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(Some Guy)   Bleating Apple fanboy's iPhone 'experience' is ruined when the sales drone takes it out of the box where he can't see it. Oh, the humanity   (nickwoodhams.com) divider line 52
    More: Dumbass, iPhone, Apple fanboy  
•       •       •

14719 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Sep 2012 at 12:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-09-22 01:05:31 PM
11 votes:
This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."
2012-09-22 08:12:00 AM
8 votes:
So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.
2012-09-22 10:55:47 AM
6 votes:
Nick Woodhams
Web Designer & Entrepreneur


Says so right on the page.

In my defense I had avoided looking at the sidebar on my way to reading your story, and averted my eyes from the margin. I wanted to enrich the experience of reading your douchiness on my own, make it more special than it already would be.
2012-09-22 03:26:12 PM
5 votes:
i49.tinypic.com
2012-09-22 03:33:35 PM
4 votes:

inflatedKarma: if he is this excited about opening his iPhone, imagine how giddy he will be the first time he has sex.


I look forward to his blog.

I was invited into the brothel this morning, after a long wait, to purchase my hooker. I avoided looking at the display model hookers on the way in, and averted my gaze from everyone elses hookers. I wanted to enrich the experience of screwing my own hooker, and make it more special than it already would be. The pimp retrieved the hooker I requested...

Then he then proceeded to screw the hooker himself, with his back to me.
2012-09-22 01:14:47 PM
3 votes:

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


That is why when I go to the Apple store I wear only my jock strap and a Viking helmet. I alternate between a claymore and a scimitar as my weapon of choice. "I take no shiat from thee!! My iPhone cur, lest I blood eagle you on the customer service desk!!"
2012-09-22 01:10:48 PM
3 votes:

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.


I'm sure he turned his steely gaze onto the cashier, and between gritted teeth growled "See you on my blog, mutherfarker"
2012-09-22 12:14:13 PM
3 votes:
There's a part of me that really wants this to be a troll, but looking at the dude's Twitter feed... Man...

pics.campl.us

He looks like a douchier King Joffrey.
2012-09-23 12:22:50 PM
2 votes:

UnspokenVoice: You know? I have absolutely no idea what the gender of that person is physically or mentally.


www.frontroomcinema.com

Does he look like a b*tch?

l.yimg.com

W-WHAT?

wiki.tarantino.info

DOES HE LOoOK. LIKE. A B*TCH?

www.wearysloth.com

Well, yes, actually he does look like a b*tch.


a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.comcontent7.flixster.com

2.bp.blogspot.com

Okay, then.
2012-09-22 03:28:08 PM
2 votes:

Mister Peejay: spartphone


profile.ak.fbcdn.net
2012-09-22 03:16:48 PM
2 votes:
I really want to push him into a locker and then take his lunch money.
2012-09-22 03:08:33 PM
2 votes:
i47.tinypic.com
2012-09-22 02:51:24 PM
2 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: awfulperson: This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."

I'm going to start doing that with every mention of iPhone RealDolls going forward.


Good idea.

Opening a RealDoll isn't a religious experience. Using a RealDoll isn't even a religious experience. I have a RealDoll and enjoy it immensely, but people like this guy make me embarrassed to use it in public.
2012-09-22 02:09:32 PM
2 votes:
i.chzbgr.com
2012-09-22 12:53:54 PM
2 votes:
if he is this excited about opening his iPhone, imagine how giddy he will be the first time he has sex.
2012-09-22 12:18:10 PM
2 votes:
I have an overwhelming urge to kick this guy in the shins and shove him in a locker. What a whiny biatch.
2012-09-22 11:53:37 AM
2 votes:
img.photobucket.com
2012-09-22 10:39:18 AM
2 votes:
This is why I like that Android has about 5,983 phones released every month. There's no media-pimped build-up; it's just a farking phone. If Google controlled all hardware and made only one Android phone a year, you can bet we'd see the same levels of idiocy.

/posted from my Asus laptop
2012-09-22 10:31:45 AM
2 votes:
FTFA: Opening an Apple product is a religious experience.

There's your problem.
2012-09-23 09:52:56 PM
1 votes:
This has to be a troll. No one could possibly be this punchable and still be alive.
2012-09-22 11:51:10 PM
1 votes:

As someone who has been using Apple computers since the early '80s, but who is capable of recognizing them as tools, and not as objects of religious worship, I'd just like to say...


img152.imageshack.us

i.imgur.com

lh6.ggpht.com

img90.imageshack.us

And a big...

img155.imageshack.us
2012-09-22 11:15:36 PM
1 votes:

StingerJ: The My Little Pony Killer: awfulperson: This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."

I'm going to start doing that with every mention of iPhone RealDolls going forward.

Good idea.

Opening a RealDoll isn't a religious experience. Using a RealDoll isn't even a religious experience. I have a RealDoll and enjoy it immensely, but people like this guy make me embarrassed to use it in public.


i690.photobucket.com
2012-09-22 10:48:10 PM
1 votes:
This is somehow Samsung's fault.
2012-09-22 10:18:08 PM
1 votes:

TheTrashcanMan: Oh suck it Droidtards.


i.qkme.me
2012-09-22 09:12:35 PM
1 votes:

911Jenny: I can understand being annoyed about the removal of the protective plastic, USB cords when there's community ones to use and forgetting to give back the important stuff that came in the box.

But what did he expect? The AT&T guy to stroke him off while he slowly undressed the box and gently slid his fingers inside to pop the box open?


...maybe
2012-09-22 09:09:40 PM
1 votes:
I can understand being annoyed about the removal of the protective plastic, USB cords when there's community ones to use and forgetting to give back the important stuff that came in the box.

But what did he expect? The AT&T guy to stroke him off while he slowly undressed the box and gently slid his fingers inside to pop the box open?
2012-09-22 08:41:11 PM
1 votes:

Mitt Romneys Tax Return: oMaJoJ: 3. The rep then encourages you to open your RealDoll and shares in your excitement.

But who goes first, you or the rep?


Well, one would think you're supposed to go first while he cheers you on, but the decent thing to do would be to spitroast the thing.
2012-09-22 08:22:43 PM
1 votes:
That's it.

Just because of this I am going to take a trip to the Apple store with a small speaker hidden in my pocket and play the default iphone text message sound loudly every few minutes so I can get every wanker in the place digging their phones out at the same time.
2012-09-22 07:58:30 PM
1 votes:
He is just pissed that the sales guy played just the tip with his new iGirl.
2012-09-22 05:25:48 PM
1 votes:

roflmaonow: Is this the biatching thread for the map apps on iOS6? God is it truly bad.


img221.imageshack.us

Should be.
2012-09-22 04:49:09 PM
1 votes:

roflmaonow: Actually from what I remember when I got my iphone 4 from the AT&T store a couple of years ago the hot latino lady opened the box for me and made sure it was activated and ready to go. Of course I didn't mind since she put out and I wasn't concentrating on the box so much.


Which box?
2012-09-22 04:39:19 PM
1 votes:
Actually from what I remember when I got my iphone 4 from the AT&T store a couple of years ago the hot latino lady opened the box for me and made sure it was activated and ready to go. Of course I didn't mind since she put out and I wasn't concentrating on the box so much.
2012-09-22 03:37:45 PM
1 votes:
Sleazy_as_Pie: By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off... I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.

Then we'll take it up with your $11 an hour boss, tough guy. Congratulations on being the only person in this thread to come across as more of a dick than the dick the article was about.
2012-09-22 03:27:03 PM
1 votes:
imageshack.us
2012-09-22 02:10:31 PM
1 votes:
What a pussy! I think this is the biggest douche in the universe.

Anyone not posting from their iPhone care to post an easy to view sized pic if this idiot?
2012-09-22 02:08:35 PM
1 votes:
There's gonna be a goddamn war, and these people will be the first up against the wall.
2012-09-22 02:07:05 PM
1 votes:
Opening an Apple product is a religious experience.

So is circumcision, and like a bris, an intelligent person will not do it more than once.
2012-09-22 01:49:35 PM
1 votes:
I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be

Way to go, dude. You overloaded my tool-ometer. Now I have to get a new one. I hope the sales rep doesn't take it out of the box first...
2012-09-22 01:44:22 PM
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: This guy must be a masochist to still be in love with them.


TFA said that opening an Apple product is a religious experience. He's like a guy who was buggered by a priest but is still a devout Catholic.
2012-09-22 01:22:36 PM
1 votes:
Sprint employee here...

You know why we open the boxes for you? Because the average customer (particularly the average Sprint customer) is too stupid to activate the device themselves, and will come back more pissed off about it not working than you are because "WAAAA they opened it!" Not to mention the fact that if you don't unbrick and activate it properly, the data connection won't work unless we factory reset it (after taking additional time to back up the device to iTunes since you're too goddamn stupid to work a computer).

By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off. Once they've been added to the account, they're used. Whether we open the box or not, that phone cannot be resold to another customer. I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.
2012-09-22 01:21:56 PM
1 votes:
I suspect I'm sometimes more critical of Apple products than I otherwise would be, if only to compensate for the people who believe that they are literally magic.
2012-09-22 01:01:25 PM
1 votes:
i241.photobucket.com
2012-09-22 12:57:25 PM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump.


1.bp.blogspot.com

"You're a brownie, you're a bluebird, you're a Girl Scout Cookie."
2012-09-22 12:57:10 PM
1 votes:

violentsalvation: Lsherm: violentsalvation: I wonder if this is the same guy.

That's him.

He owed Apple almost $700,000 in restitution, how in the hell does he have enough money for a farking iPhone?

Hahaha. I wish he had his blog open to comments.


His "Contact" button is broken! *sobs*
2012-09-22 12:47:36 PM
1 votes:
Wow that article was so douchy I almost could smell the vinegar. Jesus it is just a phone.
2012-09-22 12:39:50 PM
1 votes:

Lsherm: What a farking douchebag.

Also, if this isn't the very definition of "white people problem" then I don't know what is. There are places on this planet where this man would be killed for being such a goddamn nancy about a farking phone.


I couldn't help but imagine a starving kid in a third world country given a handful of rice and saying "Awwww I wanted to open the rice bag up myself"
2012-09-22 12:32:57 PM
1 votes:
What a farking douchebag.

Also, if this isn't the very definition of "white people problem" then I don't know what is. There are places on this planet where this man would be killed for being such a goddamn nancy about a farking phone.
2012-09-22 12:05:34 PM
1 votes:
Fark iPhone fanbois. IPhone roll-outs are a huge pain in the ass. You can't even imagine. This has been the worst week.

/Works at Verizon
2012-09-22 11:11:54 AM
1 votes:
i buy an iphone for the old lady at the apple store every other release and i don't think they've ever had her unbox it. they always take it out, set it up for her, put the box in a bag with her old iphone and we walk out and go on with our life. is that not the default expectation?
2012-09-22 10:14:23 AM
1 votes:
Yeah, this guy's a little over the top. But I agree with him to a certain extent, regardless of it being an Apple product or not.
 
If I didn't know jack about any tech devices I'd be like, "Yeah, sure go ahead, set that up for me". But part of the enjoyment I get from new gadgets is, kinda what the writer is talking about (albeit on a hugely lower level), the experience of unpacking it, turning it on for the first time, setting it up, etc, etc.
 
Here's how they he should have handled it. 
 
1. He tells the rep, "Hey chief, how about you go get me a new unopened iPhone, I pay for it and walk out of the store."
2012-09-22 10:02:50 AM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


This belongs on a monument downtown, or on a status inside of every mall.
2012-09-22 08:20:16 AM
1 votes:
Wife said this guy is obviously not married!
 
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