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(Daily Mail)   Things that only work in the movies: #7, Robbing a casino   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 51
    More: Fail, Bahamas, Joneses, Bahamian, water slide, nassau  
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11792 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2012 at 2:34 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-24 02:38:45 PM
Read that as "Robbing a Casio"
 
2012-09-24 02:41:44 PM
Damn hippies.
 
2012-09-24 02:42:08 PM
# 8

yeahnewyork.com
 
2012-09-24 02:42:46 PM

blatz514: Read that as "Robbing a Casio"


Read that as "Robinson Crusoe"
 
2012-09-24 02:43:53 PM
If anyone successfully robs a casino, I'd bet that the casino's management would work very hard to make sure that it didn't make news.
 
2012-09-24 02:44:28 PM
Employees of Harrah's casino in the 90s stole $10k and went across the street to gamble on a 'sure thing' horse race. Can you guess what happened?
 
2012-09-24 02:44:45 PM
It's no Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels kind of farkup. Still, not to shabby pulling off a clusterfark by a bunch of rank amateurs.
 
2012-09-24 02:45:20 PM

diaphoresis: Employees of Harrah's casino in the 90s stole $10k and went across the street to gamble on a 'sure thing' horse race. Can you guess what happened?


His mudder was a mudder?
 
2012-09-24 02:45:42 PM
I tried stealing from a bank, but they chained those dang pens down!
 
2012-09-24 02:46:06 PM
There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.
 
2012-09-24 02:48:59 PM

Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.


I think they had more than 4 people, too.
 
2012-09-24 02:50:06 PM
When I worked at Trump Plaza in Atlantic city back in the 90's, a cage employee walked out with $450,000. He was a bit of a folk hero for about a week. He tried walking across the Canadian border using his own ID. Of course he was on a list and they arrested him. IIRC, they found all the money minus a grand or so hidden in his apartment.
 
2012-09-24 02:50:50 PM

JesseL: If anyone successfully robs a casino, I'd bet that the casino's management would work very hard to make sure that it didn't make news.


That way nobody would connect the dots when the bleached and scattered bones of four idiots showed up on google maps photos of a nearby desert.
 
2012-09-24 02:56:38 PM
The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?
 
2012-09-24 02:57:06 PM
Last trip to Vegas I gave most of my chips back at the crap table. However, I pocketed a couple red ones before I left. Fark you Vegas, you're not getting them back. I win, I win.
 
2012-09-24 02:57:07 PM
Dammit, Fark! Stop making me look at that fat women with the Hutt legs at the bottom of every article. That's like the fourth time you've got me with that.
 
2012-09-24 02:57:24 PM
bill-d.com

Flakeloaf: JesseL: If anyone successfully robs a casino, I'd bet that the casino's management would work very hard to make sure that it didn't make news.

That way nobody would connect the dots when the bleached and scattered bones of four idiots showed up on google maps photos of a nearby desert.


I suppose not all gambling operations are like Casino, but I can't imagine any of them deal politely with robbery.
 
2012-09-24 02:57:38 PM

StaleCoffee: Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.

I think they had more than 4 people, too.


Seven more, if memory serves, and I think it does.
 
2012-09-24 02:57:56 PM

StaleCoffee: Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.

I think they had more than 4 people, too.


Plus a happier ending. And more attractive thieves. And a whole bunch of other stuff.
 
2012-09-24 02:57:59 PM

Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?


Bahamas.
 
2012-09-24 02:58:17 PM
What are #'s 1-6?
 
2012-09-24 03:00:03 PM

herrDrFarkenstein: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

Bahamas.


Money-Human life. Cmon you know the answer to that
 
2012-09-24 03:01:04 PM

Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.


Also, they were short seven people. Maybe it would've worked if they'd had a bigger and more professional team
 
2012-09-24 03:01:55 PM
#9

thoughtsappear.files.wordpress.com

britishsoccerdiva.com
 
2012-09-24 03:02:58 PM

johnryan51: herrDrFarkenstein: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

Bahamas.

Money-Human life. Cmon you know the answer to that


It's an innovative new anti-zombie system many island casino resorts have been implementing ever since that incident at the Banoi Holiday Resort.
 
2012-09-24 03:05:47 PM
dopekitty74:

Also, they were short seven people. Maybe it would've worked if they'd had a bigger and more professional team


What short seven people may look like
www.thatericalper.com
 
2012-09-24 03:14:01 PM

blatz514: Read that as "Robbing a Casio"


That sounds like a perfect Wes Anderson movie.
 
2012-09-24 03:16:22 PM

dopekitty74: Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.

Also, they were short seven people. Maybe it would've worked if they'd had a bigger and more professional team



Well, you're not getting anywhere without a wisecracking black guy.
 
2012-09-24 03:17:40 PM
Does the casino owner have a pig farm?

www.theginblog.com
 
2012-09-24 03:20:12 PM
Even if you get past the cameras, and out the door, you're still in the F*CKING DESERT!


/love that line
 
2012-09-24 03:20:51 PM

herrDrFarkenstein: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

Bahamas.


Just picturing Snatch, "It won't open cause it's a securi-ee door."
 
2012-09-24 03:21:44 PM
"The thieves attempted to rob the Bahaman casino by tossing pepper gas canisters into the casinos cashier cages. The cashier responded by inhaling deeply, getting a far-off wistful look in their eyes and saying "Ahhhhhhhh reminds me of me grandmum's Jerk Oxygen." The cashier then went back to the task of languidly stacking heaps of $100 bills and daydreaming about what was for dinner."
 
- Account as reported in the  Nassau We Don't Need No Stinking Guardian
 
2012-09-24 03:30:51 PM
They obviously missed this scene in Oceans 11.
 
2012-09-24 03:33:10 PM

rockforever: What are #'s 1-6?


1. Shooting a car's gas tank will cause it to explode
2. All technology is 100% compatible with all other technology
3. Three seconds can take a minute, and three minutes can take a second
4. Firearm silencers reduce a weapon report to a muffled "chuff chuff" sound
5. Shooting someone in the chest will make them not only fly backwards, but die instantly
6. It is possible to survive a nuclear blast in proximity, within a lead-lined fridge
 
2012-09-24 03:40:30 PM
I remember that place, it's the Cthulhu-themed casino in Atlantis resort, the one with all the tentacles. Not a good place to get pinched for a robbery, particular since the resort is "the largest employer in the Bahamas".
 
2012-09-24 03:44:24 PM

Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?


That's actually pretty standard in a lot of places, not just casinos. And yes, local security does have the right to detain everyone on the premises to conduct an investigation. All you need to be detained is a suspicion that a crime has been comitted. And you bet your damn ass the casinos have made sure that the local statutes make all this perfectly legal.
 
2012-09-24 03:47:16 PM

priapic_abandon: Does the casino owner have a pig farm?


God that film was the balls. Brick Top was such a pimp.
 
2012-09-24 04:05:57 PM

Void_Beavis: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

That's actually pretty standard in a lot of places, not just casinos. And yes, local security does have the right to detain everyone on the premises to conduct an investigation. All you need to be detained is a suspicion that a crime has been comitted. And you bet your damn ass the casinos have made sure that the local statutes make all this perfectly legal.


When someone releases pepper spray this could be fatal for someone who has a breathing problem. If there's a fire then it could lock people inside. If there's a robbery then the suspects are likely armed so it's nice to have an automatic hostage retention system for them to use. There's just no situation where this is a good idea.
 
2012-09-24 04:31:35 PM

Russ1642: Void_Beavis: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

That's actually pretty standard in a lot of places, not just casinos. And yes, local security does have the right to detain everyone on the premises to conduct an investigation. All you need to be detained is a suspicion that a crime has been comitted. And you bet your damn ass the casinos have made sure that the local statutes make all this perfectly legal.

When someone releases pepper spray this could be fatal for someone who has a breathing problem. If there's a fire then it could lock people inside. If there's a robbery then the suspects are likely armed so it's nice to have an automatic hostage retention system for them to use. There's just no situation where this is a good idea.


Bwhahahahahahahahah! You assume the casinos give a shiat about suckers, employees, or the robbers. The only thing a casino gives a shiat about is money and nobody taking money off the premises that rightfully belongs to the casino.

/Al Swearengen "Sometimes I wish we could just hit 'em over the head, rob 'em, and throw their bodies in the creek."
Cy Tolliver's "That would be wrong"
 
2012-09-24 05:23:51 PM
Where do you run to on an island?
 
2012-09-24 05:49:27 PM

grinding_journalist: 6. It is possible to survive a nuclear blast in proximity, within a lead-lined fridge


Indiana Jones spent a career dodging and mingling with machine guns, tanks, planes, zeppelins, giant boulders, angry face-melting Hebrew spirits, psychotic high priests of Kali, nazis from just about every direction you can possibly think of except for Hellboy, 800 year old crusading knights, magical cure alls that provided an entire Monty Python feature film involving sparrows and perilous oral sex, bullwhips that can take out entire gangs of sword wielding persians, castles and animated stone idols, but it's the lead lined fridge people biatch about. Lets just say it: the last movie sucked because it had Shia laBouf or whatever his name is instead of a relic from a vengeful god, not because of a ridiculously unrealistic action sequence involving massive ordnance and a MacGuyver solution.
 
2012-09-24 06:42:49 PM
www.flakmag.com

Sometimes it kind of works.
 
2012-09-24 08:34:22 PM

Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.


It was the scene at the beginning where they showed those types of things not working for guys that weren't George Clooney.
 
Slu
2012-09-24 08:41:08 PM

StaleCoffee: grinding_journalist: 6. It is possible to survive a nuclear blast in proximity, within a lead-lined fridge

Indiana Jones spent a career dodging and mingling with machine guns, tanks, planes, zeppelins, giant boulders, angry face-melting Hebrew spirits, psychotic high priests of Kali, nazis from just about every direction you can possibly think of except for Hellboy, 800 year old crusading knights, magical cure alls that provided an entire Monty Python feature film involving sparrows and perilous oral sex, bullwhips that can take out entire gangs of sword wielding persians, castles and animated stone idols, but it's the lead lined fridge people biatch about. Lets just say it: the last movie sucked because it had Shia laBouf or whatever his name is instead of a relic from a vengeful god, not because of a ridiculously unrealistic action sequence involving massive ordnance and a MacGuyver solution.


Bravo! And I didn't mind the last movie. Seemed right in the spirit of the other three to me.
 
2012-09-24 09:19:15 PM

StaleCoffee: Lets just say it: the last movie sucked because it had Shia laBouf or whatever his name is instead of a relic from a vengeful god, not because of a ridiculously unrealistic action sequence involving massive ordnance and a MacGuyver solution.


No, it was the aliens that made that one suck so bad.

The fridge was no more unrealistic than the life raft scene from Temple of Doom, we're just older now and call bullshiat more often now that we are adults. The aliens though, there is no getting past them. They should have stuck to primitive vengeful gods.
 
2012-09-24 11:51:39 PM

skantea: #9

[thoughtsappear.files.wordpress.com image 445x296]

[britishsoccerdiva.com image 480x715]


SAYS YOU!!!!

/gets back to work
 
2012-09-25 12:07:01 AM

Jeng: StaleCoffee: Lets just say it: the last movie sucked because it had Shia laBouf or whatever his name is instead of a relic from a vengeful god, not because of a ridiculously unrealistic action sequence involving massive ordnance and a MacGuyver solution.

No, it was the aliens that made that one suck so bad.

The fridge was no more unrealistic than the life raft scene from Temple of Doom, we're just older now and call bullshiat more often now that we are adults. The aliens though, there is no getting past them. They should have stuck to primitive vengeful gods.


Primitive vengeful gods at least bring the proper level of deus ex machina. When that comes up, basically you can just say "MAGIC!!!!"

Also, (for non-atheists) it was fun for a moment to pretend and see religious artifacts doing some smiting. Granted, the Sankara Stones are pretty made up, but using aliens means that you need to say "superscience!" But what was the goal of aliens? What were they doing? Why where they there? None of it makes sense. What were the Soviets going to do with the aliens? The movie isn't quite clear. The previous movies were pretty clear: The Ark is an unstoppable superweapon. The Sankara stones would allow the Thuggee Cult to have great mystical power for Kali the Destroyer. The Holy Grail would allow the Nazis to be healed and live forever. But what would the aliens let the villains DO? The movie isn't clear, and the adventure fails without that. The stakes don't make any sense, especially since there is a lot of moral equivalency with the whole HUAC thing going on.
 
2012-09-25 02:29:47 AM

Void_Beavis: Russ1642: The article suggested the panic button locked the casino and kept people from fleeing. How on earth could that kind of system comply with fire and safety codes?

That's actually pretty standard in a lot of places, not just casinos. And yes, local security does have the right to detain everyone on the premises to conduct an investigation. All you need to be detained is a suspicion that a crime has been comitted. And you bet your damn ass the casinos have made sure that the local statutes make all this perfectly legal.


Yep, that's about the jist of it. At most casinos as soon as you walk past the turnstiles you are giving consent to be searched at any time while inside, etc. Most of the time there's a little sign detailing everything nearby, but you might have to look hard for it.
 
2012-09-25 02:49:29 AM

StaleCoffee: Sybarite: There have been claims that they were working with a fourth man in the Ocean's Eleven-style heist

I seem to remember that heist being a little more complex than spraying the staff with pepper spray, grabbing all the cash you can, and running.

I think they had more than 4 people, too.


"So, smash and grab huh?""
*deathglare* "Liiiitle more complex than that."
"...Oh, right. Of course."
 
2012-09-25 07:39:54 AM
Twenty men with guns, armour, helmets, and face shields. Rob the fark out of any casino.
 
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