FARK.com: (7343240) Woman assaults man with a hammer she was having sex with. Bonus: in a French maid outfit purchased at Wal-Mart

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		Woman assaults man with a hammer she was having sex with. Bonus: in a French maid outfit purchased at Wal-Mart (newportplaintalk.com)		135
		More: Fail, Wofford, Cosby, aggravated assault, Wal-Mart

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18369 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2012 at 4:49 AM | Favorite | share:

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ModernPrimitive01		2012-09-23 06:36:42 PM

This is the town that I grew up in. I got out as soon as possible. Also this is the most poorly written article ever. I'm pretty sure she was having sex with the guy, but the incorrect grammar made it funnier.

Relatively Obscure		2012-09-23 06:38:23 PM

Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

ModernPrimitive01		2012-09-23 06:40:51 PM

Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

cdn.omg-facts.com

dr_blasto		2012-09-23 06:42:54 PM

ModernPrimitive01: Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Exactly

The English Major		2012-09-23 06:45:27 PM

dr_blasto: ModernPrimitive01: Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Exactly

Yup. Nailed it.

FirstNationalBastard		2012-09-23 06:46:55 PM

The English Major: dr_blasto: ModernPrimitive01: Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Exactly

Yup. Nailed it.

Don't disturb a girl who's getting her pumps and a bump.

DownDaRiver		2012-09-23 06:49:53 PM

But where did she buy the hammer?

ModernPrimitive01		2012-09-23 06:53:07 PM

DownDaRiver: But where did she buy the hammer?

yeah, I don't quite understand why they inquired about the nurse's uniform purchase? Did the reporter ask, "where do I get one of those?"

Also, in Newport there is no where else to purchase anything. There is a Wal Mart and a bunch of restaurants

The English Major		2012-09-23 06:54:46 PM

ModernPrimitive01: DownDaRiver: But where did she buy the hammer?

yeah, I don't quite understand why they inquired about the nurse's uniform purchase? Did the reporter ask, "where do I get one of those?"

Also, in Newport there is no where else to purchase anything. There is a Wal Mart and a bunch of restaurants

"Well, here in Newport we ain't got those sexual hammers. She had to get that at one of them hardware stores the next town over."

Ambivalence		2012-09-23 06:55:34 PM

Hope it wasn't a claw hammer.

hackhix		2012-09-23 07:01:33 PM

Ambivalence: Hope it wasn't a claw hammer.

probably a ball peen hammer - can't tell which head he was hit in from this article either...

Ender's		2012-09-23 07:04:10 PM

ball-peen?

ModernPrimitive01		2012-09-23 07:05:52 PM

Ender's: ball-peen?

ball peen is a sex move where you whack someone in the face with a hammer to climax

fusillade762		2012-09-23 07:19:09 PM

How do you have sex with a hammer?

FirstNationalBastard		2012-09-23 07:20:27 PM

fusillade762: How do you have sex with a hammer?

Pay his tax bill.

Ender's		2012-09-23 07:30:18 PM

fusillade762: How do you have sex with a hammer?

Nail it?

/I'm just gonna do this whole thread in questions.
// I mean, questions?

Krymson Tyde		2012-09-23 07:45:18 PM

Ender's: fusillade762: How do you have sex with a hammer?

Nail it?

/I'm just gonna do this whole thread in questions.
// I mean, questions?

You are?

R.A.Danny		2012-09-23 07:48:54 PM

Who was having sex with the hammer?

FirstNationalBastard		2012-09-23 07:50:05 PM

R.A.Danny: Who was having sex with the hammer?

static.oprah.com

Ender's		2012-09-23 08:13:17 PM

Krymson Tyde: You are?

Yes. Why? Does it bother you? I would hate to go against the grain and put a knot in someone's day.
/wouldn't I?

MisterTweak		2012-09-23 08:13:55 PM

STAAAAAAAANNNNNLLLEEEEYYYYY!!!!

Krymson Tyde		2012-09-23 08:32:56 PM

Ender's: Krymson Tyde: You are?

Yes. Why? Does it bother you? I would hate to go against the grain and put a knot in someone's day.
/wouldn't I?

I don't know, would you?

The English Major		2012-09-23 09:11:43 PM

He sounds like a master Craftsman.

ds_4815		2012-09-23 09:39:01 PM

Mentat		2012-09-23 09:39:06 PM

Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Especially when the hammer is dressed as a French maid.

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-09-23 09:42:37 PM

Peener

/I got nuthin'

Barfmaker		2012-09-23 09:44:50 PM

What do maids in countries besides France wear?

AbbeySomeone		2012-09-23 09:52:19 PM

The English Major: ModernPrimitive01: DownDaRiver: But where did she buy the hammer?

yeah, I don't quite understand why they inquired about the nurse's uniform purchase? Did the reporter ask, "where do I get one of those?"

Also, in Newport there is no where else to purchase anything. There is a Wal Mart and a bunch of restaurants

"Well, here in Newport we ain't got those sexual hammers. She had to get that at one of them hardware stores the next town over."

You win.
I don't understand why she was having sex with the hammer if there was an available man around.
No, I'm won't rtfa.
Mentat: Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Especially when the hammer is dressed as a French maid.

Oui, je nail?

OUt the stubmitter!

Dead for Tax Reasons		2012-09-23 10:06:06 PM

If I had a hammer
I'd have sex with it in the morning
I'd have sex with it in the evening
All over this land

SnarfVader		2012-09-23 10:14:32 PM

Jesus Christ!

fusillade762		2012-09-23 10:16:58 PM

Barfmaker: What do maids in countries besides France wear?

Nothing.

serial_crusher		2012-09-23 10:23:14 PM

I'm impressed that the witnesses identified it as a Wal-Mart french maid outfit, not some other brand.

God-is-a-Taco		2012-09-23 10:38:46 PM

Dangling modifiers are the best modifiers.

She got hammered.

Relatively Obscure		2012-09-23 10:52:20 PM

ds_4815: coffeeforclosers.files.wordpress.com

+1

Mentat		2012-09-23 11:05:15 PM

This headline wins the Sarah Palin Award Trophy for the Use of The Grammar with Words and Things

DanZero		2012-09-23 11:10:03 PM

Does it have to be said?

www.jeep-cj.com

texdent		2012-09-23 11:11:14 PM

Krymson Tyde		2012-09-23 11:13:27 PM

Mentat: This headline wins the Sarah Palin Award Trophy for the Use of The Grammar with Words and Things

That's a higher honor than The Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

Stoj		2012-09-23 11:14:14 PM

NEWPORT-April Dawn Peters, 31, of 2194 Grandview Way, in Cosby, as arrested Sept. 19, at 10:30 p.m., and charged with aggravated assault after she allegedly hit a man on his head at least five times with a hammer that she was having sex with, Sgt. Steve Johnson reported.

Is everyone in that town named after male genitalia?

Mugato		2012-09-23 11:16:32 PM

Was it her?

cdn.sheknows.com

Cuchulane		2012-09-23 11:17:20 PM

The English Major: dr_blasto: ModernPrimitive01: Relatively Obscure: Never trust a chick that farks a hammer.

Exactly

Yup. Nailed it.

Nice one!

Irving Maimway		2012-09-23 11:58:48 PM

Mugato: Was it her?

[cdn.sheknows.com image 350x407]

As long as she doesn't turn old and or try to kill me, I'm in favor of allowing her access to my naughty parts.

eraser8		2012-09-24 12:07:31 AM

The headline is a complete disaster, so I decided to RTFA to figure out what happened.

I'm still confused.

fusillade762		2012-09-24 12:08:51 AM

'Round these parts we call 'em Freedom Maids.

wyltoknow		2012-09-24 12:14:02 AM

This woman represents everything wrong with America. She could at least pretend to be patriotic and get her maid outfits from a small mom-and-pop store. I bet her hammer was made in China too.