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(BBC)   Child obesity: Why do parents let their kids get fat? (With a picture of what a fat person may look like)   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, child obesity, University of Montreal, raised blood pressure  
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10452 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Sep 2012 at 4:02 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-09-27 02:20:41 AM  

Dogfacedgod: I farking HATE fat people. They smell, they gross me out, and they generally breathe with their mouth open. The sad farking part about it is it is all preventable and fixable with just a little discipline and a lifestyle change. But Nooooooooo, they want to look like shiat because double cheeseburgers are for brefkiss.

Harpoon their asses and sell off their blubber.

Couldn't have said it better myself bro! They stink and they're stupid. Makes me wanna puke.
2012-09-27 02:43:58 AM  
Kill Fatty: A Modestly Sized ProposalOctober 13, 2009

Overweight people are farking abhorrent, which seems like an obvious and uncontroversial statement, but you cannot turn your head these days without gawking at the vile cascades of shapeless distended flesh that ubiquitously engulf your grotesque countrymen.

Look at these nauseating statistics:
1.33 percent of Americans are overweight, according to the federal government.
2.Another 34 percent are obese, which is even worse.
3.Six percent are "extremely obese," which is code for "must be airlifted by helicopter to leave their goddamned trailers."
4.Nearly a fifth of American children are overweight, three times more than in 1994 when the Internet replaced playing outside, and by "outside" I mean "Super Nintendo Entertainment System."
The horrendous bovine masses cost the rest of us $147 billion per year, twice as much as a decade ago, which is more than enough to cover a universal health care system for people who do not plan on dying from a heart attack by the time they reach the ripe old age of thirty-six. These repulsive fat farks require 41 percent higher medical costs on average, which screws everybody who does not get horny at the thought of KFC's unholy Double Down sandwich. (No bread! Just fried chicken, cheese and bacon! As fatty as three Big Macs! This is exactly why George Washington and Thomas Jefferson risked their farking lives to give Americans freedom!)

We are squandering the precious remnants of our broken economy to keep these worthless sacks of shiat alive; it's not as if they cover their disproportionate share of the tab, which would require actually getting off their colossal asses. Public health experts have proposed taxes on soda and unhealthy food to curb this epidemic, but their "solutions" are a load of ineffective, half-assed bullshiat. Zoning restrictions on fast food "restaurants" and mandatory nutrition labeling have likewise failed; you cannot save people from themselves, especially when they have zero respect for their physical appearance and estimated lifespan.

We are Rome in decadent, self-indulgent decline. The corpulent hordes are never going to willingly sacrifice their extravagant caloric intake-even if it costs a few cents more-which leaves a solitary, mildly objectionable option:

We need to kill the fatties. We need to kill the fatties as soon as humanly possible.

Abandon your sentimental, weak-willed "conscience" and listen to reason; it is imperative-nay, moral-that we purge citizens who refuse to binge and purge. There must be no gutlessness when it comes to eradicating the guts amongst our numbers, no cowardice when it comes to culling our cellulite-ridden comrades. No middle ground exists in this War to the Death; it's either them or us, the Überskinnies or the Högfuchs. Are you on the side of Good Angelic Temperance or Evil Rotund Scum?

You might bristle at the logistics of implementing a modern holocaust of the flabby-bellied untermensch, especially coming from a Jew like myself. Admittedly it raises many questions: can we construct ovens large enough to enclose the average Midwestern family? Would pollution from the smokestacks contribute to global warming more or less than the red meat-heavy diets of these incurable beasts with human faces? And if obesity is genetic, wouldn't this glorious and economical scheme to slaughter the hedonistic chunky swine amount to genocide?

Answer: pretty much, yeah, which is why we should take a cue from our genocidal forefathers and force the overweight onto reservations where no decent person has to look at them anymore.

"Marty," you say, "why do we need to kill the fatties when we can simply work them down to a respectable size in the 'condensation camps'? Isn't slave labor a fantastic workout, especially when you are not fed for weeks at a time?" WELL, FRIEND, JUSTICE MEANS PURE farkING JUSTICE, AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

"Marty," you say, "won't the fatties eat themselves to death anyway?" OF COURSE, BUT NOT SOON ENOUGH FOR MY "TASTE."

"Marty," you say, "what about the fatties who righteously despise themselves and try to lose weight but cannot regardless of their efforts, or who lack access to a gym? They deserve mercy, yes?" TRUE CONFESSION: AFTER COLLEGE I PUT ON 40 POUNDS FROM DRINKING TOO MUCH BEER. YOU KNOW HOW I LOST IT ALL? A PULL-UP BAR, RUNNING SHOES AND SELF-CONTROL; IT'S NOT farkING DIFFICULT. NO GODDAMNED MERCY!

Another excellent question is: how much excess poundage qualifies a whale for extermination?

This is tricky because the Body Mass Index, a formula created 180 years ago that divides weight by height, is a flawed and obsolete indicator of health despite its continued widespread use, as it fails to differentiate between weight from fat and weight from muscle. We need a more precise technique to separate the wheat of society from the chaff of obesity. (According to Wikipedia, chaff is "a waste material ploughed into the soil or burnt," and I could not agree more.) Here is an example of such a progressive method: throw the fatties into the farking ocean; if they float, shoot them immediately. If they don't float, who gives a shiat?

Naturally you might be thinking and/or screaming: "This is elitism! This is classism! This would disproportionately harm the poor, you snide judgmental out-of-touch city-slicker bastard!"

While it's true that underprivileged citizens have higher rates of obesity than the prosperous, which is basically the definition of irony, it's not necessarily because they are underprivileged. An Extra Value Meal costs approximately $6.00 and contains as many as 1,550 calories. Let's try an experiment called Going to the farking Grocery Store!

My grocery store had chicken on sale for $2.50 per pound; one-third of a pound is a decent serving size, so that's $.83 for the meat course. A bag of spinach was $2.50 and contained two servings, so that's $1.25 for an antioxidant-loaded vegetable. A box of vitamin-enriched rice was $1.15 and had three servings, so that's $.38. Holy shiat, I just created a healthy meal, totaling fewer than 300 calories-which takes twenty minutes to cook, by the way, not exactly a massive burden-for less than $2.50, NOT EVEN HALF THE PRICE OF A FECAL VALUE MEAL. You cannot blame the poor for their poverty-due to the recession everyone is poor, including billionaires-but there is no excuse for laziness and therefore obesity.

A final consideration is that, after we commence our Final Solution to the Piggy Problem, we will have millions of bloated carcasses lying around, stinking up the place and blocking public transportation (as if the piggies were not guilty of this before we filled the streets with their sodium-clogged, high-fructose blood syrup). Look on the bright side: as soon as scientists figure out how to refine these corpses into oil, we will have a new source of alternative energy that will not deprive the planet of its limited resources. Everybody wins! Except the Högfuchs! Because they were farking executed!

Jesus Christ, I hate fat people.
2012-09-27 06:35:07 AM  

Buffet: 1.33 percent of Americans are overweight, according to the federal government.

1.33 percent? Well, what were we all getting worked up over?
2012-09-27 07:14:50 AM  

dragonchild: Buffet: 1.33 percent of Americans are overweight, according to the federal government.

1.33 percent? Well, what were we all getting worked up over?

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