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(US News)   Mitt Romney's fool-proof plan to win the debates: Zingers   (usnews.com) divider line 711
    More: Asinine, Mitt Romney, American conservatives  
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8941 clicks; posted to Politics » on 29 Sep 2012 at 7:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-29 04:29:09 PM
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-09-29 04:41:21 PM
Motivated reasoning is it grand.
 
2012-09-29 04:41:55 PM
I'll leave it to the Weenerser at TPM -

"You're so stupid, you think Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam goes well with beluga caviar-encrusted filet mignon!"
 
2012-09-29 04:42:00 PM
I always thought of Mitt as more of a Ding dong kind of guy. Ryan is definitely a Twink. I mean Twinkie.
 
2012-09-29 04:43:28 PM

robsul82: Weenerser


Damn it!
 
2012-09-29 04:44:02 PM
Zingers: the poor man's Ho-Ho.
 
2012-09-29 04:44:46 PM
i105.photobucket.com

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.
 
2012-09-29 04:48:52 PM
While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.
 
2012-09-29 04:51:06 PM

GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.
 
2012-09-29 04:54:34 PM

dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.


he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote
 
2012-09-29 04:56:11 PM

GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


I find it unlikely that Romney can say "hello" without sounding like a pompous dick.
 
2012-09-29 04:56:13 PM

Metalupis: dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.

he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote


A soundboard isn't a personality.
 
2012-09-29 04:56:48 PM
So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television?
 
2012-09-29 05:02:00 PM

Fark It: So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest smarmiest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television?

 

/FTFY
 
2012-09-29 05:04:03 PM
Romney should go to Thinkgeek and get the Personal Soundtrack Shirt to wear during the debate:

Included Sound Effects
Cheering
Drum Roll
Cat Call Whistle
Laugh Track
Booing
Crying
"Wrong Answer" Buzzer
Rim Shot
Metal Air Guitar
Police Siren


Or maybe he's already got a sound card and a speaker in his chest--I haven't seen his schematics.
 
2012-09-29 05:09:01 PM

hackhix: Fark It: So, Romney's plan for debating the strongest public speaker of a generation and one of the smartest smarmiest people to every occupy the White House is to get into a rhetorical shootout on live television? 

/FTFY


Yes, because Obama, the community organizer son of a single mom who didn't pay off his school loans until well into his 30s is more smug than the Mormon Gordon Gecko born into political royalty who protested in favor of Vietnam while getting a draft deferment to do "missionary" work in France.
 
2012-09-29 05:13:01 PM
etc.usf.eduStill not enough to pop for all of this!
 
2012-09-29 05:20:46 PM
His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Something the actual President Obama has never done.

/the GOP's imaginary 0bama, maybe
 
2012-09-29 05:21:45 PM

dr_blasto: Metalupis: dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.

he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote

A soundboard isn't a personality.


I'm just wondering what type of booze to buy for this debate. Leaning towards vodka made from apples.
 
2012-09-29 05:24:11 PM

FloydA: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

I find it unlikely that Romney can say "hello" without sounding like a pompous dick.


"Bo jour, Je m'appelle Mitt Romney."
 
2012-09-29 05:24:18 PM

AbbeySomeone: dr_blasto: Metalupis: dr_blasto: GAT_00: While snark can win votes if done right, I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.

To do it, he'd need an affable personality. Since he doesn't actually have a personality, well, that's going to make things a little more difficult.

he has a personality, in fact he has a bunch of them, which one do you want to see, he'll put on that personality to get your vote

A soundboard isn't a personality.

I'm just wondering what type of booze to buy for this debate. Leaning towards vodka made from apples.


Oh, that sounds dangerous. I'll stick to beer as I'm not sure my liver could manage that much liquor.
 
2012-09-29 05:41:01 PM

GAT_00: I find it unlikely at best Romney can zing without sounding like a pompous dick.


Not always that, sometimes he sounds like a nervous 1950's sitcom dad.
 
2012-09-29 05:45:35 PM
Maybe a fried chicken and watermelon reference. Zing!

What could go wrong?
 
2012-09-29 05:52:38 PM
This might work for Paul Ryan, but Romney is way too awkward to pull that off.
 
2012-09-29 05:52:58 PM
Romney: let's talk about your economy, Mr. President.
Obama: okay.
Romney: how can you be smug in these horrid times?
Obama: The Dow's what? Doubled? Tripled? Since I took office?
Romney: but... Zinger!
Obama: corporate profits are at almost record highs.
Romney: Zing!
Obama: Millions more people are employed now than when I took office.
Romney: zing-zing!
Obama: And I did all this in spite of constant Republican obstruction.
Romney: but... Your mom had sex with a Commie!
 
2012-09-29 05:53:24 PM
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

www.dailykos.com
 
2012-09-29 05:57:38 PM
Debate #2: Knock-knock jokes!
 
2012-09-29 06:00:28 PM

Vodka Zombie: Romney: let's talk about your economy, Mr. President.
Obama: okay.
Romney: how can you be smug in these horrid times?
Obama: The Dow's what? Doubled? Tripled? Since I took office?
Romney: but... Zinger!
Obama: corporate profits are at almost record highs.
Romney: Zing!
Obama: Millions more people are employed now than when I took office.
Romney: zing-zing!
Obama: And I did all this in spite of constant Republican obstruction.
Romney: but... Your mom had sex with a Commie!


Nailed it.
 
2012-09-29 06:01:15 PM
Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

But what if the President figures out the programming and gets the Romneybot to divide by zero?
 
2012-09-29 06:01:41 PM
No, I think it's a good strategy. Because as everyone knows, Obama is incapable of talking without a teleprompter. So any "zing" at all will render Obama completely incapacitated. I really think Romney should go with this strategy.
 
2012-09-29 06:08:45 PM
FTA: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.

Practicing

i4.photobucket.com

You're doing it wrong.
 
2012-09-29 06:08:54 PM
 
2012-09-29 06:08:55 PM
Cannot find file zingers.exe (or one of its components); check to ensure the path and filename are correct and that all required libraries are available.
 
2012-09-29 06:14:53 PM
CLOWN. SHOES.

This cunning plan of Romney's sounds like it was cooked up by Baldrick after he was coming down from a 3-day turnip bender.
 
2012-09-29 06:22:08 PM
Ok,this is clearly a satirical piece. It's just too ludicrous to be anything else. Right?

*Good farking grief
 
2012-09-29 06:23:53 PM

FloydA: [i105.photobucket.com image 512x384]

Obama may as well concede at this point, it's all over. Americans love their artificially flavored raspberry-iced cake with creamy filling.



Raspberry? You missed the thinly cloaked racism:

freshchocodiles.com


/Devil's food
//They're like Oreos
///Only more uppity
 
2012-09-29 06:26:57 PM
Oh god. It's gonna be like that plagiarism joke Hilary tried to make.
 
2012-09-29 06:28:25 PM
It's a presidential debate, not open mic night at the Ha Ha Hut in Ho-Ho-Kus.
 
2012-09-29 06:31:36 PM
Obama: *deep, thoughtful analysis of economy*
Romney: losersayswhat
Moderator: What?
Romney: No, no you! Him!
Obama: runnerupsayswhat
Romney: What? Dangit!
 
2012-09-29 06:41:14 PM
I think "Yo' Momma" jokes should be an acceptable tangent to break off into.
 
2012-09-29 06:54:35 PM
All Obama has to say in response is, "Didn't Ted Kennedy say that to you in 1994?"
 
2012-09-29 06:57:34 PM
Romney: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Obama: I don't know.
Romney: Because you're a socialist.
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it.
 
2012-09-29 06:59:24 PM

Mentat: Romney: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Obama: I don't know.
Romney: Because you're a socialist.
Obama: ...
Romney: Nailed it.



How many animal sacrifices are required to ensure that this very exchange occurs?
 
2012-09-29 07:00:30 PM
Romney walks out to his podium, waits for the audience to quiet down and then drops the big one:

"There once was a President Obama,
Who's mother was a hot little mama.
Hawaii got out from Kenya--there's doubt
Hence all this birth certificate drama!"

i218.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-29 07:06:20 PM
"Ha, and speaking of the human tendency to gain weight, have you had a visual confirmation of First Lady Michelle Obama's posterior area? I mean, what is up with the shizz, canine? That behind. Do you know what I am telling you? But you must know, as you see her when she is only clad in her non-Mormon slut undergarments. I bet you $10,000 that you are always asking her to back up that bottom, are you not? Poop, negro."

/nailed it
 
2012-09-29 07:07:19 PM
uprightandstowed.typepad.com
Take my wife, please.

www.thedailygreen.com
An unemployed guy who lost his US factory job due to outsourcing, walks into a soup kitchen and says, "I'm hungry".
So I bit him.

media1.policymic.com
I would like to share with you the story of a working mother caring for a handicapped child. She had exhausted the covered limits from her private insurer. Without my plan that ended caps by insurers and prevented non-coverage of pre-existing conditions, her child would have died.
That's what she said! 

a.abcnews.com
Mr President. You know there are only three things I can't give to the American colored man....
A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
Aw, HELL NO!
 
2012-09-29 07:13:40 PM
"How many 47-percenters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.... Trick question, none! We outsourced those jobs to China!!!" [breaks in to wheezing cackle]
 
2012-09-29 07:14:50 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I think "Yo' Momma" jokes should be an acceptable tangent to break off into.


"Yo daddy had so much integrity he released TWELVE YEARS of his tax returns!"
 
2012-09-29 07:16:21 PM
i46.tinypic.com

"I'm gonna get all up in there! YEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
 
2012-09-29 07:16:22 PM

vartian: Mr. Romney's team has concluded that debates are about creating moments and has equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August. His strategy includes luring the president into appearing smug or evasive about his responsibility for the economy.


Zingers really can't be memorized. They have to be organic, and spur-of-the-moment from someone with a natural quick wit. The victim has to unwittingly set them up, and that's when you strike.

If the victim doesn't phrase it exactly how you practiced it, even a slight variance on the set-up will make the zinger seem forced and lame, and you end up sounding like George Costanza's "Jerk Store" zinger. 

If this is his big secret weapon, he's farked.
 
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