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(Some Guy)   Bleating Apple fanboy's iPhone 'experience' is ruined when the sales drone takes it out of the box where he can't see it. Oh, the humanity   (nickwoodhams.com) divider line 209
    More: Dumbass, iPhone, Apple fanboy  
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14728 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Sep 2012 at 12:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-22 05:30:00 AM
Maybe its just me, but opening a new Apple product is usually my LEAST favorite part of the experience.
 
2012-09-22 05:53:35 AM

mr_a: Maybe its just me, but opening a new Apple product is usually my LEAST favorite part of the experience.


I dunno...I mean, I wouldn't be as upset as this guy and anal about not looking at other phones. But, this is like that pushy friend we had as kids that tried to help us open our birthday presents.

It's my toy.
 
2012-09-22 07:08:58 AM
Im a pretty un-apple kind of guy, but if I buy something completely new and very expensive and someone else takes it out of the box and farks about with it before I have checked the contents then he is changing it for a new one.

If he drops any part of it, charger or whatever, on the floor he is changing it for a new one.

Hell if anyone but me breaks the security seal on the pack he is changing it for a new one. Otherwise I have no way whatsoever of knowing it is a new unit.
 
2012-09-22 07:59:26 AM
Last year when I upgraded to the 4S I preordered it online, it was delivered to my house on release day, and was there when I got home. I followed the simple instructions to backup my old phone and activate my new one, and I was done.

Why the hell do people go to a store on release day?
 
2012-09-22 08:12:00 AM
So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.
 
2012-09-22 08:20:16 AM
Wife said this guy is obviously not married!
 
2012-09-22 10:02:50 AM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


This belongs on a monument downtown, or on a status inside of every mall.
 
2012-09-22 10:03:25 AM
I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be

I'm pretty sure there are good medications on the market for this problem.
 
2012-09-22 10:10:18 AM
He went full douche. You NEVER go full douche.

jeebus, what a farking crybaby weener.
 
2012-09-22 10:11:09 AM
Your childhood is over. You're not going to have another Christmas morning. Opening your presents while your parents look on approvingly, wallowing in consumerism. So sorry your artificial family experience was ruined by Apple, crybaby. But it's time to move on. Just be lucky your tears aren't flammable or I'd set your face on fire. Now get married, have some kids, and hate your life like the rest of us adults, son.
 
2012-09-22 10:14:23 AM
Yeah, this guy's a little over the top. But I agree with him to a certain extent, regardless of it being an Apple product or not.
 
If I didn't know jack about any tech devices I'd be like, "Yeah, sure go ahead, set that up for me". But part of the enjoyment I get from new gadgets is, kinda what the writer is talking about (albeit on a hugely lower level), the experience of unpacking it, turning it on for the first time, setting it up, etc, etc.
 
Here's how they he should have handled it. 
 
1. He tells the rep, "Hey chief, how about you go get me a new unopened iPhone, I pay for it and walk out of the store."
 
2012-09-22 10:31:45 AM
FTFA: Opening an Apple product is a religious experience.

There's your problem.
 
2012-09-22 10:37:11 AM
I wish I was there when his parents told him Santa wasn't real. The tears would have been epic. Cry in the corner, Apple fanbois.
 
2012-09-22 10:39:18 AM
This is why I like that Android has about 5,983 phones released every month. There's no media-pimped build-up; it's just a farking phone. If Google controlled all hardware and made only one Android phone a year, you can bet we'd see the same levels of idiocy.

/posted from my Asus laptop
 
2012-09-22 10:50:56 AM

Generation_D: Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.

This belongs on a monument downtown, or on a status inside of every mall.


It's should be the first words anyone sees when they visit The Consumerist.
 
2012-09-22 10:51:15 AM
Count me in as one of the people who don't want an experience. I got my iPad at an Apple store and they insisted on giving me the "experience". I didn't want them to open the box, set up anything or give me any instruction. All I wanted to do is a) give them their money and b) open the box to make sure the iPad is working.
 
2012-09-22 10:53:01 AM
I was invited into the AT&T store this morning, after a long wait, to purchase my iPhone 5. I avoided looking at the display model iPhones on the way in, and averted my gaze from everyone elses iPhones. I wanted to enrich the experience of opening my own iPhone 5, and make it more special than it already would be. The sales rep retrieved the iPhone I requested...

Then he then proceeded to open the iPhone himself, with his back to me.


Self absorbed and ridiculous. You'll make a fine wage slave some day. Let me guess, you are already a developer?
 
2012-09-22 10:55:47 AM
Nick Woodhams
Web Designer & Entrepreneur


Says so right on the page.

In my defense I had avoided looking at the sidebar on my way to reading your story, and averted my eyes from the margin. I wanted to enrich the experience of reading your douchiness on my own, make it more special than it already would be.
 
2012-09-22 11:00:56 AM
It's a times like this when I am forced to take a deep breath and remind myself that a few thousand idiots jumping like a Yorkie when you shake the treat box for a phone are off set by the 300+ million people who did not. Yet, when the morning news stories are filled with these vapid asshats waxing prosaic over an iteration of device in existence for half a decade, I find this state of acceptance difficult to maintain.
 
2012-09-22 11:11:54 AM
i buy an iphone for the old lady at the apple store every other release and i don't think they've ever had her unbox it. they always take it out, set it up for her, put the box in a bag with her old iphone and we walk out and go on with our life. is that not the default expectation?
 
2012-09-22 11:31:37 AM
So, I assume, this is what is called a first world problem?
 
2012-09-22 11:32:10 AM
This all reminds me that i really need to cash in my upgrade and finally replace my 1st gen moto droid
 
2012-09-22 11:35:09 AM
3. The rep then encourages you to open your iPhone and shares in your excitement.

The guy doesn't give a shiat about your experience, only his sales numbers. The more time it takes you to jizz yourself over your shiatty phone is less time he has to pressure other customers into purchases
 
2012-09-22 11:53:37 AM
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-22 11:57:18 AM
What a little pussy biatch he is. People like him deserve to be disappointed, and often. I should find that AT&T guy and thank him for ruining the blogger's day.
 
2012-09-22 12:05:34 PM
Fark iPhone fanbois. IPhone roll-outs are a huge pain in the ass. You can't even imagine. This has been the worst week.

/Works at Verizon
 
2012-09-22 12:14:13 PM
There's a part of me that really wants this to be a troll, but looking at the dude's Twitter feed... Man...

pics.campl.us

He looks like a douchier King Joffrey.
 
2012-09-22 12:18:10 PM
I have an overwhelming urge to kick this guy in the shins and shove him in a locker. What a whiny biatch.
 
2012-09-22 12:22:23 PM
 
2012-09-22 12:22:57 PM
This is why anyone who buys Apple products should be mocked.
 
2012-09-22 12:29:51 PM
This is a joke, right? Jesus, Apple fanbois suck.
 
2012-09-22 12:32:57 PM
What a farking douchebag.

Also, if this isn't the very definition of "white people problem" then I don't know what is. There are places on this planet where this man would be killed for being such a goddamn nancy about a farking phone.
 
2012-09-22 12:39:50 PM

Lsherm: What a farking douchebag.

Also, if this isn't the very definition of "white people problem" then I don't know what is. There are places on this planet where this man would be killed for being such a goddamn nancy about a farking phone.


I couldn't help but imagine a starving kid in a third world country given a handful of rice and saying "Awwww I wanted to open the rice bag up myself"
 
2012-09-22 12:41:22 PM

violentsalvation: I wonder if this is the same guy.


That's him.

He owed Apple almost $700,000 in restitution, how in the hell does he have enough money for a farking iPhone?
 
2012-09-22 12:41:27 PM
There are AT&T stores?
 
2012-09-22 12:44:54 PM

Lsherm: violentsalvation: I wonder if this is the same guy.

That's him.

He owed Apple almost $700,000 in restitution, how in the hell does he have enough money for a farking iPhone?


Hahaha. I wish he had his blog open to comments.
 
2012-09-22 12:45:04 PM

GAT_00: This is why anyone who buys Apple products should be mocked.


How long until you start pretending you are a cat?
 
2012-09-22 12:45:06 PM
i303.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-22 12:46:57 PM
I'm hoping this is a satire. It is certainly a well-crafted piece if that's his intention, because it really started to make me angry to think that someone could be so shallow and entitled to write such a piece for any other purpose.
 
2012-09-22 12:47:36 PM
Wow that article was so douchy I almost could smell the vinegar. Jesus it is just a phone.
 
2012-09-22 12:48:16 PM

Pocket Ninja: So his experience was ruined, his morning shattered, his world rent asunder, and not once did he utter a peep to explain that he wanted things to be happening another way.

If you are this utterly powerless, meek, and passive in your dealings with others, particularly around events that concern you, and then you go home and use your passivity and lack of action as the foundation for a later blog post declaiming how unfairly you have been treated, you are nothing but a passive-aggressive doormat. You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump. You deserve contempt and mockery. You belong, actually, on the Consumerist, where similarly cowering mobs of faint-hearted fawns can fan themselves and whimper together about the horrors of the darkest sides of humanity.


Amen brother
 
2012-09-22 12:49:10 PM

itsdan: Last year when I upgraded to the 4S I preordered it online, it was delivered to my house on release day, and was there when I got home. I followed the simple instructions to backup my old phone and activate my new one, and I was done.

Why the hell do people go to a store on release day?


Because this year, the online store sold out in minutes and then had 3-5 weeks delivery dates. So in a twist, on Friday most stores had piles of them in stock and all the people who pre-ordered where gnashing their teeth because their phone was still on a boat from China and the store wouldn't let them cancel their pre-order and buy in store.
 
2012-09-22 12:53:54 PM
if he is this excited about opening his iPhone, imagine how giddy he will be the first time he has sex.
 
2012-09-22 12:57:10 PM

violentsalvation: Lsherm: violentsalvation: I wonder if this is the same guy.

That's him.

He owed Apple almost $700,000 in restitution, how in the hell does he have enough money for a farking iPhone?

Hahaha. I wish he had his blog open to comments.


His "Contact" button is broken! *sobs*
 
2012-09-22 12:57:25 PM

Pocket Ninja: You're a coward, you're a tool, you're a speedbump.


1.bp.blogspot.com

"You're a brownie, you're a bluebird, you're a Girl Scout Cookie."
 
2012-09-22 01:00:38 PM

45cal: Jesus it is just a phone.


No no no, that rotary phone from back in the day was just a phone, this device....this ambrosia that was delivered to us mere mortals from the gods of Apple Inc, forged in the furnaces of Foxconn shall advance mankind to levels unknown.

Just think with this new IPhone you have the world in your hands as if you were Atlas himself!
 
2012-09-22 01:01:25 PM
i241.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-22 01:03:22 PM

Roook: [i241.photobucket.com image 454x345]


Well done, Sir.
 
2012-09-22 01:05:22 PM

I_Am_Weasel: So, I assume, this is what is called a first world problem?


Yeah, imagine if he had to make the damn thing. Or thousands of them.

I like a few Apple products myself. And I like unboxing them. But it's won't ruin my day, if a rep does it all for me, sets it up and let's me go through out my day ready to use the phone. I'm lazy enough to think that would be a customer service thing. And the thing about Apple, if some part broke out of the box or later, they just replace it. Once my ex girlfriend accidentally took the wrong charger, no biggie, they gave me a new one.
 
2012-09-22 01:05:31 PM
This article is infinitely more entertaining if you replace the word "iPhone" with "RealDoll."
 
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