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(CNN)   Here are seven useless obsessions that are actually good for you. Your next door neighbor who leaves her blinds up juuuuuust enough isn't included on the list   (cnn.com) divider line 72
    More: Interesting, Google Calendar, Brigitte Bardot  
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20429 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Sep 2012 at 9:21 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-29 06:35:10 AM  
This is all horrible advice.
 
2012-09-29 09:01:11 AM  
What in the blue farking blazes am I reading?
 
2012-09-29 09:28:09 AM  
Also: writing numbered articles on bath salts. DO IT.
 
2012-09-29 09:28:58 AM  
This article was bad and the author should feel bad.
 
Pud
2012-09-29 09:30:12 AM  
So, I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue?
 
2012-09-29 09:30:19 AM  
Who Green-lit this?
 
2012-09-29 09:30:56 AM  

James F. Campbell: What in the blue farking blazes am I reading?


Oprah.

/Everyone gets a fail!
 
zez
2012-09-29 09:31:34 AM  
Who can't get a slinky to go down stairs?
 
2012-09-29 09:33:54 AM  
By  Amy Shearn, Oprah.com
 
I knew I should have stopped right there.
 
2012-09-29 09:37:21 AM  
Ahh oprah.com....Cracked for misogynists
 
2012-09-29 09:37:27 AM  
I've been telepathically raped by Amy Shear from Oprah.com
 
2012-09-29 09:40:22 AM  
Somebody send this lady the Greatest Insult of All Time, from Billy Madison.
 
2012-09-29 09:42:59 AM  

special20: I've been telepathically raped by Amy Shear from Oprah.com


Nicely done
 
2012-09-29 09:43:09 AM  
Staring at a slinky is good for you because it prevents you from smoking somehow.
 
2012-09-29 09:46:50 AM  
FTA: Worrying that he's going to cheat

"It is important to lie very well, to be a good liar. If my husband cheats on me, above all, I don't want to know about it.

That he lies about it well-that is all that I ask. If he loves me, he lies to me. Voilà, c'est ça, l'amour, pour moi."

-Justine Levy
.
~
My obsession is avoiding turning on lights at all costs, purely to amuse myself. I like the challenge of navigating the house in pitch black, looking for an object as big as an asthma puffer.
 
2012-09-29 09:49:57 AM  
We just slipped into a strange reality where this woman has revealed more about her life than she really should have.
 
2012-09-29 09:50:14 AM  
Is it just me, or was that article really stupid?
 
2012-09-29 09:55:15 AM  
storage.canoe.ca

The consensus in this thread is that the author needs to be put in a sack of broken glass dildos and dropped in a New Jersey swamp.
 
2012-09-29 09:56:55 AM  
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you crack cocaine.
 
2012-09-29 09:57:19 AM  
www.pikabit.net
 
2012-09-29 10:02:20 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-09-29 10:05:58 AM  
Hey Amy, the order is remove head from ass THEN write article!!!
 
2012-09-29 10:07:09 AM  
Slinky? Obsession? Who the fark fixates on a slinky? Here's most people's scope of experience with a slinky: your parents bought you one when you were 8. You rolled it down the stairs about 3 times, then it spent the next 30 years in a box. And it's usefull because when you're playing with a slinky you aren't snacking or smoking? Let's play this out, lady. So here's Becky. She's 22, a girl on the go. She's got a few minutes to kill on her break at work. So she reaches into her purse, pulls out a slinky, and starts rolling it around. Hey, it beats eating a Mars bar, right? That's farking demented. Becky's fellow employees are now backing slowly out of the room, and emailing the HR officer.


Collecting Striped Shirts - I've read that paragraph four times now and I can confirm with confidence that it is in fact the meandering, manic, meaningless rant of someone who either skipped or doubled a dose of whatever medication they're on.

Obsessive paranoia about infidelity, being fired, and your success relative to others, is productive because it keeps you on your toes? Christ.
 
2012-09-29 10:08:52 AM  
"Record high temperatures, Midwestern draughts droughts, flash floods in China and Russia, hurricanes hitting the East Coast."

FTFTA
Idiot writers who can't write.

/Unless they really meant that leaving the windows open in certain parts of the US is on par with floods in China and Russia, in which case close the damn windows !
 
2012-09-29 10:09:14 AM  

glassbottomboatcaptain: Slinky? Obsession? Who the fark fixates on a slinky? Here's most people's scope of experience with a slinky: your parents bought you one when you were 8. You rolled it down the stairs about 3 times, then it spent the next 30 years in a box. And it's usefull because when you're playing with a slinky you aren't snacking or smoking? Let's play this out, lady. So here's Becky. She's 22, a girl on the go. She's got a few minutes to kill on her break at work. So she reaches into her purse, pulls out a slinky, and starts rolling it around. Hey, it beats eating a Mars bar, right? That's farking demented. Becky's fellow employees are now backing slowly out of the room, and emailing the HR officer.




Has Becky found a way to use the slinky as a sex toy?
 
2012-09-29 10:13:44 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: glassbottomboatcaptain: Slinky? Obsession? Who the fark fixates on a slinky? Here's most people's scope of experience with a slinky: your parents bought you one when you were 8. You rolled it down the stairs about 3 times, then it spent the next 30 years in a box. And it's usefull because when you're playing with a slinky you aren't snacking or smoking? Let's play this out, lady. So here's Becky. She's 22, a girl on the go. She's got a few minutes to kill on her break at work. So she reaches into her purse, pulls out a slinky, and starts rolling it around. Hey, it beats eating a Mars bar, right? That's farking demented. Becky's fellow employees are now backing slowly out of the room, and emailing the HR officer.

Has Becky found a way to use the slinky as a sex toy?


It's fun for a girl and a boy!
 
2012-09-29 10:14:52 AM  

capt.hollister: "Record high temperatures, Midwestern draughts droughts, flash floods in China and Russia, hurricanes hitting the East Coast."

FTFTA
Idiot writers who can't write.

/Unless they really meant that leaving the windows open in certain parts of the US is on par with floods in China and Russia, in which case close the damn windows !


She meant Midwestern Drafts. Beer from the Midwest is a travesty.
 
2012-09-29 10:15:45 AM  
Amy is a very disturbed individual. I bet she has crazy eyes.


/I'm scared.
 
2012-09-29 10:16:01 AM  

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: Is it just me, or was that article really stupid?


Well, the article is stupid. But we won't rule out that you're stupid also if you don't want us to.
 
2012-09-29 10:16:37 AM  
farm5.static.flickr.com
 
2012-09-29 10:18:18 AM  
I tried to get Amy's contact info to send her a shame on you email, but she hides from her public. What a poorley written piece of claptrap that was.
 
2012-09-29 10:18:24 AM  
*looks at sombrero collection*

so...i have to learn spanish now?
 
2012-09-29 10:20:20 AM  
Somebody email Amy this thread please
 
2012-09-29 10:21:45 AM  

Big Ramifications: FTA: Worrying that he's going to cheat

"It is important to lie very well, to be a good liar. If my husband cheats on me, above all, I don't want to know about it.

That he lies about it well-that is all that I ask. If he loves me, he lies to me. Voilà, c'est ça, l'amour, pour moi."

-Justine Levy

My obsession is avoiding turning on lights at all costs, purely to amuse myself. I like the challenge of navigating the house in pitch black, looking for an object as big as an asthma puffer.

~
~
I've gotta rephrase that. "Avoid turning on lights in a dark house for flyby jobs", like locking a downstairs door or looking for my phone. If I'm doing things like cooking or some ironing I'll turn on the lights. I'm not a freaken sadist.

And I also left out my "actually good for you" theory....

I think it's good exercise for your eyes and brain. You know how, when you come inside from the bright sun, it takes a while for your eyes to slowly adjust. Well, same when I walk around in a really dark house, but it takes a bit longer and it's really sudden.

I traverse the first room and hallway purely from memory, I can't see shiat. Then really suddenly all the shadowy shapes of objects become noticeable. It's almost like that moment when you "get" a Magic Eye picture, it's a really cool optical effect to experience.
~
~
I'll pistol whip the next person who lectures me "turn on a light it's bad for your eyes."

And if I'm pokin' around the kitchen at dusk, every house I've ever lived in for my entire life has a do-gooder busybody - such as my mum or my sister or my flatmate or my girlfriend or my flatmate's girlfriend - decide I need help, and flick on the light as they walk past and blast me with 2,000 lumens.


// obsessive
 
2012-09-29 10:31:29 AM  
My theory is that this article is some kind of coded message from aliens.
 
2012-09-29 10:44:10 AM  
You know how I know the author has never read a Sherlock Holmes story in her life?
 
2012-09-29 10:44:32 AM  
The author is one missed dose away from obsessing about Time Cube
 
2012-09-29 10:46:04 AM  
What rolls down stairs
Alone or in pairs,
rolls over your neighbor's dog? 
bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2012-09-29 10:49:33 AM  
Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this article. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of s**t, I am never reading again.

static.tvfanatic.com
 
2012-09-29 10:55:00 AM  
How can it be both useless and have a purpose? That article damaged my brain.
 
2012-09-29 10:56:11 AM  
Collecting Striped Shirts
Maybe your French--new wave preoccupation induces you to buy way too many boatneck striped shirts and attempt the occasional ill-fated Brigitte Bardot--inspired bouffant/eyeliner situation. But even this fixation can be parlayed into something useful; instead of turning away, head into it full-throttle. Instead of listening to that Serge Gainsbourg record a millionth time, par exemple, learn French. (After all, it's been proven that learning new skills helps your brain to get brainier. Same goes for fixation on a silly YouTube "Call Me Maybe" cover video that induces you to take up the ukulele, or Top Chef habit that manifests itself in advanced-home-chemistry experiments. Like, you know, gumbo.



With this newfound information I will take over the world.
 
2012-09-29 10:58:58 AM  
I saw "oprah" in the URL and knew enough not to click.

FTW.
 
2012-09-29 11:06:48 AM  

LeviathanFafner: Who Green-lit this?


You, Dad, I learned it from YOU.
 
2012-09-29 11:07:04 AM  
Hm. A link to an ad. Interesting.
 
2012-09-29 11:12:45 AM  
"I can't get a job in Journalism! Waaaaaaa"

" I know where there is a position opening really soon"

No wonder Newspapers are defunct
 
2012-09-29 11:16:25 AM  

johnnygew: What rolls down stairs
Alone or in pairs,
rolls over your neighbor's dog?


What's good as a snack,
it fits on your back,
it's log log log!

It's log, log,
it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's log, log,
it's better than bad, it's good!

Everyone wants a log,
You're gonna love it, log,
Come on and get your log,
Everyone needs a log


Log - from blammo!
 
2012-09-29 11:18:55 AM  
Seems appropriate: Link
 
2012-09-29 11:20:32 AM  

James F. Campbell: What in the blue farking blazes am I reading?


OK, it's not just me. I was wondering if i was having a stroke.
 
2012-09-29 11:21:27 AM  
I must've read a different article than you all, or else it's been revised in between when you read it and when I read it. There was quite a bit of good advice summed up in that list. Yes, so of it is a little frivolous -- molded by the perspective of the privileged class. Other important things were missing, like concentrating on your breathing and watching everybody with a suspicious eye so they don't rape you.
 
2012-09-29 11:36:29 AM  
I love you people.
 
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