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(Gawker)   The 50 Cent four-step stop-masturbating plan   (gawker.com) divider line 55
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8995 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 27 Sep 2012 at 1:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-27 11:42:24 AM
No.
 
2012-09-27 11:45:08 AM
He sounds dumb.
 
2012-09-27 12:28:17 PM
Sky wizard is farking awesome - he works in such mysterious ways yo. He creates a flawed creation, knowing it will require him to sacrifice himself to himself. Then 2000 years later he uses a subpar "musician" to spread his message of not allowing natural human biology to work as he designed it. Also jesus is getting ready to time-travel any day now in order to fulfill the unfulfilled promise in Mark 13:34 to return to his disciples within their generation...

/ Where the fark do I sign up?
 
2012-09-27 12:36:35 PM
Step 5 become a rapper -then you can have sex (not making love) all you want,

ta-da no masturbation required.
 
2012-09-27 01:53:58 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com 

"You just don't turn it off."
 
2012-09-27 02:01:01 PM
I'd barely heard of him. Didn't know he was so uptight.
 
2012-09-27 02:03:54 PM
He's going to stop masturbating... Or die tryin'
 
2012-09-27 02:04:12 PM
But does he say that prison sex is still OK?
 
2012-09-27 02:05:04 PM
Better plan: stop letting fictional mass murderers (ya rly, read the old testament some time)convince you to be ashamed of your perfectly normal and healthy sexuality.
 
2012-09-27 02:05:36 PM
First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women, then you have sex with the women instead of masturbating.
 
2012-09-27 02:05:39 PM
Sorry 50, I still shot it 9 times after reading those tweets.
 
2012-09-27 02:05:40 PM
Well , that's just his two cents...

/ now he's only worth 48¢
 
2012-09-27 02:08:59 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-09-27 02:09:42 PM
He'll stop masturbating...

or die trying.
 
2012-09-27 02:10:47 PM
When he gives his two cents, does he deduct it from his name?

sunlightads.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-27 02:11:59 PM

fearmongert: Well , that's just his two cents...

/ now he's only worth 48¢


Doh!
 
2012-09-27 02:13:59 PM
Is he serious? Having heard at least one of his songs, I'm wagering "no" but I guess he could be born-again or something.

//If you want to quit masturbating just stop doing it. It's not bloody heroin, it's not like you're physically compelled. You'll be easily distracted for a couple weeks, than stop caring, like kicking most non-addictive habits.
 
2012-09-27 02:16:27 PM
I never understood this whole logic. The Catholic church and most other Christian churches say that any sex outside of wedlock is bad, and and sort of other sexual pleasure is a sin. Catholics also say that any form of birth control is a sin. Yet, you have:

- Unmarried teenage and young adult Latinos who won't wear a condom during sex because it's a sin,
- "Technical virgins" who consider themselves holier-than-thou,
- People like this who say maturbation is a sin, while nailing every piece of tail he can get backstage.

Seriously, this wishy-washiness idea is just completely silly. Either you follow everthing whole-assed, or don't follow it at all....
 
2012-09-27 02:17:29 PM
Why would you want to stop? I like spending a little time shaking hands with the unemployed to blow off steam.
 
2012-09-27 02:22:57 PM
I'm 99% sure he was joking with those.

Because People in power are Stupid: Step 5 become a rapper -then you can have sex (not making love) all you want,

ta-da no masturbation required.


Pretty sure most guys still would

/This song by mid-2000s sensation Tweet is about coming home from the clubs all wasted and masturbating before going to bed. This is the remix and it features Missy Eliot, who raps about masturbating, then Fabolous - who raps about having sex with women. To this day I am angry that he didn't rap about jackin' it, he copped out
 
2012-09-27 02:25:20 PM
I bet his windows and walls are very clean.
 
2012-09-27 02:27:54 PM
If God would provide me with two hot nympho redhead bi-curious Italian women, I'd stop masturbating... Maybe.
 
2012-09-27 02:34:38 PM
I'll give you my masturbating when you take it from my cold, dead hands
 
2012-09-27 02:36:01 PM
Can you imagine the tension worldwide if people actually did stop wanking?
Maybe got should have made our arms shorter.
 
2012-09-27 02:36:36 PM
And by got...I mean God.
/derp
 
2012-09-27 02:36:42 PM
Did you know that one of the biggest commonalities among rapists surveyed in prison is a fervent belief that masturbation is wrong, a sin, or somehow a sign of homosexual behavior? It's true.
 
2012-09-27 02:37:22 PM

SnakeLee: I'm 99% sure he was joking with those.

Because People in power are Stupid: Step 5 become a rapper -then you can have sex (not making love) all you want,

ta-da no masturbation required.

Pretty sure most guys still would

/This song by mid-2000s sensation Tweet is about coming home from the clubs all wasted and masturbating before going to bed. This is the remix and it features Missy Eliot, who raps about masturbating, then Fabolous - who raps about having sex with women. To this day I am angry that he didn't rap about jackin' it, he copped out


Link
 
2012-09-27 02:43:01 PM

iaazathot: Did you know that one of the biggest commonalities among rapists surveyed in prison is a fervent belief that masturbation is wrong, a sin, or somehow a sign of homosexual behavior? It's true.


Rape isn't gay if you aren't the victim?
 
2012-09-27 02:49:33 PM
God doesn't watch you masturbate, Jesus does...just ask Kent.
 
2012-09-27 03:07:37 PM
Can someone clarify step #2 for me?? Is the head turning thing the root cause of my maturbatory habits ???????

Step 2. Make a conscious decision not to turn your head after people walk by you.
 
2012-09-27 03:12:41 PM
He's getting women to put out more?
 
2012-09-27 03:21:33 PM
I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.
 
2012-09-27 03:25:25 PM

Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.


Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.
 
2012-09-27 03:43:40 PM

M0nkeyp0x: Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.

Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.


Maybe he's Canadian. They spell funny.

/ In England it's spelled "mastrebate"
// true fact
 
2012-09-27 03:52:48 PM
I hate that I live in an era where a jackbag assclown like this has a forum to dribble his stupidity out into the world unchecked, and even more annoyed that he's depicted wearing a pensive, "deep thoughts" expression on his face and a $4,000 suit with a tie that someone at the photo session had to tie for him.
 
2012-09-27 04:02:33 PM
It's easy for him. Farking Chelsea Handler a few times would absolutely nuke your libido.
 
2012-09-27 04:07:37 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: Step 5 become a rapper -then you can have sex (not making love) all you want,

ta-da no masturbation required.


Yeah, I have a hard (!) time taking celibacy advice from someone who's had so much trim he's bored with it.
 
2012-09-27 04:17:39 PM

M0nkeyp0x: Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.

Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.


I was wondering if someone was going to pick up on that. The joke is that I am a master of masturbating.
 
2012-09-27 04:42:17 PM

Profedius: M0nkeyp0x: Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.

Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.

I was wondering if someone was going to pick up on that. The joke is that I am a master of masturbating.



I thought the joke was that it's hard to reach the U key without your right hand.
 
2012-09-27 04:48:11 PM

fearmongert: M0nkeyp0x: Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.

Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.

Maybe he's Canadian. They spell funny.

/ In England it's spelled "mastrebate"
// true fact


Well I'll be damned, I learned something that didn't make me shutter in a masturbation thread.
 
2012-09-27 04:51:44 PM

M0nkeyp0x: fearmongert: M0nkeyp0x: Profedius: I am going to masterbate as soon as I get home from work and again after supper then maybe again around 9pm. I will also masterbate right before bed.

Maybe you should learn how to spell masturbate during a break at some point.

Maybe he's Canadian. They spell funny.

/ In England it's spelled "mastrebate"
// true fact

Well I'll be damned, I learned something that didn't make me shutter shudder in a masturbation thread.


FTFM
 
2012-09-27 05:17:22 PM
Well if "God" wants me to stop masturbating then "God" is going to tell my wife
it would be nice to have sex with me more than once a year.

/kill me now
 
2012-09-27 05:23:52 PM

intotheabyss81: Well if "God" wants me to stop masturbating then "God" is going to tell my wife
it would be nice to have sex with me more than once a year.

/kill me now



I passed along the message. He said to do the dishes and get better at foreplay.
 
2012-09-27 05:35:06 PM
50's easy one step guide to quit yanky your wanky:

1. Wake up to Chelsea Handler every morning.

There. Now your boner is dead for the next 4 to 6 hours. Repeat as necessary.
 
2012-09-27 06:01:49 PM

dennysgod: God doesn't watch you masturbate, Jesus does...just ask Kent.


It's a moral imperative.
 
2012-09-27 07:00:58 PM
Well I definitely trust a greedy rapper to tell me the word of god.
 
2012-09-27 07:42:30 PM

Jim_Callahan:
//If you want to quit masturbating just stop doing it. It's not bloody heroin, it's not like you're physically compelled. You'll be easily distracted popping stiffies for everything from age 15-70 that has two x chromosomes for a couple weeks, then stop caring get arrested when the sight of the middle aged waitress at Denny's bending over to pick up a napkin makes you start beating off in full view of that group of hey-not-bad elderly nuns sitting in the next booth, like kicking most non-addictive habits basic biological needs that cannot be completely ignored if you want to be able to function in civilized society.

 
2012-09-27 07:58:12 PM
 
2012-09-27 08:38:20 PM

Lone Stranger: But does he say that prison sex is still OK?


Dont' be such a Jerk Off
You sound like a Tool
 
2012-09-27 08:47:58 PM
So, he took those two quarters out of his throat and shoved it up his ass?
 
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