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(Cracked)   Here are 5 'luxury' toys for the children of plutocratic douchebags. Your child looks at the paint peeling off her Chinese "Barpie" doll knockoff and wonders again why you had to be such a loser   (cracked.com) divider line 134
    More: Sad, designer clothing, cooties, status symbol, abstract concepts, douche bags, Marquis de Sade, water slide, toys  
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27419 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Sep 2012 at 2:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-29 10:36:07 PM
i can taste the bitter in that headline. mmmmm....
 
2012-09-29 10:48:26 PM
Some of those toys are pretty cool, but the author is right, most of those toys are projections for the parent.
 
2012-09-29 11:19:40 PM

Cerebral Knievel: Some of those toys are pretty cool, but the author is right, most of those toys are projections for the parent.


They working kitchen in the playhouse seemed a bit much, yes.
 
2012-09-29 11:20:56 PM

some_beer_drinker: i can taste the bitter in that headline. mmmmm....


You can taste the lead in that headline.
 
2012-09-29 11:30:08 PM
John Hargrave over at Zug.com prank called FAO Schwartz a few years back about some of their obscenely priced items. My favorite is the sleepover birthday party.
 
2012-09-29 11:40:05 PM
C'mon people, this is how the wealth trickles down! Sheesh.
 
2012-09-30 01:06:45 AM
The Superplexus. I want it.
 
2012-09-30 02:11:33 AM
bobcesca.com
 
2012-09-30 02:11:57 AM

fusillade762: C'mon people, this is how the wealth trickles down! Sheesh.


Well, to the people that make and sell these products, yeah.
 
2012-09-30 02:12:45 AM
Can I get an adult sized version of that Audi peddle car? I'd take that shiat to the bike trail and scoff at those idiots on the recombant bikes
 
2012-09-30 02:12:59 AM
Wasn't there a Cracked tag?
 
2012-09-30 02:12:59 AM

DblDad: John Hargrave over at Zug.com prank called FAO Schwartz a few years back about some of their obscenely priced items. My favorite is the sleepover birthday party.


I LOL'd. That was beautiful.
 
2012-09-30 02:16:31 AM
Success. 3/5 were actually toys!
 
2012-09-30 02:20:17 AM

gopher321: The Superplexus. I want it.


That looks like it would amuse me for a while.

That said, I doubt I'm getting 30 grand worth of amusement out of it. Unless it's a Transformer. That just happens to take the form of Angelina Jolie. Or Monica Bellucci.
 
2012-09-30 02:23:27 AM
There's a (roughly) 12'x50' area in the back of the yard that I've left all dirt. I dug a ditch on one side and piled the dirt on the other side. I run the spigot and turn the ditch into a mud pit, and put the Tonka's on the pile. Judging by my kids and their buddies, I'm pretty sure there's no better toy on the planet. Maybe a dog, or a stick, or a ball. But that's it.
 
2012-09-30 02:26:18 AM

Notabunny: There's a (roughly) 12'x50' area in the back of the yard that I've left all dirt. I dug a ditch on one side and piled the dirt on the other side. I run the spigot and turn the ditch into a mud pit, and put the Tonka's on the pile. Judging by my kids and their buddies, I'm pretty sure there's no better toy on the planet. Maybe a dog, or a stick, or a ball. But that's it.


You sir are a cool dad. Just like the one I have.
 
2012-09-30 02:28:37 AM
And when they have those custom birthday parties they give away things like this to the other kids.
www.medpagetoday.com

\I'm going to hell
\\see you there
 
2012-09-30 02:35:06 AM
More info on the Superplexus

/would love to have one
 
2012-09-30 02:40:33 AM
img2-1.timeinc.net
 
2012-09-30 02:43:47 AM
Clutch2013: That said, I doubt I'm getting 30 grand worth of amusement out of it.

I can think of a lot of more amusing things that 30 grand could buy.

// Like a sand rail (plus a cheapo $5,000 used truck to tow it to the dunes with).

www.sandrocket.com
 
2012-09-30 02:45:43 AM
a pedal car-----

my kid has to pedal the thing-----

come on, get me an electric powered kiddy car at least.
 
2012-09-30 02:46:36 AM

lordargent: Clutch2013: That said, I doubt I'm getting 30 grand worth of amusement out of it.

I can think of a lot of more amusing things that 30 grand could buy.

// Like a sand rail (plus a cheapo $5,000 used truck to tow it to the dunes with).

[www.sandrocket.com image 850x494]


Or a Miata, some parts for the engine and suspension, and some time in a shop.

Or maybe a new Subaru BRZ...
 
2012-09-30 02:47:31 AM
those are just overpriced masturbatoriums
 
2012-09-30 02:55:04 AM
That maze just makes me want to go:

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

just by looking at it. I can honestly say, I can't imagine many things that would be more mind boggingly frustrating.
 
2012-09-30 02:56:43 AM

gopher321: The Superplexus. I want it.


It's like the author acknowledged. It does look awesome for adults. I'd buy one if I had $30k to blow. It's better than buying an unneeded new car.
 
2012-09-30 02:58:59 AM

coco ebert: some_beer_drinker: i can taste the bitter in that headline. mmmmm....

You can taste the lead in that headline.


Taste the sweetness of lead

hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-30 03:02:55 AM
"And if a $500 wallet enhancement isn't rich enough for your blood, you could spring for the $16,000 Type C pedal car offered by Audi."
 
2012-09-30 03:03:58 AM
i285.photobucket.com

/stupid keyboard
 
2012-09-30 03:05:55 AM
A good parent sticks with learning essentials like Johnny Bag O'Glass
 
2012-09-30 03:07:30 AM
They need a garage for those damn pedal cars to go with those 'playhouses'. Or maybe the offer it for another ten grand.

/ Detached or attached?
// Would you like a working toolshop included for a nominal price?
 
2012-09-30 03:09:38 AM
Yes yes, we all know. Every single rich person in existence is a huge raging douchebag who lives to step on the ants of society.

Snark aside...that Superplexus looks like a lot of fun...
 
2012-09-30 03:10:48 AM

wademh: And when they have those custom birthday parties they give away things like this to the other kids.


\I'm going to hell
\\see you there


If you want the aisle seat Ill take the window seat.
 
2012-09-30 03:11:54 AM

Clutch2013: lordargent: Clutch2013: That said, I doubt I'm getting 30 grand worth of amusement out of it.

I can think of a lot of more amusing things that 30 grand could buy.

// Like a sand rail (plus a cheapo $5,000 used truck to tow it to the dunes with).

[www.sandrocket.com image 850x494]

Or a Miata, some parts for the engine and suspension, and some time in a shop.

Or maybe a new Subaru BRZ...


You want to buy that car? Wouldn't you rather buy something pretty to wear for your boyfriend?.
 
2012-09-30 03:17:00 AM
I grew up dirt poor... and know for a fact that I biatched about it.

Now - I'm extremely grateful for it.

You can't teach virtue or self-reliance - you have to live through it. The REALLY, REALLY hard way.

You realize that you aren't really growing up, you're forging who you want to be.
 
2012-09-30 03:18:29 AM
No Pirate ship treehouses? This list is a fraud.
 
2012-09-30 03:23:02 AM
FTFA on the Superplexus:

According to the seller, completing the maze requires a minimum of 425 turns through an obstacle course that "challenges the limits of your manual dexterity and spatial understanding." A single mistake will knock the ball completely off and force you to start over.

I'd much rather buy my kid a $5 hammer to take to the Superplexus so he can, within 5 minutes, put the ball where ever the damn well he wants. It's a much better investment when you teach your kids how to think of solutions outside of the box. Or sphere.
 
2012-09-30 03:23:57 AM
So, jealousmitter, I suppose we are to believe this is an outrage or something.

Those playhouses don't even have servants' quarters.

Envy much?
 
2012-09-30 03:25:50 AM
Csb...My neighbor is a spinal surgeon. He recently bought his 8 year old son a miniature motorized Jaguar e-type to match his own car. He said he searched online for it for a while, but the only seller he could find lived in Norway. So he had it shipped from Norway to Honolulu and the shipping costs (including crating and insurance) were about $4,000. He had it painted and the interior done for about $2,000. I didn't even ask him how much the car itself was, but I imagine it was a bundle because it is really well built.

Not all rich people are douchebags. I live around them, work with them, and are related to a few so I know a fair number of them. But that neighbor is one of those insecure rich people who feels he needs to show off the things his money can buy - he's kind of douchey. His wife is gorgeous, though.
 
2012-09-30 03:30:55 AM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Clutch2013: lordargent: Clutch2013: That said, I doubt I'm getting 30 grand worth of amusement out of it.

I can think of a lot of more amusing things that 30 grand could buy.

// Like a sand rail (plus a cheapo $5,000 used truck to tow it to the dunes with).

[www.sandrocket.com image 850x494]

Or a Miata, some parts for the engine and suspension, and some time in a shop.

Or maybe a new Subaru BRZ...

You want to buy that car?


Well, considering that I'm interested in doing some track or autocross days...yeah. It'd be cheap, and if I get motivated enough, the potential for something serious is there.
 
2012-09-30 03:33:04 AM

Atomic Spunk: Csb...My neighbor is a spinal surgeon. He recently bought his 8 year old son a miniature motorized Jaguar e-type to match his own car. He said he searched online for it for a while, but the only seller he could find lived in Norway. So he had it shipped from Norway to Honolulu and the shipping costs (including crating and insurance) were about $4,000. He had it painted and the interior done for about $2,000. I didn't even ask him how much the car itself was, but I imagine it was a bundle because it is really well built.

Not all rich people are douchebags. I live around them, work with them, and are related to a few so I know a fair number of them. But that neighbor is one of those insecure rich people who feels he needs to show off the things his money can buy - he's kind of douchey. His wife is gorgeous, though.


Pix of his wife?
 
2012-09-30 03:35:55 AM
I've seen one of those house things from the street before. I kind of wanted to torch it. I didn't. No, I did not.
 
2012-09-30 03:37:04 AM
My kid wouldn't want any of that crap. A few marker/pencil sets, lots of drawing pads and a Minecraft account have taken her to a creative level that I wish I could get to (again).

Ok. There's also that mountain of stuffed critters - sue me.
 
2012-09-30 03:37:48 AM
Made just a big bigger, and I could *live* in those playhouses.
 
2012-09-30 03:47:16 AM

AgentKGB:
Pix of his wife?


If I were stupid enough to post her picture online, I would post the picture from this past New Years Eve party where she wore a blue sequined gown with the plunging V in front. She has her arm around my wife, and she's sticking her tongue out like she's ready to lick something. Yeah, that's the picture I would post.
 
2012-09-30 04:02:00 AM

Rufus Lee King: Nobody plays Monopoly any more? Never ends up badly.

[i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


I've seen games of RISK break up relationships...

Atomic Spunk: AgentKGB:
Pix of his wife?

If I were stupid enough to post her picture online, I would post the picture from this past New Years Eve party where she wore a blue sequined gown with the plunging V in front. She has her arm around my wife, and she's sticking her tongue out like she's ready to lick something. Yeah, that's the picture I would post.


Hehe :)
 
2012-09-30 04:10:04 AM
$100k for a fake Testarossa? You can get a real one for less than half of that. Not that you'd want one, of course.

/Too cramped if you have a large weiner.
 
2012-09-30 04:27:35 AM
When evil greedy capitalist 1%er safety net hating most likely racist over luxurious extravagance like these get me down I turn to the one thing that reminds me that we can still tax the success right the fark out of them.

i159.photobucket.com

i159.photobucket.com

Nothing soothes my jealousy and envy better than knowing that for everybody who has the gall to strive, excel, and do better than the rest of us there are great Americans who wont hesitate to rip them right back to reality. Capitalist pigs who think that just because they can innovate new things, create new jobs, prosper, and only pay a couple million in taxes yearly on all the money they make when I had to pay $127.37 last year make me sick.
 
2012-09-30 04:37:40 AM
Just make sure that your playhouse didn't come from an antique dealer named Lewis Vendredi or there will be hell to pay.
 
2012-09-30 05:12:29 AM
When I was a preteen living in Long Beach, California, tree houses were the thing. Some of the rich kids parents paid carpenters to build tree houses for their mutant offspring, but the best ones were always the ones that the carpenters built for their own kids. Unfortunately, we didn't have any suitable trees at our our house (WTF are you supposed to do with persimmons anyway?).

Playhouses were cool too. My youngest brother and his girlfriend (They were both nine or ten) had made friends with the family across the street. When they moved, their kids deeded their playhouse, also a custom job, to my brother and girlfriend. After the new family moved in, my brother and his girlfriend went to collect. An hour later, my brother and his girlfriend came back and didn't say about the playhouse for years afterwards.

During a family reunion, we were talking about the old neighborhood and I brought up the playhouse. My brother then told me that as soon as the new kids had them cornered inside the playhouse, they stripped off their clothes and demanded that my brother and his girlfriend fark them. They found out that was a real bad idea. My youngest brother was a self-taught martial arts prodigy (Thank you Bruce Lee!). He whupped all three of the new kids and almost took on their mom and dad.

I just checked on Google Maps. Damn playhouse is still there.
 
2012-09-30 05:25:14 AM
I grew up with, and still have, a lot of rich friends with very cool toys. Very few of them are assholes about it though, so I get to play with their toys and they love it!
 
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