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(Buzzfeed)   Fwd: fwd: FWD: Fwd: Fwd: FWD: Fwd: God will make Mitt Romney win the debates as long as nobody eats or drinks anything on Sunday. Pass it on   (buzzfeed.com ) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Mitt Romney, God the Father, Mormons, presidential debates  
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2919 clicks; posted to Politics » on 27 Sep 2012 at 3:41 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-27 04:21:46 AM  

heap: stuff like this wouldn't irk me if folks actually had any beliefs attached to it.

for real, you're altering your life in some manner - a symbol, or action, or even just a prayer - to ask for divine intervention.

ok, i get that. not my bag, but i at least understand the concept.

but when that symbol, action, prayer, fasting, etc fails to gain god's favor and you get what you would have gotten anyway, there's no inclination that they just received god's verdict.

they asked god. god didn't answer. the team still lost the game, your wife still has raging herpes, and mitt romney is still a horrible candidate.

how is this reconciled? there are really two options to somebody in this position - either god doesn't answer the help desk phone, or he does - and does not agree with you. yet any inkling of understanding this part never seems to happen.

'god works in mysterious ways' isn't an ethos, it's copout. if you actually, really truly believed you were petitioning the almighty, YOU'D LISTEN TO HIS FREAKING ANSWER.


I had a pastor years ago who taught is that while God always answers prayer, we have to learn that sometimes the answer is 'no.'
 
2012-09-27 04:21:58 AM  

Olympic Trolling Judge: worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?

Come on. That's the best part about inventing a religion: pushing the limits of people's credulity.


In fact if you don't, it won't work well. When people's beliefs are challenged, they either change their mind or double down. Those that double down are the marks.
 
2012-09-27 04:22:33 AM  
The picture along with this article says it all.

"What? Me fasten? Nom nom nom."

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2012-09-27 04:24:18 AM  

Fury Pilot: I would suggest a woman centric religion where we all pray to a divine goddess by farking a la ishtar and all women (18 plus, of course) have to walk around topless so that we can worship them as the living embodiment of that sacred nookie.

also, cunnilingus is a sacrament.

can I get an amen? anyone? anyone? bueller?

Your newsletter prophesy.... subscription ... etc.


I assume he will have nomadic apostles spreading the word.
 
2012-09-27 04:34:09 AM  
Boy the rage when Mittens gets his ass kicked in November is going to be of biblical proportions.

Gonna love every minute of it.
 
2012-09-27 04:44:03 AM  

impaler: Fury Pilot: I would suggest a woman centric religion where we all pray to a divine goddess by farking a la ishtar and all women (18 plus, of course) have to walk around topless so that we can worship them as the living embodiment of that sacred nookie.

also, cunnilingus is a sacrament.

can I get an amen? anyone? anyone? bueller?

Your newsletter prophesy.... subscription ... etc.

I assume he will have nomadic apostles spreading the word.


of course

would settle bie

mormon mittens is muffled by murky muffuletta. it is the olive salad that will take him down in the end.

after all, hasn't american politics been dictated for 30 years by "yeah, i could have a beer with that guy' but this guy don't drink no beer. that's my final argument with my father to vote for obama. dad, why do you hate beer?
 
2012-09-27 04:55:50 AM  
Poor Mormons. Their religion actually doesn't allow for mortal influence over the divine plan/fate. That's why you have to chose a religion with a magic/theurgic system incorporated, like Catholicism.
 
2012-09-27 05:02:50 AM  

Introitus: [don'tvote,pray.jpg]


Noice!

/Came here for this, leaving whistling a merry tune.

Anyone else reminded here of Rick Perry's spectacular "Prayer for Rain" event?

How'd that turn out again? 

/One more vote for cunnilingus as a sacrament.
//Seriously, that shiat would get me back in church and I'm the most atheisty atheist who ever atheisted EVAH.
 
2012-09-27 05:03:39 AM  
Well, it might work if you do it until election day. Try it out. Remember, no water either.
 
2012-09-27 05:08:48 AM  
www.fleen.com
What about a Mormon helicopter drop as a leap of faith for Mitt?
 
2012-09-27 05:26:55 AM  
If he doesn't win, does that mean God thinks you're on the wrong side?
 
2012-09-27 05:30:50 AM  
In what way does not eating influence God?

/Nevermind. God doesn't exist.
 
2012-09-27 05:31:55 AM  

Baryogenesis: Well, they found 2 things less useful than voting for effecting change in society so they've got that going for them.
or
Prayer: when voting will send too strong of a message.

I wonder what the prayer will be. "Dear God, please usurp the free will of this nation's voters and force them to vote for Romney."


According to the article, the idea is to pray for God to intervene and help Romney perform better in the debates. It also mentioned that some who were passing along the email didn't seem all that supportive of Romney. I wonder how many will pray for Romney to perform well in the debates in the hopes it will increase his chance of winning and how many are just praying he won't embarrass the church.
 
2012-09-27 05:36:40 AM  

ToeKnee666: If he doesn't win, does that mean God thinks you're on the wrong side?


No, it means the United States is too far gone to be saved, that God has ordained the Kenyan pagan B. Hussein Soetoro to bring down our nation, just as He ordained the Babylonian pagan Nebuchadnezzar to bring down the children of Israel in their time of arrogance.

/just try and tell me there aren't people who really think this
 
2012-09-27 05:36:54 AM  
i.imgur.com

Sure, fundies. Go ahead and ask your Giant Invisible Man That Lives In The Sky to override the Will of the People and seat your chosen one as ruler. Watch the rest of us laugh at you when Democracy triumphs over superstition once again.
 
2012-09-27 05:38:15 AM  

Death Eats a Cracker: In what way does not eating influence God?

/Nevermind. God doesn't exist.


If you can show your willingness to willingly suffer then God stops thinking that imposed suffering is enough cruelty and it takes him a while to come up with something worse than, say, starvation to inflict upon his worshippers. In that time we hope to elect someone into office who shares God's values.
 
2012-09-27 05:44:28 AM  
I take it they're tired of all these years ofnot getting f*cked around with.
 
2012-09-27 05:54:31 AM  
They are doing this because it is getting very obvious to the Republicans/Conservatives that not only is Mitt's campaign crashing, but Mitt's campaign is going "full-Hindenberg" in said crash. Desperation is kicking in big time because they despise this incumbant more than any before. I am getting more of the derpy e-mails myself; but rather than the annoying smugness of the mid-term, they sound like they are from desperate people who have lost hope but are in denial.

It's actually kind of funny watching Republicans/Conservatives I know who seemed to twist every conversation political, even the most non-political issues, now avoiding the subject. They realize what a doofus they nominated but are in denial and don't want to acknowledge it. I responded to one of those "factually incorrect Obama conspiracy e-mails" from a friend yesterday with the "stench" article from Politico. Rather than the usual angry toned response I got silence. Yeah I know it wasn't really true, but very believable because Mitt is such a twit and dude doesn't fact check anything he sends; so odds are he believes it.

It is awesome. Mitt has been a wonderful gift to me in dealing with my conservative friends.
 
2012-09-27 06:06:40 AM  
Mitt is the Mormon Al Smith
 
2012-09-27 06:10:49 AM  
I'm gonna run twenty redlights in a row in his honor.

/you know what kinda eyes he got
 
2012-09-27 06:11:01 AM  
Bacchanal anyone?
 
2012-09-27 06:59:40 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Baryogenesis: Well, they found 2 things less useful than voting for effecting change in society so they've got that going for them.
or
Prayer: when voting will send too strong of a message.

I wonder what the prayer will be. "Dear God, please usurp the free will of this nation's voters and force them to vote for Romney."

I myself am praying to whatever gods are listening: Dear gods, please do encourage these people not to vote. Please. Please. Keep them from the polls and I'll make any necessary sacrifices. Except my first born,since I don't have any of those yet.


i'm thinking maybe citizens should have a choice: register as a religion person or register to vote. but you can't have both. and as long as we're all pie in the sky, let's actually have the voters votes put the candidate in office, not the b.s. we now have.
 
2012-09-27 07:02:33 AM  
But Romney's doing fine, right? The campaign is chugging along and they're getting their message out there and America is responding positively, right? Why would we need to pray for a candidate who is obviously doing so well?
 
2012-09-27 07:04:52 AM  
"Is the 19th Century I'm watching on T.V.?"
 
2012-09-27 07:33:28 AM  
From the FWD: fwd: fwd: "I know that fasting and praying brings about miracles."

Does this mean that Mitt Romney performing well at the debates would be considered a miracle by his supporters?
 
2012-09-27 07:37:31 AM  

dickfreckle: But others were more forceful. One Mormon wrote, "This is from one of our Sister Service Missionaries in our ward. I have been concerned that Obama, with his fast talking and lies, will appear to be better in the debates. It is true, his only redeeming quality seems to be his ability to confound those who would speak the truth."

Is every charismatic person in your world merely full of "fast talk and lies?" What about YOUR OWN FARKING CHURCH?


Some context:

From what I've heard when I listen to RE radio they are currently pushing the line that everything Obama says is a lie, and that for the debates Mitt can't let himself be goaded into a fight by lies about Obama's past or lies about Romney's plans. They are literally casting Obama as the Master of Lies. I suspect they're making this push to inoculate their base against anything Obama says that may appeal to them, or that they didn't know because they're so used to heavily edited clips on Fox and Friends.
 
2012-09-27 07:38:45 AM  
RW Radio, Dammit spellchecker. RW radio, Right Wing Radio.
 
2012-09-27 07:57:30 AM  
Sgygus: Also, don't watch the debates and declare Mittens won.

I remember from the '88 Veep debate when Lloyd Bentsen so clearly pwned Dan Quayle and some clearly already-somewhat-senile old biatch was interviewed on the street and said Quayle won. I think I almost fainted in reaction to such stupidity.

On the bright side, she's almost certainly dead and can't vote anymore.
 
2012-09-27 08:00:21 AM  

Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.


I haven't heard anything bad from the Pastafarians

/ramen
 
2012-09-27 08:02:36 AM  
I like how they're willing to fast for Mitt Romney to win the presidency. Not for like, you know, an end to genocide or AIDS or cancer or rape or poverty, not for peace in the middle east or anything like that. This is the really important stuff here.
 
2012-09-27 08:09:43 AM  

revrendjim: The only way Romney/Ryan can win the debates is if Obama shows up drunk and Biden sober.


I actually feel like ryan would beat biden, but there is no way obama would lose to romney. Obama will have romney contradicting himself in the same sentence then forget what he was arguing.
 
2012-09-27 08:15:16 AM  

shower_in_my_socks: Right, because God wants the Mormon to win, and not the Christian that he's running against. Hear that, Protestant voters?


I believe that God has a plan for Mitt Romney. I believe that He is giving Mitt an opportunity to learn humility.
 
2012-09-27 08:17:38 AM  
That reminds me. What are the rules for the debate drinking game? I was going to propose a shot of Jager for every time someone says "fail," but I'm already on probation.
 
2012-09-27 08:25:52 AM  
alright, operation chaos time

let's all fast on the same day, but pray for Obama to win.
 
2012-09-27 08:32:35 AM  
FTFA

by the politically neutral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

politically neutral, huh
 
2012-09-27 08:33:16 AM  
Romney has the crazy farker vote sewn up... which means a solid 45% of popular vote.

Only an idiot, a nutball partisan, or someone with super-black-hatred will vote for him, but in the U.S. that would make a solid 45%
 
2012-09-27 08:34:10 AM  

unexplained bacon: alright, operation chaos time

let's all fast on the same day, but pray for Obama to win.


imageshack.us
 
2012-09-27 08:34:20 AM  

ambercat: I like how they're willing to fast for Mitt Romney to win the presidency. Not for like, you know, an end to genocide or AIDS or cancer or rape or poverty, not for peace in the middle east or anything like that. This is the really important stuff here.


THIS
 
2012-09-27 08:35:15 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.


don't be silly, mormons don't follow that old and busted christ they have Messiah 2.0, J. Smith

/i'm not joking
 
2012-09-27 08:37:38 AM  
Gag me. Any Mormon who thinks this is an appropriate topic to be the center of their attention during a fast has absolutely no idea how the process works. This is infuriating.
 
2012-09-27 08:38:56 AM  

I drunk what: FT
by the politically neutral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

politically neutral, huh


There are Democratic general authorities in the church.
 
2012-09-27 08:39:07 AM  

Omahawg: Notabunny: Omahawg: Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side

worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?

I's like to suggest more Nutella and less smiting

I would suggest a woman centric religion where we all pray to a divine goddess by farking a la ishtar and all women (18 plus, of course) have to walk around topless so that we can worship them as the living embodiment of that sacred nookie.

also, cunnilingus is a sacrament.

can I get an amen? anyone? anyone? bueller?


[tooold.jpg]

/oblig
 
2012-09-27 08:47:08 AM  
To win the debates? An event that is not scored, where the "winner" is a completely subjective determination, and even if Mitt "won" them he still probably loses the election? Why not pray for something more concrete like, oh I don't know, Mitt's victory in the general election?

If your God is capable of making him win the election, why aren't you praying for that?
If you God is incapable of making him win the election, why do you worship him?
 
2012-09-27 08:48:42 AM  

my lip balm addiction: I haven't heard anything bad from the Pastafarians


This is a call-to-arms for all Pastafarians: do NOT fast this Sunday. Instead, consider eating a plateful of buttery spaghetti topped with a nice tomato sauce Bolognese, and lots of freshly grated Parmesan cheese. I repeat, there is NO need to fast.

This has been your Pastafarian call-to-arms.
 
2012-09-27 08:49:11 AM  
"I am the LORD THY GOD; a vote for flatulent percussion instruments is a vote for Satan." - Derpinthians 16:2, also inscribed in the marble wall of St. God Memorial Hospital's entry
 
2012-09-27 08:52:03 AM  
Joseph Smith himself couldn't get elected President.
Why does Mitt think he's better than the Prophet?
 
2012-09-27 08:55:54 AM  
On Saturday, I'm going to fast and pray that God create a cheeseburger so big that he even he can't eat it, then watch the universe divide by zero and implode.
 
2012-09-27 08:56:21 AM  

Olympic Trolling Judge: Come on. That's the best part about inventing a religion: pushing the limits of people's credulity.


This is why I would not be surprised if there was a holy war in 3124 between the Alfredo and Marinara Pastafarians, in which the followers of both sects would be in deadly earnest over the rightness of their cause.
 
2012-09-27 08:58:58 AM  
While I don't quite get the tinyface or condone the attacking of spouses of candidates, but isn't that picture kind of begging for it?
 
2012-09-27 09:14:27 AM  
Don't Vote: Pray. God will cast your ballot.
 
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