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(Some Guy)   Bleating Apple fanboy's iPhone 'experience' is ruined when the sales drone takes it out of the box where he can't see it. Oh, the humanity   (nickwoodhams.com) divider line 209
    More: Dumbass, iPhone, Apple fanboy  
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14723 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Sep 2012 at 12:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-22 02:52:00 PM
FTFA: "Opening an Apple product is a religious experience"

Wow. Some 12 year old packed that crap in a box and his opening and removing the contents is a religious experience? Just sad.

I understand the excitement of playing with a new gadget but the iPhone 5 is still an iPhone. Just faster and smaller and bigger and brighter. Still an iPhone.
 
2012-09-22 03:00:51 PM
I have an aquaintance (i wont say friend) like this. Nice guy, really, except when it comes to Apple products, then he's Fanboi #1.
 
2012-09-22 03:04:38 PM
3. The rep then encourages you to open your iPhone and shares in your excitement.

Are you farking kidding me?
 
2012-09-22 03:08:33 PM
i47.tinypic.com
 
2012-09-22 03:09:02 PM

Satanic_Hamster: Apple users; this is why we make fun of you. This. It's not the stats / technical capabilities of your phones. It's THIS RIGHT HERE.


I use both Apple and PC. It's the contrived Consumer Brand War that is ridiculous. And I've yet to meet anyone who actually takes the Apple vs. PC thing seriously. I mean, it's not like we're talking about cola choice here. That sh*t's serious business.
 
2012-09-22 03:10:19 PM
I felt like this sales rep had stolen from me.

This must be the guy the people over at The Consumerist complain about being too whiny.

3. The rep then encourages you to open your iPhone and shares in your excitement.

Oh for fark's sake, is this satire? Do people like this actually exist?
 
2012-09-22 03:12:24 PM
It's a farking phone. It's not an Oscar, Nobel Prize or blowjob from God Himself. There's no "experience", there's no sharing, there's just you and a goddamned cardboard box standing between you and your overpriced substandard electronics.

/sheltered man-child white people problems
 
2012-09-22 03:15:04 PM
There are many reasons not to choose Apple products as part of my own personal opinion.

Self-important douche's like that are the best reason to hate apple products.
 
2012-09-22 03:16:48 PM
I really want to push him into a locker and then take his lunch money.
 
2012-09-22 03:19:22 PM
You know, there was a time many, many moons ago when I might have written something like that. Not about the iPhone -they didn't exist back then- but I'd have found other things. Hell; at my worst stages of Mac-zealotry, I might even have written worse.

But even I never got so bad as to idolize opening the freaking box, or to piss and moan over a store employee not being as insane as I was. Is this what the Apple-zealots do nowadays? Have they gone this far off the deep end?
 
2012-09-22 03:19:31 PM

Marcus Aurelius: I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be

I'm pretty sure there are good medications on the market for this problem.


"Do you know what an iPhone 5 is?"

"Well, it's.."

"It's a phone. Just... a phone. Now why do guys like you and me know what an iPhone 5 is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?"

/the zombie apocalypse has been and gone, and the zombies shop Apple
 
2012-09-22 03:19:52 PM

Enemabag Jones: There are many reasons not to choose Apple products as part of my own personal opinion.

Self-important douche's like that are the best reason to hate apple products.



I don't know why the religious zealotry of their customer base should reflect poorly on the product. I use what works best for me in a particular situation, and that sometimes involves Apple products (I prefer an iMac at work because it interfaces with linux clusters more seamlessly, but I have a PC at home for gaming).

However, I now have a new sense of sympathy toward the everyday guy who has the utter misfortune of having a job at an Apple store. Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a cracker. I'd get fired in the first 15 minutes after punching one of these pinch-faced children.
 
2012-09-22 03:22:13 PM

StingerJ: Opening a RealDoll isn't a religious experience. Using a RealDoll isn't even a religious experience. I have a RealDoll and enjoy it immensely, but people like this guy make me embarrassed to use it in public.


Man up and use what's best for you. Haters gonna hate.
 
2012-09-22 03:23:43 PM
My twitter account is basically a ghost, but I did log in just for this guy. I encourage you to do the same. He needs laughed at, toughen him up.
 
2012-09-22 03:25:02 PM

swaxhog: itsdan: Last year when I upgraded to the 4S I preordered it online, it was delivered to my house on release day, and was there when I got home. I followed the simple instructions to backup my old phone and activate my new one, and I was done.

Why the hell do people go to a store on release day?

Because this year, the online store sold out in minutes and then had 3-5 weeks delivery dates. So in a twist, on Friday most stores had piles of them in stock and all the people who pre-ordered where gnashing their teeth because their phone was still on a boat from China and the store wouldn't let them cancel their pre-order and buy in store.


So they have to wait a whole month. BFD.

Oh, never mind, we're talking about smartphones, the spartphone technology advance is so rapid that you have to throw away your phone every two weeks.
 
2012-09-22 03:26:04 PM

LouDobbsAwaaaay: However, I now have a new sense of sympathy toward the everyday guy who has the utter misfortune of having a job at an Apple store. Jesus tap-dancing Christ on a cracker. I'd get fired in the first 15 minutes after punching one of these pinch-faced children.


One would think this guy is not very popular with the pinch faced children. He went to an AT&T store to buy his iPhone. He is a traitor!
 
2012-09-22 03:26:12 PM
i49.tinypic.com
 
2012-09-22 03:27:03 PM
imageshack.us
 
2012-09-22 03:28:08 PM

Mister Peejay: spartphone


profile.ak.fbcdn.net
 
2012-09-22 03:33:35 PM

inflatedKarma: if he is this excited about opening his iPhone, imagine how giddy he will be the first time he has sex.


I look forward to his blog.

I was invited into the brothel this morning, after a long wait, to purchase my hooker. I avoided looking at the display model hookers on the way in, and averted my gaze from everyone elses hookers. I wanted to enrich the experience of screwing my own hooker, and make it more special than it already would be. The pimp retrieved the hooker I requested...

Then he then proceeded to screw the hooker himself, with his back to me.
 
2012-09-22 03:36:51 PM
Reduce your online exposure.

Link

inflatedKarma: if he is this excited about opening his iPhone, imagine how giddy he will be the first time he has sex.
This guy probably did OK with women. Women say they like men with a sense of humor.
 
2012-09-22 03:37:45 PM
Sleazy_as_Pie: By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off... I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.

Then we'll take it up with your $11 an hour boss, tough guy. Congratulations on being the only person in this thread to come across as more of a dick than the dick the article was about.
 
2012-09-22 03:56:31 PM
I predict this thread will be entering epic territory momentarily.
 
2012-09-22 04:13:06 PM
Opening an Apple product is a religious experience

Idiot.
 
2012-09-22 04:21:42 PM

Marcus Aurelius: I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be

I'm pretty sure there are good medications on the market for this problem.


I'd suggest starting with cyanide. Cyanide is medicine, right?
 
2012-09-22 04:23:59 PM
Is this the biatching thread for the map apps on iOS6? God is it truly bad.
 
2012-09-22 04:25:34 PM
This was my experience buying my first smart phone. I had driven my mother 100 miles to Las Vegas to get a spinal tap. While we were in the medical building, there was a major downpour, that closed the entrance to the freeway that I was familiar with, so I got lost. In trying to find another freeway entrance, I passed a RadioShack.

I backtracked and ran into the store, and a young girl asked if she could help me. I asked her if she could sell me a (brand X) phone in 15 minutes, as I had my mother in pain and wanted to get her home. She trotted down the line of accessories, unwrapping them as she went, got to the counter, made a phone call, activated the phone, explained how to use it, and set up the GPS so I could figure out how to get back to the freeway, all in 11 minutes.

This was my first and only happy visit to a RadioShack. I was so impressed, I wrote their headquarters.
 
2012-09-22 04:26:39 PM
5. He uses a spare USB cable, and leaves yours in the box, factory wrapped.

Granted it doesn't say wheter or not the (proably already disgruntled at having to deal with such assclowns) sales rep uses it, but here's a ridiculous idea... maybe he's seeing if the stupid thing actually works?
 
2012-09-22 04:28:18 PM
holy crap that guy needs a swift kick to the vagina
 
2012-09-22 04:37:08 PM
3 guys I work with waited overnight, or at least from early morning hours to get their phones at an Apple Store.

Guy that sits next to me left at 11, went to Radio Shack, got one, got lunch, made it back in under an hour.

I had a similar experience with my 4S at Verizon. Apple Store was sold out and back ordered or some crap for weeks. My DroidX broke so I went to Verizon store to find a new phone, 4S in stock.

Apple has the market cornered on people thinking they can only get Apple products at Apple stores.
 
2012-09-22 04:39:19 PM
Actually from what I remember when I got my iphone 4 from the AT&T store a couple of years ago the hot latino lady opened the box for me and made sure it was activated and ready to go. Of course I didn't mind since she put out and I wasn't concentrating on the box so much.
 
2012-09-22 04:49:09 PM

roflmaonow: Actually from what I remember when I got my iphone 4 from the AT&T store a couple of years ago the hot latino lady opened the box for me and made sure it was activated and ready to go. Of course I didn't mind since she put out and I wasn't concentrating on the box so much.


Which box?
 
2012-09-22 04:56:21 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: roflmaonow: Actually from what I remember when I got my iphone 4 from the AT&T store a couple of years ago the hot latino lady opened the box for me and made sure it was activated and ready to go. Of course I didn't mind since she put out and I wasn't concentrating on the box so much.

Which box?


Exactly.
 
2012-09-22 04:59:05 PM

Barricaded Gunman: Sleazy_as_Pie: By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off... I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.

Then we'll take it up with your $11 an hour boss, tough guy. Congratulations on being the only person in this thread to come across as more of a dick than the dick the article was about.


Agree...as a Sprint customer, I almost wanna come in to where you work to just fark with you.
 
2012-09-22 05:25:48 PM

roflmaonow: Is this the biatching thread for the map apps on iOS6? God is it truly bad.


img221.imageshack.us

Should be.
 
2012-09-22 05:40:17 PM
As an android user, I feel like this article is an absolutely worthless waste of everyone's time.
I don't care that this child didn't get what he wanted - and I'm pretty sure apple users don't give a fark either.
 
2012-09-22 05:51:16 PM
I couldn't resist sending this kid the following email:

I just finished reading your Sep. 21st blog post about getting your iPhone 5, and when you wrote :Opening an Apple product is a religious experience. It's one of the best things about the first day with your shiny new device. He took that from me." all I could think was "Seriously dude? A 'religious' experience? How lame and shallow is your life and exactly how much of a looser are you that to you unboxing some piece of iCrap ranks up there with touching the divine? Did Steve Jobs have a restraining order against you because you kept stalking him and offering to blow him? I bet he did."
 
2012-09-22 06:01:30 PM
I...I just don't know what to say. Apple's marketing department must be creaming themselves over this kind of enthusiasm.
That said, I've owned several iThings. One of which I've revived after a large coffee was spilled across the keyboard. So yeah...Apple gets props from me on that. But all this for a consumer electronic that could get you mugged & killed, or mocked relentlessly on Fark? I'm ashamed to share a species with this oxygen thief.
 
2012-09-22 06:06:45 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [i49.tinypic.com image 800x597]


+1
 
2012-09-22 06:09:47 PM
This reminds me- I was watched the ceremony where SSG Sal Giunta received the Medal of Honor from Pres. Obama. Obama TOTALLY RUINED the experience for Giunta. He picked it up out of the box and fastened it around Giunta's neck. The guy got Democrat cooties all over it and didn't even give Giunta the chance to take it out of the box. Obama totally ruined this nation's highest military honor and I hope Giunta asks for another one.
 
2012-09-22 06:16:33 PM
... and this, my friends, is why I refuse to touch anything Apple. The technology is OK, but the lawyers and users are complete wastes of oxygen.
 
2012-09-22 06:25:32 PM

Nem Wan:

The iPhone is not made whole and perfect by assembling its atoms to match a Star Trek replicator pattern. It's made of lots of parts assembled by hand. If you ever need service it's likely Apple could give you a refurbished unit (with new screen, enclosure, and battery) as the replacement. You may find this frustrating if you are particular about more than it being the right model, looking good, and working.


I'm fully aware of the above, but If I pay the premium for a NEW example of a device (and I don't buy apple at all by the way) then I expect it factory sealed in my hand, as I completely do not ever trust the supply chain not to pull shiat like giving me a refurb or losing some part or dropping it. Factory systems are on the whole systematic and reliable, stores and teenage douchebags in them are not.

I also do not take refurbs on any service if my legal rights dont require me to (here they almost never do). By insisting on this and making it clear I do know the difference I have avoided a number of common problems with returns, for instance not receiving a refurb xbox 360 for my nephew when his packed up a month in). Really, it makes a difference, your refurb is usually a unit that went wrong already and got 'fixed'. This is not a good thing.
 
2012-09-22 06:26:54 PM

I_Am_Weasel: So, I assume, this is what is called a first world problem?


I think these problems are for a younger person, no?
 
2012-09-22 06:28:18 PM
It reminds me of BullBearMS finding out that the IPhone5 8hr talk time wasnt actually better than the Razr Maxx's 21Hrs. Apparently we ruined his life.
 
2012-09-22 06:28:45 PM

Sleazy_as_Pie:
By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off.


Dont worry, I am very polite and organised and would not let you get as far as opening it then be a dick. If you INSISTED on messing with it after I asked you not to then yeah Ill be a douchebag back at you, but being asked as soon as you pick the unit up to give it to me sealed and I will set it up myself is not unreasonable.
 
2012-09-22 06:39:06 PM

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: ... and this, my friends, is why I refuse to touch anything Apple. The technology is OK, but the lawyers and users are complete wastes of oxygen.


The lawyers are doing what lawyers do. Happens in every field.
Not all the users are morons. I come down pretty heavy on Apple fanboys, and I use a few Apple products.
Ok, maybe I'm a bit of a moron sometimes; but you'll never find me worshiping at the iAlter.
 
2012-09-22 06:40:43 PM
Oh, for fark's sake. What a douchenozzel.
 
2012-09-22 06:56:28 PM
A) It's probably satire.
2) I thought it would be a legitimate concern about a clerk switching a display model for the one in the box (for some reason)
III) If it's real this derper is derp.

/The service during my one visit to an Apple store (Chicago) was probably the best I have ever experienced. Knowledgeable staff, saff had integrated iPhone communication at every level from stocking to purchase. In and out in 10 minutes, tops.
//Some experiences may differ.
 
2012-09-22 06:59:49 PM
First off, i I am buying small electronics, I will unbox them and power them on and make sure they work, as a little preventive medicine.

And no matter how well you think you now your phone, you could jack it up, because you can use itunes does not make you an electronics genius.

I work at ATT and take escalations and have been working 12 hour days because of the iphone 5.

90 percent of apple users are pretentious dbags. I have never seen such entitlement.

"If I do not get my 15 year old an I5 this weekend, she says she will run away, you want that on your hands?" This was told to me.

Or the people with iphones only six months in contract, wanting the upgrade price. "I have been with your company 2 years, I expect you to make me happy"

Or the people who do not make back ups to the cloud or on their own computers. Tons of people take them in our stores and expect our employees to do it...
 
2012-09-22 07:40:58 PM

Sleazy_as_Pie: Sprint employee here...

You know why we open the boxes for you? Because the average customer (particularly the average Sprint customer) is too stupid to activate the device themselves, and will come back more pissed off about it not working than you are because "WAAAA they opened it!" Not to mention the fact that if you don't unbrick and activate it properly, the data connection won't work unless we factory reset it (after taking additional time to back up the device to iTunes since you're too goddamn stupid to work a computer).

By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off. Once they've been added to the account, they're used. Whether we open the box or not, that phone cannot be resold to another customer. I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.


Makes sense, I also figured with release runs of over demanded stuff they would be checking for defects, so they could catch them BEFORE the customer leaves, and has to come back and be told that you are out and they will have to wait foe a replacement.

Ya know actually customer service.
 
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