Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(New Zealand Herald)   Patient declares "My rectum is full of eels"; prompts doctor's nipples to explode with delight   ( nzherald.co.nz) divider line
    More: Obvious, prompt corner  
•       •       •

19670 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2012 at 6:29 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



104 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2012-09-24 08:11:16 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-09-24 08:13:24 AM  

YodaBlues: Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"

Geez, did an eel crawl up your ass or something?


gerbilpox: Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"

That time of the month?


sand in my vagina is all.
 
2012-09-24 08:15:03 AM  
Did anyone see the fisherman myth /explorer guy show where he went to New Zealand and check out the myths of eels.

Those things were really, really aggressive, and not afraid of humans.

If any fish wanted to do some spelunking and succeed, they could.
 
2012-09-24 08:17:09 AM  
www.pattayadailynews.com

"I will not buy this rectum, it is scratched."
 
2012-09-24 08:18:26 AM  

johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>


Kind of feel like I need a shower now....
 
2012-09-24 08:20:51 AM  

AbbeySomeone: Lsherm: Bathia_Mapes: Okay, what's worse? An eel up your bum or one in your penis? From September, 2011.

Look, when it comes to things "going in" the answer for what is worse is always, ALWAYS going to be the thing going in the penis.

I remember reading about some heinous water dwelling parasite that can crawl up the penis and urethra and expand causing excruciating pain.

Come on in, the water's fine.


I heard about that on a TV show. I can't remember which one, but a guy was saying they were always told to grip their junk when wading through water in 'Nam because of those parasites.

/Those farkers have spines that shoot out to keep them in place.
//Thank god I was born, uh, several decades late for 'Nam...
 
2012-09-24 08:23:59 AM  
What a waste of eels!

Unakyu!
 
2012-09-24 08:25:12 AM  

Father_Jack: oh jee arent i the dickens?"


Now I want a Dickens Cider!

/yes, I am 12
 
2012-09-24 08:26:47 AM  
www.festivusweb.com

It was a million-to-one shot, Doc. Million-to one.
 
2012-09-24 08:29:19 AM  
Pepperidge Farm remembers
 
2012-09-24 08:31:19 AM  
After many years they migrate to the Pacific Ocean to breed and die. Eels are secretive, nocturnal and prefer habitats with plenty of cover. They hunt by smell rather than sight.


So, an eels version of Mr Magoo?  www.a-1video.com
 
2012-09-24 08:36:16 AM  
"Doctor, I feel a little eel."
 
2012-09-24 08:36:22 AM  
Would could be worse than having an eel removed from your ass? (half an eel?)
 
2012-09-24 08:39:38 AM  
static.tumblr.com

/hot
 
2012-09-24 08:39:48 AM  

Spad31: GAT_00: I had to actually Google the phrase 'my nipples explode with delight' because I knew I had heard it before but I couldn't figure out where. I really have to hope I never get arrested and have to explain my browser history.

I'm fairly certain "WHARRRRGARBL! REPUBLICANS ARE SCARY TO ME AND MUST DIE" in your browser history will get you in more trouble. You'll be okay.


We're trying to have a civilized conversation about eels in anuses, and you had to go bring up politics. That's disgusting.
 
2012-09-24 08:41:15 AM  

Fuggin Bizzy: Spad31: GAT_00: I had to actually Google the phrase 'my nipples explode with delight' because I knew I had heard it before but I couldn't figure out where. I really have to hope I never get arrested and have to explain my browser history.

I'm fairly certain "WHARRRRGARBL! REPUBLICANS ARE SCARY TO ME AND MUST DIE" in your browser history will get you in more trouble. You'll be okay.

We're trying to have a civilized conversation about eels in anuses, and you had to go bring up politics. That's disgusting.


Well, Republicans and things in anuses kind of go together. But, yes, politicizing potty threads is foul.
 
2012-09-24 08:41:34 AM  

johnnygew: /This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?


Ah, that takes me back. It's hard to believe that only 15 or so years ago most people didn't get to see stuff like that. Before the Internet, if you wanted to see really nasty fetish stuff, you had to go to some squalid shop downtown where you're afraid to make eye contact with anyone and the salespeople act like they're processing you into boot camp.

Europe back then was the source of the most depraved porn. Italy in particular stands out in my mind as the home of truly nauseating stuff that just left you wondering what manner of man is turned on by that. I'm talking obese, red-haired, identical twin women in black latex pissing on each other, and some poor chick tied to a chair with a hole in the seat and mice being coaxed up into her via a funnel -- tame by modern standards, but back then enough to engage your gag reflex.

We called them "Guido fark-books" ("Guido" meaning anything European). The guy in the bunk below mine had a huge stash of them under his mattress, which was a real nuisance as there was always a pack of dudes browsing there. One night I was trying to get in bed and one of them shoved a mag in my face proclaiming, "LOOK ShannonKW! ANAL LICKING! -- THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT!" I recoiled in horror, slamming my head into an I-beam and being much mocked afterward.

/very not csb
 
2012-09-24 08:41:38 AM  
I think it is too bad the giant dinosaurs have long been extinct. Karma could then give an appropriate response to these eel/gerbil abusers.
Link
 
2012-09-24 08:45:24 AM  
"They hunt by smell rather than sight."
 
2012-09-24 09:02:39 AM  
www.bbc.co.uk

Eels up inside ya, findin an entrance where they can...
 
2012-09-24 09:10:12 AM  

johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>


He left before the nun and the donkey? He missed the best part.
 
2012-09-24 09:11:31 AM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-24 09:22:33 AM  

gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

Escaped?

/obscure?


When posting on saterical websites I'm fairly certain south park isn't obscure in the slightest
 
2012-09-24 09:23:27 AM  
Toothpick fish. Gah.
 
2012-09-24 09:25:49 AM  
What's his FARK handle?
 
2012-09-24 09:29:59 AM  
Internet Rule 34 in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ...
 
2012-09-24 09:30:01 AM  
Pants full of macaroni!!:
img.photobucket.com


Because he had eels rather than macaroni?
 
2012-09-24 09:34:37 AM  

Shmeat: Father_Jack: oh jee arent i the dickens?"

Now I want a Dickens Cider!

/yes, I am 12


so not clicking that
 
2012-09-24 09:36:56 AM  
ameteur
 
2012-09-24 09:45:58 AM  
Terrible journalism. What was the name of the eel?
 
2012-09-24 09:55:37 AM  
"Doctor, I feel a little eel."

"Funny, you don't look Spanish."
 
2012-09-24 09:58:06 AM  

HumbertoEcho: [i.imgur.com image 850x566]


Kiwis: Not subtle since 1907.
 
2012-09-24 10:07:44 AM  
Old and busted: gerbils...
 
2012-09-24 10:51:35 AM  
And on the caption photo for the side story Bear Grylls is eating it?
 
2012-09-24 10:59:37 AM  
Eel pull through.
 
2012-09-24 11:12:28 AM  
I work with a Mormon, who spent some time as a missionary. He told me about the time he became host to a colony of ascaris worms. They're about as big around as you finger, and up to 14" long. And they live in your ass.

The way he told it, it was pretty funny, but once you know a person has had a host of ass worms, it's hard to look at them the same.
 
2012-09-24 11:19:37 AM  
"Where were your magic underpants then, Mormon?"
 
2012-09-24 11:25:27 AM  
Eel now reports shiatty outlook on life.
 
2012-09-24 11:28:01 AM  

peasants_are_revolting: Terrible journalism. What was the name of the eel?


Eric
 
2012-09-24 11:32:20 AM  

LordOfThePings: peasants_are_revolting: Terrible journalism. What was the name of the eel?

Eric


/from "The Jerk"

"You call that eel shiathead!"
 
2012-09-24 12:22:16 PM  
pickadolla.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-24 01:42:00 PM  

Mr. Potatoass: How fast was the hovercraft traveling when it rear ended that guy?


Took entirely too long to be posted
 
2012-09-24 02:24:08 PM  

Father_Jack: gerbilpox: GreenSun: The eel hunts by scent so it definitely thought something was inside the man's ass that was worth eating.

[southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com image 300x225]

Escaped?

/obscure?

i hate "obscure?"

its basically saying "im just so smart and hipstery and know so many awesome things that youve never heard of, ill caveat myself by saying "obscure" because there's no waaaaaay youve heard of this. oh jee arent i the dickens?"


And it ends up being a South Park reference, something very mainstream.
 
2012-09-24 02:45:57 PM  
FTA: "It is unclear how the eel managed to be trapped inside the man."

Isn't it obvious? He was merely hanging some curtains while naked, and slipped and fell upon the eel.
 
2012-09-24 02:54:30 PM  

BoxOfBees: Is this a follow-up?

Much less terrifying than the last eel-in-rectum story.


No. That happened in 2010.
 
2012-09-24 03:16:34 PM  
This is a dark day for FARK.
 
2012-09-24 04:03:00 PM  
I feel like there is already Japanese porn for this...
 
2012-09-24 04:20:30 PM  
shiatting dick nipples?
 
2012-09-24 04:25:46 PM  

66dude: shiatting dick nipples?


Something like that.
 
2012-09-24 04:49:21 PM  

johnnygew: csb....
A long time ago, the ship I was on made liberty in Amsterdam. Where you can get a real drink in a theater.
One guy from our division went into a theater that showed adult movies and served beer.
As he found a non-sticky place on the bleachers, he drank his beer, and watched with interest the events on the screen.
We ran into him on the street, not looking the best.
When pressed, he finally fessed up to what happened.
Watching normal clips of adult movies he thought how cool it was - beer and adult movies together - nothing like it in the states!
Then one scene came on. (Now switch to deep southern accent, with a tone of naivety)
There were two girls, naked, on the screen, making out with each other.
All of a sudden, one picks up what looks like an eel.
She took the eel, and started rubbing it all over the other girl.
Somehow, she ends up inserting it in the other, in her backside.
There was a nice closeup of the 'tail' wiggling out, as if the girl had a tail herself.
The girl with the eel then squats, and below her is a frying pan.
She 'gave birth' to the eel directly into the frying pan, where the two began cooking the eel - and there were 'extra things' in the pan that were being cooked as well.
When the plates and silverware came out, he left. That's when we found him - still trying to understand what just happened.

/This was years before Two Girls One Cup
// Maybe Two Girls One Eel?
/// end csb>


hahahaha, I've seen this video, it's worse than he described.

Turned me off weird porn for life.
 
Displayed 50 of 104 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report