis Goes WHAR?!?!? 
i.imgur.com
 
2012-10-01 01:42:36 PM
"Be sure to tell the team where they'll find the "Going The Extra Inch" board and a supply of Vibe cards..."
images.whereilive.com.au
Welcome to Target. Is that your soap on the floor..?
 
2012-10-01 01:43:59 PM

namegoeshere: I was just in Target, and my local store is not following this script. Which happies me, actually.

If you want to be successful at customer service, be around so that if I need you to answer a question, I can find you. If I don't ask you a question, leave me alone.

And yeah, more open checkout lines, plz.


Have someone in each section ready to answer questions about that section.
Normally I get, umm I'll see if I can find someone to help you. Recently I got, umm you should ask to have someone paged for you.... Umm yeah, I'm asking you to page someone for me. Even if your just a stocker, it isn't that hard.
 
M-G
2012-10-01 01:45:29 PM
Going the extra inch?

/giggity
 
2012-10-01 01:45:53 PM
It's only annoying when you're feeling a little too stoned. That's what someone told me anyway...
 
2012-10-01 01:46:09 PM

fruitloop: [i171.photobucket.com image 638x348]




Dang it. I was searching for the pic and thought I'd check the thread first.


Don't say it!

/whisper amazing
 
2012-10-01 01:50:52 PM
You want to know how they can compete with Amazon? Let me freaking buy my stuff online and then have it waiting for me to pickup at the store. I know that interferes with their business model of putting what I really need at the back of the store hoping I buy something else along the way with their "fun" advertising promotions, but just stop it. I buy from Amazon for convenience and not having to interact with a human to purchase tampons. Friendlier associates in counterproductive to what I want....to be in and out of a store in 5 minutes.

Best Buy has pick up in store and it is awesome. I shop there when I need stuff right away. If I can wait a few days then it is Amazon. Why other brick & mortor stores can't figure out the pick up in store option is beyond me.
 
2012-10-01 01:52:16 PM
Somebody, somewhere is getting paid MUCH more than you to come up with utter shiat like this. Good luck with that $0.25 raise next year.
 
2012-10-01 01:52:25 PM
A moment is when my girlfriend gives me a blowjob. Amazing is when she asks me to do it on her face.

Spare me you're faux-friendship. I don't wanna have "moments" or be "amazed" at Target. I want to get what I came for, QUICKLY, and get out, so that I can resume my regular activities, such as the example posted above.
 
2012-10-01 01:53:16 PM
They won't have as many manned checkout lanes because they're trying to move you into the self-checkout lanes, which is better for their bottom lines, in the long-run.
But people would rather wait in line for a manned checkout lane.

Can we call the self-checkout a failed experiment and bury it already?
 
2012-10-01 01:54:47 PM

PWNtheCCP: AMAZING: Currently the 2nd most overused synynom for good next to AWESOME. I'm going to start carring a pocket sized thesaurus to the store if this really happens.


My mom had only one hyperbole: "unreal". "un...real". Or, "utterly/simply/ab..so...lutely unreal" if you're not into the whole brevity thing. Yeah, this gets more than a bit repetitive.

Well, I take that back, there was one other special-purpose hyperbole: "it was like Grand Central Station!" Of course that's not good for anything but "it was high-traffic/busy", and 95% of the time it is just used to describe the volume of birds at a feeder.

I had to look this up. It's a famous commuter rail terminal station at 42nd Street and Park Avenue in Midtown Manhattan. Big tourist attraction. Fascinating. I am positive she has never been there, and find it unlikely she knows what that name refers to. 

You could just chalk it up as a meaningless idiom, and it does have a known record for use an idiom, but I'm not sure I've ever heard it from anyone else she talks with back in Plano.
 
2012-10-01 01:54:51 PM

hailin: You want to know how they can compete with Amazon? Let me freaking buy my stuff online and then have it waiting for me to pickup at the store. I know that interferes with their business model of putting what I really need at the back of the store hoping I buy something else along the way with their "fun" advertising promotions, but just stop it. I buy from Amazon for convenience and not having to interact with a human to purchase tampons. Friendlier associates in counterproductive to what I want....to be in and out of a store in 5 minutes.

Best Buy has pick up in store and it is awesome. I shop there when I need stuff right away. If I can wait a few days then it is Amazon. Why other brick & mortor stores can't figure out the pick up in store option is beyond me.


True, dat. I'd be a huge fan of that. Hell, I'm even okay with the shipping taking a few days if it's not stocked at the local store as long as I don't have to pay for shipping.
 
2012-10-01 01:56:39 PM
I love you too, Target.

/drtfa
 
2012-10-01 01:56:56 PM
Here's the solution: Go out of business.
 
2012-10-01 01:58:17 PM
Taryton: Go Fark yourself.
 
2012-10-01 02:00:20 PM

hailin: You want to know how they can compete with Amazon? Let me freaking buy my stuff online and then have it waiting for me to pickup at the store. I know that interferes with their business model of putting what I really need at the back of the store hoping I buy something else along the way with their "fun" advertising promotions, but just stop it. I buy from Amazon for convenience and not having to interact with a human to purchase tampons. Friendlier associates in counterproductive to what I want....to be in and out of a store in 5 minutes.

Best Buy has pick up in store and it is awesome. I shop there when I need stuff right away. If I can wait a few days then it is Amazon. Why other brick & mortor stores can't figure out the pick up in store option is beyond me.


I like how some of you are getting upset about people at least trying to be friendly and helpful to you.

In the current economy, you have a shiatload of people forced into the service sector that have no clue about how to interact with a live human and provide them proper service. Target and stores like it have to start at the bottom and train them up from there. The ones that don't figure it out (and yes, there are some that don't) go away.

FYI: I shop more at Amazon.com than ever. Some things though, I want to see in person before I throw plastic at it--sorry, I just do. I did that with my exercise bike, got what I wanted and saved hundreds.
 
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