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(Buzzfeed)   Fwd: fwd: FWD: Fwd: Fwd: FWD: Fwd: God will make Mitt Romney win the debates as long as nobody eats or drinks anything on Sunday. Pass it on   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 139
    More: Unlikely, Mitt Romney, God the Father, Mormons, presidential debates  
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2916 clicks; posted to Politics » on 27 Sep 2012 at 3:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-26 09:55:48 PM
Also, don't watch the debates and declare Mittens won.
 
2012-09-26 09:59:05 PM
People love to buy crap.
is this the most beloved albums thread'?
Probably doesn't matter.
 
2012-09-26 10:08:33 PM
Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.

In the desert.

And if you break that fast - even ONCE - well, then, your god will know you don't really mean it.

Go ahead. I dare you.
 
2012-09-26 10:11:03 PM

vudukungfu: People love to buy crap.
is this the most beloved albums thread'?
Probably doesn't matter.


This is freaking fantastic haiku, man.
 
2012-09-26 10:19:07 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.

In the desert.

And if you break that fast - even ONCE - well, then, your god will know you don't really mean it.

Go ahead. I dare you.


I don't know, from what I see on the weekends, God pretty regularly interferes with sporting events. Seems like he might be up for a debate-intervention.
 
2012-09-26 10:21:45 PM
I thought "God" sided with winners?
 
2012-09-26 10:22:55 PM
Mitt is toast, Faithful
No hunger, your dog gets steak
(Not on the roof, Mitt Romney!)
 
2012-09-26 10:23:26 PM

dahmers love zombie: Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.

In the desert.

And if you break that fast - even ONCE - well, then, your god will know you don't really mean it.

Go ahead. I dare you.

I don't know, from what I see on the weekends, God pretty regularly interferes with sporting events. Seems like he might be up for a debate-intervention.


He might be up for it. But only if folks were sincere. I mean, seriously - how many people do you know who are as dedicated to political debates as football?
 
2012-09-26 10:24:55 PM
I don't think even divine intervention can keep his feet out of his mouth
 
2012-09-26 10:31:12 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.

In the desert.

And if you break that fast - even ONCE - well, then, your god will know you don't really mean it.

Go ahead. I dare you.


I like your compelling call to spiritual arms.
 
2012-09-26 10:35:50 PM
Ah the power of superstition.

I'm not saying prayer and fasting dont' have any measurable benefit, but the idea that people can control God by the power of their wills is ridiculous bordering on delusional.
 
2012-09-26 10:41:51 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-09-26 10:52:59 PM

Ambivalence: Ah the power of superstition.

I'm not saying prayer and fasting dont' have any measurable benefit, but the idea that people can control God by the power of their wills is ridiculous bordering on delusional.


Oh no - they;re not trying to control their god. They're demonstrating ther wilingness to do whatever it takes. Manipulating, not controlling.


Introitus: [i.imgur.com image 253x320] - Don't vote, Pray.


Best idea I've seen yet. Religious Democrats aren't usually that stupid, but the fundamentalist type that would take that seriously is damn near guaranteed to be a Republican, if not a Tea Partier.
 
2012-09-27 12:11:53 AM
The plan - which is not endorsed by the politically neutral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Telling your members to do everything they can to support California's Prop 8 is NOT political, apparently.
 
2012-09-27 12:12:00 AM

Introitus: [i.imgur.com image 253x320]


I really need to put those signs up all over town.
 
2012-09-27 12:13:25 AM
If a liberal-leaning church did this fr the President, there would be some dickwad all "I'm gonna cram my face full of Chick-Fil-A sandwiches ALL DAY, pussy liberal so-called Christians! AMERICA!"
 
2012-09-27 12:14:06 AM
I knew this was coming up. Oh I knew. And I find it hilarious.
 
2012-09-27 12:20:06 AM
The only way Romney/Ryan can win the debates is if Obama shows up drunk and Biden sober.
 
2012-09-27 12:20:34 AM
lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.
 
2012-09-27 12:21:14 AM
Hmm, looks like I'll be visiting the buffett Sunday.
 
2012-09-27 12:21:55 AM

Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.


Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?
 
2012-09-27 12:26:22 AM

SilentStrider: Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.

Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?


psh. I worship the Machine God.
 
2012-09-27 12:29:21 AM

Weaver95: SilentStrider: Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.

Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?

psh. I worship the Machine God.


They are the same being, surely.
 
2012-09-27 12:34:50 AM
But others were more forceful. One Mormon wrote, "This is from one of our Sister Service Missionaries in our ward. I have been concerned that Obama, with his fast talking and lies, will appear to be better in the debates. It is true, his only redeeming quality seems to be his ability to confound those who would speak the truth."

Is every charismatic person in your world merely full of "fast talk and lies?" What about YOUR OWN FARKING CHURCH?

When you need to pray because your opponent has more appeal than you, well, that's just sad. It's like me hoping that god actually gives a sh*t about the Saints/Packers game this weekend, because at this point I'll take all the help I can get. And hey, we are called the "Saints."

/difference is, I won't start a chain email suggesting that you pray. That's farking offensive.
 
2012-09-27 12:57:03 AM

revrendjim: The only way Romney/Ryan can win the debates is if Obama shows up drunk and Biden sober.


LOL!

Is it strange that I'm more looking forward to the VP debate than the Pres? Biden has a way of evicerating you in a polite, but firm way with the biggest smile.

It's a thing to see.
 
2012-09-27 12:58:49 AM

SilentStrider: Weaver95: SilentStrider: Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.

Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?

psh. I worship the Machine God.

They are the same being, surely.


The Void Dragon frowns on your shenanigans.
 
2012-09-27 01:26:44 AM
FTFA:The plan - which is not endorsed by the politically neutral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

/(ohwaityou'reserious.jpg)
 
2012-09-27 01:42:56 AM

Weaver95: SilentStrider: Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.

Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?

psh. I worship the Machine God.


BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! *stabs Weaver95*

Sorry, needed to pay tribute...
 
2012-09-27 01:42:59 AM

Ghastly: FTFA:The plan - which is not endorsed by the politically neutral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

/(ohwaityou'reserious.jpg)


The only way that makes any sense is that they haven't explicitly chosen sides in the presidential election.
 
2012-09-27 01:47:08 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert. I suggest, should you really want to convince your god that you mean it, you fast until after the elections.

In the desert.

And if you break that fast - even ONCE - well, then, your god will know you don't really mean it.

Go ahead. I dare you.


Only 10% of church goers believe the b.s.


/not meant as a factual statement
 
2012-09-27 01:55:07 AM

Ambivalence: Ah the power of superstition.

I'm not saying prayer and fasting dont' have any measurable benefit, but the idea that people can control God by the power of their wills is ridiculous bordering on delusional.


I say the same thing about religion.

/and I'm right.
 
2012-09-27 02:01:30 AM
Right, because God wants the Mormon to win, and not the Christian that he's running against. Hear that, Protestant voters?
 
2012-09-27 02:07:01 AM
God helps those who help themselves.

Romney hasn't shown any indication that he's capable of doing that.
 
2012-09-27 02:18:09 AM
I will preface this by saying its good to see 2 folks i have hearted in here.
Now, folks do strange things for religious reasons, it is not just christians or mormons or evangelicals .
My boss is a hindu- he litterally prays to a beer poster that has a Ganesh image on it.
I am not here to judge those kinds of things.
If it makes them feel better and nobody gets hurt or property destroyed- fine.
This should not be about RMoney being a Mormon. That is ,after all, his right as an American.
It should be about the fact that he is a hypocrite, and an oxygen thief.
But sure- fast away folks. It wont help. You backed the wrong horse. And this horse does not dance as well as the ones his wife owns.
 
2012-09-27 02:56:34 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Best idea I've seen yet. Religious Democrats aren't usually that stupid, but the fundamentalist type that would take that seriously is damn near guaranteed to be a Republican, if not a Tea Partier.


If you can work how voting would be testing God's faith, that's even better.
 
2012-09-27 03:46:22 AM
Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side
 
2012-09-27 03:55:35 AM

Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side


worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?
 
2012-09-27 03:55:59 AM
stuff like this wouldn't irk me if folks actually had any beliefs attached to it.

for real, you're altering your life in some manner - a symbol, or action, or even just a prayer - to ask for divine intervention.

ok, i get that. not my bag, but i at least understand the concept.

but when that symbol, action, prayer, fasting, etc fails to gain god's favor and you get what you would have gotten anyway, there's no inclination that they just received god's verdict.

they asked god. god didn't answer. the team still lost the game, your wife still has raging herpes, and mitt romney is still a horrible candidate.

how is this reconciled? there are really two options to somebody in this position - either god doesn't answer the help desk phone, or he does - and does not agree with you. yet any inkling of understanding this part never seems to happen.

'god works in mysterious ways' isn't an ethos, it's copout. if you actually, really truly believed you were petitioning the almighty, YOU'D LISTEN TO HIS FREAKING ANSWER.
 
2012-09-27 03:58:22 AM
Y'know, God told me (via these magic tablets that only I can read. No, I can't show you) that He will make Mitt Romney win the election, and will make Barack Obama shiat himself during the concession speech if Romney's faithful don't eat or drink ANYTHING until election day.
 
2012-09-27 04:00:04 AM
I hear that inhaling air hurts Romney's chances
 
2012-09-27 04:01:26 AM
Well, they found 2 things less useful than voting for effecting change in society so they've got that going for them.
or
Prayer: when voting will send too strong of a message.

I wonder what the prayer will be. "Dear God, please usurp the free will of this nation's voters and force them to vote for Romney."
 
2012-09-27 04:02:22 AM

Omahawg: Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side

worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?


I's like to suggest more Nutella and less smiting
 
2012-09-27 04:05:32 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Go ahead, Mormons. Fast. But if you really want to manipulate your god, one day is simply not going to cut it. Jesus did 40 days. And nights. In the desert.


They live in Utah. They're already in the desert.
 
2012-09-27 04:07:24 AM
I seem to recall a theologian who said that God is on the side with the best artillery. The Mormons should take the money they won't spend on food or drink and use it to buy some howitzers.

Omahawg: Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side

worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?


Come on. That's the best part about inventing a religion: pushing the limits of people's credulity.
 
2012-09-27 04:08:08 AM
As a desert-dweller who broke a fast just a few hours ago, I find myself wishing for a Fark tag that combined sick, amusing, and asinine.
 
2012-09-27 04:09:01 AM

Notabunny: Omahawg: Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side

worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?

I's like to suggest more Nutella and less smiting


I would suggest a woman centric religion where we all pray to a divine goddess by farking a la ishtar and all women (18 plus, of course) have to walk around topless so that we can worship them as the living embodiment of that sacred nookie.

also, cunnilingus is a sacrament.

can I get an amen? anyone? anyone? bueller?
 
2012-09-27 04:16:59 AM

Baryogenesis: Well, they found 2 things less useful than voting for effecting change in society so they've got that going for them.
or
Prayer: when voting will send too strong of a message.

I wonder what the prayer will be. "Dear God, please usurp the free will of this nation's voters and force them to vote for Romney."


I myself am praying to whatever gods are listening: Dear gods, please do encourage these people not to vote. Please. Please. Keep them from the polls and I'll make any necessary sacrifices. Except my first born,since I don't have any of those yet.
 
2012-09-27 04:17:47 AM

Weaver95: SilentStrider: Weaver95: lately, the only sane sounding religion around these days seem to be the gotdamn pagans.

Have you heard the good news of the God-Emperor of Mankind?

psh. I worship the Machine God.


Really? How's Ted doing these days?
 
2012-09-27 04:19:11 AM

heap: how is this reconciled? there are really two options to somebody in this position - either god doesn't answer the help desk phone, or he does - and does not agree with you. yet any inkling of understanding this part never seems to happen.


Satan's work!

/something about you can't reason someone out of a position they weren't reasoned into...
 
2012-09-27 04:19:42 AM

Omahawg: Notabunny: Omahawg: Huck And Molly Ziegler: Good plan, guys. Way to make sure no one ever makes fun of you again.

/i really need to invent a religion
//could make money, probably score hot sex on the side

worked for l. ron hubbard and joe smith. why the hell not? just don't make it all xenu/kolob so much, okay?

I's like to suggest more Nutella and less smiting

I would suggest a woman centric religion where we all pray to a divine goddess by farking a la ishtar and all women (18 plus, of course) have to walk around topless so that we can worship them as the living embodiment of that sacred nookie.

also, cunnilingus is a sacrament.

can I get an amen? anyone? anyone? bueller?


Your newsletter .... subscription ... etc.
 
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