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(Daily Star)   Dear Jane: My lesbian lover is pregnant, claims I must have cheated with a guy and, somehow, passed the sperm on to her. Is that even possible?   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 185
    More: Interesting, acceptance of responsibility, lesbian lover  
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26510 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2012 at 4:07 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-10-01 05:09:37 AM
This one is a real puzzler. I'm going to have to consult Todd Akin, member of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology to get a legitimate answer.
 
2012-10-01 05:12:34 AM
how lesbian get pragnent
 
2012-10-01 05:14:58 AM

MadAzza: For f*ck's sake, she never asked if that were possible! F*cking Subby, you lying sack of shiat. Fark you.


You sound MadAzza

/not subby
 
2012-10-01 05:15:00 AM
Somewhere, some Farker who read this after he got another chick pregnant is getting ready to tell his wife, "Damn it, I knew you were bisexual!"
 
2012-10-01 05:19:39 AM
I'm never going to be able to go into an old lady's bathroom without laughing my ass off ever again after reading that article. Wow.
 
2012-10-01 05:26:22 AM
userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2012-10-01 05:26:54 AM

namatad: MadAzza: Question was rhetorical. Girlfriend's a liar. Dump her.

Next.

And you are so stupid for even asking this question! please, sterilize yourself before anything accidentally happens!!

/we can assume that the email was just trolling. right?? RIGHT????!


Nope. Subby was.
 
2012-10-01 05:28:39 AM

Bigdogdaddy: MadAzza: For f*ck's sake, she never asked if that were possible! F*cking Subby, you lying sack of shiat. Fark you.

You sound MadAzza

/not subby


Heh heh ... yeah, but not *that* kind of mad.

/hatter
 
2012-10-01 05:31:42 AM

ShannonKW: Fark Me To Tears: [...] I decided that I didn't want the embarrassment of being beat up by a lesbian inside an Ikea store.

Don't feel bad, bro. I was once sexually harassed by a lesbian in a QFC supermarket and made to look quite ridiculous.

In case you want details, I woke up in the wee hours one night and couldn't get back to sleep, so I nipped over to the QFC with the vague idea of building up some fatigue and getting some munchies. The place was nearly deserted at that hour, and I was ambling about in a daze for while when I heard this harsh, contemptuous voice behind me, "Hey, man, make me some cookies!"

So I turn around and blearily see this couple, he in a leather jacket and jeans and she in this frilly sun-dress looking thing... only, after bit of squinting and head cocking it became clear that they were both women. The "femme" of the two was rolling her eyes adoringly at her butch, man-abusing girlfriend as if to say, "My hero!" I didn't care; I was just fuddled and confused. We were in the snack aisle, after all. "They're right there!" I said gesturing at the generous selection of cookies at her very elbow, and tottered off wondering what was wrong with people. It wasn't until I was halfway home that it dawned on me that she had been trying to demean me rather than literally seeking cookies.

She also had broken my chain of thought, so when I got home I had a ham but had forgotten to get bread. Damn dyike.


FTFY

/not really
//words words words Bad Shannon words welcome to fark.jpg 
///Stop using bad words
 
2012-10-01 05:33:01 AM
The girlfriend sounds Republican.
 
2012-10-01 05:38:52 AM

Smoking GNU: The girlfriend sounds Republican.


I was just thinking "I haven't seen such clear projection since the last GOP thread"
 
2012-10-01 05:45:51 AM

Feral_and_Preposterous: I'll bet it was "a Chinese."


Asian-American is the preferred nomenclature.
 
Skr
2012-10-01 05:46:07 AM

Ed Finnerty: [i.imgur.com image 536x280]

'dog spermed answer'

Reminds me a bit of the squid that has detachable claws that have sperm in them. Just stab a claw any ole place, detach it, and wham bam baby squids in your leg. (coming to SyFy soon)
 
2012-10-01 05:46:36 AM

fusillade762: He has full custody but she always goes back to his place for a Chinese with the family

So that's what the kids are calling it these days.


Well since she still likes to sleep over he is still turning her Japanese
 
2012-10-01 05:50:18 AM

sleeper2995: fusillade762: He has full custody but she always goes back to his place for a Chinese with the family

So that's what the kids are calling it these days.

Well since she still likes to sleep over he is still turning her Japanese


You really think so?
 
2012-10-01 06:02:15 AM
Dear Jane: My lesbian lover is pregnant, claims I must have cheated with a guy and, somehow, passed the sperm on to her. Is that even possible?

Only if you cheated with a guy....

did you?
 
2012-10-01 06:03:43 AM

sleeper2995: fusillade762: He has full custody but she always goes back to his place for a Chinese with the family

So that's what the kids are calling it these days.

Well since she still likes to sleep over he is still turning her Japanese


You heard about the woman who ate squim and its sperm pack went kabloey in her mouth? True story yo. Don't have the fark link but: Here you go.
 
2012-10-01 06:05:27 AM

Skr: Ed Finnerty: [i.imgur.com image 536x280]
'dog spermed answer'

Reminds me a bit of the squid that has detachable claws that have sperm in them. Just stab a claw any ole place, detach it, and wham bam baby squids in your leg. (coming to SyFy soon)


Wrong person to reply to. I meant that in response to that one.
 
2012-10-01 06:12:33 AM
FTA: Last night, during one of our horrible, ongoing rows, she had the nerve to blame me for it.

What I got out of this statement: we have regular arguments. Also, they're quite vicious.

FTA: That's how stupid our fights have got...

Not only regular arguments, but stupid ones too.

FTA: I love the girl and usually have a brilliant sex life and I've never fancied anyone more.

You argue regularly, it gets quite nasty when you do, yet you still fancy this girl?

FTA: But I have to admit I find her hard work a lot of the time.

Work smarter, not harder.

FTA: The problem is she tells lies and won't accept responsibility for her actions.

I'm going to hazard a guess the incident rate of her lying is about as regular as your arguments, yet, once again, you fancy this girl?

FTA: It's pretty obvious to me that she's still sleeping with her ex yet she won't admit it.

People who tell "obvious" lies to you don't respect your intelligence, your resolve or your own self-respect- possibly all three. Still the girl of your dreams?

FTA: It's the bare-faced lying I find so insulting and offensive.

Evidently not insulting or offensive enough to do what's called for.

FTA: I have always tried to be honest but she plays games with my mind and treats me like an idiot.

It bears repeating: this is the girl of your dreams?

FTA: There is no getting away from the fact a tiny, vulnerable baby is going to be born in six months and I still don't know where I stand.

How about: try choosing where you stand instead of letting her choose it for you, hm? It's not like you could be determined to be the father of the child by any forensic means (though I admit it certainly sounds like she's trying to concoct some scenario by which you are), so what's holding you back from simply stepping away? You are.

FTA: How do I get her to stop treating me like a second-class citizen?

Simple: stop acting like one.

You have constant arguments, they apparently get quite heated, and involve your partner showing complete disrespect for you as a person. You know all of this, yet still claim this is "the one". You use this as an excuse to linger. In short: you're enabling her.


You know, I'm no less shocked at this winking woman's desire to remain with this person (a desire that stands contrary to everything resembling sense or reason) than I am at her partner's "obvious lie". These two were made for one another, clearly.
 
2012-10-01 06:25:01 AM

Inigo: how lesbian get pragnent


Indeed. How is babby formed?
 
2012-10-01 06:31:03 AM

Feral_and_Preposterous: I'll bet it was "a Chinese."


Me Chinese, me play trick.
Impregnant resbian without using a dick.
 
2012-10-01 06:31:26 AM
One can barely expect an ounce of logic and calm thought out of 1 woman in a relationship, and we're flabbergasted when 2 women can't put together one rational unemotional thought? O_o
 
2012-10-01 06:34:41 AM
So, fake advice columns is a thing now?
 
2012-10-01 06:42:40 AM

abhorrent1: So, fake advice columns is a thing now?


We have facebook now. If you want advice from a random stranger, go there. Advice columns are for passive aggressive types who can leave the newspaper laying around the office.
 
2012-10-01 06:43:02 AM

abhorrent1: So, fake advice columns is a thing now?


I don't think it's the advice that's fake. And trolling advice columns? Yeah, that's not new, nor will it ever get old, I suspect.
 
2012-10-01 06:43:02 AM

RatMaster999: Feral_and_Preposterous: I'll bet it was "a Chinese."

Me Chinese, me play trick.
Impregnant resbian without using a dick.


I ror'd
 
2012-10-01 06:43:08 AM

AppleOptionEsc: //words words words Bad Shannon words welcome to fark.jpg
///Stop using bad words



Wat?
 
2012-10-01 06:46:20 AM
So much for "born gay "
 
2012-10-01 06:46:31 AM
lsd.dula.tv
 
2012-10-01 06:51:20 AM
 
2012-10-01 06:55:37 AM

brukmann: I dated a lesbian who was simultaneously selfish enough, shady enough, pathetic enough, pathological enough, and dumb enough to attempt this ruse. It didn't last long. I love my gay gals, but they are not above terrible bullshiat.


You dated my sister?
 
2012-10-01 06:57:19 AM

ShannonKW: AppleOptionEsc: //words words words Bad Shannon words welcome to fark.jpg
///Stop using bad words


Wat?


I didn't get it either.

/Stop using good words.
 
2012-10-01 07:05:13 AM
tronnic.com

Sure, she might have gotten pregnant from sitting on the toilet. I mean there'd have to be a guy between her and the toilet...
 
2012-10-01 07:06:13 AM
img2-1.timeinc.net

Hot like a pregnant lesbian!!!!!

(I'll go have a seat over there now)
 
2012-10-01 07:12:00 AM
The trouble with tribbing...
 
2012-10-01 07:13:05 AM
Gay people problems.
 
2012-10-01 07:23:54 AM

davidphogan: That's one of the dumbest lies I've ever heard.


Shenanigans! You can't be a totalfark member with an account created 6 years ago and expect anyone to believe that's one of the dumbest lies you've ever heard. That's one of the dumbest lies I've ever heard!

;^>
 
2012-10-01 07:26:21 AM

JasonOfOrillia: He has full custody ...

And there's the biggest sign you should need to indicate that this women isn't reliable.


Where were you 6 years ago when I met my ex? She didnt have custody of her kids either, but I figured since she was from Florida that they couldnt do custody hearings right either
 
2012-10-01 07:27:31 AM

jtown: davidphogan: That's one of the dumbest lies I've ever heard.

Shenanigans! You can't be a totalfark member with an account created 6 years ago and expect anyone to believe that's one of the dumbest lies you've ever heard. That's one of the dumbest lies I've ever heard!

;^>


...one of...
Because there are so many.
 
2012-10-01 07:30:04 AM
He has full custody but she always goes back to his place for a Chinese with the family.

Maybe she's pregnant with a Chinese baby.
 
2012-10-01 07:43:10 AM
Scissor me timbers!
 
2012-10-01 07:46:01 AM

ShannonKW: Fark Me To Tears: [...] I decided that I didn't want the embarrassment of being beat up by a lesbian inside an Ikea store.

Don't feel bad, bro. I was once sexually harassed by a lesbian in a QFC supermarket and made to look quite ridiculous.

In case you want details, I woke up in the wee hours one night and couldn't get back to sleep, so I nipped over to the QFC with the vague idea of building up some fatigue and getting some munchies. The place was nearly deserted at that hour, and I was ambling about in a daze for while when I heard this harsh, contemptuous voice behind me, "Hey, man, make me some cookies!"

So I turn around and blearily see this couple, he in a leather jacket and jeans and she in this frilly sun-dress looking thing... only, after bit of squinting and head cocking it became clear that they were both women. The "femme" of the two was rolling her eyes adoringly at her butch, man-abusing girlfriend as if to say, "My hero!" I didn't care; I was just fuddled and confused. We were in the snack aisle, after all. "They're right there!" I said gesturing at the generous selection of cookies at her very elbow, and tottered off wondering what was wrong with people. It wasn't until I was halfway home that it dawned on me that she had been trying to demean me rather than literally seeking cookies.

She also had broken my chain of thought, so when I got home I had a ham but had forgotten to get bread. Damn dyke.


I read your profile and thought, "You sound like me." Are you my alt?

Shannon is a male/ female name like Tracy, or Erin, common with Irish names.

As for the headline, someone was cheating, and it doesn't matter who.
 
2012-10-01 07:46:32 AM
Hot lesbian thread?
 
2012-10-01 07:46:37 AM

Jedekai: Obligatory.


I laughed so hard that I have a headache now, so thanks for that.
 
2012-10-01 07:53:21 AM
i249.photobucket.com
 
2012-10-01 07:57:34 AM
It's the second coming of Jesus!
 
2012-10-01 08:02:24 AM

dready zim: Dear Jane: My lesbian lover is pregnant, claims I must have cheated with a guy and, somehow, passed the sperm on to her. Is that even possible?

Only if you cheated with a guy....

did you?


That was my thought. Why else would she be concerned about if it's possible?
 
2012-10-01 08:06:05 AM

RedVentrue: I read your profile and thought, "You sound like me." Are you my alt?


Ever read Fight Club? I'm the guy who does all the shiat you can't explain when you think you're sleeping. Ever notice how people are always asking if you know about ShannonKW?
 
2012-10-01 08:07:08 AM
I can think of several ways this scenario could play out.
 
2012-10-01 08:11:28 AM
Never rub your vag on crazy.
 
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