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(New Zealand Herald)   Patient declares "My rectum is full of eels"; prompts doctor's nipples to explode with delight   (nzherald.co.nz) divider line 44
    More: Obvious, prompt corner  
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19643 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2012 at 6:29 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-09-24 01:22:25 AM
7 votes:
Eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover. They hunt by smell rather than sight.

Oh COME ON! How did you type that with a straight face?
2012-09-24 12:02:31 AM
7 votes:
Tonight we have the tale of Sylvanus
Who had an eel lodged in his anus
With no explanation,
For this situation,
Save the knowledge of just what true pain is.
2012-09-24 08:17:09 AM
6 votes:
www.pattayadailynews.com

"I will not buy this rectum, it is scratched."
2012-09-24 06:40:27 AM
6 votes:
How fast was the hovercraft traveling when it rear ended that guy?
2012-09-24 08:01:01 AM
5 votes:

Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"


Geez, did an eel crawl up your ass or something?
2012-09-24 07:41:40 AM
5 votes:
i89.photobucket.com
2012-09-24 04:19:29 AM
5 votes:

DrBenway: Gwendolyn: Eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover. They hunt by smell rather than sight.

Oh COME ON! How did you type that with a straight face?

That's... a moray!


♪♫♬When the eel in your bum, wiggles until you cum that's a moray
When it feels really super deep inside your pooper that's a moray ♪♫♬
2012-09-23 11:47:53 PM
5 votes:
I had to actually Google the phrase 'my nipples explode with delight' because I knew I had heard it before but I couldn't figure out where. I really have to hope I never get arrested and have to explain my browser history.
2012-09-24 08:39:48 AM
4 votes:

Spad31: GAT_00: I had to actually Google the phrase 'my nipples explode with delight' because I knew I had heard it before but I couldn't figure out where. I really have to hope I never get arrested and have to explain my browser history.

I'm fairly certain "WHARRRRGARBL! REPUBLICANS ARE SCARY TO ME AND MUST DIE" in your browser history will get you in more trouble. You'll be okay.


We're trying to have a civilized conversation about eels in anuses, and you had to go bring up politics. That's disgusting.
2012-09-24 07:02:21 AM
4 votes:
www.hotelchatter.com

Finds this story relative to his interests.
2012-09-24 04:15:21 AM
4 votes:
One in a million shot, doc. One in a million.
2012-09-24 08:36:16 AM
3 votes:
"Doctor, I feel a little eel."
2012-09-24 08:11:16 AM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-09-24 07:48:35 AM
3 votes:
csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>
2012-09-23 11:56:02 PM
3 votes:
It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one
2012-09-23 11:54:19 PM
3 votes:
This isn't Penthouse Forum subby.
2012-09-23 11:40:47 PM
3 votes:
Damn near killed em.
2012-09-24 07:55:17 AM
2 votes:

johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>


data.whicdn.com
2012-09-24 07:06:32 AM
2 votes:
The patient must be a Harry Potter fan...

Doctor: How did this eel get up your butt?

Patient: Slytherin!
2012-09-24 06:36:14 AM
2 votes:
www.bbc.co.uk

knows a little something about that
2012-09-24 04:15:09 AM
2 votes:

Gwendolyn: Eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover. They hunt by smell rather than sight.

Oh COME ON! How did you type that with a straight face?


That's... a moray!
2012-09-24 03:45:18 AM
2 votes:
Rectum? Mentat: Damn near kieelled em.

/close
2012-09-25 12:33:28 PM
1 votes:
If he'd had spam up there this never would have happened.

Unless: what is the NZ equivalent of the Republicans, and is the victim an officeholder?
2012-09-24 04:59:16 PM
1 votes:

Gabrielmot: johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>

hahahaha, I've seen this video, it's worse than he described.

Turned me off weird porn for life.


Dear gods, it's true, nothing is ever obscure on Fark. D:
2012-09-24 02:45:57 PM
1 votes:
FTA: "It is unclear how the eel managed to be trapped inside the man."

Isn't it obvious? He was merely hanging some curtains while naked, and slipped and fell upon the eel.
2012-09-24 11:12:28 AM
1 votes:
I work with a Mormon, who spent some time as a missionary. He told me about the time he became host to a colony of ascaris worms. They're about as big around as you finger, and up to 14" long. And they live in your ass.

The way he told it, it was pretty funny, but once you know a person has had a host of ass worms, it's hard to look at them the same.
2012-09-24 09:34:37 AM
1 votes:

Shmeat: Father_Jack: oh jee arent i the dickens?"

Now I want a Dickens Cider!

/yes, I am 12


so not clicking that
2012-09-24 09:22:33 AM
1 votes:

gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.



Escaped?

/obscure?


When posting on saterical websites I'm fairly certain south park isn't obscure in the slightest
2012-09-24 09:10:12 AM
1 votes:

johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>


He left before the nun and the donkey? He missed the best part.
2012-09-24 09:02:39 AM
1 votes:
www.bbc.co.uk

Eels up inside ya, findin an entrance where they can...
2012-09-24 08:36:22 AM
1 votes:
Would could be worse than having an eel removed from your ass? (half an eel?)
2012-09-24 08:26:47 AM
1 votes:
www.festivusweb.com

It was a million-to-one shot, Doc. Million-to one.
2012-09-24 08:04:24 AM
1 votes:

Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"


/obtuse?
2012-09-24 08:02:25 AM
1 votes:
The last part of the article explains all: "Eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover. They hunt by smell rather than sight."

Damned fine prose work there. Unfortunately, journalistic standards were not upheld. Did the eel survive? Inquiring minds want to know.
2012-09-24 07:56:29 AM
1 votes:

Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"


That time of the month?
2012-09-24 07:51:57 AM
1 votes:
I sure hope the doc gave him Novocaine for the hole.
2012-09-24 07:48:58 AM
1 votes:

gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?


i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"
2012-09-24 07:46:43 AM
1 votes:

Nick Nostril: I know the feeling. I get it after eating at Taco Bell.

/ doesn't eat at Taco Bell


You are really gonna *HATE* the future, then.
2012-09-24 06:53:42 AM
1 votes:
GAT_00:
I really have to hope I never get arrested and have to explain my browser history.

Oh that goes for all of us... In my case the cops would say "Mister, you're a deviated prevert... with the attention span of a ferret. Seriously, how many god damn lolcats does one man need to see?"
2012-09-24 12:51:59 AM
1 votes:
How's that old timey swimmin' hole working out for you?

The eel was also discharged.
2012-09-24 12:12:17 AM
1 votes:
The last paragraph is the best. Fun at the news factory!
2012-09-23 11:57:36 PM
1 votes:
Bravo on the headline, subby.

media.scout.com
2012-09-23 11:45:57 PM
1 votes:
Headline of the year!
2012-09-23 11:40:17 PM
1 votes:
oh
ew
ow
 
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