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(US News)   Mitt Romney's fool-proof plan to win the debates: Zingers   (usnews.com) divider line 210
    More: Asinine, Mitt Romney, American conservatives  
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8945 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Sep 2012 at 7:41 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-09-29 07:24:09 PM  
42 votes:
www.bitlogic.com
2012-09-30 12:06:45 AM  
25 votes:
Not sure if these qualify, but I saw them somewhere (Fark?), saved them, and want to pass them along.

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
2012-09-29 06:31:36 PM  
24 votes:
Obama: *deep, thoughtful analysis of economy*
Romney: losersayswhat
Moderator: What?
Romney: No, no you! Him!
Obama: runnerupsayswhat
Romney: What? Dangit!
2012-09-30 01:03:27 AM  
15 votes:
Mitt can always update a classic...

imageshack.us
2012-09-29 06:57:34 PM  
15 votes:
Romney: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Obama: I don't know.
Romney: Because you're a socialist.
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it.
2012-09-29 09:01:48 PM  
14 votes:
Excellent plan from Romney who continues to make remarkably few missteps. After all even Bush used prepared zingers, Im sure we all remember that classic debate moment when he said not only did Gore invent the internet, he also invented the calculator! It made a lot of sense, and it showed what kind of man Bush was and what we could expect for the next 8 years. Romney is cut from a similar, white cloth. Cotton perhaps. Unlike Obama, who is just a stupid flavor of the week, Romney is a better flavor (Vanilla). Wavering voters who supported Obama in 08 have already switched over but these jokes will really push Romney over the top. He appeals to all the voters: whites, mormons, rednecks, gingers. Nappy headed ho-hos are the only ones left in the Obama camp. Obama has saddled us all with healthcare (thanks a lot Hitler) and his plan to let hispanics stay here will result in spanish being made the national language quicker than you can say "Do si dos" (one two three). Obama looks tired, the twinkile is gone from his eye. Bottom line is this guy who disgraces Uncle Sam owes us all an apology and Mitt will make him pay up with some brilliant satire like only a Republican can. Ive already come up with a few zingers for Romney to use.

1. "Obama already had one term for president, but unlike other Oreos, this time you CAN have just one" (pause for laughter)
2. "Lemonades. Lemon, wet, good. Obama? Lame, wetback, hood!" (hold for applause and U-S-A chants)
3. "Ding Dong" "Whos there" "Barry" "Barry Who" "Thank you Barry munch for ruining are economy, Soetoro". (This one requires Obama to play along)
4. "Somebody is going to have to pay for Obamacare, and you know it wont be a Nig footin the bill!" (Wait for Obama to cry racism, then say "I meant Fig Newton the bill but the teleprompter malfunctioned." Standing GOP ovation)

Im no Larry the Cable Guy but those are pretty funny right there if you ask me. Bottom line is Obamas got nothin. Mint Romney has this election in the bag and any voters who want to tag along are welcome to jump on the bandwagon which seems to have the momentum of a runaway fright train with a dog on the roof. A devil dog that is. So vote Paul Ryan.
2012-09-29 06:08:55 PM  
14 votes:
Cannot find file zingers.exe (or one of its components); check to ensure the path and filename are correct and that all required libraries are available.
2012-09-29 07:07:19 PM  
13 votes:
uprightandstowed.typepad.com
Take my wife, please.

www.thedailygreen.com
An unemployed guy who lost his US factory job due to outsourcing, walks into a soup kitchen and says, "I'm hungry".
So I bit him.

media1.policymic.com
I would like to share with you the story of a working mother caring for a handicapped child. She had exhausted the covered limits from her private insurer. Without my plan that ended caps by insurers and prevented non-coverage of pre-existing conditions, her child would have died.
That's what she said! 

a.abcnews.com
Mr President. You know there are only three things I can't give to the American colored man....
A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
Aw, HELL NO!
2012-09-29 08:12:49 PM  
11 votes:
www.bbc.co.uk

Mr. President, you're a smeee heee!
2012-09-29 07:34:43 PM  
11 votes:

Sgt Otter: If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame


I love it!

i48.tinypic.com
2012-09-29 07:06:20 PM  
10 votes:
"Ha, and speaking of the human tendency to gain weight, have you had a visual confirmation of First Lady Michelle Obama's posterior area? I mean, what is up with the shizz, canine? That behind. Do you know what I am telling you? But you must know, as you see her when she is only clad in her non-Mormon slut undergarments. I bet you $10,000 that you are always asking her to back up that bottom, are you not? Poop, negro."

/nailed it
2012-09-29 06:14:53 PM  
10 votes:
CLOWN. SHOES.

This cunning plan of Romney's sounds like it was cooked up by Baldrick after he was coming down from a 3-day turnip bender.
2012-09-29 05:52:58 PM  
10 votes:
Romney: let's talk about your economy, Mr. President.
Obama: okay.
Romney: how can you be smug in these horrid times?
Obama: The Dow's what? Doubled? Tripled? Since I took office?
Romney: but... Zinger!
Obama: corporate profits are at almost record highs.
Romney: Zing!
Obama: Millions more people are employed now than when I took office.
Romney: zing-zing!
Obama: And I did all this in spite of constant Republican obstruction.
Romney: but... Your mom had sex with a Commie!
2012-09-29 04:42:00 PM  
9 votes:
I always thought of Mitt as more of a Ding dong kind of guy. Ryan is definitely a Twink. I mean Twinkie.
2012-09-29 08:00:44 PM  
8 votes:
img.timeinc.net

And, uh, I understand that having no military experience has been considered a liability for, uh... well, in the past, it's been asserted as a liability, but I will point out that we are successfully drawing down in our, uh, active theaters and new interventions while I've been president have been very successful and have not, uh... incurred significant casualties, either American or civilian in general.

static7.businessinsider.com

Say "uh" a few more times, Buhhhhrack!

img.timeinc.net

Really, Willard? That's what you're gonna go with?

www.thedailybeast.com

Tagg thought it was good.
2012-09-29 06:23:53 PM  
8 votes:

FloydA: [i105.photobucket.com image 512x384]

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.



Raspberry? You missed the thinly cloaked racism:

freshchocodiles.com


/Devil's food
//They're like Oreos
///Only more uppity
2012-09-29 05:45:35 PM  
8 votes:
Maybe a fried chicken and watermelon reference. Zing!

What could go wrong?
2012-09-29 04:41:55 PM  
8 votes:
I'll leave it to the Weenerser at TPM -

"You're so stupid, you think Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam goes well with beluga caviar-encrusted filet mignon!"
2012-09-29 10:25:36 PM  
7 votes:
What Mitt's campaign coach might look like.

images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2012-09-29 08:17:22 PM  
7 votes:

IlGreven: 47% of America walked into a bar.


A couple of days ago, one of my Teabagger coworkers told this joke to another of my Teabagger coworkers; "A liberal, a Democrat, a conservative and a Republican walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hi, Mitt!"

I chuckled
2012-09-29 07:45:13 PM  
7 votes:
i.imgur.com

"Did I really just say that the President may be black, but the only black thing that matters is our bottom line?"
2012-09-29 07:13:40 PM  
7 votes:
"How many 47-percenters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.... Trick question, none! We outsourced those jobs to China!!!" [breaks in to wheezing cackle]
2012-09-29 06:59:24 PM  
7 votes:

Mentat: Romney: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Obama: I don't know.
Romney: Because you're a socialist.
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it.



How many animal sacrifices are required to ensure that this very exchange occurs?
2012-09-29 05:57:38 PM  
7 votes:
Debate #2: Knock-knock jokes!
2012-09-29 05:53:24 PM  
7 votes:
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

www.dailykos.com
2012-09-30 06:02:19 PM  
6 votes:
www.bitlogic.com
2012-09-29 11:52:49 PM  
6 votes:
Obama's war on the handicapped continues. Now they can't even post hyperlinks!
2012-09-29 08:38:52 PM  
6 votes:
guitarsandaudio.com
2012-09-29 08:32:16 PM  
6 votes:
img.timeinc.net
"We need to continue our focus on national security, women's rights, infrastructure improvements, accessible health care, and education. Improvements to the economy will come naturally after that."

static7.businessinsider.com
"Come naturally... that's what she said! ZING BOOM POW!"

www.exposebarackobama.com

static7.businessinsider.com
"Damnit, Bapp, you said this would work!"

i.imgur.com
"Daddy, please, no hit me!"
2012-09-29 08:11:26 PM  
6 votes:

doyner: I doubt he gets his counsel from Tagg, Tork, Brap, Biff, and Johnny.


Totally off topic, but it just hit me that his family has perfect Klingon names.

"I am Tagg, son of Mitt, of the House of Romney!"
2012-09-29 07:14:50 PM  
6 votes:

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I think "Yo' Momma" jokes should be an acceptable tangent to break off into.


"Yo daddy had so much integrity he released TWELVE YEARS of his tax returns!"
2012-09-29 06:01:15 PM  
6 votes:
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

But what if the President figures out the programming and gets the Romneybot to divide by zero?
2012-09-29 05:13:01 PM  
6 votes:
etc.usf.eduStill not enough to pop for all of this!
2012-09-29 05:04:03 PM  
6 votes:
Romney should go to Thinkgeek and get the Personal Soundtrack Shirt to wear during the debate:

Included Sound Effects
Cheering
Drum Roll
Cat Call Whistle
Laugh Track
Booing
Crying
"Wrong Answer" Buzzer
Rim Shot
Metal Air Guitar
Police Siren


Or maybe he's already got a sound card and a speaker in his chest--I haven't seen his schematics.
2012-09-29 04:44:46 PM  
6 votes:
i105.photobucket.com

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.
2012-09-30 02:32:59 AM  
5 votes:

fqhollis: Willard Mitt Romney's so boring that when you rearrange the letters in his name, it spells "Willard Mitt Romney".


"Drill more in my twat"
2012-09-30 12:44:52 AM  
5 votes:
"Mr. Romney, your opening statement, please."
"Hey....hey Barrack...guess what?"
"......"
"Hey... Barrack guess what?"
"Mr. Romney, you're opening statement please."
"Barrackguesswhatbarrackguesswhatbarrackguesswhatbarr"
"Mitt, what are you doing? This is supposed to be your opening statement in the debate?"
".....guess what?"
"WHAT, Mitt, what?"
"....chicken butt"
2012-09-30 12:18:06 AM  
5 votes:
When you have to practice your zingers for 3 months before unleashing them, it's hard to make them sound authentic.
... Especially when you have the personality of a malevolent yogurt.
2012-09-29 11:05:45 PM  
5 votes:
Romney: Are you better off than you were four years ago?
Obama: Yes.
Romney: No, not you. Someone from the audience? You there, are you better off than you were four years ago?
Man: No!
Romney: See?
Man: Because Bain Capital bought my company, slashed my pension and sent my job to China!
Romney: Oh.
Obama: Well, at least the free market is better off than it was four years ago.
Romney: Yes! I mean no! I mean- there you go again.

Nailed it.
2012-09-29 08:49:29 PM  
5 votes:

Boe: It's possible this is just part of the strategy of lowering expectations before the debates.


It's getting to the point where Romney could stumble over his own feet, brain himself on the podium, and spend the rest of the debates lying on the floor unconscious and bleeding, and he would still have done better than expected.


If this is his actual debate strategy, I won't know whether to laugh or cry.

It's at times like these, that I wish Joel, Crow and Tom Servo had been picked as the debate moderators.
2012-09-29 08:12:55 PM  
5 votes:

Gosling: Zingers aren't as strong when you've spent a week preparing to use them. They work best when you can come up with them on the spot. This is also known as 'wit'.



Mittwit!
2012-09-29 08:08:32 PM  
5 votes:

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: I almost feel bad for Fox News having to spin this after the debate. Methinks we might get more suicides of people on their network.

/Too soon?


They've already declared victory, and are printing bumper stickers now

"You killed bin Laden... but you also killed our freedom!"
"You recapitalized banks and rescued our financial system... but you sacrificed our bootstraps!"
"Thanks to you, millions of Americans have healthcare... comrade!"
"You ended the war in Iraq... without finding a single WMD!"
"You're ending the war in Afghanistan... and most people don't even know where that is!"
"You saved the American auto industry... without concern for how that would effect our trading partners in China!"
"You repealed DADT... and didn't ask first!"
"You toppled Moammar Gaddafi... without producing a single American casualty for campaign ads!"
"You improved America's image abroad... to foreigners!"
2012-09-29 07:59:44 PM  
5 votes:
www.thebuzzmedia.com
2012-09-29 06:01:41 PM  
5 votes:
No, I think it's a good strategy. Because as everyone knows, Obama is incapable of talking without a teleprompter. So any "zing" at all will render Obama completely incapacitated. I really think Romney should go with this strategy.
2012-09-29 04:56:11 PM  
5 votes:

GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


I find it unlikely that Romney can say "hello" without sounding like a pompous dick.
2012-09-29 04:54:34 PM  
5 votes:

dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.


he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote
2012-09-30 03:23:39 AM  
4 votes:
Right-wing trolls are FDIs (Fundamentally Damaged Individuals).

[rickromero.jpg]

/with the emphasis on "fun"!
//and "mental"
///and "duh"
2012-09-30 12:06:01 AM  
4 votes:
i1125.photobucket.com 

/Anyone have the rules for the drinking game?
//If "Take a drink when Mitt gaffes" is a rule then I'm a dead man.
2012-09-29 11:14:52 PM  
4 votes:

stoli n coke: horse


If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year running for President.
2012-09-29 09:19:22 PM  
4 votes:
static7.businessinsider.com

"Whoa there, Chris Tucker. Can you understand the words coming out of my mouth?"
2012-09-29 09:14:10 PM  
4 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-09-29 09:09:43 PM  
4 votes:
Am I the only one who wants Romney to use some bogus quote allegedly attributed to Obama and then Obama responds with:

"Well, I see the Governor is once again quoting my invisible socialist-Muslim-born-in-Kenya evil twin that only republicans can see."
2012-09-29 08:33:25 PM  
4 votes:
blogs.houstonpress.com

Hey Obama, you've got a nice administration...

FOR ME TO POOP ON!

/I keed, I keed
2012-09-29 08:11:32 PM  
4 votes:
This won't end well for Mitt. I picture at least one Tommy Boy moment:

Obama:....so governor, it's time to level with the American people and tell them exactly how your plan makes your tax cuts for the wealthy revenue neutral. What deductions will you change, and how, exactly?

Romney: Like my opponent, a lot of people have been hyper-critical because they think people want to know the tiniest little details of my tax plan. To them I say: You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?

Moderator: What? I'm failing to make the connection here.

Romney: No, what I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
2012-09-29 08:07:37 PM  
4 votes:
img.timeinc.net

"What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willard?"

www.thedailybeast.com

"Torg, when I get home you're getting the fraternity paddle..."
2012-09-29 04:51:06 PM  
4 votes:

GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.
2012-09-29 04:48:52 PM  
4 votes:
While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.
2012-09-29 04:29:09 PM  
4 votes:
i0.kym-cdn.com
2012-10-01 12:39:42 AM  
3 votes:
How's this one.

So Romney steps to the podium, smirking about his headful of zingers he's going to zap Obama with.

Enter Obama, carrying a cooler. Without saying a word, he takes his place at his lectern, opens the cooler, and pulls out an ice cold can of American beer. Crack-hiss-glugglugglug-ahhh, Obama pounds it. Practiced work with the fingers keeps the company logo out of the camera's sight--no alienating Coors to use Bud as a prop here, much less pissing off the beer snobs. On the other hand, every redneck will know that it isn't cola being pounded, here.
"Sorry, I just thought I'd make this more fair. You like insults, I like beer. Now we're both happy. Wait, how rude of me." *reaches into the cooler for a second can, this one held by the top rim so its company logo is visible-to Romney. Romney's resultant facial expression, on the other hand... * "Did you want one? OH I'M SORRY! never mind, I'll just drink it myself. *Crack-hiss-sip*. Okay, so where were we?"
2012-09-30 02:41:49 AM  
3 votes:

fqhollis: Willard Mitt Romney's so boring that when you rearrange the letters in his name, it spells "Willard Mitt Romney".


NORMAL MILDEW: TRY IT
2012-09-30 01:53:28 AM  
3 votes:
Willard Mitt Romney's so boring that when you rearrange the letters in his name, it spells "Willard Mitt Romney".
2012-09-30 01:06:43 AM  
3 votes:
No no no. It was a typo. The key to winning the debate was ringers. They're going to get a ringer to play Mitt and debate Obama
2012-09-29 11:59:41 PM  
3 votes:

you are a puppet: Obama's war on the handicapped continues. Now they can't even post hyperlinks!


You would think HTML would be covered in a Masters in Cybersecurity curriculum.
2012-09-29 11:06:11 PM  
3 votes:
Flubbing the big zinger is another risk Romney faces. That and unintended self-goals....

"That's what your mother said last night!"

"Governor Romney, my mother is dead. I miss her every day. That's a tasteless joke."

"That's what your *grandmother* said last night!"

Jim Lehrer facepalm
2012-09-29 10:52:00 PM  
3 votes:

Hobodeluxe: Obama should just bring out an empty chair , say "I heard you were planning on winning this debate by using zingers so I thought you'd need this" and walk off leaving him looking at the chair.


I can imagine Obama saying in response to a lame execution of an alleged zinger to be, "That may work on an empty chair, but when adults are talking, we try to stick to the issues."
2012-09-29 10:12:47 PM  
3 votes:
Obama should just bring out an empty chair , say "I heard you were planning on winning this debate by using zingers so I thought you'd need this" and walk off leaving him looking at the chair.
2012-09-29 10:02:58 PM  
3 votes:
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

I wonder what sort of zingers he's planning on using? Ooh! I got one!

paulkiser.files.wordpress.com
Which is why even though we have smelt the economy, Barack Obama has dealt it!

img.timeinc.net
So for two months, instead of coming up with a plan to save the economy, you memorized that.
That's... that's really great.
 

/Oh, zingers that Romney can use...
//Nevermind.
2012-09-29 09:19:23 PM  
3 votes:
I'd love to see Obama just start with "I can't wait for you to hit me with those zingers you've been practicing". Then Romney's head would explode, knowing that any 'zinger' would make him look ridiculous.
2012-09-29 08:54:06 PM  
3 votes:

Mentat: Obama: The situation in Iran is complex but rest assured that all options are on the table to ensure the safety of America and her allies.
Romney: \squeezes whoopie cushion
Obama: Seriously, stop that.
Romney: OK ok ok
Obama: Now, as I was saying, we will work closely with our allies in the region to-
Romney: \stacks hand in armpit and starts making fart noises
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it


The guy who runs the magic shop back home is a bit of a jokester; his dad was the same way and the dad's favorite gag was the remote controlled whoopie cushion. The dad died a couple of years back, but that didn't stop the fun. A remote whoopie was smuggled into his casket and as select mourners went up to pay their respects there was the unmistakable sound of the recently deceased passing gas. It worked to lighten the mood and keep everyone focused on the good life rather than the pain of death. Magic Man also told me "We thought about giving it one last blast as they were lowering the casket, but we didn't want anyone who didn't know him to think he was still alive."
2012-09-29 08:46:58 PM  
3 votes:
I would be willing to bet that Mitt's one-liners are being written by Leno.
2012-09-29 08:46:13 PM  
3 votes:
img.timeinc.net
"Let me be clear..."

static7.businessinsider.com
"No."

1.bp.blogspot.com1.bp.blogspot.com 
2012-09-29 08:41:15 PM  
3 votes:
Obama: The situation in Iran is complex but rest assured that all options are on the table to ensure the safety of America and her allies.
Romney: \squeezes whoopie cushion
Obama: Seriously, stop that.
Romney: OK ok ok
Obama: Now, as I was saying, we will work closely with our allies in the region to-
Romney: \stacks hand in armpit and starts making fart noises
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it
2012-09-29 08:35:14 PM  
3 votes:
Romney: } Zinger{
Obama: But that was your policy while Governor.
Romney:
i.imgur.com
2012-09-29 08:28:35 PM  
3 votes:

Via Infinito: What are the drinking rules for the debate anyway?


I know I'm not allowed to make suggestions anymore. I think a few people died in 2008. My bad.
2012-09-29 08:13:33 PM  
3 votes:
"How many 47%-ers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question. I have all the money, I do all the screwing around here."
"How can you tell President Obama's apologizing? His lips are moving!"
"Take my tax burden...please!"
"47% of America walked into a bar. The other 1% bought the bar, kicked the patrons out, fired the bartenders and waitstaff, then sold the bar at a 1000% profit."
2012-09-29 08:01:09 PM  
3 votes:
3.bp.blogspot.com
2012-09-29 07:56:02 PM  
3 votes:
www.mcgwire.com
2012-09-29 07:00:30 PM  
3 votes:
Romney walks out to his podium, waits for the audience to quiet down and then drops the big one:

"There once was a President Obama,
Who's mother was a hot little mama.
Hawaii got out from Kenya--there's doubt
Hence all this birth certificate drama!"

i218.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 06:41:14 PM  
3 votes:
I think "Yo' Momma" jokes should be an acceptable tangent to break off into.
2012-09-29 05:24:11 PM  
3 votes:

FloydA: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

I find it unlikely that Romney can say "hello" without sounding like a pompous dick.


"Bo jour, Je m'appelle Mitt Romney."
2012-09-29 04:56:13 PM  
3 votes:

Metalupis: dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.

he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote


A soundboard isn't a personality.
2012-09-30 05:16:29 PM  
2 votes:

TV's Vinnie: [static7.businessinsider.com image 400x300]
"It has come to my attention that the woman that became Barack's mother, is so plump......."


alternate something like:

"The female biologic unit who donated half of the President's DNA has such a high body fat index...that she is in the top quintile statistically of Americans. Before she became deceased that is. I am now pausing for laughter."
2012-09-30 01:39:26 PM  
2 votes:

Sgt Otter: vartian: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Zingers really can't be memorized. They have to be organic, and spur-of-the-moment from someone with a natural quick wit. The victim has to unwittingly set them up, and that's when you strike.

If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame, and you end up sounding like George Costanza's "Jerk Store" zinger. 

If this is his big secret weapon, he's farked.


Hey!
2012-09-30 12:42:12 PM  
2 votes:
I have some great "knock knock" jokes Rmoney can use to zing Obama with

R: knock knock

O: who's there

R: Obama

O: Obama who

R: ObamaCare

Haw haw haw. It'll make Obama look weak!!
2012-09-30 11:09:03 AM  
2 votes:

Shrugging Atlas: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

If you needed a single example on just how bad his campaign staff is, this would serve as well as any.


Obviously they've been hiding any signs of competence in order to catch Obama unprepared. I wouldn't be surprised if they continue this strategy well past election day.

Then in January--Bazinga!
2012-09-30 10:01:49 AM  
2 votes:
www.theblaze.com

"Well, Mr. Romney obviously doesn't approve of my handling of the economy. I wonder what his economic plan is."


msnbcmedia.msn.com


www.armenianweekly.com


msnbcmedia.msn.com

blogs.telegraph.co.uk

newarkpress.infot2.gstatic.com

HIS MOTHER'S A WHORE COMMIES F*CKED YOUR MOTHER!!YARRHARYARRR!!

www.ngoilgas.com

a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
2012-09-30 09:04:10 AM  
2 votes:
wow there's a lot of butthurt in this thread

3 butthurt cheeks worth.
2012-09-30 05:59:08 AM  
2 votes:
2012-09-30 03:46:22 AM  
2 votes:

Via Infinito: A Terrible Human: So I'm going to be drinking Tequila for the debate. I'm guessing I should be preparing myself for alcohol poisoning.

What are the drinking rules for the debate anyway?


Summer Glau's Love Slave: [i1125.photobucket.com image 415x346] 

/Anyone have the rules for the drinking game?
//If "Take a drink when Mitt gaffes" is a rule then I'm a dead man.


(from that other thread via that other guy, we are all going to die.)

<we'reallgonnadie>
OK, here's what I've got so far. This is a work-in-progress, so everyone feel free to add on to it.

The 2012 Presidential Debate Drinking Game - Semi-Official Fark.com rules

General rules: Use your drink of choice, but be careful. Analysis of this game suggests that an alcoholic coma is likely.

Topic: The Economy
Obama uses either the word "millionaires" or "billionaires": 1 sip
Obama uses the words "millionaires" AND "billionaires" in the same sentence: 2 sips
Romney uses the word "failed": 1 sip
Romney invokes Bain Capital as a reason to elect him: 2 sips, fire your manservant
Either candidate uses the term "middle-class": ½ a sip
Obama says "let me be clear": 1 sip any clear liquor
Romney invokes The Reagan: 2 sips, promptly forget how many sips you took, take 2 more
Either candidate claims that their tax plan will lower the deficit: one sip, yell "YOU LIE"
Either candidate mentions Social Security: Geritol shooter
Romney provides a single tax loophole that he intends to do away with: 3 sips
Romney provides more than one tax loophole that he intends to do away with: chug
Obama uses the term "Ryan Budget": 1 sip

Topic: Domestic Policy
Romney claims credit for RomneyCare: 2 sips
Obama gives Romney effusive credit and compliments for creating RomneyCare: 1 sip, laugh until you pass out and have to be treated in the ER
Romney mentions RomneyCare, but says it's a bad choice for the entire country: 1 sip, stare at TV in the "confused dog" pose
Obama uses the word "abortion": wash down RU-486 with drink
Romney says that corporations are people: 2 sips
Romney talks about government waste within sixty seconds of criticizing Obama for cutting the defense budget: 2 sips
Obama talks about government waste within sixty seconds of criticizing Romney for wanting to cut...unspecified stuff: 2 sips
Either candidate explicitly claims they want to completely get rid of any government program: 2 sips
Romney mentions the $700,000,000,000 in Medicare cuts: take one sip, spit it into another glass
Obama tries to explain the same Medicare cuts: start to take a sip, get bored


Topic: Foreign Policy (note: first debate is domestic policy only)
Romney uses Benjamin Netanyahu's nickname "Bibi": one sip, make "bibibibibibibibi" noise with finger and lips
Obama mentions Bin Laden: do a shooter, jump up, yell "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"
Romney says "apology tour": chug beer, boot on carpet, apologize to your host
Obama uses the term "Arab Spring": 1 sip
Romney uses the term "Arab Spring" without the words "Muslim Brotherhood" in the same sentence: 3 sips
Either candidate mentions China in a favorable light: 2 sips
Either candidate mentions China in an unfavorable light: ½ sip

Other:
Either candidate laughs out loud as the other candidate is answering a question: 2 sips
Either candidate smirks with a seriously smartass grin while the other candidate is answering a question: ½ sip
Either candidate mouths the word "no" during the other candidate's answer: 1 sip (limit of 5 per debate)
Moderator loses complete control of the debate: 1 sip
Either candidate completely ignores the question asked, goes to a memorized sound bite that they wanted to make sure they got on camera: 1 sip
Audience boos inappropriately: 1 sip

</we'reallgonnadie>
2012-09-30 03:26:03 AM  
2 votes:
Thank you, 3_Butt_Cheeks, for demonstrating the types of zingers we can expect from Romney.

These debates are going to be very entertaining.
2012-09-30 03:22:32 AM  
2 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: You are the most Vanilla troll ever.



There goes that projection again

Parroting the same old tired refuted talking points and thinking you're actually debating others is about as vanilla as it gets

3_Butt_Cheeks: Now, so we ALL see....Please, tell everyone where our anger and distrust comes from. Please use REAL WORLD examples.



Show me on the doll where the liberal touched you.
2012-09-30 02:54:22 AM  
2 votes:

r1chard3: Harry_Seldon: TV's Vinnie: Zingers with the HOSTESS label on them are UTTER BLASPHEMY! They should still keep the Dolly Madison label, just as St. Charlie Brown and his apostles hath ordained.

They were much tastier when they were made by Dolly Madison. The cake was less sugary, the raspberry more tart, and the coconut more chewy.

And young girls legs had more clutch.


Thank God for clutch fluid.
2012-09-30 02:22:39 AM  
2 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: Summoner101: 3_Butt_Cheeks: Summoner101: I believe you're already queued up with Cameron on facts that contradict your arguments, buddy

Cameron? What are you talking about?

You just deferred having an opinion of your own to someone else online?

Damn, get a farking spine.

*shrugs*

Why would I waste my time researching information for someone that's flits from argument to argument once presented with information?

Enjoy trying to press my buttons though. Totally can't see your endgame.

Ok seriously, WTF. You must hate yourself. You really cannot come up with ONE...just ONE thing you think you can defend somewhow? Even the other dregs at least have droppped off...why the fail?


Okay, okay. You got me. I'll do ONE thing, just for you since it looks like you're jonesing.

You called me a spineless bastard. I am a homo sapien thus a vertebrate. So, I have a spine. Also, my father was married to my mother before I was conceived, so technically I'm not a bastard.

Phew. Wow, that does make me feel better. Thanks 3BC!
2012-09-30 01:48:53 AM  
2 votes:
"This debate is sponsored by Oreo. That makes me the soft, white pasty filling... wait, that one didn't work."
2012-09-30 12:28:14 AM  
2 votes:
George Bush: What? That can't be right. I must have spoken for at least two minutes.

Diane Sawyer: No, just forty seconds, Mr. Vice-President.

George Bush: Really? Well, if I didn't use the time then, I must have just used the time now, talking about it.

Diane Sawyer: No, no, Mr. Vice-President, it's not being counted against you.

George Bush: Well, I just don't want it to count against Governor Dukakis' time.

Diane Sawyer: It won't. It will come out of the post-debate commentary.

George Bush: Do you think that's a good idea?

Diane Sawyer: You still have a minute-twenty, Mr. Vice-President.

George Bush: Well, more has to be done, sure. But the programs we have in place are doing the job, so let's keep on track and stay the course.

Diane Sawyer: You have fifty seconds left, Mr. Vice-President.

George Bush: Let me sum up. On track, stay the course. Thousand points of light.

Diane Sawyer: Governor Dukakis. Rebuttal?

Michael Dukakis: I can't believe I'm losing to this guy!
2012-09-29 10:42:45 PM  
2 votes:

alternate tune: I literally cannot watch. Trying to be cute...during a freaking Presidential debate? I would chew my arm off or something.


Oh no, I can't wait. This has the potential to be the biggest train wreck since Basil Fawlty waited on the Germans.
2012-09-29 10:33:35 PM  
2 votes:
"Take my wife, please."

nbchardballtalk.files.wordpress.com

"No really, please, take her. She's sick and is getting to be a real drag."

static7.businessinsider.com
2012-09-29 10:24:45 PM  
2 votes:

Delay: moralpanic: Does anybody really think Romney has a chance in hell against Obama in a debate?

Absolutely.


Romney himself doesn't count.
2012-09-29 10:15:30 PM  
2 votes:

FloydA: [i105.photobucket.com image 512x384]

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.


www.marketwire.com
2012-09-29 09:42:00 PM  
2 votes:
static7.businessinsider.com
"It has come to my attention that the woman that became Barack's mother, is so plump......."
2012-09-29 09:20:04 PM  
2 votes:
because god must not have anything better to do than get involved in US politics

i259.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 09:18:47 PM  
2 votes:

Greil: malaktaus: In all seriousness, Obama needs to watch the fark out in the debates. It isn't enough to crush Romney with substance, or to outargue him. He has to avoid doing anything that could be construed as arrogant as well. Consider the 2000 debates; Gore had a slight lead going into the night, and then "the Sigh" happened. He was frustrated because he was being made to debate an ignoramus who may very well actually be a shaved chimp, and he let it show, and that moment was all most voters ever saw of the debate. Taken out of context it made him look like a dick, his poll numbers dropped, and with a little help from the Supreme Court Bush got the victory. It probably never would have gotten to the court had it not been for that sigh. It could happen again, because it sure as hell isn't getting any smarter out there, and the "news" media will most certainly jump on anything Obama gives them. Add in some electoral irregularities in Florida and Ohio and suddenly Romney could have a path to victory.

I doubt that'll be a problem: Obama has a HUGE lead going into the debates, and nobody likes Romney. Besides, everyone wants to hear more on Romney's policies, so Obama probably does best by simply replying to every single criticism with an equivalent of "Well, what are you gonna do about it?"

I for one think he's going to be construed as arrogant regardless of what happens on account of simply knowing more about his own policies, so he may as well take a cue from the West Wing and actually be arrogant.


If all he does is walk up to the podium like he did the night bin Laden was killed...Obama will have won the debates.
2012-09-29 08:55:41 PM  
2 votes:
static7.businessinsider.com
Obama seems to be tap dancing around the watermelon with that response

i218.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 08:29:14 PM  
2 votes:
www.freesound.org
2012-09-29 08:19:53 PM  
2 votes:
The President: "Bin Laden is dead and GM is alive"

Romney: "We are big supporters of American car companies. My wife has two Cadillacs. Meaning she loves Cadillacs twice as much as your average black person!"
2012-09-29 08:19:50 PM  
2 votes:
He's going after the troll in chief with zingers?

That is... uhhh... an interesting plan.
2012-09-29 07:58:40 PM  
2 votes:

doyner: Marcus Aurelius: I am ashamed of all of you.

Here's the ultimate zinger of all time:
[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]

"You're no Jack Kennedy" was a pretty good one too.


Romnoid: Mr. President, you are no Jimmy Carter. . . . Er, you are a Jimmy Carter, as least I hope you are. But you are no Ronald Reagan, am I right? No Ronald Reagan, heh, heh. Aren't the clouds something else?
2012-09-29 07:55:24 PM  
2 votes:

Big Dave: Oh please God, let Romney try to be funny.

Is there any "conservative humor" that isn't based on something terrible happening to an uppity minority? Or some variation on "he said he was from the government and he was here to help, haw haw"?


"You know the worst thing about the Titanic sinking?"

/"Not all the passengers were poor"
2012-09-29 07:54:33 PM  
2 votes:

Sgt Otter: vartian: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Zingers really can't be memorized. They have to be organic, and spur-of-the-moment from someone with a natural quick wit. The victim has to unwittingly set them up, and that's when you strike.

If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame, and you end up sounding like George Costanza's "Jerk Store" zinger. 

If this is his big secret weapon, he's farked.


How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
2012-09-29 07:49:50 PM  
2 votes:
Run JOKES.exe

File not found.
2012-09-29 07:16:22 PM  
2 votes:

vartian: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.


Zingers really can't be memorized. They have to be organic, and spur-of-the-moment from someone with a natural quick wit. The victim has to unwittingly set them up, and that's when you strike.

If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame, and you end up sounding like George Costanza's "Jerk Store" zinger. 

If this is his big secret weapon, he's farked.
2012-09-29 07:16:21 PM  
2 votes:
i46.tinypic.com

"I'm gonna get all up in there! YEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
2012-09-29 06:54:35 PM  
2 votes:
All Obama has to say in response is, "Didn't Ted Kennedy say that to you in 1994?"
2012-09-29 06:28:25 PM  
2 votes:
It's a presidential debate, not open mic night at the Ha Ha Hut in Ho-Ho-Kus.
2012-09-29 06:08:54 PM  
2 votes:
2012-09-29 06:08:45 PM  
2 votes:
FTA: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Practicing

i4.photobucket.com

You're doing it wrong.
2012-09-29 06:00:28 PM  
2 votes:

Vodka Zombie: Romney: let's talk about your economy, Mr. President.
Obama: okay.
Romney: how can you be smug in these horrid times?
Obama: The Dow's what? Doubled? Tripled? Since I took office?
Romney: but... Zinger!
Obama: corporate profits are at almost record highs.
Romney: Zing!
Obama: Millions more people are employed now than when I took office.
Romney: zing-zing!
Obama: And I did all this in spite of constant Republican obstruction.
Romney: but... Your mom had sex with a Commie!


Nailed it.
2012-09-29 05:41:01 PM  
2 votes:

GAT_00: I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


Not always that, sometimes he sounds like a nervous 1950's sitcom dad.
2012-09-29 05:09:01 PM  
2 votes:

hackhix: Fark It: So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest smarmiest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television? 

/FTFY


Yes, because Obama, the community organizer son of a single mom who didn't pay off his school loans until well into his 30s is more smug than the Mormon Gordon Gecko born into political royalty who protested in favor of Vietnam while getting a draft deferment to do "missionary" work in France.
2012-09-29 05:02:00 PM  
2 votes:

Fark It: So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest smarmiest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television?

 

/FTFY
2012-09-29 04:44:02 PM  
2 votes:
Zingers: the poor man's Ho-Ho.
2012-10-01 08:49:41 AM  
1 votes:
i50.tinypic.com
2012-09-30 05:29:35 PM  
1 votes:

mrshowrules: TV's Vinnie: [static7.businessinsider.com image 400x300]
"It has come to my attention that the woman that became Barack's mother, is so plump......."

alternate something like:

"The female biologic unit who donated half of the President's DNA has such a high body fat index...that she is in the top quintile statistically of Americans. Before she became deceased that is. I am now pausing for laughter."


And after several seconds of awkward silence:

Unhandled EmpathyException. Reverting FacialExpression to CreepySmirk...

AssertionError: CreepySmirk did not increase audience sympathy. Assume direct control.
(stumbles toward Obama's podium while raising hands toward Obama's throat) ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL! ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL! 

Nah, that's totally unrealistic. As if the developers of RomneyBot would have included assertions in their code.
2012-09-30 02:10:26 PM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: Of course. At least I can color code the trolls to find them again.


Oh, there aren't any mirrors in your house?
2012-09-30 01:28:01 PM  
1 votes:

El_Perro: Sgt Otter: vartian: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Zingers really can't be memorized. They have to be organic, and spur-of-the-moment from someone with a natural quick wit. The victim has to unwittingly set them up, and that's when you strike.

If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame, and you end up sounding like George Costanza's "Jerk Store" zinger. 

If this is his big secret weapon, he's farked.

DailyKos: Is Mitt Romney becoming George Costanza?


t.qkme.me
2012-09-30 12:10:49 PM  
1 votes:
Zingers.

Chocolate. Creamy. Yum.
2012-09-30 11:52:36 AM  
1 votes:
They played a "Romney zinger" on Meet the Press earlier.

It was something like "We've got a President who played ninety rounds of golf while thirty million Americans are out of work."

It's going to be a Jerk Store debate, for sure.
2012-09-30 11:37:58 AM  
1 votes:
Wow. What a night. Meth, not even once.
2012-09-30 09:57:37 AM  
1 votes:
Romney/Ryan 2012
"Let Them Eat (Snack) Cake"
2012-09-30 09:50:53 AM  
1 votes:

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: Mitt will win the debate using stingers.


Well, stingers were a crucial component in Reagan's victory over Carter, that's a fact.
2012-09-30 09:31:30 AM  
1 votes:
I'm glad 3_butt_cheeks took all those screen shots. Now we'll never forget the most retarded thread in the history of FARK.
2012-09-30 06:03:00 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: BSABSVR: You're not new here. You see what he is doing. It doesn't involve high roads, effort, being better or rational discussion.

Oh give it a rest. There are no more creative ways to simply ask WTF their viewpoint is, when all they are interested in is being disruptive and trolling while offering NO opinion whatsoever. If you were truly being "constructive" you would call these posters for what they are and what they are doing. You instead have taken the obviously easy and wrong way of offering unsolicited advice by passively advocating these useless trolls.

Awesome.


i1162.photobucket.com
2012-09-30 04:14:17 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: OMG.

OK....LAST chance.

NAME ONE,.,,,,just one (1) (ONE) thing I posted HERE that got our panties in a twist. Take THAT ONE THING....put QUOTES "" "" """ "" around it. Then proceed to explain your anger and defiance, and EXPLAIN exactly WHY our methodology is better,

My god after all this time I hope you can figure that out.



But he's not mad, guys. Honest
2012-09-30 04:13:23 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: It's that easy to scare away annoying little trolls?

I hope they don't have the tiny sack to come back and shiat the bed around here again.


What part of "go get some pudding" didn't you understand?

It's. Time. To. Stop. Posting. In fact, I'm revising your score for this thread down to 1/10.
2012-09-30 03:57:00 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: Trolling is tiresome. Get a new gig.


Good advice. I suggest you take it.

But no, if you think all these people are trolling, why are you still responding? Do you not know how the game is played? The more you respond, the more lulz you produce. And right now you're a damn lolcow, being milked dry.

Stop posting for a bit. Go have some pudding.
2012-09-30 03:46:47 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: Summoner101: You've so far ignored both Cameron and Mikey who both posted your so called requested information to refute your arguments. My conviction is to my sanity.

I'm waiting for you genius, not the trolls. Still havng trouble thinking for yourself??

:( Weak.

Go ahead, try it out tho.


You have a point. When someone posits any form of information that go against your world view, you label them a troll, call them off topic, and summarily ignore them. This could end well for me...

But again, more work than I care to do when I can just keep not giving a shiat and just aid in your eventual aneurysm.
2012-09-30 03:33:29 AM  
1 votes:
I have no idea what he's on about. But, baby, he's on.
2012-09-30 03:27:55 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: Deflection. You are textbook :) And are making me win the pool, :)



Yes, you are textbook, and be honest, Amos Quito, the only pool around is to see when your mental breakdown happens. We had a good time watching it with your claims about education. Now it's only a matter of time before it happens again.You should see the spread on the over/under
2012-09-30 03:26:31 AM  
1 votes:
Well if I'm trolling, at least I'm apparently doing an awesome job.
2012-09-30 03:22:45 AM  
1 votes:
Come one guys, give 3_Butt_Cheeks a break. You'd be frantic too if Romney was your candidate.
2012-09-30 03:11:15 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: C'mon. There are SO many angry lil boys n girls out there, attacking my position or opinion on things, yet NONE have the farking SPINE to express themselves.

LAST TIME.

WHO will step up?

*COPIED POSTS RIGHT NOW*


As long as we're both here, I may as well give you the 5/10 you so desperately want. And frankly, that's a low score for this tab. Even the people here expressing honest opinions could be awarded 7/10 on the merits. You better step up your game if you don't want to be sent down to the Entertainment tab.
2012-09-30 01:55:00 AM  
1 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2012-09-30 01:54:31 AM  
1 votes:
Romey 2X4B - 523P is prepared for anything, from a presidential debate to a wine spill on suede fabric.


i.imgur.com
2012-09-30 01:50:59 AM  
1 votes:

StreetlightInTheGhetto: Karne: She actually had to call him Joe because in the preparations, she continually accidentally referred to him as Obiden (a combination of Obama and Biden). She could only remember 'Joe' so her team had her go with that. Unfortunately a true story.

Out of curiosity, where did you learn this? I have a feeling it's from a book I should pick up eventually, but I could be wrong.


It was on 60 minutes, an interview with McCain's campaign manager.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqn12Y8RCSg&feature=related

The whole thing is interesting, but that info starts around 7:10
2012-09-30 01:43:34 AM  
1 votes:

WhyteRaven74: StreetlightInTheGhetto: Wow you're an a idiot.

FTFY ;)


Fair enough.

/kinda tipsy
//posting on Fark on a Saturday night; would you expect any less?
2012-09-30 01:40:04 AM  
1 votes:

A Terrible Human: stoli n coke: Shouldn't you be framing your Masters in Cybersecurity?

Is this the new GED in law?


You betcha. Claimed to have a "Masters in Cybersecurity" from a university that has had the program for less than a year.
2012-09-30 01:36:41 AM  
1 votes:

stoli n coke: RyogaM: Let's look at all the zingers noted so far:

There you go again. Reagan/Carter
Exploit my opponents age. Reagan/Mondale
You're no Kennedy. Bentsen/Quale
Say it ain't so, Joe. Palin/Biden

Of those memorable zingers, the Zingers lost the election half of the time to the Zingee. It just does not seem to make any real difference to the election or the debate. So, the entire strategy is WTF.

Well, the fourth doesn't really count since Palin kept asking at the beginning if she could call Biden Joe.

That zinger was so telegraphed it had a Western Union stamp on it.


She actually had to call him Joe because in the preparations, she continually accidentally referred to him as Obiden (a combination of Obama and Biden). She could only remember 'Joe' so her team had her go with that. Unfortunately a true story.
2012-09-30 01:29:37 AM  
1 votes:
oh come on 3butt. Whimpering is really unmanly.
2012-09-30 01:28:54 AM  
1 votes:

3_Butt_Cheeks: How farking PISSSED is Susan Rice right now, getting absolutely humiliated all over the Sunday news shows. Talk about shoved under a fleet of busses....


Oh god, Skynet is posting from the future!
2012-09-30 01:26:26 AM  
1 votes:
I just can't believe this madness. It's...indescribable.

He's really gonna try to play OH SNAP! with Obama?

You know, Obama?? The guy that double-whammied Trump at the 2011 WH journo dinner and then dropped a giant smoking Bin Laden on the creature on his head??
2012-09-30 01:20:25 AM  
1 votes:

smimmy: I'm suddenly reminded of Palin's "Can I call you Joe?" moment.


O'Biden.
2012-09-30 01:14:14 AM  
1 votes:

fqhollis: No no no. It was a typo. The key to winning the debate was singers. They're going to get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to play Mitt and debate Obama


You are all wrong. The key to winning the debate is fingers. The candidate who hits the buzzer first gets to answer. (All responses must be in the form of a question.)
2012-09-30 01:08:07 AM  
1 votes:
No no no. It was a typo. The key to winning the debate was singers. They're going to get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to play Mitt and debate Obama
2012-09-30 01:00:40 AM  
1 votes:
Taunting a world class troll effectively takes a natural skill set that Romney just doesn't seem to have. Teasing it with pointy jabs that your buddies thought had the making of a real row will only make it smile back at you from the dark cover of its bridge. A good troll knows his bridge and its faults better than anyone and knows how to make you feel good about the path you choose.

I wish mittens luck on his path, but I'm afraid that is leads under Obama's bridge.
2012-09-30 12:58:39 AM  
1 votes:

Gosling: Mike_LowELL: StopArrestingMe: Im no Larry the Cable Guy but those are pretty funny right there if you ask me. Bottom line is Obamas got nothin. Mint Romney has this election in the bag and any voters who want to tag along are welcome to jump on the bandwagon which seems to have the momentum of a runaway fright train with a dog on the roof. A devil dog that is. So vote Paul Ryan.

Finally, somebody gets it. I don't think there has ever been an American presidential debate where one of the candidates breaks down in tears and walks off the stage, humiliated and ashamed that anyone would vote for him, but the economy never crashed this hard before Taxbongo took office either, so I guess you can say there's a first time for everything with this chump of a President.

This is the first time I have ever seen someone take a StopArrestingMe post as anything- ANYTHING- other than a word puzzle. Congratulations.


I think you got caught in a StopArrestingMe/Mike_LowELL vortex.
2012-09-30 12:55:35 AM  
1 votes:
Really? I think the problems Romney has simply cannot be solved in the environment of a debate. His biggest problem came at a moment when he didn't think he was on camera. He right now so much knows he's on camera that he's rehearsing moments that are supposed to come unrehearsed. The 47% moment will haunt him until the point at which another hidden camera comes out showing him refuting his 47% moment.

Of course, then he gets into the Schrodinger's Candidate issue.

Romney cannot win the election with the debates. All he can do is hope to hang on, and for that, he needs Obama to somehow act completely out of character. His real path to any possible win has to come in retail politics, a big weakness for him, and even if he figures it out, the clock is running too short for him to press enough flesh to make up the difference in time for November 6.

And if/when he doesn't figure it out, he needs a complete and total disqualifying moment to hit Obama. As in, Barack punching Michelle in the face or something.

And every day from here on in that he fails to have.... whatever it is that he needs to have happen happen, votes are starting to lock in.

Really, if I'm Romney's advisor, I tell him pretty bluntly that he's basically screwed; that the pieces in place are such that all he can do is hope for something extraordinarily lucky to happen, and to just start trying to save the downballot races.
2012-09-30 12:45:37 AM  
1 votes:

Clutch2013: ArtosRC: Not sure if these qualify, but I saw them somewhere (Fark?), saved them, and want to pass them along.

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

[i.imgur.com image 506x625]

Whoever made those needs to step forward so they can accept this...

[blog.oregonlive.com image 453x345]

...as soon as it gets untangled from the power lines. 

/hot, like the lines


you want that person to have a bunch of broken beer bottles, with the beer seeping quickly into the pavement, as a reminder than all things in life are fleeting?
2012-09-30 12:42:09 AM  
1 votes:

Mike_LowELL: StopArrestingMe: Im no Larry the Cable Guy but those are pretty funny right there if you ask me. Bottom line is Obamas got nothin. Mint Romney has this election in the bag and any voters who want to tag along are welcome to jump on the bandwagon which seems to have the momentum of a runaway fright train with a dog on the roof. A devil dog that is. So vote Paul Ryan.

Finally, somebody gets it. I don't think there has ever been an American presidential debate where one of the candidates breaks down in tears and walks off the stage, humiliated and ashamed that anyone would vote for him, but the economy never crashed this hard before Taxbongo took office either, so I guess you can say there's a first time for everything with this chump of a President.


This is the first time I have ever seen someone take a StopArrestingMe post as anything- ANYTHING- other than a word puzzle. Congratulations.
2012-09-30 12:32:16 AM  
1 votes:

Graffito: [i232.photobucket.com image 292x292]
I don't see how snack cakes will help.


If comics have taught me anything (like how radiation gives you superpowers instead of a slow, painful death), it's that snack cakes solve everything:

www.seanbaby.com
2012-09-30 12:15:47 AM  
1 votes:
The last time Romney thought he zinged Obama (blaming Obama for "apologizing" for the embassy attacks), it backfired on him BADLY.

If Romney knows what's good for his campaign, he'll keep his mouth shut. Which means, of course, that he'll derp at full speed ahead.
2012-09-29 11:43:41 PM  
1 votes:

Fark It: hackhix: Fark It: So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest smarmiest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television? 

/FTFY

Yes, because Obama, the community organizer son of a single mom who didn't pay off his school loans until well into his 30s is more smug than the Mormon Gordon Gecko born into political royalty who protested in favor of Vietnam while getting a draft deferment to do "missionary" work in France.


Then/than

Learn how to use them before posting
2012-09-29 11:37:35 PM  
1 votes:
I had to look it up. It's called the Ransberger Pivot, a debate technique in which the debater accepts his opponents objections and tries to find a common-ground solution.

And Obama is DEVASTATING at it. His whole campaign, his whole _presidency,_ is predicated on the theme of "we're all in this together." Romney basically admitted more than once that his goal is "divide and conquer." It was the underpinning of the "47%" statement.

Now, we're all sitting around feeling smug that Romney is resorting to using endlessly-rehearsed one-liners to make his case, but the fact is that that's what his base responds to. We know that for the Republican party, a well-timed bumper sticker can trump hundreds of hours of research and study. So we're going to get to the end of this debate and the Republicans are going to say "Yeaaaah! Romney showed that uppity what-for how it's done! Total Republican victory! 2012, baby!" The rest of the country will be sitting there with our collective whey-faces hanging out, saying, "Did he just say that??" And, once again, anyone looking for policy specifics is going to be disappointed.

McCain's attitude during the debates killed him. Someone here said that all the shrugging and eye-rolling and sighing made him seem like a spoiled teenage girl. His every expression screamed "I don't have to debate these points my opponent is making because they have no validity on their face." I'm guessing someone told him to be more "energetic" during the debates - he was going against someone thirty years younger - and it came across as hyper and camp.

Romney, if you're not even going to bother to debate your opponent, well, I can think of at least one person who wants to sit at the Resolute Desk more than you, and he's already there. If I want zingers, I'll watch Modern Family. Ed O'Neill is way funnier than you.

I remember when Obama appeared on Letterman not long after the right wing was clutching their collective pearls over the "lipstick on a pig" comment. At one point, he turned to Letterman and said, "Well, in that context, [Palin] would be the lipstick." Point being that Obama can probably do on his feet what Romney has been rehearsing for months. So more than likely, Romney is going to go "Zing!" and Obama is going to go "Zing!" right back.

Forget popcorn. I'm having my night catered. Six-foot sandwich, anyone?
2012-09-29 11:22:47 PM  
1 votes:

Guntram Shatterhand: So the Republicans are still fighting the Obama Strawman.


From the moment he announced his candidacy in 2007, when has that not been true?
2012-09-29 11:12:58 PM  
1 votes:
I bet you $10,000 that Mitt's zingers are bad news ... for Obama.
2012-09-29 11:03:11 PM  
1 votes:

TV's Vinnie: Okay, Fark filter. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

nee gor

neh grr

neh gor

nay gur

nih guh


Filter out all THAT, beeotch!


It's "knee grow"   you silly racist!
2012-09-29 10:48:36 PM  
1 votes:
Okay, Fark filter. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

nee gor

neh grr

neh gor

nay gur

nih guh


Filter out all THAT, beeotch!
2012-09-29 10:41:11 PM  
1 votes:
i1162.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 10:39:20 PM  
1 votes:

Mugato: "Take my wife, please."

"No really, please, take her. She's sick and is getting to be a real drag."


No, no, no...that's Gingrich.
2012-09-29 10:34:36 PM  
1 votes:
Moderator: For our first questions, we go to president Obama.

Obama: First, before I answer, I would like to thank you for having us here tonight, and for the American people to invite us into their homes. Because, lets be clear, this debate is more than the two of us zinging each other back in forth with sly comments someone else wrote for us, which we've practiced in the mirror or where ever. This is a serious debate, which I'm sure Mr. Romney agrees should be used to fully inform the American people about our detailed plans for improving the lives of the American people. In fact, I'd even bet on it. Not, $10,000, but you know...So, again thank you for taking the time to listen to our detailed plans.

Now, as to your your question, let me just say.....
2012-09-29 10:34:28 PM  
1 votes:
Mitt Romney doing zingers, really.

So far this election Mitt's jokes have been
Telling some MASCAR fans they spent the big bucks on their ponchoes, their 99 cent clear plastic ponchoes.
Writing a note telling the reporters on his plane that he had their hard drives erased.
"Joking" about his wife's plane amost crashing.
A "joke" about how when his father was running for Governor of Michigan that he had aides trying to stop a band from playing a song about Wisconsin becasue he didn't want to remind poeple that he moved jobs from Michigan to Wisconsin.

This will be epic.
2012-09-29 10:30:37 PM  
1 votes:
At this point, a better campaign strategy would be to let Mitt's horse stand in.
2012-09-29 10:29:05 PM  
1 votes:
Some conservatives find Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh's quips funny. Gosh, I hope they're the ghostwriters for Romney.

An attempted zinger that fails will be far more devastating to Romney than any that connects on Obama. Obama will brush it off, chuckle a bit, ask Romney out for a beer after the debate.

/oops
2012-09-29 10:25:38 PM  
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: Delay: moralpanic: Does anybody really think Romney has a chance in hell against Obama in a debate?

Absolutely.

Romney himself doesn't count.


Zing!
2012-09-29 10:18:57 PM  
1 votes:

Mike_LowELL: so I guess you can say there's a first time for everything


So, when was your first anal sex?
2012-09-29 10:15:09 PM  
1 votes:

StopArrestingMe: Im no Larry the Cable Guy but those are pretty funny right there if you ask me. Bottom line is Obamas got nothin. Mint Romney has this election in the bag and any voters who want to tag along are welcome to jump on the bandwagon which seems to have the momentum of a runaway fright train with a dog on the roof. A devil dog that is. So vote Paul Ryan.


Finally, somebody gets it. I don't think there has ever been an American presidential debate where one of the candidates breaks down in tears and walks off the stage, humiliated and ashamed that anyone would vote for him, but the economy never crashed this hard before Taxbongo took office either, so I guess you can say there's a first time for everything with this chump of a President.
2012-09-29 10:05:31 PM  
1 votes:

GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


The guy can't even be a pompous dick without sounding like a pompous dick.
2012-09-29 10:01:54 PM  
1 votes:
I need to buy more shares in popped corn futures.

A theory: Mitt Romney is neither robot nor android. Rather, the role of "Mitt Romney" is played by a whole *phalanx* of RomneyBots, each with its own slightly different personality programming, memories, and talking points. The inconsistencies are explained by the fact that this is a different Romney(Bot) you are seeing now.

Weirdly, they are all programmed to be dicks.
2012-09-29 10:01:42 PM  
1 votes:
static7.businessinsider.com
I thought we had something but now it hurts when I pee.
2012-09-29 09:59:02 PM  
1 votes:


static7.businessinsider.com

Oh yah? Well, I had sex with your wife!
2012-09-29 09:45:22 PM  
1 votes:

FloydA: i105.photobucket.com

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.


Zingers with the HOSTESS label on them are UTTER BLASPHEMY! They should still keep the Dolly Madison label, just as St. Charlie Brown and his apostles hath ordained.

farm2.staticflickr.com

/Opus Snoopy
2012-09-29 09:43:41 PM  
1 votes:

propasaurus: theknuckler_33: I'd bet $100 Romney says "There you go again" at some point.

I think you're right, he will. But it won't be organic, it won't flow directly from something Obama said. It will be something along the lines of
Obama: "My administration has created 4.5 million new private sector jobs."
Romney: "We've heard you make that claim before, and I'm reminded of the great former President Ronald Reagan when he said 'there you go again' during his debate with Jimmy Carter."

/nailed it!


ezkool.com
2012-09-29 09:41:54 PM  
1 votes:

ultraholland: because god must not have anything better to do than get involved in US politics

[i259.photobucket.com image 640x557]


Depends on which god your're talking about. Tribal gods care about tribal issues.
2012-09-29 09:40:32 PM  
1 votes:

theknuckler_33: I'd bet $100 Romney says "There you go again" at some point.


I think you're right, he will. But it won't be organic, it won't flow directly from something Obama said. It will be something along the lines of
Obama: "My administration has created 4.5 million new private sector jobs."
Romney: "We've heard you make that claim before, and I'm reminded of the great former President Ronald Reagan when he said 'there you go again' during his debate with Jimmy Carter."

/nailed it!
2012-09-29 09:39:56 PM  
1 votes:

timelady: hoho(really?),


They are Ho Hos, and they are real.
i232.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 09:31:16 PM  
1 votes:
www.seanbaby.com
2012-09-29 09:16:13 PM  
1 votes:

Gosling: Zingers aren't as strong when you've spent a week preparing to use them. They work best when you can come up with them on the spot. This is also known as 'wit'.

They also work best when your opponent doesn't know they're coming.

They also work best when you have not previously told the audience that you are treating a Presidential debate as a game of The Dozens.


He's been preparing his zingers since August. When he deploys them, they'll be at least two months old. Think about that....two-month-old zingers.
2012-09-29 09:12:07 PM  
1 votes:

Lost_in_Korea: Am I the only one who wants Romney to use some bogus quote allegedly attributed to Obama and then Obama responds with:

"Well, I see the Governor is once again quoting my invisible socialist-Muslim-born-in-Kenya evil twin that only republicans can see."


That reply is far too clunky. Try, "I only told that to Eastwood!"

/as they say, in the vernacular, zing
2012-09-29 09:09:46 PM  
1 votes:
Thanks to the huge number of debates for the Republican primaries, Romney has had a lot more practice debating the Obama has (Obama hasn't taken part in a debate since 2008). Romney also has a lot more time to practice debating that Obama has. This means that I expect Romney to have a flawless debate. Anything less would be utter failure.
2012-09-29 08:53:33 PM  
1 votes:

bloobeary: Boe: It's possible this is just part of the strategy of lowering expectations before the debates.

It's getting to the point where Romney could stumble over his own feet, brain himself on the podium, and spend the rest of the debates lying on the floor unconscious and bleeding, and he would still have done better than expected.

Part of me would prefer that, simply so I won't have to hear his idiotic pandering

If this is his actual debate strategy, I won't know whether to laugh or cry.

It's at times like these, that I wish Joel, Crow and Tom Servo had been picked as the debate moderators.


My vote still goes to a tag team of Colbert and Stewart
2012-09-29 08:45:53 PM  
1 votes:
See Obama does the economy like thiiiis and I will do the economy like THIIIIIIIIIS!
2012-09-29 08:40:01 PM  
1 votes:
"The problem, Obama is not where you were born, but where you lives right now"
"Ken-Y-A get out of the White House, Obama?"
"Porsche or Porsch-a ? Trick question. You just own GMs!"

i218.photobucket.com
2012-09-29 08:32:22 PM  
1 votes:
say it ain't so joe.
2012-09-29 08:30:17 PM  
1 votes:
Is it hot in here or is it because I'm the only one wearing magic underwear....rim-shot!

imageshack.us

GWB's magic debate underwear...
2012-09-29 08:28:48 PM  
1 votes:
Best presidential zinger?

"Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
2012-09-29 08:19:53 PM  
1 votes:

Amos Quito: Finally, a place we can go to learn Mitt's brand of humor: The Mormon Zone

/Study hard or you'll never get the jokes


Ending High Councilor Talks

Top 10 Ways to Get a High Councilor to End His Talk.

10. Look at your watch. Shake it. Hold it up to your ear.
9. Yawn. Stretch. Curl up on the bench and take a nap.
8. Start snoring.
7. Say "Amen" loudly after every sentence.
6. Throw your kids' cheerios up in to the air and try and catch them in your mouth.
5. Throw your kids' cheerios at the high councilor.
4. Lead your row in a "Chinese" fire-drill.
3. Pull the fire alarm and lead the entire congregation in a real fire drill.
2. Raise your hand and object.
1. Take out your hymnbook and start singing the closing song.

- A Mormon Zone Original

Hilarious.
2012-09-29 08:19:52 PM  
1 votes:

Gimmick: Romney is practicing zingers on his aides? Sounds very presidential. Maybe he could set the tone for the debate by using one of those electric shock handshake gag toys.


The second debate is going to lean heavily on whoopee cushions.
2012-09-29 08:11:25 PM  
1 votes:
i1126.photobucket.com

"I am taking comedy to the next level. The extermination of all biological life on earth!"
2012-09-29 08:10:27 PM  
1 votes:
Romney: 'My zingers will stop you!'

Obama: 'And my animal buddy Squawks will cough up eggs to knock down your Zingers.'

Romney: 'Ah ha, time for my back-up plan. We will debate while I play Stickerbush Symphony.'

Obama: '................................You clever bastard.'
2012-09-29 08:09:22 PM  
1 votes:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: [img.timeinc.net image 260x320]

"What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willard?"

[www.thedailybeast.com image 503x335]

"Torg, when I get home you're getting the fraternity paddle..."


I doubt he gets his counsel from Tagg, Tork, Brap, Biff, and Johnny.
2012-09-29 08:07:02 PM  
1 votes:
I won't believe the jerk store is running out of Obamas until I see the long-form inventory report.
2012-09-29 07:58:10 PM  
1 votes:
Sweet jesus. A record number of liver transplants are going to be performed shortly following the debates.....

I don't even really want to call it a debate any more....
2012-09-29 07:52:23 PM  
1 votes:

Big Dave: Is there any "conservative humor" that isn't based on something terrible happening to an uppity minority?


Well Romney quipped that his dying wife was about to go down in a plane and that they should have rolled down the windows to get some air in. That was... funny.
2012-09-29 07:48:27 PM  
1 votes:
Zingers aren't as strong when you've spent a week preparing to use them. They work best when you can come up with them on the spot. This is also known as 'wit'.

They also work best when your opponent doesn't know they're coming.

They also work best when you have not previously told the audience that you are treating a Presidential debate as a game of The Dozens.
2012-09-29 07:43:38 PM  
1 votes:

Torgo_of_Manos: Marcus Aurelius: I am ashamed of all of you.

Here's the ultimate zinger of all time:
[rlv.zcache.com image 400x400]

Guess I just made the list?


I am ashamed of myself, Torgo, I swear I searched the thread before I posted.

There I go again.
2012-09-29 07:23:51 PM  
1 votes:
I almost feel bad for Fox News having to spin this after the debate. Methinks we might get more suicides of people on their network.

/Too soon?
2012-09-29 06:22:08 PM  
1 votes:
Ok,this is clearly a satirical piece. It's just too ludicrous to be anything else. Right?

*Good farking grief
2012-09-29 05:52:38 PM  
1 votes:
This might work for Paul Ryan, but Romney is way too awkward to pull that off.
2012-09-29 05:20:46 PM  
1 votes:
His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Something the actual President Obama has never done.

/the GOP's imaginary 0bama, maybe
2012-09-29 04:56:48 PM  
1 votes:
So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television?
2012-09-29 04:43:28 PM  
1 votes:

robsul82: Weenerser


Damn it!
 
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