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(The Onion)   Romney to travel back in time to kill liberal versions of himself. (video)   (theonion.com) divider line 58
    More: Satire  
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2614 clicks; posted to Politics » on 24 Sep 2012 at 2:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-24 12:42:59 PM  
Yeah, this thread will totes not get someone visited by the Secret Service.
 
2012-09-24 01:17:27 PM  
Well, I do enjoy chocolate milk.
 
2012-09-24 01:39:07 PM  
Future Romney for president?

i.imgur.com
 
2012-09-24 01:39:43 PM  
I'm concerned what time travel could do to his already unstable quantum processor unit. He runs the risk of collapsing in upon himself and creating a white hole.
 
2012-09-24 02:42:08 PM  
I don't think this is real.
 
2012-09-24 02:49:17 PM  
Lets be honest here, Rmoneymoney would hire someone to do it.
 
2012-09-24 02:49:55 PM  
Better make sure to roll down the windows on the DeLorean
 
2012-09-24 02:50:02 PM  
Dammit! Seems like everyone has a time machine these days.
 
2012-09-24 02:50:02 PM  
Ten years ago, McComb left his office, canceled all his appointments...
disappeared, nobody's ever seen him since.
 
2012-09-24 02:51:42 PM  
So the T-M177 is going back in time to kill itself... Least it's realistic in the whole romneybot sense.
 
2012-09-24 02:59:11 PM  

Raharu: Lets be honest here, Rmoneymoney would hire someone to do outsource it.


ftfy
 
2012-09-24 03:00:42 PM  

Diogenes: I'm concerned what time travel could do to his already unstable quantum processor unit. He runs the risk of collapsing in upon himself and creating a white hole.


That's racist.
 
2012-09-24 03:00:55 PM  

Imperialism: Better make sure to roll down the windows on the DeLorean


That's a pretty small car. Will his dog fit on the roof?
 
2012-09-24 03:02:54 PM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2012-09-24 03:06:58 PM  
impossible, what really happened was a bios update correcting the serious flaws in his operating system
 
2012-09-24 03:09:45 PM  
That's pretty brilliant. Kudos to the actors. They have that cable news shiat down perfectly. And the set looks better than CNN.
 
2012-09-24 03:12:59 PM  
RIP HEADPHONE USERS.

//Brought to you by Jarritos.
 
2012-09-24 03:15:22 PM  
Okay, that was actually brilliant.
 
Bf+
2012-09-24 03:18:04 PM  
 
2012-09-24 03:19:05 PM  
LIFT YOUR GLASSES NOW
 
2012-09-24 03:22:49 PM  
This thread is now a grandfather paradox.
 
2012-09-24 03:26:36 PM  
Kill them all. Gahd will know his own.
 
2012-09-24 03:33:24 PM  

MacEnvy: Well, I do enjoy chocolate milk.


can I substitute Yoo-hoo for the chocolate milk?
 
2012-09-24 03:35:33 PM  

Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.


I did do the nasty in the past-y.
 
2012-09-24 03:37:49 PM  
Can't watch the vid at work, but did it happen what kind of time machine Mitt plans to use? I got a feeling he'd use Timerider rules.
 
2012-09-24 03:37:53 PM  

Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.


Looks like he took it one step further and jacked it in the primordial ooze.
 
2012-09-24 03:45:27 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: That's pretty brilliant. Kudos to the actors. They have that cable news shiat down perfectly. And the set looks better than CNN.


Yep, they've got that strident, slightly rushed cadence down pat.

The Romney hairstyle wigs were a nice touch, too.
 
2012-09-24 03:46:12 PM  
What if his younger liberal self wants to kill him because in the future, the mob will control time travel?

/Been driven to death with the repeating Looper commericals
//Will go see it, though
 
2012-09-24 03:54:52 PM  

azazyel: MacEnvy: Well, I do enjoy chocolate milk.

can I substitute Yoo-hoo for the chocolate milk?


His Romnesty is generous and tolerant.

While milk mixed with Ovaltine, Quik or Hershey's Syrup are the preferred options, Yoo-Hoo and Choc-Ola were recently granted special dispensation by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, following the church's acquisitions of their parent companies.
 
2012-09-24 03:56:03 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2012-09-24 03:56:39 PM  

Parthenogenetic: azazyel: MacEnvy: Well, I do enjoy chocolate milk.

can I substitute Yoo-hoo for the chocolate milk?

His Romnesty is generous and tolerant.

While milk mixed with Ovaltine, Quik or Hershey's Syrup are the preferred options, Yoo-Hoo and Choc-Ola were recently granted special dispensation by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, following the church's acquisitions of their parent companies.


True, His Romnesty is quite benevolent and wise. However, I think we should be grateful for his hardline stance against the heathen liberal chocolate soy milk drinkers. Tolerance has its limits.
 
2012-09-24 03:56:50 PM  
While this is good, The Onion can't keep up with the actual shiat Romney says anymore. Reality is funnier than satire at this point.
 
2012-09-24 03:57:08 PM  
Romney has gotten so ridiculous (see airplanes thread a few down) that The Onion has to resort to full-on science fiction to make jokes about him.
 
2012-09-24 04:00:44 PM  
Needs more Tralfamadorians.
 
2012-09-24 04:06:51 PM  

TheBlackrose: Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.

Looks like he took it one step further and jacked it in the primordial ooze.


That's strictly against regulations.
images-mediawiki-sites.thefullwiki.org
 
2012-09-24 04:12:35 PM  

TheBlackrose: Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.

Looks like he took it one step further and jacked it in the primordial ooze.


Well he was in San Diego this past weekend.
 
2012-09-24 04:13:17 PM  
I knew Romney was finally getting National Security Updates, but since when does that also mean that he gets access to Obama's magical time machine? Last I heard Obama was loaning it out to Elizabeth Warren, seeing a Scott Brown now thinks she stole a trust fund or something.
 
2012-09-24 04:18:37 PM  

chachi88: TheBlackrose: Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.

Looks like he took it one step further and jacked it in the primordial ooze.

Well he was in San Diego this past weekend.


Nah, he didn't mean tar pit. Romney doesn't want a tar baby, after all.
 
2012-09-24 04:21:50 PM  

Epoch_Zero: This thread is now a grandfather paradox.


romneybot knows who he is, but he doesn't know who all those poor zombies are
 
2012-09-24 04:30:42 PM  
This is one of the best Onion pieces yet.

Nevertheless, they miss that even if Present Conservative Romney killed Past Liberal Romney, Present Conservative Romney would still have to deal with the things Present Conservative Romney has said, like how anyone who pays more on his taxes than they should doesn't deserve to be President, only to pess more than he needed to on his taxes. The only solution is to also eliminate Present Conservative Romney. And frankly, given the consistent history of the Romneys, constantly saying and doing stupid things, it's a fair bet that Future Romney will need to be eliminated as well. Then he can be replaced by a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself that doesn't say or do anything except stand there with nice hair. Now that's a candidate people can get behind.
 
2012-09-24 04:34:31 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: That's pretty brilliant. Kudos to the actors. They have that cable news shiat down perfectly. And the set looks better than CNN.


Agreed, they are brilliant, but to be perfectly fair, The Onion only has to produce a few minutes of material a week, so they can put time into perfecting it. Cable News goes on nearly 24/7 so much less attention is given per minute of airtime.


Kind of makes you long for the days when people actually put effort into newscasting though, don't you think?
 
2012-09-24 04:34:47 PM  

Emposter: only to pay more


FTFM. I have no idea what happened there.
 
2012-09-24 04:36:47 PM  

TyrantII: I knew Romney was finally getting National Security Updates, but since when does that also mean that he gets access to Obama's magical time machine? Last I heard Obama was loaning it out to Elizabeth Warren, seeing a Scott Brown now thinks she stole a trust fund or something.


If only Obama could go back to two days before he lent the time machine to Elizabeth and let Romney use it.
Well wait, why can't he? He just has to remember to do it after the election, or else it won't have happened. Except it did happen!
 
2012-09-24 04:39:03 PM  

MithrandirBooga: DROxINxTHExWIND: That's pretty brilliant. Kudos to the actors. They have that cable news shiat down perfectly. And the set looks better than CNN.

Agreed, they are brilliant, but to be perfectly fair, The Onion only has to produce a few minutes of material a week, so they can put time into perfecting it. Cable News goes on nearly 24/7 so much less attention is given per minute of airtime.


Kind of makes you long for the days when people actually put effort into newscasting though, don't you think?


What, you think that shiat is easy? Don't you realize how much effort it takes for Fox News anchors to prevent themselves from cackling uncontrollably while stroking white cats while the cameras are rolling? For CNN anchors to not trip over their own feet after tying their shoes together by the laces for the thirteenth time this week? For MSNBC anchors to keep from falling asleep listening to their own newscast?

They have a hard job, and shame on you for thinking otherwise!
 
2012-09-24 05:01:56 PM  
imageshack.us
 
2012-09-24 05:09:22 PM  
images.wikia.com
 
2012-09-24 05:15:14 PM  
I just watched Time After Time this weekend and realized Star Trek IV, The Terminator, and Back to the Future Part III all stole from it.
 
2012-09-24 05:15:46 PM  

Bf+: The Onion has been on fire lately:
Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars'


Thanks for that! Because of it, I also discovered their immediately preceding article about the genius newborn.
 
2012-09-24 05:59:29 PM  

Diogenes: I'm concerned what time travel could do to his already unstable quantum processor unit. He runs the risk of collapsing in upon himself and creating a white hole.


More like a brown hole, spewing bullshiat into the universe, but he's already one of those... crap he did it!
 
2012-09-24 06:26:26 PM  
He struggles to grasp all that wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff
 
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