"Relax. I got this shiat."



"fark you, Tourniquet. fark you."

done in one

This is a way better "stay in your damned vehicle" teachable moment than any theme park could ever hope for.

/"Por favor, mantenganse alejado de los tigres"

The tiger that mauled the man was returned to a holding area where it usually sleeps at night and will not be euthanized, zoo officials said.

"The tiger did nothing wrong in this episode," Breheny said.

Good.

Caturday!

Man jumps off Bronx Zoo monorail, mauled by tiger

Yay!

fusillade762: UberDave: I can understand why he jumped off the monorail. I heard those things are awfully loud...

Is there a chance the track could bend?

Not on your life, my Hindu friend!

/i call the big one bitey!
//remember when the simpsons didn't suck?

He got better

Nothing to worry over. I hear there's a lot of it about. Probably a virus. Uh, keep warm, plenty of rest, and if you're playing football or anything, try and favour the other leg.

Subby, it's not moronic if he intended to be eaten.

Is this going be a Simpsons or Python thread?

/So far Python is leading.

He'll probably edit the story judiciously and use it to pick up women. "Oh, that scar? I was mauled by a tiger."

Enemabag Jones: Is this going be a Simpsons or Python thread?

/So far Python is leading.

In Africa?

Pribar: KellyKellyKelly: The tiger that mauled the man was returned to a holding area where it usually sleeps at night and will not be euthanized, zoo officials said.

"The tiger did nothing wrong in this episode," Breheny said.

Good.

See stand your ground laws do work sometimes...

Yeah but we'll see if that Tiger changes its story...

"If not for the quick response by our staff and their ability to perform well in emergency situations, the outcome would have been very different,"

quick response = ten minutes
ability to perform well = shoot it with a fire extinguisher

Alright I can't really come up with better on the fly, but that line just sounds ridiculously press release-y.

Couldn't they find a cuter photo?

Bet he sues the Zoo for passengers not being strapped in and thus letting him do what he did.

I also bet he can find a Judge who will let him win.

Enemabag Jones: Is this going be a Simpsons or Python thread?

/So far Python is leading.

So, it will grow back, will it?

Er... I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call 'very, very small'. So small, it could not possibly have made off with the whole leg. What we're looking for here for is, I think - and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear - is some multicellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven feet long, and of the genus felis horribilis - what we doctors, in fact, call a tiger.

"It's just a leg. I've got another one."

DanZero: [img.photobucket.com image 400x275]

Golf clap for that reference

Also, was he carrying raspberries?

"The tiger did nothing wrong in this episode," Breheny said.

Well yeah. If a crazy dude went all kamikaze on you, how would you react?

Come back here and take what's comin to ya! I'll bite your legs off!

The only obvious thing to do here is to shoot the tiger.

Canton: "The tiger did nothing wrong in this episode," Breheny said.

Well yeah. If a crazy dude went all kamikaze on you, how would you react?

Er... I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's not a tiger, I'm afraid. You see, a tiger is what we doctors call 'very, very bitey and sharp-clawed'. So , it could possibly have made off with the whole leg, or clawed it, but was unlikely to merely break it and his arm. What we're looking for here for is, I think - and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear - is some fundamental natural force that attracts matter to other matter that is invisible, accelerated him with about sixteen feet of drop, and followed by a sudden stop - what we doctors, in fact, call gravity.

BronyMedic: [arbtalk.co.uk image 321x275]

"Relax. I got this shiat."

[images.businessweek.com image 440x330]

"fark you, Tourniquet. fark you."

I love the fact that the trauma sponge has a "Do Not Eat" warning on it.

Yakivegas: BronyMedic: [arbtalk.co.uk image 321x275]

"Relax. I got this shiat."

[images.businessweek.com image 440x330]

"fark you, Tourniquet. fark you."

I love the fact that the trauma sponge has a "Do Not Eat" warning on it.

Who would eat...

Apos: What sort of moronic bucket list is this?

Maybe it's the tiger's list?

See I came in way late, expecting Caturday to start here.

/Disappointed

That tiger didn't go crazy, that tiger went tiger!

The All-Powerful Atheismo: Enemabag Jones: Is this going be a Simpsons or Python thread?

/So far Python is leading.

In Africa?

It probably escaped from the zoo.

You can bet that if the guy had been killed, the tiger would have been put down. Fu(kin' moran.

Tiger in the yard?

Shadowtag: "If not for the quick response by our staff and their ability to perform well in emergency situations, the outcome would have been very different,"

quick response = ten minutes
ability to perform well = shoot it with a fire extinguisher

Alright I can't really come up with better on the fly, but that line just sounds ridiculously press release-y.

Ten minutes is about what it would take ME to summon up the courage needed to face down a tiger.

Just a thought.

Update: Mauled NY man: I wanted 'to be one with the tiger'

And now part of you is, my dear.