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(CityArts NY)   Professional troll Armond White pens an essay arguing that the best Indiana Jones film is Crystal Skull and the worst is Raiders of the Lost Ark   (cityarts.info) divider line 156
    More: Dumbass, Armond White, Crystal Skull, Raiders, history of cinema, Temple of Doom, Last Crusade, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, John Ford  
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3253 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Oct 2012 at 2:57 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



156 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-10-01 01:13:18 PM
I saw Raiders in theaters a few weeks ago. Was awesome.
 
2012-10-01 01:14:14 PM
1. Last Crusade
2. Lost Ark
3. Temple of Doom
4. Crystal Skull
 
2012-10-01 01:15:37 PM

ArkAngel: 1. Last Crusade
2. Lost Ark
3. Temple of Doom
4. Fate of Atlantis
5. Crystal Skull


FTFY
 
2012-10-01 01:21:01 PM
1. Raiders
2. Doom
3. Crusade
4. Skull

This is the correct ranking and if you disagree you're wrong and should feel bad.
 
2012-10-01 01:31:07 PM
1. Ark
2. Crusade
3. Doom
4. Crystal Skull

If you see it otherwise, you are a bad person.
 
2012-10-01 01:31:21 PM
why even acknowledge that dickbag hack's presence?
 
2012-10-01 01:57:32 PM
Crystal Skull is so bad it taints the memory of the first three, like when your prom date is giving you your very first handy but right after she finishes you get caught by her Dad who then makes you give HIM a handy while watching "Eagle Eye"
 
2012-10-01 01:58:57 PM
pleasedon'tbringraceintothis
pleasedon'tbringraceintothis
pleasedon'tbringraceintothis


It also connects to what's problematic in the series-Temple of Doom's insensitive, tacit racism that turned the Otherness of Indian cults into bloodthirsty villainy.


aw crap.
 
2012-10-01 02:06:46 PM
You've got it all wrong so far.

#1
images3.wikia.nocookie.net

Don don du don du da donnnn.
 
2012-10-01 02:32:24 PM
Sure, Crystal Skull was a terrible, terrible movie, but it also led to important legal challenges and landmark legislation that let victimized movie-goers track down and cockpunch those responsible, or as it's known today, "Shia's Law."
 
2012-10-01 02:34:33 PM
Why do people still listen to this person?

WalkingCarpet: 1. Raiders
2. Doom
3. Crusade
4. Skull

This is the correct ranking and if you disagree you're wrong and should feel bad.


Correct. Crusade was okay but just way too slap-sticky and goofy. Not that Temple of Doom didn't have its silly moments but Indy himself kept his dignity. Not to mention Sallah and Marcus. The dinner scene was completely unnecessary though.
 
2012-10-01 02:35:28 PM
Actually, subby, he argues that Last Crusade is the best Indiana Jones film. I'm not sure I disagree, either, but Crystal Skull is definitely fifth on the list.
 
2012-10-01 02:38:57 PM

Mugato: Correct. Crusade was okay but just way too slap-sticky and goofy.


Exactly. I like it but watched it from start to finish for the first time in a while and confirmed what I always thought about it, too campy.
 
2012-10-01 02:59:32 PM
More like Crystal Skull fark, amirite?
 
2012-10-01 03:02:04 PM
Crusade
Ark
Doom
Skull
 
2012-10-01 03:02:05 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Crystal Skull is so bad it taints the memory of the first three, like when your prom date is giving you your very first handy but right after she finishes you get caught by her Dad who then makes you give HIM a handy while watching "Eagle Eye"


True story?
 
2012-10-01 03:07:40 PM
Did he have a review of the newest batman? I bet it was awesome!
 
2012-10-01 03:08:06 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Crystal Skull is so bad it taints the memory of the first three, like when your prom date is giving you your very first handy but right after she finishes you get caught by her Dad who then makes you give HIM a handy while watching "Eagle Eye"


Go on...
 
2012-10-01 03:08:49 PM

DamnYankees: ArkAngel: 1. Last Crusade
2. Lost Ark
3. Temple of Doom
4. Fate of Atlantis
5. Crystal Skull

FTFY


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-10-01 03:11:11 PM

cgraves67: Crusade
Ark
Doom
Skull


Mugato says this is incorrect.
 
2012-10-01 03:11:23 PM
1) Raiders
 
2012-10-01 03:13:19 PM

cgraves67: Crusade
Ark
Doom
Skull


Doom is not enjoyable/doesn't hold up. Crusade and Ark hold up for kids.
 
2012-10-01 03:13:29 PM

WalkingCarpet: 1. Raiders
2. Doom
3. Crusade
4. Skull

This is the correct ranking and if you disagree you're wrong and should feel bad.


My rankings as well. On a pure score basis...

Raiders 10/10
Doom 9/10
Crusade 7/10
Skull 5/10
 
2012-10-01 03:16:07 PM

carnifex2005: WalkingCarpet: 1. Raiders
2. Doom
3. Crusade
4. Skull

This is the correct ranking and if you disagree you're wrong and should feel bad.

My rankings as well. On a pure score basis...

Raiders 10/10
Doom 9/10
Crusade 7/10
Skull 5/10


My own scoring was:

Raiders: 10/10
Temple of Doom: 8/10
Last Crusade: 9/10
Crystal Skull: 8/10
 
2012-10-01 03:18:36 PM
I was more disappointed with Temple of Doom than I was with Crystal Skull. But I was expecting a lot more when Temple of Doom came out.

/If I was forced to watch one of the two I'd pick Crystal Skull
 
2012-10-01 03:19:15 PM
So, Crystal Skull is better than Raiders because America sucks. Say what you will about Armond White, the man is a master of his craft.
 
2012-10-01 03:20:27 PM
Now Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959), from which Spielberg stole the joke, proves to have more dramatic context

No it doesn't. Now stop it.
 
2012-10-01 03:29:50 PM
1. Raiders
2. Last Crusade
3. Crystal Skull
4. Temple of Doom

Deal with it.
 
2012-10-01 03:30:19 PM
temple of doom was worse than crystal skull
temple of doom is unwatchable
 
2012-10-01 03:31:35 PM
Phantom Menace was the best Star Wars because it had CGI.
 
2012-10-01 03:33:12 PM
Crystal Skull isn't nearly as bad as some people make it out to be. It's a big step down from Raiders, sure, but so is anything that isn't Raiders. I've got my quibbles about Crystal Skull, most notably the Tarzan garbage and Indy just being along for the ride in the last act, but most of it is just as corny, pulpy, and silly as the rest of the franchise.
 
2012-10-01 03:33:13 PM

jj325: I was more disappointed with Temple of Doom than I was with Crystal Skull.


I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks that.
 
2012-10-01 03:35:15 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: 1. Ark
2. Crusade
3. Doom
4. Crystal Skull

If you see it otherwise, you are a bad person.


DING DING DING
 
2012-10-01 03:35:17 PM
1. Raiders
2. Crusade
3. Doom
4. _________
 
2012-10-01 03:36:58 PM

Mugato: Why do people still listen to this person?

WalkingCarpet: 1. Raiders
2. Doom
3. Crusade
4. Skull

This is the correct ranking and if you disagree you're wrong and should feel bad.

Correct. Crusade was okay but just way too slap-sticky and goofy. Not that Temple of Doom didn't have its silly moments but Indy himself kept his dignity. Not to mention Sallah and Marcus. The dinner scene was completely unnecessary farking awesome though.


FTFY
 
2012-10-01 03:37:40 PM
Armond White, he's the re-revisionariest(est)!
 
2012-10-01 03:38:46 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Crystal Skull is so bad it taints the memory of the first three, like when your prom date is giving you your very first handy but right after she finishes you get caught by her Dad who then makes you give HIM a handy while watching "Eagle Eye"


I recently had a chance to see both Doom and Crystal Skull again. And I don't see the hate for Crystal Skull. Its a decent pop corn movie which is all Raiders was. Doom on the other hand was barely watchable.

/I will concede the flying refrigerator was an idiotic scene
 
2012-10-01 03:41:38 PM

moothemagiccow: temple of doom was worse than crystal skull
temple of doom is unwatchable


www.wildsoundmovies.com
Oh it was watchable....enjoyable? no. Watchable? yes...
 
2012-10-01 03:41:59 PM
Raiders
Crusade
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Doom
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Skull
 
2012-10-01 03:42:10 PM
1. Anál nathrach
2. Orth' Bhais's
3. Bethad
4. Do Chel Denmha
 
2012-10-01 03:42:22 PM

shoegaze99: Crystal Skull isn't nearly as bad as some people make it out to be. It's a big step down from Raiders, sure, but so is anything that isn't Raiders. I've got my quibbles about Crystal Skull, most notably the Tarzan garbage and Indy just being along for the ride in the last act, but most of it is just as corny, pulpy, and silly as the rest of the franchise.



I looked at my watch halfway through Crystal Skull. In an Indiana Jones movie, I LOOKED AT MY WATCH. It started out good with the warehouse and the Nazis, and I'm actually cool with Shia as an actor. But it was a shiatty movie. It didn't have the magic that even the worst of the original three films had. And for this I blame too much creative involvement from George Lucas, as much as it hurts to say it.

The much-derided fridge scene is a perfect analogy for how wrong they got the whole film. I actually loved the nuke scene in the fake town -- brilliant place to stage a scene. It was one of those magical "Oh, this is going to be GOOD" moments that I love so much about movies. And I could have actually bought it if he'd survived in the fridge INSIDE THE HOUSE. But having the damn thing fly miles through the air and hit with a force that would have left the occupant a mangled mass of goo was exactly the "pushing a cool idea into cartoon territory" issue that the whole film had. Also, you knew it was farking aliens from the beginning. No mystery = no suspense.
 
2012-10-01 03:45:15 PM
 
2012-10-01 03:45:30 PM

Jizz Master Zero: 1. Raiders
2. Last Crusade
3. Crystal Skull
4. Temple of Doom

Deal with it.


Temple was my favorite. It made me want to be an archiologist when I was a kid, until I found out what archiologists really did.

Also, a reason to post this:
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-10-01 03:46:03 PM
Though they share the same name and title character, they are completely different types of movies. I can understand someone thinking Crystal was better, if they preferred that style of movie
 
2012-10-01 03:46:13 PM

thecpt: cgraves67: Crusade
Ark
Doom
Skull

Doom is not enjoyable/doesn't hold up. Crusade and Ark hold up for kids.



Kids love Nazis more than Thuggee.
 
2012-10-01 03:47:54 PM

shower_in_my_socks: But having the damn thing fly miles through the air and hit with a force that would have left the occupant a mangled mass of goo was exactly the "pushing a cool idea into cartoon territory" issue that the whole film had.


I was struck by this as well. Found it utterly ludicrous.

Then I remembered Indy jumping out of a plane with an inflatable raft, soaring through the sky, crashing into a mountain, then sledding miles down the mountain on that raft before ending up in a remote village.

Cornball action is part and parcel of the franchise (save for the Raiders, which at least feels grounded in a reality you can kinda sorta buy). The Indy movies are pure pulp, always have been.
 
2012-10-01 03:49:01 PM

KingPsyz: AdolfOliverPanties: 1. Ark
2. Crusade
3. Doom
4. Crystal Skull

If you see it otherwise, you are a bad person.

DING DING DING


This! Besides, Crusade has tanks; that puts it ahead of Doom in my book.

/even though the tank never existed IRL
//neither did the German plane in Ark
///did like the "I was the next man" comment in Crusade too
 
2012-10-01 03:49:05 PM
1. Raiders of the Lost Ark
2. Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation
3. Last Crusade
4. Temple of Doom
5. Crystal Skull
 
2012-10-01 03:52:21 PM
Indy fans: Is it better to watch the movies in cinematic release order, or in chronological order?
 
2012-10-01 03:53:05 PM

shoegaze99: shower_in_my_socks: But having the damn thing fly miles through the air and hit with a force that would have left the occupant a mangled mass of goo was exactly the "pushing a cool idea into cartoon territory" issue that the whole film had.

I was struck by this as well. Found it utterly ludicrous.

Then I remembered Indy jumping out of a plane with an inflatable raft, soaring through the sky, crashing into a mountain, then sledding miles down the mountain on that raft before ending up in a remote village.

Cornball action is part and parcel of the franchise (save for the Raiders, which at least feels grounded in a reality you can kinda sorta buy). The Indy movies are pure pulp, always have been.



In Raiders, Indy lashes himself to a submarine and travels miles lashed to the outside of a sub until they come to a secret base.  Apparently he was none the worse for wear...unlike say a  marooned sailor on a raft would have been...even if the sub didn't submerge.
 
In Temple, they ride a mining train system that wouldn't have been able to keep a modern roller coaster in check, without any problems.
 
In Crusade...actually...it was just improbable stuff...boat chases, horse and tank chases, motorcycle chases, flying a plane through a tunnel chases.
 
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