If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(io9)   Six mysteries that could be solved with time travel on your left, a whole bunch of better suggestions along with egregiously malformed speculation on your right   (io9.com) divider line 103
    More: Interesting, Donner Party, human bones, carbon datings, clay tablet, Eddie Izzard, Sierra Nevada  
•       •       •

6122 clicks; posted to Geek » on 01 Oct 2012 at 11:14 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-10-01 10:48:13 AM
The first thing I do after time travel becomes commercially available is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.
 
2012-10-01 11:18:13 AM
geez... killjoy. Like they won't already be super-rich from going back and betting on things and have bodyguards and stuff.
 
2012-10-01 11:21:03 AM
What do we want?

A time-travel device!!!

When do we want it?!

It doesn't really matter!
 
2012-10-01 11:21:25 AM
So... future Doctor Who plots?
 
2012-10-01 11:23:16 AM
What a dumb article. Pretty much every goddamn mystery could be solved with time travel. I was hoping for an article on mysteries where the only answer would be that time travelers did it.
 
2012-10-01 11:23:58 AM
Wouldn't the list of things that couldn't be solved by time travel be way shorter?
 
2012-10-01 11:25:15 AM
Hi Donner Party. Just act natural and pretend like I'm not here. But remember, this is for posterity.
 
2012-10-01 11:29:07 AM
The mystery of time travel would be solved, yes.
 
2012-10-01 11:29:59 AM
Couildn't..... every mystery be solved with time travel?
 
2012-10-01 11:30:28 AM

jaylectricity: The first thing I do after time travel becomes commercially available is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.


I'm going back August 4, 1961 and placing a birth notice in Hawaiian news papers
 
2012-10-01 11:34:28 AM

Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.


If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."
 
2012-10-01 11:38:43 AM
11/22/63
 
2012-10-01 11:42:22 AM
@Felgraf... Amen!
 
2012-10-01 11:51:24 AM
Where I put all those things I put away for safekeeping.
 
2012-10-01 11:54:07 AM

Comsamvimes: What a dumb article. Pretty much every goddamn mystery could be solved with time travel. I was hoping for an article on mysteries where the only answer would be that time travelers did it.


SCUBA_Archer: Wouldn't the list of things that couldn't be solved by time travel be way shorter?


Bill Frist: Couildn't..... every mystery be solved with time travel?

 
2012-10-01 11:55:07 AM
I was expecting this to be six mysteries that could be explained by time travel.

I would like to see six mysteries (that don't involve show business or politics) that couldn't be solved by time travel.

/I went back in time, killed Hitler, and made it look like a suicide.
 
2012-10-01 11:55:51 AM

ColSanders: 11/22/63


Interesting note... Mrs. Fab was born on that date.
 
2012-10-01 11:57:51 AM
Stonehenge is all well and good. I'd like to know the reasons behind Gobekli Tepe, and whether it predated agriculture. I'd also like to find out why Illinois's own ancient empire, Cahokia, collapsed.
 
2012-10-01 12:05:46 PM
TFA's Stonehenge section: How'd they do it? Why did they do it? Did they wear cool white robes and big long beards as noted historian Eddie Izzard has said that they did? There's no way to know. Now. Going back some time would make a great historical monument a lot more informative - if also a lot less mysterious.

tl;dr version - No one knows who they were, or what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock of Stonehenge.
 
2012-10-01 12:10:42 PM

cgraves67: Stonehenge is all well and good. I'd like to know the reasons behind Gobekli Tepe, and whether it predated agriculture. I'd also like to find out why Illinois's own ancient empire, Cahokia, collapsed.


Smallpox.
 
2012-10-01 12:12:53 PM
This article was a terrible waste of time.
 
2012-10-01 12:15:35 PM

Jclark666: I was expecting this to be six mysteries that could be explained by time travel.

I would like to see six mysteries (that don't involve show business or politics) that couldn't be solved by time travel.

/I went back in time, killed Hitler, and made it look like a suicide.


No you didn't. I did. Except he actually did commit suicide. But to cause that to happen I had to, you know, arrange that whole WWII thing: invasion of Poland/invasion of Low Countries & France/D-Day thing. Oh, and Italy and North Africa. In fact, it goes beyond that. I had to drop hints to Hitler to write Mein Kampf, which, of course, set the whole thing off. And I had to get Chamberlain high on pot a few times to get him to go for that whole "peace in our time" thing. AND I had to set Patton up with the malingering soldier slap so he would be sidelined and available to lead the 3rd Army. AND I had to biatchslap Stalin to get him to press the attacks on the Eastern Front. And these were just some of the high points. Let me tell you, it was a lot of farking work to get Hitler to commit suicide in that bunker.
 
2012-10-01 12:16:29 PM
now how cool would it be to win all the state and multi state lotteries around the nation in one week.
 
2012-10-01 12:20:17 PM
how these two people got to easter island.

www.brucebalan.com
 
2012-10-01 12:20:42 PM
I didn't see "How Obama caused the financial crisis to turn America into a Socialist paradise" in there.

/I guess they have to go back in time and re-write it.
 
2012-10-01 12:20:54 PM

ColSanders: 11/22/63


We know how that ends.

What about the Pyramids, Nazca lines?
 
2012-10-01 12:26:48 PM

Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."


*shutupandtakemymoney.jpg*

Let's get a kickstarter going or something, my new hero.
 
2012-10-01 12:29:46 PM
lotsa big werds in that there headline
 
2012-10-01 12:32:22 PM

miniflea: cgraves67: Stonehenge is all well and good. I'd like to know the reasons behind Gobekli Tepe, and whether it predated agriculture. I'd also like to find out why Illinois's own ancient empire, Cahokia, collapsed.

Smallpox.


That's certainly a possibility, and was probably what finished off the outlying Mississipian outposts that DeSoto stumbled across when he explored what is now the southern US. The city of Cahokia itself seemed to have been abandoned. They had documented methods of burial. There is no indication of mass burials in the final years of the city as one would find in a plague-ridden city. It might be that they figured out that disease was spread by human contact and so they dispersed at the first signs of the disease in order to lessen the chances of contact. Notably, the city had no walls and was not burned. So warfare is not considered to be a likelyhood. Another possibility is that they experienced a famine, forcing the residents to flee in order to find new food sources. Lacking its traditional central polity, the empire collapsed. Whichever it was, we don't know for certain.
 
2012-10-01 12:35:51 PM
I'm pretty sure that if you could go back and ask the builders of Stonehenge why, their answer would be along the lines of 'There's nothing else to do around here'.
 
2012-10-01 12:42:55 PM

BizarreMan: ColSanders: 11/22/63

We know how that ends.

What about the Pyramids, Nazca lines?


Pyramids would be awesome, I think the amount of labor involved would explain it all though.
Nazca lines? While it would be interesting to see how they accomplished them, they're probably just for walking around praying which isn't all that cool really.

I'd be interested in Stonehenge, but just to see how they got the stones there.

On an previous riff, I'd go back in time and tell Carl Sagan to get to the doctor, see if we couldn't make the future a little bit better.

I'd go back to the founders and have them fix the wording on the 2nd amendment. That gorram thing has caused too much conflict over something most people will never even encounter on either side. While I was there, I'd make sure they put in some checks on the size of government and how much they got paid too, as well as a limit on the % of spending on things like military instead of science.
 
2012-10-01 12:43:22 PM
I only have one question I would like answered:

Why?
 
2012-10-01 12:51:40 PM
After reading the article, I missed the obvious one. Go back and find Jesus, and make him say some profound shiat about separation of church and state. Also, find Mohammed and secretly slip him Ecstasy and Viagra. Maybe something for schizophrenia too.. That'd probably fix a lot of "those" problems. :0
 
2012-10-01 12:59:06 PM
Old fashioned time travel. It goes forward only. To use your time machine, sit in your chair. Oh... you're already sitting? Well, you're halfway there. Now... Close your eyes and count to 1000 without skipping. Open your eyes. You're in the future!

i262.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-01 01:03:13 PM
go back and settle that whole slaves built the pyramids thing so that egyptian dude will shut up about it.
 
2012-10-01 01:09:16 PM

Freeballin: After reading the article, I missed the obvious one. Go back and find Jesus, and make him say some profound shiat about separation of church and state. Also, find Mohammed and secretly slip him Ecstasy and Viagra. Maybe something for schizophrenia too.. That'd probably fix a lot of "those" problems. :0


Render unto Cesar that which is Cesar's and unto God that which is God's?
 
2012-10-01 01:17:24 PM

Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."


The idea that killing Hitler is not allowed is the most short sighted notion put forth. What is more important than stopping the death of millions of people, the devastation of most of Europe, both physically and economically and the control of most of Europe by Stalin?
 
2012-10-01 01:27:02 PM

Comsamvimes: What a dumb article. Pretty much every goddamn mystery could be solved with time travel. I was hoping for an article on mysteries where the only answer would be that time travelers did it.


Who wrote the line about "once time travel is in a story, it's the problem solver for everything. Captain Marvel is watching people in a burning building saying "what do I do what do I do?" and the answer is always, get in your time machine, dopey"
 
2012-10-01 01:27:39 PM

chuckufarlie: Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."

The idea that killing Hitler is not allowed is the most short sighted notion put forth. What is more important than stopping the death of millions of people, the devastation of most of Europe, both physically and economically and the control of most of Europe by Stalin?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R6xCWcf_VUTry to keep up, Einstein
 
2012-10-01 01:31:09 PM
Other than taking a peek at famous historical and/or religious figures, I'd go back in time with a powerful telescope to see what Mars looked like a billion years ago.
 
2012-10-01 01:43:43 PM

Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."


I know where to get a Delorean
 
2012-10-01 01:54:24 PM

SCUBA_Archer: Wouldn't the list of things that couldn't be solved by time travel be way shorter?


www.pisymbol.com

Quiet, you!
 
2012-10-01 01:56:08 PM

chuckufarlie: Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."

The idea that killing Hitler is not allowed is the most short sighted notion put forth. What is more important than stopping the death of millions of people, the devastation of most of Europe, both physically and economically and the control of most of Europe by Stalin?


After you are done with Hitler, which wars are you going to stop next? Might I also remind you of the technical and social advances that occured because of tragedies? Undoing every war ever, while seemingly a good idea, would cause massive delays in many life saving and basic technologies on the one hand and massive population booms on the other. Just imagine the hundreds of millions of people who would have had billions of descendants if they hadn't died in the wars of the last 200 years.
 
2012-10-01 01:59:24 PM

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: And these were just some of the high points. Let me tell you, it was a lot of farking work to get Hitler to commit suicide in that bunker.


Sorry, dude. I'd go back and stop you from wasting that effort, but, you know, paradoxes and all that. If it makes you feel any better, the war collapsing helped keep CSI:Berlin at bay. (I thought it was pretty obvious that the fire started *after* he was dead, but thankfully nobody noticed that Hitler didn't have any matches or a lighter on him.)

/Votes for Boris the Spider as the theme for CSI:Berlin
 
2012-10-01 02:00:51 PM
Of all the things that will happen in the future, including warp drive, time travel is something I don't think is possible, ever.
 
2012-10-01 02:07:29 PM

jaylectricity: The first thing I do after time travel becomes commercially available is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.


So YOU'RE the reason we don't have time travel.
 
2012-10-01 02:14:34 PM

Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."


How about pushing Hitler into a closet? is that still allowed?

/and yeah, good idea about Henson
 
2012-10-01 02:14:47 PM

chuckufarlie: Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."

The idea that killing Hitler is not allowed is the most short sighted notion put forth. What is more important than stopping the death of millions of people, the devastation of most of Europe, both physically and economically and the control of most of Europe by Stalin?


Look no Hitler, No Third Reich, no rise of the two global super powers in the late 20th century and US dominance of the 21st, 22nd, and 23rd centuries. So, screw you. We protect Hitler, fark those Jews beating the Slug Lords of Beta Alphi Six is more important.
 
2012-10-01 02:18:07 PM

You Are All Sheep: Of all the things that will happen in the future, including warp drive, time travel is something I don't think is possible, ever.


Well, if we ever get warp drive/FTL travel, you kind of end up with time travel whether you want it or not. Hell, even near-light speed travel results in a slowing of the passage of time (theoretically). So, if someone goes on a lengthy space voyage at high speed (say, 0.9c), when they return, everyone else will have aged more than they did during the trip.

/SciFi 101
 
2012-10-01 02:18:31 PM

DerAppie: chuckufarlie: Felgraf: Cheron: ble is go back in time to the moment time travel is created and kill the creators.

If I'm only allowed to make small alterations to the timeline (no preventing 9/11, no killing hitler), I'm going back in time, grabbing Jim Henson by his collar, and shouting "GO TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL."

The idea that killing Hitler is not allowed is the most short sighted notion put forth. What is more important than stopping the death of millions of people, the devastation of most of Europe, both physically and economically and the control of most of Europe by Stalin?

After you are done with Hitler, which wars are you going to stop next? Might I also remind you of the technical and social advances that occured because of tragedies? Undoing every war ever, while seemingly a good idea, would cause massive delays in many life saving and basic technologies on the one hand and massive population booms on the other. Just imagine the hundreds of millions of people who would have had billions of descendants if they hadn't died in the wars of the last 200 years.


Gee, Brainiac, I never said anything about stopping any other wars. Maybe you should double up on your meds.
 
Displayed 50 of 103 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »





Report