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(LA Times)   Two competing Christian broadcasting companies have purchased plots overlooking the Mount of Olives in Israel, just in case the King of Kings decides to descend soon. Now THAT is reality TV   (latimes.com) divider line 52
    More: Amusing, Mount of Olives, Orthodox Jewish, Jews in Israel, christian evangelism  
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3945 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2012 at 10:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-10-01 10:56:24 AM
9 votes:
The Revelation will be televised.
2012-10-01 10:55:27 AM
8 votes:
They want the world to end in a nuclear holocaust soon.
Let me repeat, they actually want that, and want it to happen soon.
2012-10-01 10:46:59 AM
6 votes:
But if Christ came back, wouldn't all the employees be raptured? I want an atheist company in there just in case.
2012-10-01 01:06:19 PM
4 votes:

Elzar: Jesus speaking (Matthew 24:32-34 NIV):

"Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[a] is near, right at the door. 34 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."

I guess gods "this generation" is 2000+ yrs. But his return will certainly be any day now* amirite christians?

* Where any day is not specifically called out, but sometime within our lifetime...

/ This is what xtians believe/have believed for 1000s of years
// Where is your god now?


The original Disciples were all long dead (and most of the them executed in various ways) before word of Christianity had spread much past the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, and a few points father east and south. Until everyone had heard the Word, the clock couldn't start. This is why, in part, missionaries go to remote locations to spread the words of Jesus and his Disciples.

The Bible also says in Matthew 24:44, "So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." Jesus claimed not to know the day or the hour he would return, only God knew. So you appear to have a contradiction of sorts. However, all of this is usually interpreted the following way, "be ready, I'm coming back, and I'm taking those who are prepared home with me."

I frequently caution Christians that thump the latest book that claims that all the stars are lining up for Jesus' return that they are very likely wrong. Live your life not in expectation of being Raptured at any minute and the future means nothing, instead live your life with the knowledge that you will likely only see Jesus when you are much older and having been here on this Earth for many years. Be prepared for a marathon, not a sprint, understanding that buses are large and do much damage to the human body--and you are far more likely to have an unpleasant encounter with one (or lightning, or a plane that won't stay airborne, or a drunk driver) than you are to see Jesus descend from a cloud. Your life will be judged on how well you ran the race, however long it is.
2012-10-01 11:04:23 AM
4 votes:
Christians: Be careful. If you convert ALL the Jews, then Jesus won't come back.
2012-10-01 10:50:22 AM
4 votes:
Jesus farking Christ - these people are dumb. Yes, they are just as retarded as the mormons for believing magical underpants are a requirement and that their candidates can 'lie for the lord'
2012-10-01 11:15:13 AM
3 votes:
1. hire helicopter with winch.

2. dress up like Jesus and descend via the winch from the helicopter that's hidden by cloud.

3. Prophet.
2012-10-01 12:47:02 PM
2 votes:

indylaw: Meanwhile, in the relatively normal mainline world, we'll be busy with a bake sale and soup kitchen while the evangelicals park their campers in Jerusalem for the real Greatest Show on Earth.


Just imagine this.

Let's pretend that, while these guys are broadcasting live, and they're commenting how "glorious it will be" when the Lord arrives, the trumpets sound. Odd, they don't sound like actual clarinets, but horns, but ok, it's the ancient world. The sky splits open and the sun shines upon the land, removing any clouds in that day. The congregation that might have assembled there kneels and prays and sings "Hallelujah!" as the imminent return of our Lord Jesus Christ is heralded by the appearance of a million heavenly shapes appear in the now-split open sky, and the sound of... Warcries? That can't be right.

Then, the crowd in the sky charges towards the ground. They have no wings, they don't look like angels. They look like dirty medieval warriors, clad in chain mail and leather armor, biting their shields and swinging their axes wildly, and they are lead by a man carrying an oversized hammer, riding a chariot pulled by two goats.

The congregation is confused. Some are still kneeling, praying that this is not happening, others run the fark outta there, a very few just look dumbfounded, but know what this means. Then, the ground shakes and splits open, scores of giants appearing in the ground, ready to meet the Aesir and the Einherjar in one last battle.
2012-10-01 12:46:18 PM
2 votes:

indylaw: "The main thing we want to do is help sponsor what we call Messianic Jews, or Jews that have received Jesus Christ as their Messiah," said TBN co-founder Paul Crouch, who recently wrapped up a tour of Israel with 1,800 TBN supporters, most of them from America. "We want to do some Hebrew language programs to reach out to Jews and entice them to read the word of God and become what we call a completed Jew."

Your recruiting message probably shouldn't contain a gratuitous implicit insult for the people you're trying to win over.


"Completed Jew" = "Christian"? Take a Jew with all their rules, take away the rules, add two parts to the deity, and that's "completion"?

Furthermore, why not just call YOURSELVES Jews, and call Jews "imperfect Christians"? Wouldn't that make more sense?

FURTHERmore, didn't you backward-ass farksticks learn your lesson about the whole "perfected/completed Jews" thing when Ann Coulter spewed it on national TV and got excoriated (and not just by noted pantywaist Donnie Deutsch)?

Complete this, you supernaturalist dickwaver.
2012-10-01 11:03:58 AM
2 votes:
Meh. Make fun if you want... But this makes sense from their perspective. If you truly believe that the day will come and you are in the business of Christian Television... Then wouldn't you want the best vantage point to broadcast when Jesus returns?
2012-10-01 11:03:25 AM
2 votes:
Why do these people think that the bible is God's personal day planner?
2012-10-01 10:51:48 AM
2 votes:
I find it more hilarious that Christian Broadcasting companies are staffing the Mount of Olives based off of a calendar from a completely unrelated religion on the other side of the world.

I am guessing they totally don't get the irony.

/and the calendar doesn't end
//its just a new cycle
///just like what happens with our calendar every year except with a much longer time scale
2012-10-01 10:50:39 AM
2 votes:
home.comcast.net
Delusions are a type of reality.
2012-10-02 03:40:20 PM
1 votes:

Gaseous Anomaly: frankenSTEEN: "I *have* read it from cover to cover. Old testament twice, new testament 3 times"

A question on gay rights then:

From what I understand, the only place the Bible condemns homosexuality is in Leviticus, right?

If so, then as far as gay rights are concerned one doesn't have to try to repudiate the Bible. One could just point out that if someone doesn't follow Levitical law (like Orthodox Jews do) then they have no business condemning gays on religious grounds.

I've used that argument before - is there something I'm missing? (I heard that Paul's letters were down on the gays, but if I understand correctly those aren't *scripture* per se).

/god hates shrimp


I have only ever met 3-5 Christians who do not count Paul's letters and etc to *not* be scripture. (was that like a quadruple negative??) Those few I would not be at all suprised to learn that they are agnostics or atheists by now. Anecdotal evidence, I know.

Yes, homosexuality is mentioned several times in the NT, as is the call for their deaths. In at least one place as I understand it (but my interpretation could be wrong) it also calls for the deaths of those that support them. In other words, if you support gay rights you also desrve to die. That is from Romans 1:18-32'ish. This is one of my favorite passages to use, because it forces X-ians to confront the reality of their hate/bigotry. In other words, if they base their bigotry on the bible (OT or NT) they *must* also accept the punishments as defined by the bible. It's always a good time when I get to explain to those non-bible reading (as in not the entire bible) bigots that their 'kind and loving' scripture calls for the deaths of literally 10's of millions of Americans, not to mention the (probably) 100's of millions of gays world-wide. And that number still doesn't include the 100's of millions (I hope) of people who support gay rights. As in, "I hope there are 100's of millions of gay rights supporters."

I also like watching them squirm when I bring up the due process/equal protection clauses from the Constitution/BoR. They squirm like worms on a hot sidealk when I ask them why they are trying to pass laws that will treat millions of Americans as second class citizens. It's funny watching the pinball of cognative disonance ricochet around their minds. That is typically followed by various combinations of deer in the headlights, stammering, WTF?, who-tha-how-tha-what-the, etc. You know, the usual expressions of people who have just now realized the enormity of their own bigotry/stupidity. Then the party ends for me because then they start to rattle of out of contexrt scriptures that (even *if* in context) have absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about. They have raised their inpenetrable 'scripture shields' that block anything that looks, acts, or smells like logic. reason, or facts.

For a short form of this particular game, wait til somene brings up the whole "America was founded as a Christian nation" nonsense. Then remind/school them of Art.11 from the Treaty of Tripoli (look it up). The looks of utter confusion, disbelief, and 'how can this be??!?!?!?' are pert-near priceless! It's even better when you get the deniers. Even if you show them the treaty and/or read it to them, they STILL can't get it through their thick skulls. You can just about literally see them mentally sticking their fingers in their ears and going 'LALALAICAN'THEARYOULALALA' Good times, good times.

And if they fall back to the old "hate the sin, love the sinner" BS, ask them how they can reconcile the following statement : I hate people with black skin, but love people of African descent. To paraphrase Pinhead, "Their consternation will be legendary."
2012-10-02 02:23:16 PM
1 votes:
Too bad Eshoo Nazaretha aka Jesus Christ is now a buddhist hotdog aka one with everything, and cannot reincarnate, because he is part of the foundation of light. He no longer exists as a discrete being. Thus he can't return. However, he does have a successor, who is in this world now. However, you will never see him, never hear from him, and when his work is done, you won't even know that he did anything. You will never meet him, nor will I. So sit back and enjoy the ride, because if you blink, you'll miss it.

American Christians, are you arrogant enough that you really think you understand and comprehend the mind of your own savior and your own god? Oh, wait, of course most of you are. Not all of you, just most of you.
2012-10-02 10:51:35 AM
1 votes:

frankenSTEEN: "I *have* read it from cover to cover. Old testament twice, new testament 3 times"


A question on gay rights then:

From what I understand, the only place the Bible condemns homosexuality is in Leviticus, right?

If so, then as far as gay rights are concerned one doesn't have to try to repudiate the Bible. One could just point out that if someone doesn't follow Levitical law (like Orthodox Jews do) then they have no business condemning gays on religious grounds.

I've used that argument before - is there something I'm missing? (I heard that Paul's letters were down on the gays, but if I understand correctly those aren't *scripture* per se).

/god hates shrimp
2012-10-01 04:20:39 PM
1 votes:
Nobody?

3.bp.blogspot.com
2012-10-01 01:55:50 PM
1 votes:
His buddies point-blanked Jesus about when to expect his return, and under what circumstances. Jesus answered, "like a thief in the night."

As usual, Saul the Pharisee, a/k/a Paul, twists Jesus' words into precisely the opposite meaning -- "yeah, but if you listen to me you will totally know in advance and you'll be saved, safe and secure. Don't sweat it."

Naturally, modern Christians prefer Paul's teachings to Jesus, so on Paul's advice, these guys are installing motion-activated cameras...to catch Jesus breaking and entering.

Golden.
2012-10-01 01:34:03 PM
1 votes:

hdhale: The original Disciples were all long dead (and most of the them executed in various ways) before word of Christianity had spread much past the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, and a few points father east and south. Until everyone had heard the Word, the clock couldn't start. This is why, in part, missionaries go to remote locations to spread the words of Jesus and his Disciples.

The Bible also says in Matthew 24:44, "So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." Jesus claimed not to know the day or the hour he would return, only God knew. So you appear to have a contradiction of sorts. However, all of this is usually interpreted the following way, "be ready, I'm coming back, and I'm taking those who are prepared home with me."

I frequently caution Christians that thump the latest book that claims that all the stars are lining up for Jesus' return that they are very likely wrong. Live your life not in expectation of being Raptured at any minute and the future means nothing, instead live your life with the knowledge that you will likely only see Jesus when you are much older and having been here on this Earth for many years. Be prepared for a marathon, not a sprint, understanding that buses are large and do much damage to the human body--and you are far more likely to have an unpleasant encounter with one (or lightning, or a plane that won't stay airborne, or a drunk driver) than you are to see Jesus descend from a cloud. Your life will be judged on how well you ran the race, however long it is.


I seldom do "this," but this.
2012-10-01 01:21:24 PM
1 votes:

atomicmask: I figured it out actually...

They want to be there, so the first thing jesus sees when he arrives is the most hypocritical group of individuals and what has been done in his name, so he instantly decides to call the whole rapture off and start this whole "messiah" thing all over, thus saving the world from the end of days.

it is really brilliant, if jesus sees how wrong these morons got his message I am willing to bet he will just start all over and do it right this time.


so he reboots the earth? yea, I rather enjoy my pathetic existence, I'm not really ready for it go in a poof of smote
2012-10-01 01:00:37 PM
1 votes:

snocone: indylaw: CygnusDarius: Let's pretend that, while these guys are broadcasting live, and they're commenting how "glorious it will be" when the Lord arrives, the trumpets sound. Odd, they don't sound like actual clarinets, but horns, but ok, it's the ancient world. The sky splits open and the sun shines upon the land, removing any clouds in that day. The congregation that might have assembled there kneels and prays and sings "Hallelujah!" as the imminent return of our Lord Jesus Christ is heralded by the appearance of a million heavenly shapes appear in the now-split open sky, and the sound of... Warcries? That can't be right.

Then, the crowd in the sky charges towards the ground. They have no wings, they don't look like angels. They look like dirty medieval warriors, clad in chain mail and leather armor, biting their shields and swinging their axes wildly, and they are lead by a man carrying an oversized hammer, riding a chariot pulled by two goats.

The congregation is confused. Some are still kneeling, praying that this is not happening, others run the fark outta there, a very few just look dumbfounded, but know what this means. Then, the ground shakes and splits open, scores of giants appearing in the ground, ready to meet the Aesir and the Einherjar in one last battle.

I would expect Ragnarok to commence at an IKEA, not the middle of Jerusalem. Far too warm.

Walmart, definately, Walmart.


Walmart during Black Friday?.
2012-10-01 12:59:23 PM
1 votes:

Dr Dreidel: indylaw: "The main thing we want to do is help sponsor what we call Messianic Jews, or Jews that have received Jesus Christ as their Messiah," said TBN co-founder Paul Crouch, who recently wrapped up a tour of Israel with 1,800 TBN supporters, most of them from America. "We want to do some Hebrew language programs to reach out to Jews and entice them to read the word of God and become what we call a completed Jew."

Your recruiting message probably shouldn't contain a gratuitous implicit insult for the people you're trying to win over.

"Completed Jew" = "Christian"? Take a Jew with all their rules, take away the rules, add two parts to the deity, and that's "completion"?

Furthermore, why not just call YOURSELVES Jews, and call Jews "imperfect Christians"? Wouldn't that make more sense?

FURTHERmore, didn't you backward-ass farksticks learn your lesson about the whole "perfected/completed Jews" thing when Ann Coulter spewed it on national TV and got excoriated (and not just by noted pantywaist Donnie Deutsch)?

Complete this, you supernaturalist dickwaver.


See what I mean? Doesn't exactly endear an audience.
2012-10-01 12:56:30 PM
1 votes:

indylaw: CygnusDarius: Let's pretend that, while these guys are broadcasting live, and they're commenting how "glorious it will be" when the Lord arrives, the trumpets sound. Odd, they don't sound like actual clarinets, but horns, but ok, it's the ancient world. The sky splits open and the sun shines upon the land, removing any clouds in that day. The congregation that might have assembled there kneels and prays and sings "Hallelujah!" as the imminent return of our Lord Jesus Christ is heralded by the appearance of a million heavenly shapes appear in the now-split open sky, and the sound of... Warcries? That can't be right.

Then, the crowd in the sky charges towards the ground. They have no wings, they don't look like angels. They look like dirty medieval warriors, clad in chain mail and leather armor, biting their shields and swinging their axes wildly, and they are lead by a man carrying an oversized hammer, riding a chariot pulled by two goats.

The congregation is confused. Some are still kneeling, praying that this is not happening, others run the fark outta there, a very few just look dumbfounded, but know what this means. Then, the ground shakes and splits open, scores of giants appearing in the ground, ready to meet the Aesir and the Einherjar in one last battle.

I would expect Ragnarok to commence at an IKEA, not the middle of Jerusalem. Far too warm.


Walmart, definately, Walmart.
2012-10-01 12:54:32 PM
1 votes:

CygnusDarius: Let's pretend that, while these guys are broadcasting live, and they're commenting how "glorious it will be" when the Lord arrives, the trumpets sound. Odd, they don't sound like actual clarinets, but horns, but ok, it's the ancient world. The sky splits open and the sun shines upon the land, removing any clouds in that day. The congregation that might have assembled there kneels and prays and sings "Hallelujah!" as the imminent return of our Lord Jesus Christ is heralded by the appearance of a million heavenly shapes appear in the now-split open sky, and the sound of... Warcries? That can't be right.

Then, the crowd in the sky charges towards the ground. They have no wings, they don't look like angels. They look like dirty medieval warriors, clad in chain mail and leather armor, biting their shields and swinging their axes wildly, and they are lead by a man carrying an oversized hammer, riding a chariot pulled by two goats.

The congregation is confused. Some are still kneeling, praying that this is not happening, others run the fark outta there, a very few just look dumbfounded, but know what this means. Then, the ground shakes and splits open, scores of giants appearing in the ground, ready to meet the Aesir and the Einherjar in one last battle.


I would expect Ragnarok to commence at an IKEA, not the middle of Jerusalem. Far too warm.
2012-10-01 12:51:03 PM
1 votes:

goatan: 1. hire helicopter with winch.

2. dress up like Jesus and descend via the winch from the helicopter that's hidden by cloud.

3. Prophet.


If Jesus were to come back, some of these guys would almost certainly try to nail him to a cross and say "If you're God, then come down from there!"

One thing the fundamentalist evangelicals never mention, but I think is an important point, is that according to the Gospels the Jews missed out on the arrival of the Messiah because they expected him to be this mighty conqueror who conquers all the enemies of the Jews and sets them up as a mighty empire, and he turned out to be something completely different. They had all these signs and miracles to watch for so that they would know when The One arrived.

The evangelicals love Revelation and make a sport out of trying to use it as a "Guide to Recognizing the Second Coming." What makes them think that when/if Christ comes back, it will be the fiery apocalypse that they're expecting?
2012-10-01 12:39:45 PM
1 votes:
"The main thing we want to do is help sponsor what we call Messianic Jews, or Jews that have received Jesus Christ as their Messiah," said TBN co-founder Paul Crouch, who recently wrapped up a tour of Israel with 1,800 TBN supporters, most of them from America. "We want to do some Hebrew language programs to reach out to Jews and entice them to read the word of God and become what we call a completed Jew."

Your recruiting message probably shouldn't contain a gratuitous implicit insult for the people you're trying to win over.
2012-10-01 12:39:07 PM
1 votes:

Millennium: Lawnchair: CCCarnie: If you truly believe that the day will come and you are in the business of Christian Television... Then wouldn't you want the best vantage point to broadcast when Jesus returns?

Meh. Assuming you expect to be raptured at that time, exactly what good is the ratings boost going to do you? Obviously the financial reward is nil, and even the eyeballs of a billion heathens is pretty much unimportant.

My take on it is that they're trying to keep the pot from boiling by watching it. "Thief in the night" and all that; the one thing the Bible says about the date of the end is that no one will expect it when it comes. So if you automate predictions every day, people will expect it and it'll never come: it's like troll physics, but applied to theology.

Of course, it's worth mentioning that at least according to these people's faith, trolling God doesn't tend to work out well for the trolls. Leads you to wonder why they'd bother.


The easy solution to this logic would be for God to kill everyone before calling it a wrap so 'nobody saw it coming.'
2012-10-01 12:36:39 PM
1 votes:
What is it with Christians and superstition? They have a god that basically says that only he can do magic, everything else is a farking trick, but they all love horoscopes and numerology.
2012-10-01 12:35:08 PM
1 votes:
Meanwhile, in the relatively normal mainline world, we'll be busy with a bake sale and soup kitchen while the evangelicals park their campers in Jerusalem for the real Greatest Show on Earth.
2012-10-01 12:35:05 PM
1 votes:

varmitydog: CygnusDarius What if he happens to appear in, I don't know, Puerto Rico, Cuba, or in Palestine?.

Their tourism trade would significantly increase and nut job televangelists would be financing the schools and hospitals of those lands instead of doing it for Israel.


I'd like to see a Cuban Christ, truth be told. Most Cubans I've met are really nice people, good to hang around with, and have a sense of humor
2012-10-01 12:25:43 PM
1 votes:
The sons of god are really going to be pissed.
2012-10-01 12:00:46 PM
1 votes:

Lawnchair: CCCarnie: If you truly believe that the day will come and you are in the business of Christian Television... Then wouldn't you want the best vantage point to broadcast when Jesus returns?

Meh. Assuming you expect to be raptured at that time, exactly what good is the ratings boost going to do you? Obviously the financial reward is nil, and even the eyeballs of a billion heathens is pretty much unimportant.


My take on it is that they're trying to keep the pot from boiling by watching it. "Thief in the night" and all that; the one thing the Bible says about the date of the end is that no one will expect it when it comes. So if you automate predictions every day, people will expect it and it'll never come: it's like troll physics, but applied to theology.

Of course, it's worth mentioning that at least according to these people's faith, trolling God doesn't tend to work out well for the trolls. Leads you to wonder why they'd bother.
2012-10-01 11:52:19 AM
1 votes:
What if he happens to appear in, I don't know, Puerto Rico, Cuba, or in Palestine?.
2012-10-01 11:38:41 AM
1 votes:
Our local christian television channel is mostly I Love Lucy reruns with creepy pastor commercials. I really hope they cut to a live feed of Jesus coming back, and then return to their regularly scheduled program.

"And there you have it folks, Jesus has come back [switch trans] you got some 'splainin' to do"
2012-10-01 11:36:53 AM
1 votes:
Welcome to God's Holy Return - Live! We're broadcasting live from the holy city of Jerusalem and we're awaiting God's return at any moment. Let's go to the red carpet with Tammy Faye Bakker...

Oh, we're hear at the holy site where we believe God will make his entrance. We assume he'll be arriving by cloud and wearing a flowing, golden robe of his design. As of yet. No word on when he'll arrive, but it should be soon. Back to you.

Well, why we are waiting here is an artist rendition of what it might look like. Notice that we did not include a graven image of the Lord himself. He's represented by this smiley face here.

"It is I, Lord, thy God. I have returned. Things will change. Read you Bible. It is thy's word."

Wow. Can't wait for that to happen. Tammy. Anything?

Nope. Nada.

Well, we'll just wait patiently for the Lord's return. Wouldn't look to good if he showed up and there was no one to welcome him. Hang on. I'm getting a report. This just in. God has returned to the Earth! He has reportedly stepped down from a golden pillar of clouds in Salina, Kansas. Look like the Mormons nailed it. As we speak, millions of Mormons are being recalled to their treasures in Heaven. If, like myself, you petitioned the Mormon Church to remove you from their registry, well, you can expect to stay below and suffer with the other unbelievers.

We don't have a camera in Salina, but the report says that all the faithful have been gathered up and the Holy Lord has broken the seven seals and spilled plague, pestilence and you know, the rest. Satan has announce 100% control of the Earth and it's remaining population.

And in keeping with the sudden change in management, we return you to 24 hours of Three's Company. All the episodes are Terri episodes, by the way. No Chrissy.
2012-10-01 11:32:22 AM
1 votes:
A fool and his money...it never ceases to amaze me how much people are willing to sacrifice of themselves and take from others in the name of something they can't even prove exists. Oh well, it's their money, they can throw it away if they wish. Just don't trample the rights of others in doing so.

On a loosely related note, I had the 'coming out' conversation with my born-again mom and her hardcore baptist husband this weekend. I've been deftly avoiding it for years, but they finally cornered me during a discussion about gay rights. Am I gay? No, but in their eyes something much worse : atheist(agn).
2012-10-01 11:31:04 AM
1 votes:

atomicmask: I figured it out actually...

They want to be there, so the first thing jesus sees when he arrives is the most hypocritical group of individuals and what has been done in his name, so he instantly decides to call the whole rapture off and start this whole "messiah" thing all over, thus saving the world from the end of days.

it is really brilliant, if jesus sees how wrong these morons got his message I am willing to bet he will just start all over and do it right this time.



kinda like this:

Many will say to me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and expel demons in your name, and perform many powerful works in your name?' 23 And yet then I will confess to them: I never knew YOU! Get away from me, YOU workers of lawlessness."
- Matt. 6:22,23
2012-10-01 11:30:27 AM
1 votes:
Jesus speaking (Matthew 24:32-34 NIV):

"Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[a] is near, right at the door. 34 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."

I guess gods "this generation" is 2000+ yrs. But his return will certainly be any day now* amirite christians?

* Where any day is not specifically called out, but sometime within our lifetime...

/ This is what xtians believe/have believed for 1000s of years
// Where is your god now?
2012-10-01 11:29:33 AM
1 votes:

atomicmask: I figured it out actually...

They want to be there, so the first thing jesus sees when he arrives is the most hypocritical group of individuals and what has been done in his name, so he instantly decides to call the whole rapture off and start this whole "messiah" thing all over, thus saving the world from the end of days.

it is really brilliant, if jesus sees how wrong these morons got his message I am willing to bet he will just start all over and do it right this time.


I'm not so sure about that. When God takes a do-over he doesn't fark around. Ever heard of a guy named Noah?
2012-10-01 11:27:53 AM
1 votes:
We should start building insane asylums again. There are just too many mental cases running around.
2012-10-01 11:25:33 AM
1 votes:
I figured it out actually...

They want to be there, so the first thing jesus sees when he arrives is the most hypocritical group of individuals and what has been done in his name, so he instantly decides to call the whole rapture off and start this whole "messiah" thing all over, thus saving the world from the end of days.

it is really brilliant, if jesus sees how wrong these morons got his message I am willing to bet he will just start all over and do it right this time.
2012-10-01 11:23:44 AM
1 votes:

Itstoearly: But if Christ came back, wouldn't all the employees be raptured? I want an atheist company in there just in case.


That's why they have a 24 hour live RaptureCam set up there.
2012-10-01 11:22:06 AM
1 votes:

CCCarnie: If you truly believe that the day will come and you are in the business of Christian Television... Then wouldn't you want the best vantage point to broadcast when Jesus returns?


Meh. Assuming you expect to be raptured at that time, exactly what good is the ratings boost going to do you? Obviously the financial reward is nil, and even the eyeballs of a billion heathens is pretty much unimportant.
2012-10-01 11:14:37 AM
1 votes:
Saw King of Kings...

images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2012-10-01 11:14:05 AM
1 votes:

Ass Exploder: Satanic_Hamster: Christians: Be careful. If you convert ALL the Jews, then Jesus won't come back.

Hmmm... tricky.


Don't worry. Most of them don't have any money, so they aren't important in the conversion and fundraising efforts. It more important to get people there and get big contributions from people back home, even if you are dropping them off in one of the most expensive states in the world with just a pair of trousers, a t-shirt and a pair of shoes.
2012-10-01 11:12:35 AM
1 votes:
Allen. The end.

Also, does the Bible give a place for Satan returning? No? Fark it, I'm donning my robes (and wizard hat) and going to the Mount of Olives. I'll then go through the previously sealed temple door, produce a rabbit from under my hat, and the world will end. So there. Yeah, it's a Monday...


The Christians get beamed up and then Satan gets to run the show for 7 years, I think. It's going to be a 'parking on the left is now parking on the right' kind of thing.
2012-10-01 11:08:25 AM
1 votes:
Also, does the Bible give a place for Satan returning? No? Fark it, I'm donning my robes (and wizard hat) and going to the Mount of Olives. I'll then go through the previously sealed temple door, produce a rabbit from under my hat, and the world will end. So there. Yeah, it's a Monday...
2012-10-01 11:06:31 AM
1 votes:

Oscar_Madisons_cleaning_lady: The Revelation will be televised.


Nice one!
2012-10-01 11:04:21 AM
1 votes:
Two competing Christian broadcasting companies have purchased plots overlooking the Mount of Olives in Israel, just in case the King of Kings decides to descend soon. Now THAT is reality TV

The joke is on them: It's the King of Queens that will be coming back.
2012-10-01 11:04:08 AM
1 votes:

Oscar_Madisons_cleaning_lady: The Revelation will be televised.


Alright, we're done here.
2012-10-01 10:58:33 AM
1 votes:
I think it is really cool that Jesus tells us not to worry about material things because the real treasure is in heaven...

But you better farking kill, maim and destroy because I really did this overlook. After all the holy trinity really is location, location, location.
2012-10-01 10:51:37 AM
1 votes:
When he does descend everyone is going to scream and holler about the liberal saviorstream media!
 
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