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(Cracked)   Remember the bicycle that you run instead of pedal? Ever heard of a Fart Pad? Here are five ridiculous unneccessary modern inventions   (cracked.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, fart pad, inventions  
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7581 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Sep 2012 at 12:31 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-24 12:38:00 PM  
Though I don't use Foursquare, friends that do say they often get coupons for places they check in at.

Still, I have no desire to be the lord of butt town. My electronics track me enough as it is without my direct involvement.
 
2012-09-24 01:00:23 PM  

MightyPez: Though I don't use Foursquare, friends that do say they often get coupons for places they check in at.

Still, I have no desire to be the lord of butt town. My electronics track me enough as it is without my direct involvement.


I'm at an art school majoring in interactive design, so foursquare is something a lot of people I know use and is mentioned a lot for apps. So I've tried so hard to use it.

I literally NEVER remember. How much does it suck being somewhere that you have a chance to remember to tell everyone you're there?

I do like FoodSpotting, which is kind of similar, except rather than check in with GPS, you post pictures of the food you're eating. I only remember when I get stuff to go, though.
 
2012-09-24 01:07:56 PM  

doloresonthedottedline: MightyPez: Though I don't use Foursquare, friends that do say they often get coupons for places they check in at.

Still, I have no desire to be the lord of butt town. My electronics track me enough as it is without my direct involvement.

I'm at an art school majoring in interactive design, so foursquare is something a lot of people I know use and is mentioned a lot for apps. So I've tried so hard to use it.

I literally NEVER remember. How much does it suck being somewhere that you have a chance to remember to tell everyone you're there?

I do like FoodSpotting, which is kind of similar, except rather than check in with GPS, you post pictures of the food you're eating. I only remember when I get stuff to go, though.


There are applications that will auto-checkin you to places you've already been when it detects you sitting relatively stationary there for some X minutes. Not something I'd use personally, but they're out there if you're interested.
 
2012-09-24 01:12:58 PM  
Well, I wish I could find the videos of that farked up bike thing in action, but they've been removed...

Horizontal shower? I don't know... My back is totally screwed up and I soak in the tub pretty much every night. This thing looks like a nice way to lay down and get the same effect, but a little bit like a massage. Could be nice for someone with issues, but $35 grand is absolutely ridiculous, and you would still need a normal shower, I don't see this replacing that in any way, no matter how fancy the product website is.

Foursquare? I don't know. Why is it more useless than, say, Twitter? Remember, 'Twitter' has 'twit' as its base word, so that should be a warning there. I've never used Foursquare myself, and never will, but I don't know about 'most useless'... The problem is that there are WAY too many social networking apps to try and keep on top of, and no matter which one you really try and get into, it will be the one that nobody follows, and you have yet one more account out there hanging around.

Troy Hurtubise? Never heard of the guy, but his entry looks like good toilet reading...
 
2012-09-24 01:17:53 PM  

Mikey1969: , but a little bit like a massage


They make tub inserts that basically function like downscaled jacuzzi jets. Which I suspect would work much better in that respect.
 
2012-09-24 01:27:07 PM  
Mikey1969: Check out the movie "Project Grizzly" for much laughter courtesy of Troy Hurtubise. The guy is crazy, but a likable crazy.

"The log is going to bump me..."
 
2012-09-24 01:42:18 PM  

WhyteRaven74: Mikey1969: , but a little bit like a massage

They make tub inserts that basically function like downscaled jacuzzi jets. Which I suspect would work much better in that respect.


The house we're renting has a jacuzzi tub. I don't use it, but only because it sounds like there's a freight train coming through the house. I think the motor is mounted straight to the floor. I keep meaning to try out some kind of sound dampeners, a sheet of 1/2" rubber or something. Basically design a motor mount for it. It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths, but it is not only a good place to get my reading done, but it really helps the back.
 
2012-09-24 01:50:36 PM  

Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths


This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?
 
db2
2012-09-24 01:55:05 PM  
I'm sitting on a fart-pad (seat cover type) right now. Anybody with Crohn's disease will tell you they are neither ridiculous nor unnecessary.
 
2012-09-24 02:02:46 PM  

ProfessorOhki: doloresonthedottedline: MightyPez: Though I don't use Foursquare, friends that do say they often get coupons for places they check in at.

Still, I have no desire to be the lord of butt town. My electronics track me enough as it is without my direct involvement.

I'm at an art school majoring in interactive design, so foursquare is something a lot of people I know use and is mentioned a lot for apps. So I've tried so hard to use it.

I literally NEVER remember. How much does it suck being somewhere that you have a chance to remember to tell everyone you're there?

I do like FoodSpotting, which is kind of similar, except rather than check in with GPS, you post pictures of the food you're eating. I only remember when I get stuff to go, though.

There are applications that will auto-checkin you to places you've already been when it detects you sitting relatively stationary there for some X minutes. Not something I'd use personally, but they're out there if you're interested.


Yeah, that's incredibly creepy.
 
2012-09-24 02:07:22 PM  

MightyPez: Though I don't use Foursquare, friends that do say they often get coupons for places they check in at.

Still, I have no desire to be the lord of butt town. My electronics track me enough as it is without my direct involvement.


I use Foursquare a lot. I get some really good coupons and discounts--free lunch on Fridays at my local Whole Foods, 20% at Radio Shack when I needed a couple of SD cards, free drinks at a few bars, and $5 off if I use my Amex card at pretty much anyplace that takes Amex. Also, a lot of people put in tips for different places (like the check-in kiosk in a little-used area of Newark Airport that has zero wait time or when to reliably find a $5 craps table at the Tropicana in AC). Yeah, it's got that built-in uselessness (hey, everyone--I'm at work and scored 10 points for checking in!) but it's at least got some good, practical attributes.
 
2012-09-24 02:07:46 PM  
To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?
 
2012-09-24 02:08:36 PM  
The horizontal shower may look silly, but I'd kill for a shower room like that.
 
2012-09-24 02:18:01 PM  

omeganuepsilon: Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths

This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?


I don't know. I think it might be stigmatized thanks to all those damn bubble baths women take... :-)
 
2012-09-24 02:19:06 PM  

psychosis_inducing: To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?


I used to keep a towel on the side of the tub to dry my hands.
No I have a Nook and don't worry about it. A few drops won't kill it.
 
2012-09-24 02:19:18 PM  
The Fliz looks like a really good way to break your neck.
 
2012-09-24 02:19:48 PM  

brigid_fitch: psychosis_inducing: To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?

I used to keep a towel on the side of the tub to dry my hands.
No I have a Nook and don't worry about it. A few drops won't kill it.


*Now

/sometimes I miss the auto-preview
 
2012-09-24 02:19:54 PM  

omeganuepsilon: Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths

This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?


I only take baths when I have an achy muscle or something, but I pretty much switched to showers for cleaning purposes. It all stems back to a conversation I had in junior high where we basically decided that baths were like sitting in your own filth as it floats off of you. A human stew, if you will.
 
2012-09-24 02:22:16 PM  

psychosis_inducing: To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?


Well, for one, tubs suck nowadays and thanks to the cleanout, you're lucky if you can get more than 6-8 inches of water in the damn thing. I have a cool 'Seen on TV' thing that gets around that, but still, I just keep a hand towel on the side of the tub, and every time my hands get wet, before I touch the book again, I dry them off. Initially, I soak my arms, too, but after that,I dry them off and I'm just very careful.

Dropped my Nook in the tub one time when I was having trouble sleeping and the alcohol, Loritab, Benadryl and Soma all finally caught up to me at once, but otherwise, even that's pretty safe, especially since I've been doing this nightly for like the last 12 years or so.
 
2012-09-24 02:22:41 PM  
Fart Pad successfully sued Samdung for patent infringement.
 
2012-09-24 02:23:41 PM  

psychosis_inducing: To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?


Don't put your hands in the water while reading, do your scrubbing before you get out. I seriously hope that you already had figured this one out on your own.

/I've been known to read in the tub
//I wrecked my knee in my teen years I got into the habit during the recovery from the injury and both surgeries.
 
2012-09-24 02:27:46 PM  

MagSeven: omeganuepsilon: Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths

This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?

I only take baths when I have an achy muscle or something, but I pretty much switched to showers for cleaning purposes. It all stems back to a conversation I had in junior high where we basically decided that baths were like sitting in your own filth as it floats off of you. A human stew, if you will.


I think I got over baths when I was 7. I spent much of my childhood tromping through the local state forest, so I got poison ivy rashes very frequently and it very quickly became the case that the only baths I took had oatmeal in them.

It was only a few years ago that I could eat oatmeal again. Hell, I'm a grown man now and I still feel a little bit itchy if I lie down in the tub.
 
2012-09-24 02:29:57 PM  

MagSeven: I only take baths when I have an achy muscle or something, but I pretty much switched to showers for cleaning purposes. It all stems back to a conversation I had in junior high where we basically decided that baths were like sitting in your own filth as it floats off of you. A human stew, if you will.


OH, I don't use the tub for cleaning wither. Just for soaking my back. I agree, once you introduce soap and start washing stuff off, it's gross as hell...
 
2012-09-24 02:57:50 PM  
www.technovelgy.com

If cracked wanted to do a serious article about bullsh*t inventions, they should have considered the skycar, which is actually a flying pyramid scheme.
 
2012-09-24 03:10:28 PM  

indarwinsshadow: [www.technovelgy.com image 400x303]

If cracked wanted to do a serious article about bullsh*t inventions, they should have considered the skycar, which is actually a flying pyramid scheme.


Looks like it's flying to me though... Seriously, I think people need to give up on the personal jetpack and flying car shiat for now, they just aren't practical at this moment in time, and not just for the devices themselves, but infrastructure, laws, enforcement, licensing, safety, etc...
 
2012-09-24 03:13:07 PM  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh
 
2012-09-24 03:23:42 PM  

Mikey1969: Foursquare? I don't know. Why is it more useless than, say, Twitter? Remember, 'Twitter' has 'twit' as its base word, so that should be a warning there.


The base word "ursqu" is Swahili for "one who licks one's own anus", so there's that....
 
2012-09-24 03:31:30 PM  

Grither: Mikey1969: Foursquare? I don't know. Why is it more useless than, say, Twitter? Remember, 'Twitter' has 'twit' as its base word, so that should be a warning there.

The base word "ursqu" is Swahili for "one who licks one's own anus", so there's that....


All right, THAT is goddam funny... If Mittster hadn't said that he thinks that we should be able to roll the windows down in passenger planes, this would have been the funniest thing I read all day. Still, second place isn't bad.
 
2012-09-24 03:36:05 PM  

Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh


You, know, watching the video, it doesn't look like it's an entirely ridiculous idea, it actually looks like less work than pedaling, less complex than gearing and chains. That doesn't mean that the thing should be on the market, that farking harness itself looks guaranteed to neuter you, and like other people mentioned, that hole for the head looks like a nightmare. Overall though, I wonder if someone with better engineering chops just might be able to make something useful out of that?
 
2012-09-24 03:39:52 PM  

Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh


You people who don't "get" the Fliz just don't realize how much you're harming the environment every time you grease your bike chain! I got one just after back surgery, and it works!
 
2012-09-24 03:45:29 PM  

Mikey1969: indarwinsshadow: [www.technovelgy.com image 400x303]

If cracked wanted to do a serious article about bullsh*t inventions, they should have considered the skycar, which is actually a flying pyramid scheme.

Looks like it's flying to me though... Seriously, I think people need to give up on the personal jetpack and flying car shiat for now, they just aren't practical at this moment in time, and not just for the devices themselves, but infrastructure, laws, enforcement, licensing, safety, etc...


It's not that the thing isn't working, it does, it's that the damn thing costs such a high amount and isn't even approved by the FAA, making it something no one would ever buy. Ever.
 
2012-09-24 03:53:30 PM  

Kit Fister: it's that the damn thing costs such a high amount and isn't even approved by the FAA


Like I said, we don't any of the systems even close to being in place for things like this to take off. I agree that it's figuratively going nowhere...
 
2012-09-24 04:19:17 PM  

Mikey1969: Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh

You, know, watching the video, it doesn't look like it's an entirely ridiculous idea, it actually looks like less work than pedaling, less complex than gearing and chains. That doesn't mean that the thing should be on the market, that farking harness itself looks guaranteed to neuter you, and like other people mentioned, that hole for the head looks like a nightmare. Overall though, I wonder if someone with better engineering chops just might be able to make something useful out of that?


Perhaps a crossover between the fliz and the segway? The flizway?

I know what you're saying though, there does seem to be something worthwhile to take away from this, but then my mind just wanders back to, "if it only had a seat", and a "lower center of gravity"; he looks like he's going to topple for the first thirty seconds, that's just part of the design. And I still can't get over the disc brakes for some reason- not any lighter, cheaper or more reliable for the environment that the fliz will be used in to be worthwhile over cantilever brakes; for that matter, that rear brake cable has to be looooong. What a muddled invention.
 
2012-09-24 04:52:03 PM  

Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths, bu


hell I don't think there's anything strange about that at all.
 
2012-09-24 05:06:26 PM  

db2: I'm sitting on a fart-pad (seat cover type) right now. Anybody with Crohn's disease will tell you they are neither ridiculous nor unnecessary.


In Living Color did this with "Flatuscents"
Link
 
2012-09-24 06:07:57 PM  

Mikey1969: Looks like it's flying to me though... Seriously, I think people need to give up on the personal jetpack and flying car shiat for now, they just aren't practical at this moment in time, and not just for the devices themselves, but infrastructure, laws, enforcement, licensing, safety, etc...


Step one better be the self-driving car because I'm not getting into a flying car unless they're all self-flying.

Too many idiots on the road already...it'll be even worse when they take to the sky. Take the human factor out of the equation.
 
2012-09-24 06:46:37 PM  

Mikey1969: Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh

You, know, watching the video, it doesn't look like it's an entirely ridiculous idea, it actually looks like less work than pedaling, less complex than gearing and chains. That doesn't mean that the thing should be on the market, that farking harness itself looks guaranteed to neuter you, and like other people mentioned, that hole for the head looks like a nightmare. Overall though, I wonder if someone with better engineering chops just might be able to make something useful out of that?


What do you suppose it's like going up hills?
 
2012-09-24 06:53:46 PM  

MagSeven: omeganuepsilon: Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths

This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?

I only take baths when I have an achy muscle or something, but I pretty much switched to showers for cleaning purposes. It all stems back to a conversation I had in junior high where we basically decided that baths were like sitting in your own filth as it floats off of you. A human stew, if you will.


When the wife and I bought our house, we had the pink bathtub ripped out a day after we moved in and installed an air bath. It so helps with days where the temp goes from the low 40's to the lower 70's and hell it does to my sinus cavities.

And thanks to the wonderful car accident of 06' which turned into appendicitis a month later which turned into the plumbing 'just not liking certain spicy foods anymore', a good soak helps with the pain. (sorry for the TMI there.... getting old sucks problems)
 
2012-09-24 07:45:30 PM  

db2: I'm sitting on a fart-pad (seat cover type) right now. Anybody with Crohn's disease will tell you they are neither ridiculous nor unnecessary.


Darn you. I was going to crack a joke about subby never having been exposed to weitzen-and-picked-eggs-and-pearl-onions farts.

/Crohn's is the Ballsack Conundrum of diseases, only without the funny.
 
2012-09-24 08:05:02 PM  
My coworkers probably wished I had fart pads after my tofu and broccoli lunch today.
 
2012-09-24 08:31:38 PM  
#1 would be cool set up like a treadmill but with changeable gears so you can walk faster than you are walking, so to speak.
 
2012-09-24 08:32:11 PM  

omeganuepsilon: Mikey1969: It's funny how weird people look at me when I say that I take baths

This. I don't understand how taking a bath got stigmatized, but a lot of people seem to think people who bathe are weird. Who doesn't like a good hot soak?

Is it an OCD neatfreak sort of thing?


I've long held that the hot bath is the greatest thing about living in the time that we do. It's a real luxury that even most poor people can have.
 
2012-09-24 08:32:16 PM  
They forgot "World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria"
 
2012-09-24 08:33:50 PM  
 
2012-09-24 08:36:38 PM  

Counter_Intelligent: The horizontal shower may look silly, but I'd kill for a shower room like that.


WAY too many sharp edges for a room with water and a smooth floor.

Mr. Lepage: What do you suppose it's like going up hills?


Or down steep ones. An endo is bad enough on a regular bike. On that it would be forced faceplant instadeath
 
2012-09-24 08:37:46 PM  

psychosis_inducing: To everyone who takes baths: This is a rather dumb question, but I still would like to ask:
How do you keep whatever book you're reading from getting wet when you turn the pages?


Same way you do in the shower: Don't farking read while you're trying to get clean.

The reading in the bath thing is a trope, but I don't think it's common. I've known people who'll read magazines in the bath, but nothing they'd actually miss if it got wet or ruined. A bath is really just a good long hot soak for most people. Incredibly relaxing, totally wipes out winter chills, softens still muscles (especially if you add epsom salts), and you can add whatever oils or scents you want, which is very difficult (and likely risky) in the shower.
 
2012-09-24 08:47:58 PM  

DemDave: Mikey1969: Looks like it's flying to me though... Seriously, I think people need to give up on the personal jetpack and flying car shiat for now, they just aren't practical at this moment in time, and not just for the devices themselves, but infrastructure, laws, enforcement, licensing, safety, etc...

Step one better be the self-driving car because I'm not getting into a flying car unless they're all self-flying.

Too many idiots on the road already...it'll be even worse when they take to the sky. Take the human factor out of the equation.


Seriously. People can't handle two-dimensional driving right now. What sane person thinks human-steered flying cars are a good idea?
 
2012-09-24 08:49:12 PM  

Mr. Lepage: Mikey1969: Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh

You, know, watching the video, it doesn't look like it's an entirely ridiculous idea, it actually looks like less work than pedaling, less complex than gearing and chains. That doesn't mean that the thing should be on the market, that farking harness itself looks guaranteed to neuter you, and like other people mentioned, that hole for the head looks like a nightmare. Overall though, I wonder if someone with better engineering chops just might be able to make something useful out of that?

What do you suppose it's like going up hills?


I imagine it's a bit like running up a hill while pushing a bicycle.
 
2012-09-24 08:54:15 PM  

Sylvia_Bandersnatch: Mr. Lepage: Mikey1969: Joafu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

I just keep waiting for him to throw his arms out to his side: "I'm free of your constrictive world views! FREE AS A FLIZ!"

/disc brakes? Oh, to deal with all the elements you'd obviously fliz in while on this.
//duh

You, know, watching the video, it doesn't look like it's an entirely ridiculous idea, it actually looks like less work than pedaling, less complex than gearing and chains. That doesn't mean that the thing should be on the market, that farking harness itself looks guaranteed to neuter you, and like other people mentioned, that hole for the head looks like a nightmare. Overall though, I wonder if someone with better engineering chops just might be able to make something useful out of that?

What do you suppose it's like going up hills?

I imagine it's a bit like running up a hill while pushing a bicycle.


Throw in some ski boots, and I'm sold!
 
2012-09-24 08:57:36 PM  
I thought any cloth-covered seat cushion counted as a Fart Pad.
 
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