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(Some Guy)   Bleating Apple fanboy's iPhone 'experience' is ruined when the sales drone takes it out of the box where he can't see it. Oh, the humanity   (nickwoodhams.com) divider line 209
    More: Dumbass, iPhone, Apple fanboy  
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14720 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Sep 2012 at 12:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-22 01:06:51 PM
images2.makefive.com
 
2012-09-22 01:07:00 PM

Lsherm: violentsalvation: I wonder if this is the same guy.

That's him.

He owed Apple almost $700,000 in restitution, how in the hell does he have enough money for a farking iPhone?


I think the better question is, how the hell did he even get there and where is he going to charge it?

In addition to all of the above, Woodhams was also forced to forfeit about $750,000 worth of ill-gotten gains, including a house in Michigan, an Audi S4, an Ariel Atom 2, a Honda motorcycle, and more than half a million dollars in cold, hard cash.
 
2012-09-22 01:08:44 PM
If I worked at AT&T I'd do that to every idiot who bought an iPhone.

If only to get this kind of butthurt:

I took a deep breath, and swallowed the lump in my throat. The sales rep then removed the Lightning USB cord from my box, peeled away the packaging, and stretched out my USB cord between his hands. I looked on, puzzled, as I could see several spare cords the manager had unpacked on the counter.

Then the AT&T rep proceeded to scatter the contents of my iPhone box all over the counter. He peeled off the front and back plastic covers from my iPhone and threw them in the trash. Then he sat the bare iPhone down on the table and pushed it toward his computer.
 
2012-09-22 01:09:01 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.


Thou shalt make no denigrating utterances against the priesthood in the temple! Turn over your tithe, accept your blessing and walk with Jobs, my son.

/so done with Apple
 
2012-09-22 01:10:48 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.


I'm sure he turned his steely gaze onto the cashier, and between gritted teeth growled "See you on my blog, mutherfarker"
 
2012-09-22 01:14:47 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


That is why when I go to the Apple store I wear only my jock strap and a Viking helmet. I alternate between a claymore and a scimitar as my weapon of choice. "I take no shiat from thee!! My iPhone cur, lest I blood eagle you on the customer service desk!!"
 
2012-09-22 01:18:01 PM

gaspode: Im a pretty un-apple kind of guy, but if I buy something completely new and very expensive and someone else takes it out of the box and farks about with it before I have checked the contents then he is changing it for a new one.

If he drops any part of it, charger or whatever, on the floor he is changing it for a new one.

Hell if anyone but me breaks the security seal on the pack he is changing it for a new one. Otherwise I have no way whatsoever of knowing it is a new unit.


The iPhone is not made whole and perfect by assembling its atoms to match a Star Trek replicator pattern. It's made of lots of parts assembled by hand. If you ever need service it's likely Apple could give you a refurbished unit (with new screen, enclosure, and battery) as the replacement. You may find this frustrating if you are particular about more than it being the right model, looking good, and working.
 
2012-09-22 01:20:35 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


You sir deserve all the interwebs in exsistance. Even that crazy Iranian one.
/bow
 
2012-09-22 01:21:39 PM

Roook: I'm sure he turned his steely gaze onto the cashier, and between gritted teeth growled "See you on my blog, mutherfarker"


goodcomics.comicbookresources.com
 
2012-09-22 01:21:56 PM
I suspect I'm sometimes more critical of Apple products than I otherwise would be, if only to compensate for the people who believe that they are literally magic.
 
2012-09-22 01:22:36 PM
Sprint employee here...

You know why we open the boxes for you? Because the average customer (particularly the average Sprint customer) is too stupid to activate the device themselves, and will come back more pissed off about it not working than you are because "WAAAA they opened it!" Not to mention the fact that if you don't unbrick and activate it properly, the data connection won't work unless we factory reset it (after taking additional time to back up the device to iTunes since you're too goddamn stupid to work a computer).

By the way, if you tell me to swap it for an unopened one, you'll be told, in the most polite, tactful, friendly way possible, to fark right off. Once they've been added to the account, they're used. Whether we open the box or not, that phone cannot be resold to another customer. I'm not taking the heat from corporate for replacing a perfectly good device (especially one with demand this high) just because you wanted to tear your own shrink wrap, crybaby.
 
2012-09-22 01:29:31 PM
Opening an Apple product is a religious experience.

OH HELL NO
 
2012-09-22 01:29:50 PM
Whoever wrote this, please kill yourself for the benefit of all mankind.
 
2012-09-22 01:39:19 PM
Can someone just give this guy a great big smack across the mouth? Not enough to really hurt him, but enough to get him to tear up a little.
 
2012-09-22 01:41:38 PM

poorjon: Can someone just give this guy a great big smack across the mouth? Not enough to really hurt him, but enough to get him to tear up a little.


Well if it's the same guy as the article linked up top, Apple gave him a right smacking across the face, twice. They sued him for around 1.5 million because he was scamming people on iPhone/iPod repairs and he spent some time in jail.

This guy must be a masochist to still be in love with them.
 
2012-09-22 01:43:13 PM
I guess it is to hard to say to the salesperson in a pleasant voice. "Hey, do you mind if I open that? I think its kind of cool to open new toys."
 
2012-09-22 01:43:30 PM
This is just ....I am not sure they even have a word for this....
 
2012-09-22 01:44:22 PM

scottydoesntknow: This guy must be a masochist to still be in love with them.


TFA said that opening an Apple product is a religious experience. He's like a guy who was buggered by a priest but is still a devout Catholic.
 
2012-09-22 01:49:35 PM
I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be

Way to go, dude. You overloaded my tool-ometer. Now I have to get a new one. I hope the sales rep doesn't take it out of the box first...
 
2012-09-22 01:52:07 PM
What a whiny little biatch...
 
2012-09-22 02:00:51 PM
This is the moment that I relized I will never own another Apple product ever again for fear of being associated with someone like that. Fear of getting whatever he has on my shoes, or even seeing it.


/posted from my macbook pro.
 
2012-09-22 02:01:51 PM
Because the launch of a new iPhone is the time to start tailoring the customer experience to the individual, not get people in and get them out again. It's cool, dude. You go ahead and have your little "experience" at the counter, there. Take as long as you want. There's nobody in line behind you. Your mom was right...you're a snowflake and the only person on the planet that matters.

What do you want to bet this dude gets flipped of while driving daily?
 
2012-09-22 02:03:13 PM
i1151.photobucket.com



/oblig
 
2012-09-22 02:03:50 PM
Flipped off, even.
 
2012-09-22 02:04:10 PM
Kill yourself you chicken shiat emo douchebag, avoid the rest of your miserable and painful existence.
 
2012-09-22 02:04:11 PM

scottydoesntknow:
Well if it's the same guy as the article linked up top, Apple gave him a right smacking across the face, twice. They sued him for around 1.5 million because he was scamming people on iPhone/iPod repairs and he spent some time in jail.


Yup. Looks like it is he same guy. And it looks like now he has a new company called "Please Return Me" that runs the same scam that got him sued and thrown in jail.
 
2012-09-22 02:05:43 PM

spelletrader: Kill yourself you chicken shiat emo douchebag, avoid the rest of your miserable and painful existence.


Yikes. Done with YouTube and Netflix reviews for the day?
 
2012-09-22 02:06:21 PM

Braggi: I guess it is to hard to say to the salesperson in a pleasant voice. "Hey, do you mind if I open that? I think its kind of cool to open new toys."


I think actually putting those thoughts into words would make the speaker realize just how low they have sunk.
 
2012-09-22 02:07:05 PM
Opening an Apple product is a religious experience.

So is circumcision, and like a bris, an intelligent person will not do it more than once.
 
2012-09-22 02:07:54 PM
White people's problems.
 
2012-09-22 02:08:35 PM
There's gonna be a goddamn war, and these people will be the first up against the wall.
 
2012-09-22 02:08:47 PM
This is why I never agreed with "the customer is always right". They seldom are and the more insistent they are the more wrong they are. This little biatch should never leave his parents house.
 
2012-09-22 02:08:50 PM

itsdan: Last year when I upgraded to the 4S I preordered it online, it was delivered to my house on release day, and was there when I got home. I followed the simple instructions to backup my old phone and activate my new one, and I was done.

Why the hell do people go to a store on release day?


For the experience.
 
2012-09-22 02:09:32 PM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2012-09-22 02:09:54 PM
Sweet zombie Jesus, that's the most punchable face I've ever seen.
 
2012-09-22 02:10:31 PM
What a pussy! I think this is the biggest douche in the universe.

Anyone not posting from their iPhone care to post an easy to view sized pic if this idiot?
 
2012-09-22 02:19:39 PM
I'm trying to imagine the circumstances under which subby found this post, I mean, I can't imagine finding it unless I personally knew the guy, or was very familiar with Apple's litigation history. Maybe Subby just stumbled across this guy's twitter one day and bookmarked him figuring it was only a matter of time before he wrote the most whiny douche blog post of all time.
 
2012-09-22 02:20:41 PM
Bleating iHaters ramble on and on and care far too much about basically nothing
 
2012-09-22 02:23:52 PM

Alphakronik: [i1151.photobucket.com image 530x473]



/oblig


#AppleRage
 
2012-09-22 02:27:54 PM

scottydoesntknow: poorjon: Can someone just give this guy a great big smack across the mouth? Not enough to really hurt him, but enough to get him to tear up a little.

Well if it's the same guy as the article linked up top, Apple gave him a right smacking across the face, twice. They sued him for around 1.5 million because he was scamming people on iPhone/iPod repairs and he spent some time in jail.

This guy must be a masochist to still be in love with them.


Exactly. He ripped them off to the tune of well over a million dollars and now he complaining they opened the box before he could? If the Apple store knew who he was they should have told him to fark off.
 
2012-09-22 02:28:18 PM
After reading that, I truly weep for our nation.
 
2012-09-22 02:28:20 PM
I actually felt dumber after having read that. It's just a frickin' phone, people. If the same level of passion was reserved for something a bit more, I dunno, beneficial to the betterment of humanity, we'd be better off.
 
2012-09-22 02:29:51 PM
Maybe he should have ordered it to be sent to his home instead of getting it in-store, since it's SOP for ANY mobile phone retailer to take it out of the box and make the first adjustments for you.
 
2012-09-22 02:34:32 PM

awfulperson: This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."


I'm going to start doing that with every mention of iPhone going forward.
 
2012-09-22 02:40:57 PM
Apple users; this is why we make fun of you. This. It's not the stats / technical capabilities of your phones. It's THIS RIGHT HERE.
 
2012-09-22 02:41:46 PM

bingethinker: Bleating iHaters ramble on and on and care far too much about basically nothing


Bleating iHaters
Ramble on and on and care
Too much about zip

/close enough

//sorry
 
2012-09-22 02:44:55 PM

orclover: This is the moment that I relized I will never own another Apple product ever again for fear of being associated with someone like that. Fear of getting whatever he has on my shoes, or even seeing it.

/posted from my macbook pro.


That's the exact reason this sort of anti-Apple propaganda gets spread around. They're trying to bully you into not buying another Apple product. Your response should be to ignore the paid shills and brainwashed douchebags, and buy whatever you want.
 
2012-09-22 02:47:01 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


That's beautiful, man.
 
2012-09-22 02:48:50 PM

Satanic_Hamster: Apple users; this is why we make fun of you. This. It's not the stats / technical capabilities of your phones. It's THIS RIGHT HERE.


this
 
2012-09-22 02:51:24 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: awfulperson: This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."

I'm going to start doing that with every mention of iPhone RealDolls going forward.


Good idea.

Opening a RealDoll isn't a religious experience. Using a RealDoll isn't even a religious experience. I have a RealDoll and enjoy it immensely, but people like this guy make me embarrassed to use it in public.
 
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